Post office stab suspect believed dead; cops say he likely committed suicide
BY Simone Weichselbaum, Kenny Porpora, Michael J. Feeney, Leo Standora and Jonathan Lemire
DAILY NEWS WRITERS
Updated Wednesday, September 30th 2009, 9:14 AM
An Army Reserves soldier identified as the man who fatally stabbed a young dad outside the main post office appears to have committed suicide, cops and his family said early Wednesday morning.
NYPD detectives rushed to Philadelphia, where the body of a man thought to be Sir'mone McCaulla, 28, was found in his ex-girlfriend's apartment, slumped in a tub with a plastic bag over his head.
Sources said a television cable box was found on his chest, suggesting he electrocuted himself. A relative of McCaulla said the family was told he was dead - but NYPD cops said they were still investigating. A Philly source, however, said authorities believe the body is McCaulla's.
read more here
Post office stab suspect believed dead
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Osceola firefighters burned when something went wrong with grill
Osceola firefighters burned while cooking dinner at Poinciana station
Deputy chief: Something went wrong with grill
Susan Jacobson
Sentinel Staff Writer
10:27 p.m. EDT, October 2, 2009
Two Osceola County firefighters are recovering tonight after being burned while cooking dinner on a grill at their station, officials said.
The men, whose names were not released, were grilling outside Station 65 on Cypress Parkway in Poinciana about 6 p.m., Deputy Chief Danny McAvoy said. They had to leave to respond to a call. First, though, something "popped," causing a burst of fire, he said.
The men were burned on the face, chest and arms. Paramedics treated them while they were waiting to be flown by medical helicopter to Orlando Regional Medical Center. Both were treated and released but won't be back at work right away.
"They're burned pretty good," McAvoy said.
The state Fire Marshal's Office is investigating the cause. But McAvoy said the flare-up was not caused by a propane tank exploding.
check back here for updates
Osceola firefighters burned
Deputy chief: Something went wrong with grill
Susan Jacobson
Sentinel Staff Writer
10:27 p.m. EDT, October 2, 2009
Two Osceola County firefighters are recovering tonight after being burned while cooking dinner on a grill at their station, officials said.
The men, whose names were not released, were grilling outside Station 65 on Cypress Parkway in Poinciana about 6 p.m., Deputy Chief Danny McAvoy said. They had to leave to respond to a call. First, though, something "popped," causing a burst of fire, he said.
The men were burned on the face, chest and arms. Paramedics treated them while they were waiting to be flown by medical helicopter to Orlando Regional Medical Center. Both were treated and released but won't be back at work right away.
"They're burned pretty good," McAvoy said.
The state Fire Marshal's Office is investigating the cause. But McAvoy said the flare-up was not caused by a propane tank exploding.
check back here for updates
Osceola firefighters burned
Wounded warriors get heros' welcome at Andrews
Wounded warriors get heros' welcome at Andrews
Posted 10/2/2009
by Donna Miles
American Forces Press Service
10/2/2009 - ANDREWS AIR FORCE BASE, Md. (AFNS) -- Minutes after the hulking C-17 Globemaster III rolled to a stop on the tarmac here Sept. 28, two oversized ambulances backed up to its rear loading ramp to receive its precious cargo: 23 wounded warriors and sick or injured servicemembers in need of advanced medical care.
Most of the patients arrived from Iraq and Afghanistan after being stabilized at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in Germany.
Several had serious combat injuries. A soldier who had been in a helicopter crash in Iraq was headed to the National Naval Medical Center in nearby Bethesda for specialized care for his head and other injuries. Another, suffering serious musculoskeletal injuries from a mine-resistant, ambush-protected vehicle accident outside his forward operating base in Afghanistan, was en route to Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington for treatment.
