Showing posts with label recovery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label recovery. Show all posts

Saturday, September 25, 2021

PTSD Ball Of Confusion

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
September 25, 2021

When you trust someone and discover they lied to you, it sucks! If they lied that time, you wonder how many other times did they lie to you. Then you wonder about everyone else you believed. While it is hard to get away from them and never have anything to do with them again, it is not impossible.

What if you lied to yourself? You tell yourself things all the time that are not true but you convince yourself otherwise. What do you do when you discover you should not have trusted you? You wonder what else you lied to yourself about. It isn't as if you can cut yourself out of your life. What do you do?

You forgive yourself by figuring out why you believed the lie in the first place. Most of us don't make things up in our own heads. We hear lies from someone else, who, very well may have been, told it and believed it as easily as you believed them.

Then you figure out if you only believed it because you wanted to. If it supports what you already thought, then it was something you wanted to hear.

We see that all the time when the topic is PTSD. When you hear someone has PTSD, maybe you think they are weak, and then believe the lie supporting that thought. What does that lie do to you when you survive something and discover you have PTSD?

The people who berate survivors the most are usually in denial about their own suffering. The truth is, someone told them that lie in the first place, and they wanted to believe it.

This is from The Department of Veterans Affairs
The number of Veterans with PTSD varies by service era:
Operations Iraqi Freedom (OIF) and Enduring Freedom (OEF): About 11-20 out of every 100 Veterans (or between 11-20%) who served in OIF or OEF have PTSD in a given year.
Gulf War (Desert Storm): About 12 out of every 100 Gulf War Veterans (or 12%) have PTSD in a given year.
Vietnam War: About 15 out of every 100 Vietnam Veterans (or 15%) were currently diagnosed with PTSD at the time of the most recent study in the late 1980s, the National Vietnam Veterans Readjustment Study (NVVRS).
It is estimated that about 30 out of every 100 (or 30%) of Vietnam Veterans have had PTSD in their lifetime.
Other factors in a combat situation can add more stress to an already stressful situation. This may contribute to PTSD and other mental health problems. These factors include what you do in the war, the politics around the war, where the war is fought, and the type of enemy you face.
Another cause of PTSD in the military can be military sexual trauma (MST). This is any sexual harassment or sexual assault that occurs while you are in the military. MST can happen to both men and women and can occur during peacetime, training, or war.
Among Veterans who use VA health care, about:
23 out of 100 women (or 23%) reported sexual assault when in the military.
55 out of 100 women (or 55%) and 38 out of 100 men (or 38%) have experienced sexual harassment when in the military.
There are many more male Veterans than there are female Veterans. So, even though military sexual trauma is more common in women Veterans, over half of all Veterans with military sexual trauma are men.

Now think about all the people in the US with PTSD

  • About 15 million adults have PTSD during a given year. This is only a small portion of those who have gone through a trauma.

Stop lying to yourself and start forgiving yourself for the lies you believed about yourself! People lied to you but it is not too late to tell yourself the simple truth. There is nothing weak about being a survivor. There is nothing holding you back from healing other than what you allow to hold power over you.

No one will understand what surviving did to you unless they survived something that could have killed them. Look at the people around you and then understand it is not easy for them to understand you, even though they love you and care about you. They don't understand what caused changes in you anymore than they can understand that you need help to heal. This is why support groups work! You get the support and information you need to heal and then have the confidence to explain it to people in your life.

The only way to get there from where you're at is, tell yourself the truth about what it is and then tell yourself the truth that you are not stuck suffering. The road to healing is waiting for you and has been cleared by all the others who decided to end the ball of confusion. #BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

The Temptations Ball Of Confusion

Wednesday, September 1, 2021

you served for a reason

What Does God Look Like?
PTSD Patrol
By Kathie Costos
September 1, 2021

Today on ptsdpatrol.com I wrote something I would like you to read if you are struggling with the way the war in Afghanistan ended.

Set aside the politics and decisions leaders made. The facts will all come out but you are not responsible for what they decided to do. You are only responsible for what you decided to do, and that was risk your life for the sake of those you served with, for our country, and to help a many Afghan people as possible. The rest is, as they say, "above your pay grade."

I know what it is like to struggle with not being able to save all the ones you wanted to. No, I didn't serve but for almost 4 decades I struggled with not being able to save all veterans that my heart was ripped out and I had to walk away for a while. Then I was reminded that God, with all His power, and Jesus, could not save everyone. The thing is, They did not give up on those they could save. 

Please read the following and then go to the link for the rest so that you will see that you served for a reason.


What color is God? What color eyes does God have? What color is God’s hair? What size is God? When you think about the image of God, what does God look like to you?
God has plans for all of us. Some of us do not follow where our soul leads us and they remain unhappy. Others, always seem to know exactly what they are supposed to do with their lives and they are happy. Right now I am thinking about all those who served in Afghanistan for almost 20 years. They are struggling with the outcome and wondering what all their sacrifice was for if the country returned to Taliban control, just as it was 20 years ago.

The thing is, it is not the same as it was because military men and women gave them a chance to change. Some rejected it. Others had longed for it and did everything they could to make the lives of others better. Afghanistan will never be what it was because of what all of you did for their sake.

Each one of you, risked your life for those you served with and volunteered to join the military knowing all the hardships you’d have to endure along with all the risks to your life. That desire came from your soul and God equipped your soul to be able to do it, as well as putting into place all you need to heal from all of it.
read more here

Sunday, August 8, 2021

How about we start to let veterans know they are only human?

