Maryland Veteran Lives on Roof Waiting for Santa

Man sleeps on roof for 12 days for toy drive

Cecil Whig
By Katie Tabeling
9 hrs ago

Mangini is also a veteran, as he served with the U.S. Army’s 82nd Airborne Division in the late 1970s. In his own way, living up on the roof during Christmastime is a way to pay tribute to those in the military who are currently stationed in Afghanistan, Iraq or other far-flung places. Mangini himself never served overseas, but said his tent is “a mansion” compared to what he lived in while training. He’s willing to bet his current living conditions are miles better than active-duty troops.

ELKTON — He has eyes that twinkle and a beard as white as snow. But unlike the Santa Claus described in “The Night Before Christmas” that shimmies down chimneys to leave presents, Bruce Mangini, of Landenberg, Pa., plans on staying on his rooftop until he can rally enough people to fill his “sleigh” with toys for families of veterans in need.

Mangini, 58, started living on the roof of the Elkton Veterans of Foreign Wars Elkton Memorial Post No. 8175 on Dec. 2 in a fundraising and awareness campaign called #BruceOnTheRoof

To protect himself from the wind and rain, he built a tent out of tarp and a blue gazebo and sleeps under an electric blanket on a cot his grandson chose for him. He comes down on occasion to walk around, per his doctor’s orders, and to go into the VFW to use the bathroom.

But for the most part, Mangini stays on the roof — and he’ll come down for good when his 12 days are up or when his trailer, parked nearby, is filled with toys, coats and non-perishable food donations.

“People say I’m crazy,” he said. “Well, I’ve been called that a lot in my life.”

Mangini likes to participate and organize charity events in the tristate region, like a motorcycle ride to fundraise for the Domestic Violence Center of Chester County, Pa., or coordinating with his cousin on a cookie baking and giveaway for veterans. But he’s always gravitated to Elkton after he established a friendship with Commissioner Mary Jo Jablonski and her family. After working with the Elkton VFW for other toy drives with the Steel Horse Guardians, a nonprofit charitable group of motorcyclists, he’s felt the need to continue paying it forward to Elkton.

“I don’t like talking negatively about nobody, but Elkton is a very small town, and it’s a struggling town that’s trying to do better,” Mangini said. “When I see a small town trying to do better, I want to jump in and help. Everybody needs a helping hand once in a while.”
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URGENT Bay Pines Cemetery won't have enough wreaths unless you help

Bay Pines Cemetery struggles to put wreath on every veteran's grave

FOX 13 News
Catherine Hawley
November 29, 2018

Right now, Bay Pines is at 5 percent of its goal, meaning more than 32,000 graves won't get a wreath.

ST. PETERSBURG (FOX 13) - Each December, volunteers place hundreds of thousands of evergreen, live wreaths on the graves of veterans.

The program started at Arlington National Cemetery in 1992 and now takes place in more than 1,400 cemeteries across the country, including in the Bay Area.

For Ronalee Klase, her brother, Billy's grave couldn't be more perfect.

"I always kid, I say it’s right on the edge just where he lived life," Klase said.

Billy Klase was a Vietnam vet, a martial arts expert, and an avid skydiver. He was laid to rest at Bay Pines National Cemetery in St. Petersburg 14 years ago.

"We try to come out on the anniversary of his death and put some flowers down for him," said Klase.

She also makes sure he gets a wreath during the holiday season.

The cemetery is one of hundreds across the country taking part in Wreaths Across America. Every December, volunteers lay evergreens on the graves of our fallen soldiers, saying every name out loud.
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Little girl sent letter to soldier in Vietnam, they finally met

Vietnam Veteran Meets Stranger Who Sent Letter When She Was a Sixth Grader
CBS News
November 17, 2018

DonnaCaye Ludemann Sica recently surprised John Metzler, a Vietnam Veteran who was serving when she sent a Christmas card. At the time, Sica was in the sixth grade. 

Community pulls together to send off TLC

A Gorge ‘Holiday for Heroes’
Dalles Chronicle
RaeLynn Ricarte
December 28, 2017

Dan Brophy, a Marine veteran and chaplain for Point Man, said the statement made by Miguel (last name withheld for security reasons) reflects how he felt when receiving care packages from home during a 1968-69 deployment to Vietnam.