Another patient, severely wounded in a rocket-propelled grenade attack in Afghanistan, remained on the aircraft to be flown directly to the burn unit at Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio.
read more here
http://www.af.mil/news/story.asp?id=123170970
Posted 10/2/2009
by Donna Miles
American Forces Press Service
10/2/2009 - ANDREWS AIR FORCE BASE, Md. (AFNS) -- Minutes after the hulking C-17 Globemaster III rolled to a stop on the tarmac here Sept. 28, two oversized ambulances backed up to its rear loading ramp to receive its precious cargo: 23 wounded warriors and sick or injured servicemembers in need of advanced medical care.
Most of the patients arrived from Iraq and Afghanistan after being stabilized at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in Germany.
Several had serious combat injuries. A soldier who had been in a helicopter crash in Iraq was headed to the National Naval Medical Center in nearby Bethesda for specialized care for his head and other injuries. Another, suffering serious musculoskeletal injuries from a mine-resistant, ambush-protected vehicle accident outside his forward operating base in Afghanistan, was en route to Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington for treatment.
Another patient, severely wounded in a rocket-propelled grenade attack in Afghanistan, remained on the aircraft to be flown directly to the burn unit at Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio.
read more here
http://www.af.mil/news/story.asp?id=123170970
Homeless Veteran Receives Military Funeral
Homeless Veteran Receives Military Funeral
By STACY MORROW
Updated 12:04 AM CDT, Thu, Sep 24, 2009
Getty Images A U.S. Army veteran who was found dead behind a dumpster gained some dignity in a memorial service attended by strangers Wednesday morning at the Dallas Fort Worth National Cemetery.
Cpl. William Thomas Spence, 64, lived in a cardboard box behind a Haltom City shopping center. He was laid to rest with military honors in a graveside service that included the folding and presentation of the American flag, a rifle volley and the playing of taps.
The Dignity Memorial Homeless Veterans Burial Program organized Spence's final arrangements after no legal next-of-kin could be found for him. No possessions were found with Spence, and his fingerprints established his identity, the organization said.
VA records confirmed Spence served in the U.S. Army from 1973 to 1985.
"When his country needed him, he went. When he needed people from his country to help him, they walked on by," said Jeff Thorp, a Staff Sergeant in the Texas State Guard who attended the funeral. "If all we can do is give him this one last salute, this one last honor, then that's what we do."
Spence was one of more than 150,000 homeless veterans in the U.S., the organization said.
read more here
Homeless Veteran Receives Military Funeral
By STACY MORROW
Updated 12:04 AM CDT, Thu, Sep 24, 2009
Getty Images A U.S. Army veteran who was found dead behind a dumpster gained some dignity in a memorial service attended by strangers Wednesday morning at the Dallas Fort Worth National Cemetery.
Cpl. William Thomas Spence, 64, lived in a cardboard box behind a Haltom City shopping center. He was laid to rest with military honors in a graveside service that included the folding and presentation of the American flag, a rifle volley and the playing of taps.
The Dignity Memorial Homeless Veterans Burial Program organized Spence's final arrangements after no legal next-of-kin could be found for him. No possessions were found with Spence, and his fingerprints established his identity, the organization said.
VA records confirmed Spence served in the U.S. Army from 1973 to 1985.
"When his country needed him, he went. When he needed people from his country to help him, they walked on by," said Jeff Thorp, a Staff Sergeant in the Texas State Guard who attended the funeral. "If all we can do is give him this one last salute, this one last honor, then that's what we do."
Spence was one of more than 150,000 homeless veterans in the U.S., the organization said.
read more here
Homeless Veteran Receives Military Funeral
Afghan policeman kills 2 US soldiers he was on patrol with
Afghan policeman fires on troops, kills 2
By Lori Hinnant - The Associated Press
Posted : Saturday Oct 3, 2009 14:31:23 EDT
KABUL — An Afghan policeman on patrol with U.S. soldiers opened fire on the Americans, killing two of them before fleeing, officials said Saturday, raising questions about discipline in the ranks of the Afghan forces and possible infiltration by insurgents.
