Florida First Responders example of wrong way PTSD crash!

Will Florida do the right thing for our First Responders...finally? If we do not acknowledge that this is a wound that comes with the job, then our veterans will think Florida feels the same way about them.

It is a simple question. Do we value those who risk their lives for us or not?

With emotion, legislators and relatives of late firefighters push PTSD bill

Florida Politics

Danny Mculiffe

January 16, 2018

“The numbers don’t lie,” Jimmy Patronis, Florida’s chief financial officer and state marshal said. He cited research from 2015 that showed 15 percent of firefighters had made at least one attempt at suicide during their career, while 46 percent of firefighters had thought about taking their lives.

“Recovering a toddler’s body from the river, pulling bodies from a car that ended up in a canal and carrying a decapitated teen’s body across the sand who was the victim of a shark attack would certainly take a toll on anyone,” Leslie Dangerfield said behind teary eyes.

She was describing the atrocities her husband, Indian River Battalion Chief David Dangerfield, had witnessed before he ultimately took his life. Leading up to her husband’s suicide, Leslie Dangerfield said his behavior had changed. He had succumbed to the “beast of PTSD,” or post-traumatic stress disorder.

Leslie Dangerfield told her story during a press conference Wednesday aiming to alert the public on bills in the Legislature this year that would provide workers’ compensation for first responders suffering from PTSD.

Currently, workers’ compensation laws do not provide for benefits in cases of first responders suffering from mental health-related injuries, unless they are accompanied by physical injury.

The issue has permeated the judiciary branch. 

Compensation Judge Neal Pitts denied workers’ compensation for former Orlando Police officer Gerry Realin last week. Realin responded to the Pulse nightclub shooting, which left 49 massacred and 58 others injured in June 2016.
read more here 

Canada Wants to Expand PTSD Coverage to Nurses

Ontario wants to extend PTSD coverage to frontline nurses

Ottowa Citizen

Joanne Laucius

December 15, 2017

The Ontario Ministry of Labour wants to extend “presumptive” post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) legislation to include up to 140,000 frontline nurses.

If the proposal becomes law, it will cover the nurses for “stress and impairment to functioning,” including painful flashbacks, nightmares, outbursts and thoughts of suicide and guilt or sadness following a traumatic event.

There are up to 140,000 frontline nurses in Ontario. SUNMEDIA

“With the new proposed presumption, once a frontline nurse is diagnosed with PTSD by either a psychiatrist or a psychologist, the claims process for WSIB (Workplace Safety and Insurance Board) benefits will be expedited, and nurses will not be required to prove a causal link between PTSD and a workplace event,” said the ministry in a statement.

In April 2016, Ontario passed the Supporting Ontario’s First Responders Act, creating the “presumption” that PTSD diagnosed in first responders was work-related — so covered workers do not have to prove the link between their work and PTSD. 

The act covered about 73,000 first responders in the province, including police officers, firefighters, paramedics, corrections workers and dispatchers. But nurses were not included, sparking an outcry from the group.

read more here

RCMP Cpl.Trevor O'Keefe Kindness Remembered

Woman saved from domestic violence by Cpl. Trevor O'Keefe helps raise thousands in his memory

CBC News

October 11, 2017

O'Keefe took his own life last month after a lengthy battle with post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). In the weeks since his death, other officers suffering from PTSD have spoken up about the battle they endure outside of work hours.

Family members of RCMP Cpl. Trevor O'Keefe were in Clarenville on Wednesday for a walk to raise money for the Canadian Mental Health Association. (Stephanie Marsden)

Fourteen years after RCMP Cpl.Trevor O'Keefe helped her escape domestic violence with her three children, Donna Hancock wanted to help his family.

On Wednesday, hundreds of people assembled in the streets in Clarenville to walk for the beloved officer, who took his own life Sept. 11.

Together, they raised $8,326 for the Canadian Mental Health Association.

"Trevor helped me out over a decade ago when I had a very difficult time in my life," Hancock told CBC's St. John's Morning Show. "I left a very abusive relationship with three small kids. Walking back and forth to work, he always checked in on me."

The walkers were led by a police car, fire truck and ambulance. Several police officers took part in the walk, including coworkers of O'Keefe.

Members of the O'Keefe family — including his parents, Pierre and Biddy, and children, Liam and Melissa — were in attendance.

read more here

Some Reporters Doing More Harm Than Good

(My two cents is that this article is very true, but also applies to man on social media.)

Some media covering Las Vegas shooting accused of doing more harm

News 1130

Marcella Bernardo

Associated Press

October 8, 2017

"Miller, who treats sufferers of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, says the last thing you should say to someone who’s been through a trauma is "'You’re lucky to be alive.'"