Christmas boxes sent to Afghanistan by residents of Wasco and Hood River counties are shown with the team of defense contractors who received them. Other shipments arrived at the base of an Oregon National Guard unit and Marine Raiders in the Middle East. A total of 85 boxes were sent to the field and the Holiday for Heroes Committee, which organized the outreach effort, credits the generosity of community members for the success of the mission.

The Holiday for Heroes Committee received a photo Dec. 27 from a team of defense contractors in Afghanistan posing with 31 Christmas boxes they received from Gorge residents.

The photo was accompanied by these words from Miguel, one of the team members: “This isn't everyone but it's everyone I could muster right now. Had some guys working and others just dispersed around the camp.

“The guys descended on the gifts like locusts, laughing and giving thanks to the group that sent the packages. This was a gigantic morale builder, more so than I would have imagined. Thank you doesn't quite cut it but thank you so very much. Merry Christmas and God bless all of our supporters. Your efforts were greatly noticed and appreciated by the men here.”

He added, “believe it or not, the most popular items are the handmade letters and drawings from children.”

Area schools participated in the troop support effort by allowing students to write messages and send works of art to the defense team and 29 members of an Oregon National Guard military police unit who train in Hood River.

Capt. Rich Smith of that unit said Tuesday the tempo of operations has been too high for a Christmas party, so pictures of his soldiers opening their care packages were not yet available.
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Army Veteran Gets Dog Back!

Army Veteran Reunited With Stolen Dog In Time For Christmas
CBS New York
December 26, 2017

(CBS Local) — An Army veteran in Oklahoma was reunited with his missing dog just in time for Christmas. The dog, found on Christmas Eve, was missing for nearly a week after her owner’s house was burglarized on Dec. 20.

“It appeared that they were going to steal my valuables, however they ended up only taking my beautiful dog,” veteran Geoff Hoffman wrote on his Facebook page after the crime. A frantic search for Bridget, the three-year-old pit bull, began as local animal rescue groups and social media users spread the story of the apparent dog-napping. read more here

Afghanistan Veteran Takes Care of Homeless Veterans For Chirstmas

Afghanistan veteran gives back by providing Christmas Eve meals
Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
Meg Jones
Published Dec. 24, 2017

"The last four, five years Christmas has been a little lackluster for me. This year I decided to do something about it because Christmas is more than gifts and pretty Christmas trees." Matt McDonell 

The holidays are a difficult time of year for Matt McDonell ever since he lost a comrade in Afghanistan on Christmas Eve five years ago.

A photo of veteran Matt McDonell, who was stationed in Afghanistan's Logar Province when his friend was killed by small arms fire on Christmas Eve 2012. Since then, Christmas has been difficult for him. Photo courtesy of Matt McDonell

Each December memories flood back for the Fox Point man: hearing the horrible news, attending a memorial service and participating in the last roll call on Christmas Day.

But this year, McDonell decided to spend the holiday helping fellow veterans, collecting clothing donations and organizing a Christmas Eve luncheon for homeless veterans. And in a way, he's helping himself heal from his loss.
read more here

Yukon Oklahoma Opens Arms for Wounded Veteran's Family

Volunteers Help Make Veteran's Family's Christmas
News On 6
Caleigh Bourgeois
December 23, 2017

“The feeling you get when you get to help somebody else that's in need is just a feeling everybody should experience,” Wade said. 

YUKON, Oklahoma -

A wounded warrior in Yukon and his family were given a Christmas miracle thanks to two friends and several volunteers.

Last week, Jessica Smith with the Red Cross received a phone call from a wounded warrior’s wife.

“He had just lost his job. They had no food in their cupboards. They were about to be evicted,” Smith said.

Determined to help the Yukon family, Smith called up her friend Ellie Wade, who works at First United Bank. 

“We have a fund where if we wear blue jeans on Friday we pay into it, and we collect all year long,” Wade said.

Wade and Smith took the money from that fund and started shopping. 

“We just started buying and paying the rent and utilities, and buying groceries and gifts,” Wade said. 

read more here

So how do we prove God's love and this day?

