Saturday, March 9, 2024

let them feed your power to be happier

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
March 9, 2024

When something bad happens, we wonder why it happened to us, especially if it involved the actions of another person. It is one of those things there is never a clear answer to, we sure to manage to come up with many reasons to help us make sense of it. We never wonder why good people showed up to help us afterward.

When I heard, "2 officers, 1 first responder killed responding to domestic violence call in Minnesota; shooter also dead" on NBC News, I couldn't let it go. At first, I thought it was because I survived my first husband trying to kill me. After all, police officers showed up. I was grateful they did but honestly, I was more focused on why the man I married turned into some evil monster. Over the years I began to wonder why the police officers showed up knowing every call was a risk they were willing to take.

This is from the article above.
"Our police officers and our fire paramedics, they come to work every day. They do it willingly. They know that they might have to give up their life for their partners, for someone else. They know they have to give up their life sometimes, and they do it anyways," Schwartz said. "And you cannot understand it unless you’re in the profession."
And now I wonder why compassionate people show up when it is so much easier to be evil.

Some of you may be focusing on the reports of police officers doing bad things. We lump every other officer into that group without realizing it was only a few out of many. Unfair to the rest of them but we do it. We never wonder why being judged because of the actions of others doesn't keep the good ones from showing up to help us.

It isn't just police officers we do that with. Its everyone. I want to stop wondering what makes people evil. It's harder to be good and that's what I want to know about them.

I have good reason to be depressed and despondent right now. My husband's life is on the line because some people with jobs that are supposed to care about patients don't really care about them. I could focus on them and be filled with resentment. I choose to focus on all the good people doing all they can to help my husband. I choose to do this because I refuse to let the bad ones hold that power over me. 

It isn't easy. The easy way is to yield to bad thoughts but that isn't beneficial. It eats away hope from my soul. If I allow that to happen the bad ones win. Imagine if I gave up. I haven't given up on anything and am not about to do it now. I have too many reminders that there are more good people in this world than ones filled with all the negative forces seeking to take power away from others along with hope.

Life is hard enough at times, even with a good attitude about it. Take away hope, judge others by what others do, and you'll be miserable.

Choose to focus on what others do for you despite what others do to you. Realize that they hold more positive power for you than those who seek to harm you.

Too many people harm those with #PTSD out of ignorance. Sadly, some simply enjoy the damage they can inflict. We can focus on them, surrender what little joy we have left, or we can see them for what they truly are, and walk away. Don't give your power over to them. Too many good people are waiting to help you become happier because when they do, they are filled with gratefulness they were able to. Seek them, appreciate them, and let them feed your power to be happier. 


Tuesday, February 27, 2024

Neurosurgeon desperately needed in New England

Wounded Times

Kathie Costos
February 27, 2024

URGENT Neurosurgeon desperately needed in New England

I am posting this FOR THE LOVE OF JACK

After a couple of years of my husband's suffering, we finally had an answer as to why it was happening to him. He had an MRI that showed too much fluid in the ventricles of his brain. They suspected it was Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus.  

In between May and November, he was in and out of hospitals and rehabs. He was sent home with visiting nurses and for a while, he went into physical therapy as an outpatient. Eventually, we were told that nothing would work until he had a spinal tap to see if he improved.

We had to wait to see a Neurologist. That finally happened in November. He diagnosed my husband and it was as others suspected. The Neurologist was certain it was not brain shrinkage. He sent the MRI and report to a Neurosurgeon. We finally saw him in January.

First, he said he was sure it was brain shrinkage and ran down a list as to why nothing would help. I was not about to let my husband leave that office without knowing how the Neurologist was sure that was not his problem. Long story short, he excused himself, left the exam room, and returned to say he was willing to try a spinal tap.

The spinal tap was done last week and it helped but he needed a blood patch because of a really bad headache. That made him improve even more. I had hope again. That hope was crushed today when the Neurosurgeon called to tell me why a shunt wouldn't help and that all of a sudden his diagnosis was that my husband's nervous system was shutting down. He keeps changing what he's saying, so all trust in him is gone.

It is bad enough to see my husband suffer all this time, and then have to wait months for experts. Most of us have to deal with that. When you end up with an expert who can't decide what is happening or what to do about it, that's torturous. 