Melissa Gerber, left, Nancy Hardy, center, and Sandra Serralde, all of Las Vegas, embrace as they look on crosses in honor of those killed in the mass shooting Friday, Oct. 6, 2017, in Las Vegas. A gunman opened fire on an outdoor music concert on Sunday killing dozens and injuring hundreds.(AP Photo/Gregory Bull) 

VANCOUVER (NEWS 1130) – A local psychologist is worried about the impact on survivors of the Las Vegas massacre, saying some TV reporters are deliberately inciting an emotional response with their interview questions.

Doctor Lawrence Miller says it’s not a good idea for reporters to act as amateur psychologists for survivors or first responders who might be traumatized.

“So that’s really risky. If you go up to someone in the crowd in Las Vegas and you say, ‘Oh, you know, you’re lucky to be alive,’ the person may be just kind of still trying to formulate, like, what all this means.  Well, what the person hears is, ‘I could have been killed’ and that is the kind of thought process that can begin the development of post-traumatic stress disorder.”

He adds certain questions are deliberately asked with the goal of prompting tears, but that’s dangerous when dealing with someone who’s mentally fragile.

“When someone’s been through trauma like that, the worst thing you can do is start saying how they should be feeling and ‘You must be the luckiest guy alive, you know, you’re lucky to be alive. 
read more here

After Hurricane Maria, The Flood of PTSD Cases

Two suicides counted in Puerto Rico's hurricane death toll

CBS News

October 5, 2017

As time goes on, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) may also become an issue for many. 

"PTSD doesn't develop immediately, it develops after about a month," Asim Shah, M.D., chief of the division of community psychiatry at Baylor College of Medicine, told CBS News.

A resident walks down the dark hallway of a senior citizens' condo building with no electricity in the aftermath of Hurricane Maria in San Juan, Puerto Rico, Sept. 30, 2017.

 

 JOE RAEDLE / GETTY IMAGES

SAN JUAN, Puerto Rico — Locked out of his home and with nowhere else to go, Wilfredo Ortiz Marrero rode out Hurricane Maria inside a Jeep, which was lifted off its wheels by floodwaters in the parking lot. He then endured days without enough food or running water.

The lights are back on at his residence for low-income elderly people in the San Juan suburb of Trujillo Alto, and food has started arriving, but he still waits as long as he can each night to leave the company of others in the lobby. Alone in his room, he sometimes starts to shake.

"You get really depressed," he said Wednesday.

The hurricane that pummeled Puerto Rico two weeks ago and the scarcity-marked aftermath are taking a toll on islanders' equilibrium. The U.S. territory's government counted two suicides among the death toll, which now stands at 34, and with many communities still waiting for power and clean water, there is concern about others reaching a breaking point. 
read more here

Las Vegas Survivors and Responders Struggle to Heal

Las Vegas survivors have been through hell. And it's not over.
USA TODAY
Anne Godlasky
Published Oct. 5, 2017

"Most people who've gone through something this horrifying will have symptoms that look like PTSD initially. It's only when they continue to linger that a diagnosis would be given," Gillihan said. Though rates of PTSD vary depending on the trauma, Gillihan said he would expect a "high percentage" to experience it in this case.

Now is about the time you've got Las Vegas fatigue. For the sake of your sanity, you turn your attention to other things, lighter things.

Now is about the time survivors of that attack are beginning to feel the shock subside and an onslaught of emotions — anguish, grief, guilt — take over.

"There's national recognition and solidarity around these big events, (but) that sense of attention and care and compassion seems to fade with the next news cycle," said Seth Gillihan, a psychologist and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder researcher. "The country pretty quickly returns to its baseline."

But survivors can't return to their baseline. Those who escaped the bullets can go home, and the injured will leave the hospital, but they can't go back to the lives they had.

"The world they knew before it happened is profoundly changed," Gillihan said. "They're probably going to have a different way of seeing the world, they may have a different way of seeing themselves, they may be critical of themselves for how they reacted during the event."

Las Vegas survivors have been thrust onto a new trajectory, one that will feel worse before it gets better. They are joining an unfortunate fellowship of those who've endured trauma — but one that can at least provide guidance down this too well-trodden path.
read more here

I hope you read the rest of the article because it is important to understand that the rest of the country moved on.

Everyone shot, obviously needs help. Not so obvious are the other concert goers. Even less obvious are the First Responders trying to save everyone else.