Do You Prove God's Love?
Combat PTSD Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
December 25, 2017

One Christmas Eve, an elderly widow was talking to a neighbor about plans for Christmas day. The widow couldn't make it to be with her family and they couldn't get to her. It was the first Christmas she would be alone.

The neighbor talked about having a houseful of family and friends, while complaining about having so much to do for all of them.

The widow wished her a Merry Christmas as she started to walk away. The neighbor had a change of heart and called her back to the fence.

"I was just thinking, we're having dinner around 1:00. Why don't you come over after dessert and you can watch us open our gifts." The widow just shook her head. She walked away feeling more lonely than she had before.

How can we prove God's love without opening a gate?

It is so easy to take care of our own needs, wants, desires and our pride, yet we forget about what this day is supposed to represent.

Tomorrow at work, we'll all hear stories about what we got, what we gave and then which family member ruined the day. 

Someone will regret spending so much money on ungrateful relatives. Someone else will regret deciding to spend the time with them instead of being alone binging on treats and watching "It's a Wonderful Life."

Others will remember times spent with people they loved, holding onto warm memories for comfort while they sit alone. 

Some will wander the streets, much like any other day, homeless and hungry. They will come to the shelter to get out of the cold for a while, find something to eat, and if they're lucky, someone to talk to.

Some will remember what they used to have and how much they lost.

Others will spend the day thinking of others, what they can do for someone to make this day better than it would have been otherwise.

They spent money shopping for someone else's children, so they could put it into a collection box, knowing they would never see the joy on that child's face. No one would ever thank them for the gift they gave, but they would receive the warmth within them knowing what they did in secret.

Some will volunteer their time at the shelter to care for the homeless and needy.

Some will take the time to pray during church service for someone else instead of praying for what they want for themselves.

So how do we prove God's love and this day we remember when "For God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

The Sheep and the Goats31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

So dear friends, remember the blessing we are all able to receive when the gifts we give ourselves, are priceless when they are given to others.

My Christmas wish for all of you is that you be blessed by the love this day was intended to share.

The Beatitudes

He said:
3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

5 Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.

7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.

12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Dayton VA Medical Center Christmas Eve Service

Veterans come together for Christmas Eve vigil

WDTN 2 News

Kristen Eskow

December 24, 2017

“You can be so far away from home and think that maybe you’re forgotten about,” said Wendell Rome, chief of chaplain service for the Dayton VA Medical Center.

DAYTON, Ohio (WDTN) – Veterans and their families gathered for an annual service Sunday night to honor veterans and those currently serving our country.

The Dayton VA Medical Center hosted its annual Christmas Eve vigil. As Christmas carols filled the lobby, it brought back memories for veterans like Marvin Schroeder.

“We were all brothers and sisters separated from our own families,” said Schroeder, who served in the Air Force during the Vietnam war.

Schroeder recalls those Christmases spent with his family of fellow soldiers.

“We made the celebration all together, and we really made the best of what we had,” he said.

“You can be so far away from home and think that maybe you’re forgotten about,” said Wendell Rome, chief of chaplain service for the Dayton VA Medical Center.

Chaplain Rome said he knows the feeling all too well. A veteran himself, he remembers spending Christmas in Iraq.

“It was just a difficult time, it was lonely away from home,” he said. “But yet we’re serving our country and so we just kind of band together and do the best that we can.”

read more here

"Yet we considered him punished by God"

Tonight Your Soul Can Feel Its Worth
Combat PTSD Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
December 24, 2017

The road ahead is in your control. Which way do you want to go?

Christmas Eve is a night to celebrate the birth of a miracle. It is about, as the song goes, "the soul felt its worth."


The thing, among oh so many others, we miss is that the birth of Jesus was a gift of love from God. He came to set things right in the world. Too many things had gotten twisted and some manipulated the message Jesus had come to deliver for their own gain.

Seems that is the way of the world but not the way of love. Love is what makes some think of others before they think of themselves. Love is what drives some to be willing to die for the sake of someone else. 

Jesus knew He would die when His time came and it was something He was willing to do. His birth, life and death were prophesized 700 years before it all happened.