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
August 8, 2021


Why is it that too many think PTSD strikes only veterans? That is because veterans get all the attention. Rightfully, that is true but you may not know why they deserve the bulk of the attention. It isn't for the most obvious reasons. It is for the reason few know about. Had it not been for them, hardly no one would understand what trauma does to survivors, including me.

Vietnam veterans, came home the same way all other generations came home with the traumas of war tagging along deep inside of them. Unlike other generations, they decided that even though the American people basically gave up on them, they did not give up on us doing the right thing for them.

They pushed for all the research and funding that began everything available to them, as well as civilians. While we focus on veterans and PTSD, we do them a disservice by ignoring the others with PTSD from all other traumas. If we point out that humans develop PTSD from just facing trauma as a civilian, they are more able to understand why they get hit as hard as they do after facing multiple traumas while deployed.

If we withhold the commonality they share with members of emergency responders, again, we do veterans a great disservice.

In total, 47% of the sample screened positive for PTSD, which is approximately 9 to 10 times greater than the prevalence seen in the general population. Further, 29% of the sample was in the moderate to very severe range of anxiety, which is approximately 2 times greater than the prevalence seen in the general population. Finally, 37% of the sample was in the moderate to very severe range of depression. This is approximately 5 times greater than the prevalence seen in the general population.

Among recent well publicized suicides, four police officers who fought off the attackers at the US Capitol committed suicide. 

Firefighters
ALBANY, Ga. (WALB) - First responders are nearly 10 times as likely to contemplate suicide than other adults, according to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.
I was thinking about movies that came out long before the Vietnam War but PTSD is obvious to anyone who can see it within themselves.

In 1946 The Best Years Of Our Lives was about veterans of WWII coming home changed. Roger Ebert wrote "The home front is also not without its casualties" in 2007. It is a really great read especially about the veterans the movie focuses on, including an amputee veteran.
Russell won an honorary Oscar, "for bringing hope and courage to his fellow veterans through his appearance." Although he was actually nominated for best supporting actor, the Academy board voted the special award because they thought he didn't have a chance of winning. They were wrong. He won the Oscar, the only time an actor has been given two Oscars for the same role.
"As long as we have wars and returning veterans, some of them wounded, "The Best Years of Our Lives" will not be dated."
The movie The Robe was one of the first movies I saw that was about PTSD. The Robe came out after WWI, WWII and the Korean War ended the year it was released. No one made the connection to the movie and how it was like what the memories of veterans. It had it all! The power of the past haunting us. A woman thinking that love could heal the afflicted. Some people thinking the one with PTSD had gone insane.

By the time I was old enough to watch it on TV and enjoy it, my Dad, a Korean War veteran, said it was haunting. I didn't understand why until he used the word "shell shock" to explain what veterans went through. I just associated it with my own traumas and struggles between what happened why clinging onto my faith.

Marcellus (Richard Burton) became haunted and Diana (Jean Simmons) loved him. She thought that he was possessed and said "you're ill" when it was clear he was not the same man she fell in love with. At one point, when he returned to her, he attempted suicide.

He had nightmares and flashbacks, mood swings and paranoia. It is all in this movie including the fact that he was healed and became happier!
Marcellus Gallio (died 38 AD) was a Roman military tribune and Christian martyr during the 1st century AD. He was the commander of the detachment which crucified Jesus in Jerusalem in 33 AD, and he won Jesus' crucifixion robe in a dice game. After experiencing the robe's miraculous powers, Gallio became a Christian, and he was martyred by the Roman emperor Caligula in 38 AD because of his conversion.
(Note: He was a tribune and not a centurion)
The Robe (1953)
The first movie ever filmed in CinemaScope, The Robe was nominated for five Academy Awards in 1953, including Best Picture and Best Actor for Richard Burton. Burton stars as Marcellus Galilo, the Roman centurion charged with overseeing the crucifixion. But when he wins Christ's robe in a gambling game at the foot of the cross, his life is forever changed.


Also in this movie is the healing power of spirituality. This movie took hold of me to the point where when I was working for a church, I was told I'd be giving the Children's Sermon at the last minute. As a matte of fact, 10 minutes before the service began. The new Pastor didn't like me very much, and he problably thought he could trap me, or cause me to walk out. I looked up to Heaven and said, "take this over" because I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it.

My heart was racing and all of a sudden this scene popped into by brain.

That was what I talked about to the children. It turned out, the grownups were listening too. After the service, many told me it was the best sermon I ever gave. The Youth Pastor, who was a friend, told me how wonderful it was and event the new Pastor congratulated me. Both of then wanted to know where it came from.

I told them while I knew what was in the Bible, I couldn't quote chapter or verse and wasn't sure where I read it. That night I had a dream about Victor Mature, also in the movie, and Cecil B. DeMille. The next morning I told both Pastors where it came from and we had a good, long laugh about it. Really funny considedring that had I remembered the real director's name, Henry Koster, it wouldn't have dawned on me that was a movie. My brain always associated movies to DeMille.

Another movie that explains PTSD is It's A Wonderful Life (1947)
An angel is sent from Heaven to help a desperately frustrated businessman by showing him what life would have been like if he had never existed.

How about we start to let veterans know, while they are different from us, we have a lot more in common with them than they are aware of and maybe, they'll understand exactly how human they still are after all.

Here are some more movies you may not think about that are also addressing what comes after trauma.