Training and operating jointly with Afghan police and soldiers is key to the U.S. strategy of dealing with the spreading Taliban-led insurgency and, ultimately, allowing international forces to leave Afghanistan. But Afghan forces have periodically turned their guns on international soldiers.
The U.S. military said two American troops were killed by "an individual wearing an ANP (Afghan National Police) uniform" in Wardak province on Friday. Shahidullah Shahid, a spokesman for the Wardak provincial governor, said the policeman fired on the Americans while they were patrolling together Friday night, killing two and injuring two.
read more here
http://www.armytimes.com/news/2009/10/ap_afghan_policeman_kills_troops_100309/
By Lori Hinnant - The Associated Press
Posted : Saturday Oct 3, 2009 14:31:23 EDT
KABUL — An Afghan policeman on patrol with U.S. soldiers opened fire on the Americans, killing two of them before fleeing, officials said Saturday, raising questions about discipline in the ranks of the Afghan forces and possible infiltration by insurgents.
Training and operating jointly with Afghan police and soldiers is key to the U.S. strategy of dealing with the spreading Taliban-led insurgency and, ultimately, allowing international forces to leave Afghanistan. But Afghan forces have periodically turned their guns on international soldiers.
The U.S. military said two American troops were killed by "an individual wearing an ANP (Afghan National Police) uniform" in Wardak province on Friday. Shahidullah Shahid, a spokesman for the Wardak provincial governor, said the policeman fired on the Americans while they were patrolling together Friday night, killing two and injuring two.
read more here
http://www.armytimes.com/news/2009/10/ap_afghan_policeman_kills_troops_100309/
Alleged Veteran Impersonator Charged
Alleged Veteran Impersonator Charged With Faking Military Medals
11 News just learned that the man accused of pretending to be a wounded veteran is now facing federal charges.
Posted: 4:10 PM Oct 2, 2009
11 News just learned that the man accused of pretending to be a wounded veteran is now facing federal charges.
Rick Strandlof, who went by the name Rick Duncan, claimed to be a former Marine injured in combat. An arrest warrant has just been issued by the feds for charges of making false claims about receiving military decorations or medals. Strandlof allegedly claimed to have been awarded the Silver Star and the Purple Heart.
An arrest affidavit obtained by 11 News details the exact circumstances of the case against Strandlof. The document says on May 4, 2009, the Denver FBI was notified that a Captain Rick Duncan, born in 1977, was falsely representing himself as a Naval Academy Graduate, wounded Marine veteran and Purple Heart recipient from injuries sustained in the Battle of Fallujah in Iraq.
Individuals reported to the Denver FBI that Duncan started a veteran's organization called Colorado Veteran's Alliance (CVA). However, they reported that the the trade name for CVA was registered under a Rick Strandlof. That's when their suspicions led them to call the Naval Academy, who then confirmed that no one by the name Rick Duncan ever graduated from the academy during the time framed claimed by Strandlof.
Denver FBI agents then confirmed a man under the name Rick Strandlof had been involved in a fraud scheme in Reno, NV and had two outstanding arrest warrant in California and a state-wide warrant out of Colorado Springs for a traffic offense.
read more here
http://www.kktv.com/military/headlines/63325692.html
11 News just learned that the man accused of pretending to be a wounded veteran is now facing federal charges.
Posted: 4:10 PM Oct 2, 2009
11 News just learned that the man accused of pretending to be a wounded veteran is now facing federal charges.
Rick Strandlof, who went by the name Rick Duncan, claimed to be a former Marine injured in combat. An arrest warrant has just been issued by the feds for charges of making false claims about receiving military decorations or medals. Strandlof allegedly claimed to have been awarded the Silver Star and the Purple Heart.
An arrest affidavit obtained by 11 News details the exact circumstances of the case against Strandlof. The document says on May 4, 2009, the Denver FBI was notified that a Captain Rick Duncan, born in 1977, was falsely representing himself as a Naval Academy Graduate, wounded Marine veteran and Purple Heart recipient from injuries sustained in the Battle of Fallujah in Iraq.