4 

Surely he took up our pain

    and bore our suffering,

yet we considered him punished by God,

    stricken by him, and afflicted.

5 

But he was pierced for our transgressions,

    he was crushed for our iniquities;

the punishment that brought us peace was on him,

    and by his wounds we are healed.

6 

We all, like sheep, have gone astray,

    each of us has turned to our own way;

and the Lord has laid on him

    the iniquity of us all.

Some have looked at this "story" and say that Jesus failed but since what He came to do, was accomplished, the way it was supposed to happen, He won and defeated death.

I suppose it is just too hard for some people to understand that level of unselfish love, but there are others who know exactly what it feels like to be that way.

Christ was born knowing He'd suffer to teach us how to love others, as much as He came to help us understand we were loved. 

There are many among us suffering because they loved so much their own life was an afterthought. When they needed to spend time healing their own inner-wound, they thought about how others had suffered.

It is still hard to believe that no one told them they are a survivor because they fought for their life as much as they fought for others. The longer they lived, the more they could help others live.

So where is that attitude now? Where is the mindset that tells them they beat death already? Someone along the way must have told them that PTSD is something to be ashamed of. Like some kind of failure instead of what they succeeded at doing.

The secret is, they succeeded at defeating death as well as retaining love. After over 35 years, there has not been one single veteran who said he did not want to help other veterans heal. Think about that for a second.

They are eventually unashamed of themselves, yet instead of just thinking of living their own lives better, they want to make sure they pass saving grace on to them.

Tonight can be the night when your soul feels its worth. That same soul, who fought so hard to live before, is still needed to fight for others now.

Suffering for the sake of love does not mean failure. It meant that love won. Fight to take your life back from PTSD as hard as you fought its birth~

Over 1 Million Volunteers Lay Wreaths in Remembrance

This organization honors fallen soldiers with graveside wreaths
TUE, DEC 19
With over 1 million volunteers, Wreaths Across America has paid tribute to veterans with over 1.5 million wreaths at 1,422 cemeteries nationwide.

Wife of PTSD Veteran Seeking Help for Christmas

There are plenty of stories out there on veterans with PTSD. Stories about suicides, police standoffs and veterans courts. There are stories about homeless veterans doing heroic and inspiring things. There are not many about any of their families.

There is an appeal on the Honolulu Star Advertiser from a Mom looking for help to make Christmas a bit brighter for her children. 

Her husband is an Army veteran with PTSD and is living in a shelter right now. The impulse may be to judge her but having been through the worst times in my own marriage, all too often, this does happen. We've been married for over 3 decades, so nothing is impossible but it takes more than love to do it.

It requires knowledge and support.

Veterans fall when help is not there for the families. They are left with trying to do the best they can with what they know.

Before it gets better for any of us, we have to learn all we can about PTSD and then figure out how we can make it better, or end up making it worse for those we love.

So don't judge this Mom, but maybe we should start judging ourselves. 

If veterans are ending up homeless, there are reasons for it. If they are committing suicide, there are reasons for it. Until we actually stop the stunts and repeating slogans, more and more families will be struggling to just get from one day to the next.

Mom of 2 forges on after split with Army vet

Star Advertiser

By Nancy Arcayna 

Special to the Star-Advertiser

December 10, 2017

Sasha Pinheiro had to take on the role of a single parent after her separation from her children’s father, an Army veteran who has been struggling with post-traumatic stress disorder.

COURTESY SASHA PINHEIRO

Sasha Pinheiro and her children, A’ziah, 1, and Shaizen, 5.

“I am raising both kids on my own because their father is dealing with these medical issues and living in a shelter,” she said. “I want him to be a parent in their lives, but things are not stable right now.”

read more here

Fort Hood Families Holiday Express to Make Memories

Holiday Express: Train ride a treat for military families

Temple Daily Telegram
Melany Cox
December 3, 2017

“It’s important, because we get a chance to show the military families how much we appreciate all the sacrifices they make for all of us.” Carl Ice, President and CEO of BNSF

Santa hands out Christmas ornaments to the Wagner family during the annual BNSF Holiday Express train ride. Melany Cox Telegram

For the past 10 years, Burlington Northern Santa Fe Railway has honored military families with the Holiday Express train trip, a free, festive train ride for families of servicemen and women. This year the train is making its way through Texas, Oklahoma and Missouri. The tour included a stop in Central Texas.