After Pulse, Police Officers said that the worst part was after the shooting stopped. They had to walk around in puddles of blood, but even that wasn't the worst for them. It was the constant ring of cell phones as they prayed the batteries would die. They knew on the other end of the call, was someone looking for someone who was not going home to them.

RCMP Cpl. Trevor O’Keefe Lost Battle With PTSD

Family, friends, colleagues honour Cpl. Trevor O’Keefe

The Telegram

Tara Bradbury

September 15, 2017

An honour guard of more than 100 officers — RCMP in red serge, RNC, firefighters, correctional officers, sheriff's officers, paramedics, veterans and others — formed two lines leading from the steps of Saints Peter and Paul church in Bay Bulls Friday afternoon.

RCMP Regimental Sgt. Major Doug Pack (on steps) salutes as cross bearer Craig Follett leaves Sts. Peter & Paul Church in Bay Bulls on Friday following the funeral service of RCMP Cpl. Trevor O’Keefe, who died Monday. RCMP officers salute as O’Keefe’s remains are carried out of the church behind Follett, O’Keefe’s brother-in-law.

Unmoving in the hot sun, they saluted as Cpl. Trevor O’Keefe’s funeral procession passed them, headed towards the cemetery.

In front in a black vehicle were the funeral directors with the urn carrying the RCMP officer’s remains. Next was the car carrying O’Keefe’s parents.

As they passed, his father Pierre (Perry) gave the saluting officers the thumbs up and a strained smile.

Earlier, during the funeral service, Perry told the congregation he had a message he wanted to get out.

“If you or someone you know is suffering emotional distress of any sort, tell someone. Don’t bottle it up.”

O’Keefe, a 17-year veteran of the RCMP, died by suicide at home in Paradise Monday afternoon, after a battle with what his family says was post-traumatic stress disorder. He would have turned 48 next week.

read more here

First Responders Still Struggle With Stigma of PTSD

Study: Many first responders face PTSD

KSLA News

Jeff Ferrell

Reporter

August 11, 2017

"When in reality, being able to be in control of your emotions, be aware and have insight about your emotions, is actual strength," added Davis.

SHREVEPORT, LA (KSLA) -

A startling new study is shedding light on the pressures facing first responders in this country. It found that 85% of them report experiencing symptoms related to mental health issues.

The results of the recent Harris Poll survey conducted for the University of Phoenix comes as no surprise to many crime fighters.

It shows that more than a third of all first responders in this country have received a formal mental health disorder diagnosis, 10% for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, better known as PTSD. 

"Part of the symptoms of PTSD is, you know, having trouble sleeping, hypervigilance, avoiding stimuli, depression, anxiety, irritability," described Clint Davis.

Davis speaks from experience, not just as a licensed professional counselor specializing in PTSD, but also as someone who suffered from the disorder, after returning home from a tour in Afghanistan as an Army Sergeant.

That's why he was not surprised to hear such a high number of first responders struggle with PTSD.

"Every human, no matter how much resiliency they think they have, when they experience trauma it affects their brain," explained Davis.

Despite the fact a majority of first responders across the country have access to mental health services according to that Harris Poll, Davis understands why 39% fear negative repercussions for seeking help.

Those fears range from their supervisor treating them differently to co-workers seeing them as 'weak.'
read more here

You Survived "It" Now Defeat It

Kick PTSD in the Ass Again!
Combat PTSD Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
June 4, 2017

"A picture is worth a thousand words" Fred R. Barnard attributed this saying to,

The actual Chinese expression "Hearing something a hundred times isn't better than seeing it once"

Reading about something horrific causes us to use our imaginations. Great thing about that is we can shut it off at will. We stop reading and refocus our minds onto something else. After all, it is just a bunch of words. Seeing something horrific is like our brain clicking the shutter and having it implanted into our memory.

When I was young, I loved horror movies. I bought books by Stephen King. As a matter of fact, I was reading Misery when I was in labor, or at least, trying to read it. I knew it was the work of a fabulously strange mind. It wasn't real but I could imagine the house, characters and the pain inflicted on Paul Sheldon.

When the movie came out, it was different than I imagined it to be. It was not the case with Nightmare on Elm Street. That movie came out a few years before Misery. I did not read the book and was not prepared to have it follow me home. My friend and I left the theater, stood outside my car and checked the back seat. The images were part of my brain even though it was all "make-believe" because everyone is supposed to feel safe in their own beds.

We are all supposed to feel relatively safe doing what is "normal" and going about our days. Sure we think about the usual stuff, like having something stolen or getting into an accident, but not enough to stop us from doing what we want to do. That is, unless you have already experienced the bad stuff. Then it is a lot deeper than just a thought. It becomes a concern. After time, the memory is still there but has lost its power.