10 Films About Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
"Post-traumatic Stress Disorder is a condition that may develop in people who have experienced a traumatic event. While it’s widely associated with veterans returning from war, victims of sexual abuse and assault, domestic violence, or robbery, any serious physical or psychological injury can be affected by this disorder."
1. The Deer Hunter (1978)
2. Coming Home (1978)
3. Born On The Fourth of July (1989)
4. The Perks of Being A Wallflower (2012)
5. First Blood (1982)
6. Jacob’s Ladder (1990)
7. Forrest Gump (1992)
8. Saving Private Ryan (1998)
9. Iron Man 3 (2013)
10. Mystic River (2003)
find out why from InspireMalibu.com
Disney movies with trauma survivors
1. Maleficent from “Maleficent”
2. Elsa from “Frozen”
3. Quasimodo from “The Hunchback of Notre Dame”
4. Merida from “Brave”
5. Stitch from “Lilo and Stitch”
6. Pocahontas from “Pocahontas”
7. Sadness from “Inside Out”
8. Cinderella from “Cinderella”
9. Princess Jasmine from “Aladdin”
10. Ariel from “The Little Mermaid”
11. Mowgli from “The Jungle Book”
12. Belle from “Beauty and the Beast”
13. Rapunzel from “Tangled”
14. Jim Hawkins from “Treasure Planet”
15. Eeyore from “Winnie the Pooh”
16. Mulan from “Mulan”
17. Chief Tui from “Moana”
18. Tinker Bell from “Peter Pan”
19. Alice from “Alice in Wonderland”
find out why from TheMighty.com

Seeing it in others, helps them to know, they are not alone and shouldn't think they should try to hide from us, especially when it is within many of us! 

 

Thursday, July 1, 2021

Firefighters don’t just fight fire

Firefighter helps veteran suffering from PTSD episode on airplane
FOX News
Michael Hollan
The firefighter is part of a specially trained support team that helps other firefighters deal with tragedy and PTSD. Capt. Davidson used his training to keep the other veteran calm and the plane was able to land without diverting its course.
Captain Bobby Davidson, who was flying home with his family from vacation, rendered assistance to the passenger and was able to prevent an emergency landing. (Burton Fire District)

Firefighters don’t just fight fire.

The captain of a South Carolina fire department helped calm a fellow airplane passenger down who was in distress. According to reports, the other passenger was a veteran who was suffering from a PTSD crisis.

Captain Bobby Davidson, who was flying home on an American Airlines flight from a family vacation on June 15th, rendered assistance to the passenger and was able to prevent an emergency landing, according to a Facebook post from the Burton Fire District. The firefighter was also able to keep other passengers calm during the ordeal.

The Burton Fire Department confirmed to Fox News that the other passenger is a military veteran and was experiencing a PTSD crisis. While the flight crew was concerned that the plane may need to make an emergency landing, Capt. Davidson stepped in to help.
read more here

Find new posts for PTSD Patrol here

Wednesday, June 23, 2021

why I always do the videos from my garage

From PTSD Patrol
(Today's video is a long one to explain it to people who discover this on the new site. You may learn something too.)
You can read the post here on PTSDPatrol blog.

Sunday, June 13, 2021

Veteran heals PTSD in unique way...Forged By Fire

Winston-Salem knife maker creates works of art. Army veteran's hobby led to stint on "Forged in Fire."

Journal Now
Fran Daniel
June 12, 2021
“It’s very therapeutic for him, which is good,” Robin Lopez said. “But his creativity started coming out and it was allowing him to express that…I think it’s positive that we all have that creative outlet.”

After noticing that making knives soothed and brought him peace, Lopez began reaching out to other veterans who are dealing with PTSD and interested in making knives.



In the spring of 2014, U.S. Army veteran Fermin Lopez decided to make his own knife.

At the time, he was dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder.

Lopez, who now lives in Winston-Salem, said he did a tour in the Middle East as a helicopter medic when war broke out in Iraq in the early 2000s.

“I was having a lot of issues with memories from the war and things like that, and I needed an outlet,” Lopez said.

To make his first knife, Lopez used a bag of charcoal he bought from Walmart.

“Then I used my grill and a hair dryer, and I actually was able to forge a knife,” he said. “It was mild steel. It was not like the ones I make now. It was just something to play with.”

He decided to make more knives, saying it helped take his mind off things.

“I felt a lot more relieved,” Lopez said.

His skills as a bladesmith, which is the art of making knives, swords and other blades, have come a long way since then.
read more here

Tuesday, June 8, 2021

Here is proof why "you gotta make your own kind of music"

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
June 15, 2021

"The loneliest kind of lonely" is when there is no one else like you. I know that feeling because when I started working on PTSD, I didn't know anyone like me. It was lonely because we didn't have the internet and the only information I could find was at the library reading clinical books. Nothing strange about that since it was in 1982.

In 1993, I finally got a computer and then I found other people talking about PTSD. I started my first site on AOL, then it was on a website where I went by NamGuardianAngel. Back then, since I was unique, I had a lot of emails and phone calls. There were even more when I wrote my first book in 2002.

In 2006 I started making videos on PTSD on YouTube and in 2007, I started Wounded Times.

All that work was worth it even though it was never to make money. Sure I wanted to at least break even but the thing was, the work itself kept me going. Getting feed back and reading messages let me know, it mattered to the people I was trying to help.

In 2007 I posted a massive post about suicides hoping that someone with the power to do something would. Once all the groups started to pop up all over the internet and social media, the emails and messages started to go down. I was reading more and more about veterans suffering and very little being done to help them. The problem was, they were doing something about it by using them to make money.

I didn't give up and made more videos, posted more and tried to reach out as much as possible. It got lonelier and lonelier. In 2017 I started PTSD Patrol hoping that with PTSD in the title, I could gain control over the conversation again, and give veterans hope and families understanding.