On Wednesday afternoon nearly 350 members of families stationed at Fort Hood boarded the Holiday Express at the Santa Fe Depot in Temple for a round-trip ride complete with complimentary snacks, hot chocolate and a visit from Santa.

“It’s important, because we get a chance to show the military families how much we appreciate all the sacrifices they make for all of us,” said Carl Ice, President and CEO of BNSF.

The Holiday Express features 15 restored vintage railcars, and is powered by two of BNSF’s newest locomotives. Passengers exclaimed in delight as they boarded the passenger cars, which were lavishly decorated with garland and lights.
read more here 

Holiday's Harder For PTSD Soldiers to Survive Alone

Holidays a difficult time for some veterans, soldiers

Killeen Daily Herald
David A. Bryant
November 18, 2017

“People tend to do stupid things when they isolate themselves,” he said. “As a first sergeant in the Army, I always encouraged people, especially my (noncommissioned officers), to take a soldier home for the holidays.”

The holiday season can be a difficult time for soldiers and veterans dealing with post traumatic stress, and difficult for young troops dealing with the loneliness of being away from family during the holidays for the first time in their lives.

While there is no correlation between the number of suicides going up and the season, the number of attempts does tend to increase around Thanksgiving and Christmas, according to local organizations that assist in suicide prevention.

And the ones most likely to go through with a suicide attempt are the ones who don’t talk about it, said Tony Smith, Coryell County veterans service officer.

“I’ve found in the past that those who talk about committing suicide are less likely to actually follow through,” Smith said. “Those who don’t talk tend to just do it.”

Smith said the holidays increase the number of calls he receives from people who are struggling with suicidal thoughts, regardless of the holiday.

“I’ve been to a lot of calls and a lot of suicides,” he said. “I get 3 a.m. phone calls, calls at 4 a.m. or 1:30 a.m. They get to drinking, start thinking about stupid things.” 
read more here

Marine's Wife Paralyzed in Robbery is Pregnant

Family raising funds for former Marine's pregnant wife paralyzed in alleged armed robbery
FoxNews.com
Published January 27, 2017

“This baby is a miracle. It shouldn’t have survived it. I can’t wait to find out what we’re having and give birth,” Webb told KPRC2. “It’s seriously what is keeping me going.”

The Houston woman who was left paralyzed in an armed robbery and later discovered she was pregnant at the hospital is speaking out in an effort to help authorities nab the alleged suspects. Paxton Webb, 23, is still recovering at Texas Medical Center.

“I am here ad I’m fighting every day,” she told KPRC2.

Webb was working at Katz Boutique, an adult shop, on Christmas Eve when a pair of armed suspects whose faces were covered allegedly demanded money from her before firing a shot into her back. The assault left her paralyzed from the chest down.

“The bullet completely severed my spine, hit my lungs, missed my heart by less than a centimeter, fractured a couple of ribs and fractured my left shoulder,” Webb told KPRC2.
read more here

ABC 13 News Video from robbery

Marine Gets Home For Christmas As Gift From Gold Star Family

Gold Star Family Helps Holland Marine Get Home For Christmas To See Sick Mother
CBS Boston
December 24, 2016

“It just wouldn’t have been Christmas,” his mother said.

HOLLAND (CBS) — The smiles were never-ending after Marine Lt. Josh Peloquin arrived home early Saturday morning.

“I almost toppled him over and I started bawling my eyes out,” said Josh’s mother, Tonya Olsen. “I just didn’t want to let go.”

His coming home was more important than ever this year, because Olsen is very sick.

“This year has been such a hard year,” she said. “We lost my father, his grandmother, and we found out I have pulmonary fibrosis.”

Josh is stationed off the coast of Africa. Two weeks ago, he was told he was going back to the US for Christmas.

But he couldn’t afford the trip home to Holland, Massachusetts.

“My mom is really sick, and I had to make the tough decision to save my money,” he said.