My husband went from going to the gym 5 times a week and riding his Harley, to not being able to walk and riding a wheelchair in two years. You know we've been together since 1982 and we'll be married for 40 years this year. This is the longest we've been away from each other. Watching him suffer is tearing me apart and that's why I haven't been able to focus on much else. My life and work are on hold because I'm falling apart. 

I feel blessed to have great people helping us get through all this and doing all they can to figure out what else they can do. If you've heard bad things about the VA, it isn't the VA doctors we have a problem with. It is out in the community because New Hampshire doesn't have a VA hospital. The VA has been wonderful. I don't know how I would have gotten through all this without them. 

I also feel blessed to have such loyal readers and I am praying someone knows a Neurosurgeon who can help my husband, or at least give us a second opinion that will make sense. I am desperate and pleading for help because if anyone deserves it, it is my husband. He's the reason why I've helped veterans and their families for over 40 years. All I do is because of him, so if you have found help with my books, videos, or posts, it is because of him. If I spent time with you on the phone and helped you find hope that you can heal, it was because of him. This time I need help from you for him. PLEASE HELP US FIND THE HELP HE NEEDS.

Monday, February 5, 2024

“honey-do dude” of Waveland

US widower and veteran fights grief and PTSD by offering home repairs – for free 

The Guardian
Ramon Antonio Vargas
Sun 4 Feb 2024
“That’s when stuff comes back to you,” Chauvin remarked to CBS.
Danny Chauvin, 76, the ‘honey-do dude’ of Mississippi, fixes doors and unclogs drains to protect his mental health after his wife died.
A retired US military veteran is coping with grief from his wife’s death and post-traumatic stress from fighting in the Vietnam war by providing daily handyman services to people in his community – for free.

Danny Chauvin is the so-called “honey-do dude” of Waveland, Mississippi, according to a CBS Evening News profile of him published Friday. He told the news program that one of his favorite parts of his marriage to his wife had been the small, mostly repair and building tasks she would ask him to complete around the house, which Americans colloquially refer to as “honey-do” jobs.

Chauvin, 76, lost that part of his life when his wife of 53 years, Patricia, died in November 2022 after being sick with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease and other health issues, Mississippi’s Sun Herald newspaper reported. In the subsequent quiet of his home, Chauvin realized he was not only struggling with his grief as a widower, he also was struggling to manage the depression and post-traumatic stress he had been treated for after serving with the US army in Vietnam.
read more here

Saturday, January 27, 2024

Who is testing you?

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
January 27, 2024
Someone will tell you that God is testing you when you are suffering. No clue where they got that one from, but it must be connected to something they were told when they were suffering. It was not very comforting at all to me, so I doubt it would have comforted them. So why would they say something like that?

Another thing they say is, "God only gives us what we can handle." Is it because they think everything bad that happens to them comes from God? How does that work when we are supposed to pray to God to help us when we were just told He did it to us?

I've been going through an incredibly hard time since last year. I'm past anger. Past crying. I think I'm approaching numbness. It is understandable to the people who know me personally and they feel sorry for me. They want to help but don't know what to say. I wish they'd just say something like, "I'm here for you," instead of what I find troubling.

We all hear things people should not say to us when they want to help but don't know how. The thing is, too often we end up believing what they say especially when we hear it more than once from different people. Hell, they can't all be wrong. Actually, they can depending on how they understand the spiritual connection we have to God. Maybe they are thinking about what happened to Job and assume it is happening to others. But when you read his story, you realize from the start that it wasn't God doing the testing, but Satan was. God allowed it to prove a point. Honestly, that bothers me. 

Job had great faith in God and he was blessed. He thanked God for everything he had. As more and more were taken from him, he still trusted God. That is until he wondered why God would turn against him when he didn't do anything wrong.

People end up with #PTSD and we suffer mentally, physically, and spiritually. The worst part for me is when it is crushing my spirit and I hear something that disagrees with the faith I have. I used to just let it go until I understood that I needed to explain how unhelpful it was. If they were telling me that, then it must be what they believe. That's sad.