Last year, it was too much for me, reading the reports of suicides going up in the veterans' community and within the military itself. My heart was breaking. I decided to stop focusing on them and started to open the work up to anyone with PTSD. PTSD Patrol passed 100,000 page views recently.

I do not follow anyone or take from anyone because I am too busy making my own "music" to march to! My work, has been stolen and copied for decades, but it doesn't bother me anymore. My mission hasn't changed because of them. The work was to offer hope and if others can reach more than I can...that's OK with me. I know that one day, they will get what they deserve for what they did with my work. I pray that those who go to their sites receive the help they were looking for and find the encouragement they need to #BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD.

Wounded Times reached 5 million page views because people shared the work.

So, if you are doing anything for the right reasons, if you know that you have something to give the world, then give it freely. I am living proof that even if no one tells you that you matter, you do!

Make Your Own Kind of Music
The Mamas and the Papas

Nobody can tell you
There's only one song worth singing
They may try and sell you
Cause it hangs them up
To see someone like you
But you gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along
You're gonna be nowhere
The loneliest kind of lonely
It may be rough going
Just to do your thing is the hardest thing to do
But you gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along
So if you cannot take my hand
And if you must be going, I will understand
You gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along
You gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own kind of song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along
You gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own kind of song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along
No no no no
Even if nobody else sings along
If nobody else sings along

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Barry Mann / Cynthia Weil
Make Your Own Kind of Music lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

Saturday, June 5, 2021

The best way to heal is to open up

The best way to heal is to open up
Jesse had a difficult time adjusting to civilian life after deployment. He used drugs and alcohol to try to forget his experiences in Iraq. He eventually reached out for help at VA, where he received therapy and connected with other Veterans. Now Jesse’s a Peer Support Specialist and encourages fellow Veterans to reach out for help.

If you have not been in Make The Connection from the VA...you are missing a lot!

Thursday, June 3, 2021

God is closer than you think

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 3, 2021

This is going up on Wounded Times and PTSD Patrol. Wounded Times is close to hitting 5 million page views. It still gets a lot of traffic no matter if I post on it or not. That tells me that the need is still there. I am retiring from work, but not this work. I am no longer under constraints from non-profits and their rules, so from now on, I will be posting on what I feel needs to be said. Some people will like it, but others won't. While I hope you like it, if you don't, there are plenty of other sites for you. From now on, I'll be posting on both sites, as I feel the need to say something and as always, I hope what I say helps someone.

There are many times we have conversations with someone, and we never forget them. Every once in a while I'll read something or listen to someone, and instantly be reminded of "that" conversation. Today was one of those days.

Years ago I was confronted by an angry veteran. I was at an event, enjoying the music, when he came over to me, glaring at the Chaplain patch on my vest. Pure hatred shot out of his eyes. Once he started to speak it was easy to figure out he had way too much to drink. To this day, I am not sure why I had so much patience with him instead of telling him to go away.

He wanted to know why I was wasting my time on something that didn't exist. Yes, he meant that in his mind, God wasn't real. Like a lot of veterans who had seen way too much horror in the world, he said, "If there was a God, He wouldn't let all that happen. He wouldn't just sit back, let us destroy each other." At one point the thing that haunted him the most popped out. "Little kids starving and getting blown up while that so called God sits back and watches!"

I asked him why he joined the military. He said to serve his country. I asked him if he loved the country or hated it. Naturally he got ticked off then snapped, "I love it." I asked him if he still did and he said he did. I asked him why he still loved it. He responded with, "Because of what this country tries to be. They sent us to defend the people of Kuwait. We did."

I asked him if that was a good reason or a bad one. He said it was a good one.

When people see so much evil, it is hard to understand how a loving God could allow all of it to happen. They forget that He allows freewill from all humans, to make their own choices, to listen to what He says or not, to believe in Him or not and to follow where He leads, or walk away.

We also miss the fact that if they can still care, then God was there all along. It is easy to not be bothered by something if you do not have the heart to feel anything. It is not easy if your soul is being crushed by it. The very fact that veteran still cared about total strangers proved that. God was closer than he thought.

He was inside his soul. Goodness does not come out of evil. Caring about others does not come out of evil.

When we talked a little longer, I tried to get him to understand that. Over and over again he came back with blaming God. I told him that God was there, because people like him risked their lives to save others and would have dropped their weapons if the enemy dropped theirs. I told him that God was there because he was. He cried and walked away. I decided to not try to follow him because I knew he was drinking too much and I never saw him again.

When all you see is evil, that is all you think is there, but when you change what you focus on, you are able to see so much more. I remember the terrible things that happened to me, but I remember those who came to help me more. I remember feeling lost and alone, but I remember what it felt like when I was "found" and knew I wasn't alone in this world. So instead of only seeing what evil thing someone did to me, I focused on what others did for me because God was there.