A Gold Star family from the Cape who had lost their son in combat heard about Josh’s family and plight–and they paid for his plane ticket home.
read more here

Surviving sadness at Christmas

Surviving sadness at Christmas
by Kathie Costos
Wounded Times Blog
December 20, 2012

When Christmas comes the images we see are of happy families, gathering together to open gifts and eat huge meals. We see them going shopping, wrapping gifts, writing out addresses on cards to people to let them know they are thinking of them in this season of "love" and all is right with the world. If you think that is what Christmas is then you won't want to read anymore of this. For too many families, Christmas is not a happy time.

Fifty years ago, I went to see Santa just like every other kid in America. I was thinking about toys because that was what my Mom told me he gave. I didn't ask him for the miracle my family needed. I don't remember what I asked him for, but I bet I asked him for a baby doll since that is what is sitting next to me in the next picture. It was 1962.

This is what Christmas looked like for me and my two brothers. My oldest brother Nick is sitting on the sofa and Warren is on the floor with me. If you think we didn't look too happy, we weren't. Our family was not what most families were but at age of 3 I didn't know that. To me, it was the only "normal" I knew.

We didn't have much money but my Mom did the best she could to buy us what we wanted, what she thought would make us happy even if it was just for a little while. She knew our lives were hard. My Dad was an angry alcoholic at that time. I didn't know other Dads were not like that until I got older and had more friends.

Nick was sweet and smart. He was my hero. He was always there, watching over me. Considering I was always getting into some kind of trouble, he had his hands full. I kept wondering who would be watching over him when I could hear him crying in our room. Three of us had to share the bedroom since we didn't have enough money to buy a house. We lived in an apartment in my uncle's house.

I thought if we had enough money, then we'd be happy and my Dad wouldn't be so mad all the time. I was wrong. By the time my parents bought their first house, my Dad had become violent. He beat my brother Nick most of the time and broke things around the house when he got an argument with my Mom. By then I knew that the way we lived was far from "normal" and I wanted what everyone else had.

In the summer of 1963 my family went to a drive-in movie. One of the things we did together that was a happy time. My Mom made bags of popcorn and we put on our pajamas, piled into the station wagon with our pillows and had our adventure.

When my Mom went to buy sodas, my Dad stayed in the car and my brothers took me to the play ground areas. I wasn't allowed to go into the big kids area by myself. One night, I got away from them, headed to the huge slide, climbed to the top and suddenly I realized it was terrifying without my brother Nick. I froze at the top, clinging to the hand rails. The kid behind me was yelling at me to go, but I couldn't. He pushed me hard on my right side and I went over the left side of the slide. I fell head first onto the concrete. Nick found me laying on the ground and thought I was dead.

Long story short, after the hospital stay, my scull was cracked and I had what we now know as traumatic brain injury. I couldn't talk right anymore but no one connected the changes I went through to the accident.

Things at home were better for a long time. My Dad wasn't drinking much and I wasn't waking up in the middle of the night crying because of the fights. Then it all started again. By Christmas, I wanted peace back so I bashed my head against the wall over and over to try and crack it again thinking my Dad would stop hating and start loving again.

Growing up I looked like everyone else but did not live like everyone else. My Dad stopped drinking when I was 13. He never drank after that. He had a lot of heart attacks and strokes but said he wasn't going to put his family through that again. He passed away at 58. My brother Warren died in his 40's, Nick died at 56 and my Mom passed away at 85.

I've had some years when there was plenty of money to buy gifts and send boxes of Christmas cards out just as I've had years when there was not enough money to pay bills. When most people went to the malls and checked sales, I avoided them.

If you are having a hard time this Christmas, know you are not alone. Here is some advice for surviving sadness at Christmas.

First remember that just because we celebrate the birth of Christ on December 25th, it is not the day he was born and it is not the day the wise men showed up with gifts. Joseph and Mary didn't buy Jesus gifts. They gave Him love. He was born into poverty and spent His three years preaching living as a homeless man depending on the kindness of strangers while giving gifts far beyond the tangible. He gave healing, hope and compassion that lasted well beyond a day. He didn't celebrate Christmas but He did celebrate life even though He knew how His life would end and when.