Individuals reported to the Denver FBI that Duncan started a veteran's organization called Colorado Veteran's Alliance (CVA). However, they reported that the the trade name for CVA was registered under a Rick Strandlof. That's when their suspicions led them to call the Naval Academy, who then confirmed that no one by the name Rick Duncan ever graduated from the academy during the time framed claimed by Strandlof.
Denver FBI agents then confirmed a man under the name Rick Strandlof had been involved in a fraud scheme in Reno, NV and had two outstanding arrest warrant in California and a state-wide warrant out of Colorado Springs for a traffic offense.
read more here
http://www.kktv.com/military/headlines/63325692.html
POW veteran fraudster 'living a lie'
POW veteran fraudster 'living a lie'
October 03, 2009
Article from: Australian Associated Press
THE Federal Government has referred a case of alleged fraud involving a man who claimed to be one of Australia's youngest prisoners of war to the Australian Federal Police for investigation.
South Australian Arthur Rex Crane, 83, has been on the highest level of service pension since 1988 and is the Federal President of the Prisoners of War Association of Australia, Fairfax Media reported.
He has alleged he was captured by the Japanese in 1942, became a prisoner of war at 15 and was imprisoned in Singapore's Outram Road jail.
But the Sydney Morning Herald reported that throughout the war the 83-year-old lived in Adelaide and had never served in the military.
read more here
http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,26159772-5006784,00.html
October 03, 2009
Article from: Australian Associated Press
THE Federal Government has referred a case of alleged fraud involving a man who claimed to be one of Australia's youngest prisoners of war to the Australian Federal Police for investigation.
South Australian Arthur Rex Crane, 83, has been on the highest level of service pension since 1988 and is the Federal President of the Prisoners of War Association of Australia, Fairfax Media reported.
He has alleged he was captured by the Japanese in 1942, became a prisoner of war at 15 and was imprisoned in Singapore's Outram Road jail.
But the Sydney Morning Herald reported that throughout the war the 83-year-old lived in Adelaide and had never served in the military.
read more here
http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,26159772-5006784,00.html
Shattered: even tough guys get the blues
Shattered: even tough guys get the blues
GARY TIPPET
October 4, 2009
ON HIS worst days, Terry Keating wakes to the smell of burning flesh. On his best days it's just a triggered memory away, lingering at the back of his consciousness with the pretty girl from 26 years ago.
She's silhouetted in the doorway where he first saw her. Still standing, though God knows how. He takes her to a bench in the courtyard and gently sits her down, but he can't touch her because she is so terribly burnt that her skin comes off in his hands.
Her name is Angela and she says just two words to him, over and over. ''Help me.'' But he can't.
He keeps other memories in there too. A bus full of dead tourists, mutilated by the semi-trailer that sliced down its side; a furious drug dealer swinging around to aim a pistol at his face; suicides; cot-death babies; a riot of refinery workers booting him into oblivion in the beer stink of a pub carpet.
He has constant nightmares and cold sweats and wakes up kicking, screaming, fighting. He lashes out in bed so often his partner, Shirl, turns her face away so she doesn't wake up with a black eye. He dreams of someone shooting at him or of his car crashing. He'll be struggling in his sleep, or running, but he's never been able to get away.
Police, like other emergency workers, don't forget all the really bad things they've seen or experienced: each traumatic episode is like a snapshot stored away deep in some corner of their brain. But Terry Keating's internal photo album overflowed.
Keating was a policeman for 14 years. He was a detective senior constable and worked undercover, CIB and sexual investigations in the western suburbs. He put away pushers, bank robbers and child abusers and was good at it: commended four times and highly commended once. ''I loved The Job, just loved being a copper,'' he says.