Today the featured video is Bette Midler, From A Distance. God is watching us, but not from a distance. He lives in all of us and has an active part in all of our lives. When we listen, miracles happen.
If you have PTSD, I am always talking about taking care of your mind, body and spirit...your soul. I hope this fed your soul so that the next time God is trying to get through to you, you will listen.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it! 
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD 
From a Distance
Bette Midler

From a distance the world looks blue and green
And the snow capped mountains white
From a distance the ocean meets the stream
And the eagle takes to flight
From a distance
There is harmony
And it echoes through the land
It's the voice of hope
It's the voice of peace
It's the voice of every man
From a distance
We all have enough
And no one is in need
And there are no guns, no bombs and no disease
No hungry mouths to feed
From a distance
We are instruments
Marching in a common band
Playing songs of hope
Playing songs of peace
They are the songs of every man
God is watching us
God is watching us
God is watching us
From a distance
From a distance
You look like my friend
Even though we are at war
From a distance
I just cannot comprehend
What all this fightings for
From a distance
There is harmony
And it echoes through the land
And it's the hope of hopes
It's the love of loves
It's the heart of every man
It's the hope of hopes
It's the love of loves
This is the song for every man
God is watching us
God is watching us
God is watching us
From a distance
Oh, God is watching us
God is watching
God is watching us
From a distance

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Julie Gold
From a Distance lyrics © Wing And Wheel Music, Julie Gold Music

Everytime you stand by someone else, do something for someone else out of love...God is there!
Northwell Health Nurse Choir: Gets the GOLDEN BUZZER with their EMOTIONAL Performance!

Sunday, May 30, 2021

Remember the veterans who fought so you could heal #PTSD

PTSD Patrol and Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
May 30, 2021

Every Memorial Day, I cry more than most people. Almost everyone thinks about the lives lost during wars, but few think about all those who died because of the wars they fought. It also grieves me that most Americans fighting their own battles with PTSD, have no clue that the help they receive, was created because Vietnam Veterans came home and fought for all of it.

While I got involved almost forty years ago, the Afghanistan and Iraq veterans ended up getting all the attention because their generation was coming home, suffering, and committing suicide. The problem was, the majority of the veteran suicides known, were mostly over the age of fifty. In other words, pre-9 11 veterans, but few seemed to care.

In 2015 I did a video with Mike and the Mechanics song The Living Years. Vietnam Veterans Remembered was to let them know that someone was paying attention to what was still happening to them.
When I lived in Florida, I always recorded the escort of the Wall going into Wickham Park. I used that footage along with images from Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan because of the lyrics of the song. Too many forget that war they fought and too many do not know they are still fighting it.
"So we open up a quarrel Between the present and the past"
No Vietnam veteran wants to take away from the newer generations. They took a vow to fight for all generations. The thing is, they don't want to be pushed aside. It should never be one generation being helped while sacrificing the other generations.

Once in a while I go back through some old emails. This is from 2006 about the book I wrote, For The Love Of Jack. I wrote it about our generation before 2001 and then self published it to help the newer generation that would follow them, and their families. That is something I learned from them...to fight for all generations.
Thank you so much for sharing your pain and story, You have helped me with my family and you dont even know it....As I read your story I was sitting there realising that you were talking about me in so many ways...the way I had become and the way I was headed. And Yes I am a combat Vet, from a long line of vets.......if I could just find out why there is no answers...........But I wanted to say thank you.......

Let the images sink in on this video because the pictures from Afghanistan and Iraq were the only ones people seemed to care about, but the older generations waited longer, suffered longer and still fought for the newer generation so that they would not end up like them.

The thing is, my generation is still fighting so that the newer generation does not have to suffer instead of healing the wounds they carried for far too long. We are retiring and dying off but doing all we can "in the living years."

When Vietnam veterans came home and fought for all the research on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, they were concentrating on what happens to those who fight the wars for this country. They had no clue that their efforts would end up helping everyone with PTSD. If you have PTSD and are getting help to heal, and you see a Vietnam veteran, say "thank you" to them because you have the hope of healing because of them.


Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

The Living Years
Song by Mike + The Mechanics

Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door
I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
Oh, crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got
You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defence
Say it loud (say it loud), say it clear (oh say it clear)
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late (it's too late) when we die (oh when we die)
To admit we don't see eye to eye
So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts
So don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don't give up, and don't give in
You may just be okay
So say it loud, say it clear (oh say it clear)
You can listen as well as you hear
Because it's too late, it's too late (it's too late) when we die (oh when we die)
To admit we don't see eye to eye
I wasn't there that morning
When my Father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say
I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
Say it loud, say it clear (oh say it clear)
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late (it's too late) when we die (it's too late when we die)
To admit we don't see eye to eye
So say it, say it, say it loud (say it loud)
Say it clear (come on say it clear)

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: B.A. Robertson / Mike Rutherford (gb)
The Living Years lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Concord Music Publishing LLC

Monday, May 24, 2021

Live for love and heal

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
May 24, 2021
(from my other site) 

Today the featured video is one I did back in 2012. Alive Day with Donna Summer, I Will Live For Love. I created it when I was working with veterans and their families. It was a few years after I started posting on Wounded Times about the rise in suicides within the military and among veterans. Back then it was thought that there were 18 veterans committing suicide everyday and it was my effort to get them, along with the members of the military to think about PTSD in a different way.

All humans need to think about PTSD and mental health in a different way. Why you didn't see Post Bulletin footage of a suicide attempt? was the headline from The Post Bulletin by Jeff Pieters (May 21, 2021) about a repoter capturing the moment when a suicide was prevented by Police Officers. The reason they made the choice to not release the footage is something that all of us should pay attention to...and oh, by the way, I totally approve!
News reporting that informs you sometimes can hurt vulnerable people. Here's how one coverage decision was made.
As humans in society, we have an interest in our fellow people, the different ways they live their lives, the things that they achieve, and the fates that sometimes befall them. We expect, in our free society, to be informed. And yes, there will be hard and unpleasant stories in the Post Bulletin from time to time.

But when there is a cost to the subject, we have to weigh that against the public's desire to know. Does someone who has a drug addiction deserve to be spotlighted for his or her fairly minor misdeeds? Should the sight of somebody having their worst day — a mental health breakdown on a highway bridge in Rochester — be put on display to thousands of pairs of eyes?

