Tuesday, January 4, 2022

Don't Die WIth Regrets

Yesterday I lost one of my best friends. Gunny died of COVID. I called him to see if he'd answer, knowing he was in the hospital and unlikely he'd answer, I tried. His wife answered the phone and she told me he passed away a few hours before I called.

I asked her if he ever got the booster and she said he had never been vaccinated. That was the second shock. He told me he was. Knowing Gunny, I have no doubt he didn't want me to worry about him, so he lied to me.

The last time I talked to him, he called me from the hospital and basically made his goodbye call to me. I think he knew he wouldn't be going home to his beloved wife.

Gunny and I had a very odd friendship, but we didn't have to make it work. We had political debates but that was secondary to what mattered most to both of us. He cared about my family and I cared about his. 

I am struggling with losing him. I am also struggling with the fact that had it not been for him, I would have given up on the work I do on PTSD. For fifteen years, he explained things when I was confused, encouraged me when no one else was giving me any feedback from this site or my videos. He corrected me when I made typos, which I did often. We talked a couple of times a week for all those years. Now I have no one to do that for me. Gunny said I helped him and became the voice in his head. He has become mine and I will try to remember all the things he told me when I need hear his voice.

If you have not taken COVID seriously, then take those you love seriously enough that you want to do everything possible to protect them and not leave them with regrets that can never be undone. Every times I get vaccinated, I think about my husband and his health, and does the same for me. No one likes getting a needle in their arm. I got all of them and so did my husband. 

If nothing else, you need to be able to make peace with the fact that what you decided was something you can die with. No, I don't mean live with. What you decide cannot be undone once you have infected someone else, or ended up putting your family through getting their hearts ripped out while you are dying in the hospital. You cannot undo it if you tell someone else something that isn't true, they decide to believe you and end up enjoying their last few days on earth by getting infected by others who carrying the killer inside of them. What you cannot undo, will be carried with you throughout your life. Sure you can ignore it, pass it off, excuse the fact that you believed someone else, but the truth is, you made the choice.

Make a better choice before it is too late for you and those you love.

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