But it cost him two marriages and four children; a couple of other relationships; his self-respect; and for a long time - he thought - his mind. And, at his lowest ebb, it almost cost him his life.
read more here
Shattered even tough guys get the blues
GARY TIPPET
October 4, 2009
ON HIS worst days, Terry Keating wakes to the smell of burning flesh. On his best days it's just a triggered memory away, lingering at the back of his consciousness with the pretty girl from 26 years ago.
She's silhouetted in the doorway where he first saw her. Still standing, though God knows how. He takes her to a bench in the courtyard and gently sits her down, but he can't touch her because she is so terribly burnt that her skin comes off in his hands.
Her name is Angela and she says just two words to him, over and over. ''Help me.'' But he can't.
He keeps other memories in there too. A bus full of dead tourists, mutilated by the semi-trailer that sliced down its side; a furious drug dealer swinging around to aim a pistol at his face; suicides; cot-death babies; a riot of refinery workers booting him into oblivion in the beer stink of a pub carpet.
He has constant nightmares and cold sweats and wakes up kicking, screaming, fighting. He lashes out in bed so often his partner, Shirl, turns her face away so she doesn't wake up with a black eye. He dreams of someone shooting at him or of his car crashing. He'll be struggling in his sleep, or running, but he's never been able to get away.
Police, like other emergency workers, don't forget all the really bad things they've seen or experienced: each traumatic episode is like a snapshot stored away deep in some corner of their brain. But Terry Keating's internal photo album overflowed.
Keating was a policeman for 14 years. He was a detective senior constable and worked undercover, CIB and sexual investigations in the western suburbs. He put away pushers, bank robbers and child abusers and was good at it: commended four times and highly commended once. ''I loved The Job, just loved being a copper,'' he says.
But it cost him two marriages and four children; a couple of other relationships; his self-respect; and for a long time - he thought - his mind. And, at his lowest ebb, it almost cost him his life.
read more here
Shattered even tough guys get the blues
Despite symptoms of PTSD, soldier sees his calling in Army
Coming home: Despite symptoms of PTSD, soldier sees his calling in Army
By Nancy Montgomery, Stars and StripesMideast edition,
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
PREVIOUS STORY: A family broken by war
Spc. William Medlin found a sort of relief in Iraq. It was so much simpler, he said, than dealing with the complications in his other life, the one in which his marriage of three years was falling apart.
He loved the buzz of being on point, he said, driving the lead Humvee in the company commander’s security detail. And he liked garrison life. So Medlin re-enlisted, before his first tour was up and before his divorce was final, with a big $10,000 bonus and a guaranteed spot in air assault school, part of his plan to make sergeant and join Special Forces.
There was just one hitch. Medlin couldn’t sleep. He had flashbacks. He felt angry a lot of the time.
"I had severe rage issues," he said.
A sergeant told Medlin he’d better see a counselor, and off he went, somewhat grudgingly.
read more here
http://www.stripes.com/article.asp?section=104&article=65082
By Nancy Montgomery, Stars and StripesMideast edition,
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
PREVIOUS STORY: A family broken by war
Spc. William Medlin found a sort of relief in Iraq. It was so much simpler, he said, than dealing with the complications in his other life, the one in which his marriage of three years was falling apart.
He loved the buzz of being on point, he said, driving the lead Humvee in the company commander’s security detail. And he liked garrison life. So Medlin re-enlisted, before his first tour was up and before his divorce was final, with a big $10,000 bonus and a guaranteed spot in air assault school, part of his plan to make sergeant and join Special Forces.
There was just one hitch. Medlin couldn’t sleep. He had flashbacks. He felt angry a lot of the time.
"I had severe rage issues," he said.
A sergeant told Medlin he’d better see a counselor, and off he went, somewhat grudgingly.
read more here
http://www.stripes.com/article.asp?section=104&article=65082
Friday, October 2, 2009
Good enough for God
We went away for a few days for our 25th anniversary. We've been broke, so we decided to roll our change and head to St. Augustine, since we've wanted to go there ever since we moved to Florida. It's been rough the last few weeks, between menopause, financial stress, compassion fatigue, I had to top all that off with quitting smoking. Not a great move on my part, leaving me wanting to cry most of the time, having a terrible time sleeping plus the withdrawal, a whole other issue of my personality being drained out of me, leaving me finding it almost impossible to find anything positive to think about.