And, as Gayle reminded me, sometimes it's more than the individual who bears the cost of the stigma and shame. "There's so little awareness of the impact on families," she said. "The hidden, invisible and innocent victims."

In the end, after much thought and discussion, we made the choice. We would not publish or post our images of what happened on that bridge.
It is never just the one with PTSD or any other mental health condition, but their families as well. I know what it is like to be "family" as well as what it is like to be the "one" dealing with depression so sever I was praying that God would let me die. It was after my daughter was born and I had walked around with an infection for months before it took over my body. I was in the hospital and so sad about things that I just didn't want to do any of it anymore. (Long story but you can read it in For The Love Of Jack) My husband came into the room when I woke up. He had our daughter in his arms. I looked at her and I knew I couldn't leave her. I decided to live for love.


Part of the reason why I stopped working exclusively with veterans and families was the fact that somehow the desire to expose the fact suicides were going up among veterans and members of the military, so that someone would do something to prevent them, was replaced by people making a lot of noise and money off the fact they were doing it. Prevention efforts were drowned out by the ever crowded growing numbers of people wanting fame and fortune instead of saving lives. Suicide prevention was replaced by suicide awareness. As more and more people were committing suicide, the focus and funding was all about veterans. I thought it was time that all us humans were worthy of living.

Maybe that is why most people decide to fight to take back our lives from whatever we're fighting. The people will love are worth fighting for. That is why I Will Live For Love is the featured video today.

Let it be your alive day and live for those you love by healing and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD
Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
 
Dream-a-Lot’s Theme (I Will Live for Love)
Donna Summer

There's got to be a way that I can dream
Simply close my eyes and see
The worlds I've never known
What places that my soul has been
Sometimes I need to run away and hide
And soar above the clouds and ride
I sail along so high
Till nothing's in my sky
Except the stars that fill my eyes
And I will live for love
Where ever it may lead
It's written from the start
I know it's face by heart
I will live for love
I'm searching for the one who holds the key
To all this crazy life I lead
Through galaxies in time
A solitary star that joins
Sometimes I need to close my eyes and breathe
Inhale what life's been given me
A passion to ignite
A flaming heart a' flight
I close my eyes
I breathe
I'm free
And I will live for love
Where ever it may lead
It's written from the start
I know it's face by heart
I will live for love
The poet must have known
A lover of his own
"Cause that is when he wrote
Everything I felt for love
And I will fight for love in life and life in love
And I will hold to things above
I'm strong enough to slay the dragon dead and there
I will live for love
I'm taller than the sky
This dream will never die
So only know that I
I will live for love
The poet must have known
A lover of his own
That is when he wrote everything I felt for love
I will ever fight
I will live for life
I will live for love

Genius Lyrics 

Thursday, May 13, 2021

Disturbed understands what that pain is like

Heads up on this. If you watch the video from Disturbed, and someone pops into your mind, then send them the link to it. I means they are the one who needed to see this.



PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
May 13, 2021

I used the song by Disturbed, A Reason To Fight, not too long ago. I saw this video when I was putting up today's video for PTSD Patrol. It is too powerful and when I watched it, I knew it couldn't wait for another day. Someone needs to see it today and I hope it helps! For everyone else, just consider this a bonus video for the day.
Disturbed understands what that pain is like.
A Reason to Fight
Disturbed

The image in your eyes
Reflecting the pain that has taken you
I hear it in your voice, so ridden with shame
From what's hailing you
I won't give up so don't give in
You've fallen down but you can rise again
So don't give up
When the demon that's inside you is ready to begin
And it feels like it's a battle that you will never win
When you're aching for the fire and begging for your sin
When there's nothing left inside, there's still a reason to fight
Lost in your world of lies
I find it so hard to believe in you
Can it be real this time?
Or just a part of this game that we're playing through
I won't give up so don't give in
You've fallen down but you will rise again
I won't give up
When the demon that's inside you is ready to begin
And it feels like it's a battle that you will never win
When you're aching for the fire and begging for your sin
When there's nothing left inside, there's still a reason to fight
Don't let it take your soul
Look at me take control
When knowing to fight this war
This is nothing worth dying for
Are you ready to begin?
This is a battle that we are gonna win
When you're aching for the fire and begging for your sin
When there's nothing left inside, there's still a reason
When the demon that's inside you is ready to begin
And it feels like it's a battle that you will never win
When you're aching for the fire and begging for your sin
When there's nothing left inside, there's still a reason to fight
I'll be your reason to fight
Give you a reason to fight

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Dan J Donegan / David Michael Draiman / Kevin Gregory Churko / Michael Wengren
A Reason to Fight lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd. 

Thursday, May 6, 2021

Open Library has the copy of the illegal For The Love Of Jack

Open Library has the copy of the illegal For The Love Of Jack book that was stolen from me back in 2005~

Top that off with what they have written under the top section that has nothing to do with this book! I own the copyright on this!


This is the book that the publisher stole, would not pay me for and would not remove. They would not take any responsibility for any of this and all these years later, I am still seeing it show up all over the net!

Do not buy this book or read it if it has this blue cover.  This is the legal one I had to republish on Amazon!




UPDATE from PTSD Patrol
PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
May 6, 2021

Cross posted on Wounded Times

No matter how many times people walked away from you, one day someone will help you. One day someone will show you the way and stand by your side until you get to where you need to be. Then you will become that "someone" for someone else. Don't give up. Don't give in. Fight like hell because you are worth it!