Some want to pretend that the way Christ was crucified was not the way His time on earth was supposed to end. They are missing the real powerful reality of He knew exactly how much He was going to suffer and exactly how many people would turn against Him but he still healed the sick, made the blind see, preached about loving and compassion even though He knew none of that would be there for Him in the end. John was the only friend staying by His side when the rest abandoned Him. His last words were about forgiving.

Christmas shouldn't be about buying gifts or regretting we don't have any to give. It should be about what true love is and what we give that cannot be bought, broken or worn out. It is about giving real love.

There was a time when I thought people really cared about me when my mailbox was full of cards and people showing they were thinking of me. Much like growing up was different than how it seemed, so were these empty thoughts. When I sent out a lot of cards, I got a lot back. The last few years have been financially hard and there hasn't been extra money for cards or stamps. This year I received a total of 5 cards. That made me stop and think about how foolish I had been thinking the world would fall apart if I didn't buy stuff for other people.

They don't care any more or less of me than they would otherwise. Most of the people I know don't really know me, what I do, how I feel, what I need or what I want out of life any more than I know them. Just as it was when I was a kid, normal for one family is not normal for others. Stop thinking that this one day means more than any other day.

Christ should live in our hearts, our deeds, our giving what we have to those in need in great and small ways as long as it is done with love. When you give anything, expect nothing back other than the feeling you get inside doing it. Don't think that you will matter more or less to the people in your life who do really care about you. If you have pain, share it because someone out there will know exactly what you're talking about and feeling just as alone as you do while no one else will understand. Let them know you do understand and give them a gift that will help the rest of their lives.

My gift to you is forgiveness. You didn't deserve to be treated the way you were in your life anymore than I did as a child. You are not responsible for what other people do anymore than I was. Let go of what happened in your own lives by making peace with it and forgive people who harmed you as well as yourself. You are not just some name in an address book that gets pulled out once a year with a check box indicating you sent them a card last year. The people in your life are in your life everyday. The friends you have were strangers at one time, so if you ran out of friends, there is a stranger today that can be your friend tomorrow. What you think is "normal" for everyone else is not really what it seems so stop thinking everyone else is happy, surrounded by love and an abundance of all they want.

I looked like every other kid 50 years ago and asked Santa for what all girls my age asked for but I needed a lot more than he could deliver. What I got sustained me through every heartache and hardship. I got hope that tomorrow will be better than this day and if not, then yesterday didn't destroy me. I survived it then and can do it again today. So can you.

5 Ways For Better Christmas With PTSD

5 ways to get through a blue Christmas
The (Clarksville, Tenn.) Leaf-Chronicle , WXIA
Tim Parrish
December 24, 2016

"They believe no one can understand their situations unless 'they have been there.’ Some suffer survivor’s guilt about why they survived but their buddy was killed in action." Rev. Jodi McCullah

For some people, Christmas is not all sweetness and light. (Photo: Getty Images)

Society has great expectations for people to have the perfect house, bake perfect cookies and show off the perfect family in Christmas letters, Facebook posts and Instagram photos.

But look more closely at the people you meet, and you might see expressions of grief and depression.

Sometimes, Christmas is a holiday to soldier through, and some people would rather escape from it.

“Christmas is normally a family time. It might be the only time for some people to get together,” said Henry Moore, a social worker and grief counselor at AseraCare Hospice in Clarksville, Tenn.

“If you are grieving over the death of a loved one, you might think being around lots of happy people would make you happy. That’s not how it works," he said. "Happy people only remind you of what you no longer have.”

While everyone deals with grief differently, Moore said a lot of common emotions come up at the holidays, and they often revolve around family traditions.

"A sense of hopelessness and despair are not uncommon," he said. "Sadness can be overwhelming at times when you see people or places once special to you and your loved, but now that person is gone.”

Grief isn't always about death. It can come from a divorce, losing a job or trying to adjust to life after being deployed in a combat zone.

1. Start new traditions but don’t throw out the old ones. Keep as many as you can.
2. Accept invitations to events and then attend them. Interacting with people can be difficult but important.
3. Be honest to close friends and family about how you're feeling about the holidays.
4. Include a place at the dinner table for a missing person.
5. ​Don't use alcohol or drugs to deal with emotional pain.
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