I haven't liked myself very much because I'm a stranger in my own skin. The same way I describe PTSD, is what happens when your body goes into shock. I quit cold turkey. (One Chantix doesn't count as being medicated) While this kind of depression will get milder as time goes on, PTSD does not unless there is intervention. It is difficult to find anything good but it doesn't mean there isn't anything good to see.
Part of the trip to St. Augustine, was going for a ride to see where the tours didn't take us. We caught a glimpse of a cemetery just beyond the Florida National Guard building during one of the tours and wanted to get a closer look. Coming from Massachusetts, old cemetery sites were just part of history, visited often, especially in Salem. I was not prepared for what I found in this cemetery among the old stones of this military cemetery.
I found something really good in a cemetery of all places. Think about this story. How the monuments were built and who they were built for. A story of compassion in the midst of such darkness.
It is the same way within all of us. No matter how dark we may feel inside, no matter how hard things get or how heavy the weight on our shoulders drags us down, in the end, it really doesn't matter because all we need to get past it is already there.
Sounds strange? Sure. Think I may be nuts? So do I right now, but stay with me and let's see if I can make some sense out of what I'm trying to say.
I am not me right now because of all that is going on and the smoking thing. I can look at how I'm not sleeping at night only and not at the fact my husband has been extra understanding of the fact I'm exhausted and need some more sleep in the day. I can look at the times when the tears just start to flow, but Jack reaches out to hug me. I can look at the fact that today after we got home, I didn't even want to read the emails or the fact Jack said I should just start by answering one. Look at what I lost in all of these years of marriage getting from there to here, or look at how far we've come and how much we've gained with each other. Life is all about how you look at it and what you want to see.
I used to think that I wasn't good enough for God and that's why I don't seem to be very successful. Then it dawned on me that I don't have to be good enough for God. I am already. Whatever I lack, He's got the ability to fix it, change it, adapt me to it or the people around me. He already knew how miserable I'd be at some things and how good I'd be with others. He put the "corrections" already inside of me and I bet He expected me to find them. Just as the monuments at the cemetery are about the horrific deaths of so many, they were also about compassion from the people who built them. My life is dark right now but God built me with love, just as He built you with love. We don't have to be good enough for anyone other than Him and frankly, when you think about it, we already are.
He built compassion within us and expects us to use it to answer the needs of others, to show them they are loved, to feed them with what they need to face their own lives a little easier than they do now. To let them know they do matter, their lives matter, their dreams matter and yes, their pain matters too.
When it comes to our own lives and our own suffering, we need to remember the same thing. We can look at what caused our pain or think of how it can be used. We can look at something like PTSD, wonder where God was when the events happened, or finally understand that He was there because someone was looking for Him. He was there within those who bothered to ask where He was because they knew Him as a loving God in the midst of such darkness. He was there just as He is with us right now.
My darkest days may not be behind me yet and I may not be able to get past this time, this time. I will keep trying if I do fail because I know I don't have to be perfect but I do have to be as good as I can be in this moment. The rest as they say, is already there.
This statue of David was at the Ripley's Believe it or Not. If you want to know how God can forgive anything think of David. There he was filled with love for God, picked to rule, yet what did he do? He messed up his life big time. His family suffered and so did his people. Yet do we look at his life, his story as one of being a failure? Think about it.
I haven't liked myself very much because I'm a stranger in my own skin. The same way I describe PTSD, is what happens when your body goes into shock. I quit cold turkey. (One Chantix doesn't count as being medicated) While this kind of depression will get milder as time goes on, PTSD does not unless there is intervention. It is difficult to find anything good but it doesn't mean there isn't anything good to see.