If you were not, then I wouldn't have been doing this work for almost 40 years with all the crap I have to go through to do the right thing. No matter what I faced, you were worth it!

Today there almost wasn't a video. I didn't have it in me to do one. I was actually online looking for something for myself. I discovered my work stolen again. It happens to me all the time and I am powerless to stop them from doing it. Sometimes they will put my name on it, other times they won't but for some reason they think they can just take it without my knowledge or permission.

I found the video that put into words exactly what I was feeling and it helped. It is from Five Finger Death Punch, Darkness Settles In. When I heard these lines, I cried. The thing is, it just got uploaded 15 hours ago!
It's like I'm holding all the aces
But I know I'll never win
Waiting for someone to save me
But everyone just runs away

The people I know who would help me, cannot help me on this. The ones who can help, I reach out to but they are not interested in helping me at all. The thing is, I am on the right side of this, doing the work for the right reasons and nothing is going to stop me. Screw the bastards. I know one day will come and they will be seen for who and what they truly are. I may not be alive to see it but I know I have the power over what I do and no one can take that way.

If you have PTSD then you know what it is like to tell death "screw you" and you lived because your life was worth it to you. You had no control over what happened but have the power to change what comes now. I'll be damned if I let the darkness settle in on my life. Don't let it settle in on your life either.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD




Darkness Settles In
Five Finger Death Punch 

Another sun sets down behind me
Another day comes crashing in
There's a whispering wind that's blowing
There's a storm that's closing in
I can hear the trains, they're rolling
To a place I've never been
And I can feel her breath beside me
With an empty glass of gin
As the darkness settles in
I can hear her voice again
I can hear your voice again
Waiting for someone to save me
But everyone just runs away
Waiting for someone to change me
But no one ever comes
I'm breaking down the walls that cage me
But nothing ever falls in place
Waiting for the end to take me
Blinded by the sun
All the ghosts that live inside me
Always waiting in the wind
I can see through my reflection
What I've become and what I've been
You see, your Heaven doesn't want me
And your Hell won't let me in
It's like I'm holding all the aces
But I know I'll never win
Waiting for someone to save me
But everyone just runs away
Waiting for someone to change me
But no one ever comes
I'm breaking down the walls that cage me
But nothing ever falls in place
Waiting for the end to take me
Blinded by the sun
You can take it away, tear it all down
Spit in my face, pushed to the ground
Look what I've become
I've fallen from grace, bloodied and bound
Taking up space, lost and I'm found
Look what I've become
I can hear the snakes, they're winding
Singing songs of pain and sin
There's an anger overflowing
From this empty glass of gin
As the darkness settles in
And the darkness settles in
Waiting for someone to save me
But everyone just runs away
Waiting for someone to change me
But no one ever comes
I'm breaking down the walls that cage me
But nothing ever falls in place
Waiting for the end to take me
Blinded by the sun
And the darkness settles in
(You can take it away)
And the darkness settles in
(You can take it away)
As the darkness settles in

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Ivan Moody / Zoltan Bathory / Kevin Churko / Jason Hook
Darkness Settles In lyrics © Gumpofwump 

Thursday, April 15, 2021

Calling on angels

Wounded Times
PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 15, 2021

Today my heart is broken. Two reports about the suicides in the military and veterans community reminded me of the reason I had to give up working with both groups after 38 years. I could not fight alone anymore. Telling the truth and saying what had to be said to save their lives was no longer possible without ripping my heart out on and daily basis.
Despite Congress' efforts and an ever-rising VA budget, there's no evidence the federal government has put a dent in the veteran suicide crisis, with the VA's data showing little change in the suicide numbers each year. (Military.com)

Military suicides are also higher. "The report from the Department of Defense shows our military saw a spike in people taking their own lives. In total, 377 active duty troops took their own life in 2020, across all branches of the military. This is an increase of 8% from the same time in 2019." but when you actually read the report, you notice that the numbers in the following article do not include the 194 "Reserve Components" that are included in the Department of Defense Suicide Report. 511, which has been consistently the average since 2012. If you find that hard to believe, since the media hasn't told you that part, then look at the whole chart on the link and add the two totals together.
"Your mental health impacts more than just you, it impacts everybody around you. And those are things we have to be aware of. You may not want to get help for you but what about for your daughter or for your son. What about for your mother or your brother who has to deal with the things that you were going through," said Williams." (Porsche Williams, the founder of Restore Life Global WUSA9 News)
It became all too clear that the only groups getting support were ranting about "raising awareness" that they were killing themselves. No plans, no facts, just saying it was happening and they ended up getting all the support while leaving people reminded that others gave up too. As if that was going to work when they needed reasons to get up in the morning. They needed hope and they needed the truth, but these groups did not have a clue what they were talking about...but they sure knew how to get attention for themselves.

I do not want to be contacted by one more group wanting money for what they do with results like this. No one should be giving them any attention at all when the results has proven over and over again, hasn't "put a dent in the crisis."

I asked for help from many groups and offered to let them take the credit for what I was willing to show them how to do. They turned me down. Over and over again, I tried to contact members of Congress but they would not listen. I wrote and wrote even more, but thousands of articles later, none of them did much good. Wounded Times has over 4.8 million page views, yet there are few people telling the truth about what has been going on. I have over 700 videos on YouTube and few bother to watch them or share them. 