We all hear things based on what people believe. We hear it when they believe falsehoods about PTSD too. It is almost as if they've heard the rumors and believed them to be true. Have you heard you just weren't tough enough to take what happened to you? Unless they've lived through something you survived, they don't have a clue about how it would hit them. They'll judge you all the same because that was what they heard about it and accepted it. Maybe it is because they fear what their own life would become if it happened to them?

Job's friends tried to comfort him but ended up saying stupid things. There are some things I can assure you of that may comfort you simply because I know them to be true.

God didn't do it to you and is not testing you. If He was, there would be no point in praying to Him for help. He isn't punishing you after saving you from what happened to you. He's there to help you through it.

If people won't help you heal, it isn't because He's stopping them. He's sending them to help but they won't respond. He enabled all of us with free will. We are free to make our own choices and when they choose to not help you, that isn't God's fault. It is theirs. Maybe they want to help but don't know how to? It is up to us to let them know what we need and explain how they can help. If you need them to just listen to you, tell them. If they want to "fix" you, change their language into how they can "help" you instead. That allows them to be doing what you need and actually being helpful.

I can also assure you that you are not weak, even though too many people may think that way because of what they were told about what other people thought. Turn it around. Remind them of something they went through. Help them remember what it was like for them to recover from it if they ever did. Then ask them to think about what it would be like if the same thing never let go of them. That opens their minds to see a different view of you. You have to consider the fact you are the only one who can explain it to the people who care about you. Otherwise, they won't be able to understand. All too often they will think the way you are acting is about them and not what you're going through.

While it is true PTSD is not "curable" it is healable. Your life can become a lot better than it is. As with all wounds, you can heal. Sure you may have some scars left but you can deal with them when you get the help you need. Mental health help and physical help are huge parts of what you need but don't forget about the spiritual part of you. Misunderstanding the power of it can eat you up. Strengthening it will help you heal far beyond what could ever imagine.

I know that with all I've been through, and still going through, would be far worse if I didn't have a spiritual connection to God. I know I'm not alone. You aren't either.

Friday, January 12, 2024

PTSD why do nothing when you can do something today to heal?

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
January 12, 2023



Last year there were headlines like this one from Fortune. "The mental health crisis is decimating America’s workforce–but we only have enough therapists for 7% of the population"

It had this warning.
What we’re facing
Mental illness is skyrocketing. Last year alone, 76% of U.S. workers reported at least one symptom of mental illness. The situation looks nothing like it did even three years ago.

Every employee engagement survey you see reports mental health as the number one issue in organizations. And yet, utilization of mental health benefits is extremely low, with the average utilization rate by employees hovering around 2%.
People like me have been pushing how getting therapy for #PTSD works for decades. We know it does but no matter how many people we can get to admit they need help, it does no good when the help they need isn't there.

I wasn't going to write this. To tell you the truth, I need therapy but can't get it. It isn't because of the shortage right now. I've been involved in a health crisis with my husband needing 24-7 care from me since last year. I couldn't leave him alone and getting him out of the house for anything other than doctor's appointments has been impossible. It has left me drained physically, mentally, and emotionally, as well as spiritually. Writing has gotten harder and harder to do. What became impossible was offering spiritual help to others with PTSD. That has been devastating.

Until our lives are more stable and I can make appointments with a therapist to take care of myself, I can do nothing but wait or do what I can to help myself for now. Writing has always been therapeutic for me, but instead of working on the 4th book for the series I published last year, I can only research by binge-watching shows like Supernatural and Grimm. The book is stuck in my brain and I gave up trying to put it into words. It happened before after someone I loved died of COVID and I couldn't get past the grief. I went into therapy and then wrote the three books published last year. I know it can help me again but for now, I do what I can when I can until hope starts to fill me again.

I still have a deep spiritual connection to God, which helps beyond words. It keeps me from wanting to give up on whatever hope I have left within me.

As for you, what can you do now until you can find a therapist? Find places where you belong! Google videos on PTSD and begin to watch ones from people who were suffering to learn how their healing journey began. Find hope there.

TEDTalks has some pretty good ones like this.
If you are a spiritual person, talk to God or whatever high power you believe in.  Find a support group that focuses on what caused your PTSD. Whatever you find comforting online is better than doing nothing when you can be doing something to help you right now until you can find a therapist to help you heal more than you can imagine.