Part of the trip to St. Augustine, was going for a ride to see where the tours didn't take us. We caught a glimpse of a cemetery just beyond the Florida National Guard building during one of the tours and wanted to get a closer look. Coming from Massachusetts, old cemetery sites were just part of history, visited often, especially in Salem. I was not prepared for what I found in this cemetery among the old stones of this military cemetery.
Pyramids
Monuments and Memorials
The Dade Monument is composed of three distinct pyramids constructed of native coquina stone. The pyramids were erected in 1842 and were originally covered with white stucco. The memorials were dedicated at a ceremony on Aug. 14, 1842, that marked the end of the Florida Indian Wars.The pyramids cover vaults that contain the remains of 1,468 soldiers who died during the Florida Indian Wars, from 1835 to 1842. According to the inscription, the wars began on Dec. 25, 1835. Three days later, Maj. Francis L. Dade and his regiment were enroute from Fort Brooke (Tampa) to Fort King (Ocala) when they were ambushed and killed. Of the 106 men and officers under his command, only two survived. Maj. Dade and his men are among those entombed at the pyramids.
The Dade Monument, a coquina stone and marble obelisk, was erected in 1881 and commemorates Maj. Francis L. Dade and the men who died with him at the 1835 massacre. Soldiers stationed at the St. Augustine post contributed one day’s pay to fund the memorial.
I found something really good in a cemetery of all places. Think about this story. How the monuments were built and who they were built for. A story of compassion in the midst of such darkness.
It is the same way within all of us. No matter how dark we may feel inside, no matter how hard things get or how heavy the weight on our shoulders drags us down, in the end, it really doesn't matter because all we need to get past it is already there.
Sounds strange? Sure. Think I may be nuts? So do I right now, but stay with me and let's see if I can make some sense out of what I'm trying to say.
I am not me right now because of all that is going on and the smoking thing. I can look at how I'm not sleeping at night only and not at the fact my husband has been extra understanding of the fact I'm exhausted and need some more sleep in the day. I can look at the times when the tears just start to flow, but Jack reaches out to hug me. I can look at the fact that today after we got home, I didn't even want to read the emails or the fact Jack said I should just start by answering one. Look at what I lost in all of these years of marriage getting from there to here, or look at how far we've come and how much we've gained with each other. Life is all about how you look at it and what you want to see.
I used to think that I wasn't good enough for God and that's why I don't seem to be very successful. Then it dawned on me that I don't have to be good enough for God. I am already. Whatever I lack, He's got the ability to fix it, change it, adapt me to it or the people around me. He already knew how miserable I'd be at some things and how good I'd be with others. He put the "corrections" already inside of me and I bet He expected me to find them. Just as the monuments at the cemetery are about the horrific deaths of so many, they were also about compassion from the people who built them. My life is dark right now but God built me with love, just as He built you with love. We don't have to be good enough for anyone other than Him and frankly, when you think about it, we already are.
He built compassion within us and expects us to use it to answer the needs of others, to show them they are loved, to feed them with what they need to face their own lives a little easier than they do now. To let them know they do matter, their lives matter, their dreams matter and yes, their pain matters too.
When it comes to our own lives and our own suffering, we need to remember the same thing. We can look at what caused our pain or think of how it can be used. We can look at something like PTSD, wonder where God was when the events happened, or finally understand that He was there because someone was looking for Him. He was there within those who bothered to ask where He was because they knew Him as a loving God in the midst of such darkness. He was there just as He is with us right now.
My darkest days may not be behind me yet and I may not be able to get past this time, this time. I will keep trying if I do fail because I know I don't have to be perfect but I do have to be as good as I can be in this moment. The rest as they say, is already there.
This statue of David was at the Ripley's Believe it or Not. If you want to know how God can forgive anything think of David. There he was filled with love for God, picked to rule, yet what did he do? He messed up his life big time. His family suffered and so did his people. Yet do we look at his life, his story as one of being a failure? Think about it.
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