I am willing to get back into this fight again but only if angels decide to fight with me. I won't fight this alone again. My heart cannot take it. I know what it is like to save lives and trust me, if I can do it, it isn't rocket science. It requires knowledge and doing it for the right reasons. I am calling on angels to help me this time, so all of us can help them heal.
Calling All Angels
Train 

I need a sign to let me know you're here
All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere
I need to know that things are gonna look up
'Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup
When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head
When you feel the world shake from the words that are said
And I'm calling all angels
And I'm calling all you angels
And I won't give up if you don't give up
I won't give up if you don't give up
I won't give up if you don't give up
I won't give up if you don't give up
I need a sign to let me know you're here
'Cause my TV set just keeps it all from being clear
I want a reason for the way things have to be
I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me
And I'm calling all angels
And I'm calling all you angels
When children have to play inside so they don't disappear
While private eyes solve marriage lies 'cause we don't talk for years
And football teams are kissing Queens and losing sight of having dreams
In a world that what we want is only what we want until it's ours
And I'm calling all angels
And I'm calling all you angels
And I'm (I won't give up if you don't give up)
Calling all angels (I won't give up if you don't give up)
And I'm (I won't give up if you don't give up)
Calling all you angels (I won't give up if you don't give up)
Calling all you angels (I won't give up if you don't give up)
Calling all you angels (I won't give up if you don't give up)
Calling all you angels (I won't give up if you don't give up)

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: James Stafford / Scott Underwood / Pat Monahan / Charles Colin
Calling All Angels lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC 

I started doing videos on PTSD in 2006. The first suicide awareness I did was in 2007 because I thought all that people needed to save lives, was to know it was happening. Putting the video and post together, ripped my heart out, but it was important. I wrote a book about suicides tied to military in 2013 proving all the money and "efforts" did not work, and why they did not work. It didn't do any good.

I did the video Alive Day in 2012 when the reports started coming out. This is what they need to know and this is how we do it!

If you are raising awareness about them killing themselves, you are part of the reason they are gone!

Wednesday, April 14, 2021

"And you know you can survive"

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 14, 2021

"And you know you can survive" are some powerful words to hear when you don't think you can. When everyone you know will not, or cannot, offer you any hope or support, those words empower you to do more than just survive. They let you know you have the power to do that!

Today the featured video is Mariah Carey, Hero. If you ended up with PTSD because of your job, risking your life for others, or sacrificing for the sake of others, you already know what a hero is, but you are the last one to claim that title for yourself. If you have PTSD because of your "job" then it was much more than a just a job. It was your vocation. Average people do not take those jobs. You are above average.
I used this song in a video from a long time ago, PTSD Hero After War for members of the military, with I'll Stand By You from The Pretenders. In this war against PTSD, you can also be a hero to someone else fighting their own war to reclaim their life. Once you heal, you can stand by them and show them the way. You can encourage them when they have no courage left. You can empower them when they cannot find enough power to get up out of bed.

If your job caused it, understand that humans are not built to withstand the constant onslaught of traumatic events. Most of the people you risked your life for, ended up with PTSD from the event you responded to...one event for them but it was one of many for you.

The thing is, as human as you are, if God put it into your soul to do that kind of job, He also equipped you with everything you need to heal from it. It is built into your emotional core and that core is stronger than others, or you wouldn't have been able to do that job for more than a little while. Most of the people I worked with over the years, had done the "job" for many years and faced so many events they were not even sure which one hit them the hardest.

Now think about what kind of hero you can be to others just by telling your story and sharing your own struggles with them. You are not done serving others even if you had to give up the job that caused PTSD. There are over 8 million Americans with PTSD, that is known about. There are many more who have it by have no idea what it is going on with them and they have not sought out help. You can reach them to and encourage them to seek help to take back their lives from PTSD too.

Tuesday, April 13, 2021

If PTSD had an anthem, it should be HELP!

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 12, 2021

(This is from my other site for everyone with PTSD. I thought it was important to share it here too!)

Most people start singing a song whenever they hear it. They can't help it. It makes them happy to sing it. It is as infectious as it was when it was released in 1965! The song, naturally is the Beatles HELP! It was so popular, they even had a movie with that title. So why is it so much easier for everyone to sing that song, than it is to do it?

If PTSD had an anthem, it should be HELP! How much clearer does it have to be? Why the hell should anyone have a problem asking for help when they need it but have no problem, if they can carry a tune or not, to sing this song loud and clear? Has that ever dawned on anyone?


"And now my life has changed in oh so many ways"
Isn't that what having PTSD is like? Your life does change in so many ways. The thing is, getting help can change your life for the better. Wouldn't it make more sense to actually ask for help to be happier, than it is to settle for being happy singing this song for a few minutes? 

Common sense needs to come back into the conversation we've been having about PTSD because we're all tied of hearing the doom and gloom. All that has done is tell us that we should never expect to be happy again. Where is the hope in that? Someone said that asking for help is a sign of weakness but all that meant was the hope the had was weak and they wanted everyone else to be miserable too!

Isn't it time to stop singing the same tune and start asking someone for help in real life? Someone who can actually help you? Asking for help is normal. It is human. Won't you please, please, ask for help when you need it?



Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD


HELP
The Beatles

I need somebody
(Help!) not just anybody
(Help!) you know I need someone
Help!
I never needed anybody's help in any way
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured (but now these days are gone)
(And now I find) Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors
Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being 'round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me?
And now my life has changed in oh so many ways (and now my life has changed)
My independence seems to vanish in the haze
But every now and then I feel so insecure (I know that I)
I know that I just need you like I've never done before
Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being 'round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me
When I was younger, so much younger than today
I never needed anybody's help in any way
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured (but now these days are gone)
(And now I find) now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors
Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being 'round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me, ooh

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: John Lennon / Paul McCartney
Help! lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Downtown Music Publishing

and the movie HELP