There is a story on the Guardian about the images captured by cell phones on the Manchester bombing when one person decided to do an evil thing, yet a greater number decided to do good for the sake of strangers. Not only did they help wounded survivors get to safety, they have been gathering in huge numbers to raise funds. Those images can cause PTSD in people who were not even there. Pictures, much like images from a movie, make it real!

How the brain stores traumatic images and triggers flashbacksImages from the Manchester bombing are likely to cause post-traumatic stress disorder, says Daniel Glaser
"The unmediated phone footage that has been shared is unlikely to lead to PTSD itself, but seems to risk the creation of disturbing memory traces. Something about its horrifying nature has an impact on how they are stored. Pleasant memories don’t seem to recur to the same extent, but deeply traumatic ones can; the emotional shock when a memory is laid down is often re-evoked when it is recalled."

That is what a flashback is like. When you see something, it comes back in images trapped within your memory. Yet, if you were there, the images you saw come back with the sounds and smells, as well as your own body reacting to that event you survived.

That word, survived, is not used often enough. You survived it! That means you were stronger than that thing that happened. You are still stronger! If you are not starting to experience the power eroding from it within 30 days, get professional help to take back your future. 

I was lucky when my family made sure stuff was talked about "to death" and I was done talking about it in the safety of "now" even though they gave really lousy advice. I knew I was loved and they cared enough to spend time and listen to what I needed to say.

Understand that events like that are a part of you but that does not give "it" permission to take over the rest of your life. Kick PTSD in the ass and take control of your life back! 

Almost a Victim of Murder-Suicide, Soldier Sees How Far He's Come

Life shouldn't be like this. But all too often it is. When this Mom came home one day, her life changed. She took that pain and then tried to make life different for others suffering from domestic violence. When her child grew up, he joined the Army and now has a family of his own. 

The lesson here is that while you cannot control what some do to you, what you do for others in in your control and there is the miracle of life.

Mother of hanged baby speaks out to raise awareness of domestic abuse signs
Tulsa World
By Paighten Harkins
Apr 23, 2017

Hindsight • Mother of hanged toddler speaks out to raise awareness of domestic abuse signs

Early one morning, Vera Jane “Janie” Birdwell (then Huddleston) went home from her job at a diner on North Sheridan Road. It was just before 4:30 a.m. She’d left a half-hour early because she felt sick.

When she arrived at home that day, March 1, 1997, she couldn’t get inside. She soon learned why.

Her then-husband had locked himself in with their 22-month-old son. He’d been trying to hang himself and their child using electrical cords and shoestrings — all of which had snapped — before she arrived.

Although neither died, Birdwell said she’s been living with the trauma of that night — and the repercussions of the abuse leading to it — for the past two decades. Now in counseling and diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, Birdwell wanted to share her story as a cautionary tale for other victims of domestic abuse.

“I went home, opened the door, and there it was,” Birdwell said. “My life’s been a living hell ever since.”

Dakota said he considers himself successful. He graduated from high school and joined the Army. He lives in California with his wife, who he says is his rock. They had a baby girl in October.

He doesn’t remember the night he almost died, but he can’t ignore it. It won’t go away. He said he used to be embarrassed to talk about it but now uses it as a way to see how far he’s come.

“You can’t let stuff hold you down, because if you let stuff hold you down, it keeps you from growing,” he said.
read more here

Newspaper Helps Army Veteran with Their Heart

Newspaper with a Heart came to the aid of a veteran
The Ledger
By Eric Pera
March 11, 2017

The Heart program exists through the generosity of Ledger readers who recognize the need for a fund of last resort for families — neighbors — in crisis, usually because of severe illness, injury or loss of job. The program also assists seniors living on limited incomes.

Janet Williams, at her apartment in Winter Haven, is an Army Veteran with medical issues and loss of job. Pierre DuCharme

WINTER HAVEN — South Korea seemed a million miles away from Janet Williams' world in New York.

It was 1996. She was 25. She'd just received her first deployment as a new Army recruit. Korea was considered a "hardship tour," a place with substandard living conditions compared to the United States. It came with extra pay, but such tours are lengthy.

Her's lasted a year. Turns out Korea wasn't so bad. It was her fellow soldiers she had to fear.

Williams says she was sexually assaulted six months after arriving in Korea. Aside from the humiliation, she received a head injury severe enough to cause migraines. Stress, combined with her injuries, led to PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder, and multiple sclerosis.

As a result, Williams qualified for medical retirement and disability pay. She said she left the Army after serving approximately 3½ years.
read more here

Lack of Support Forced Firefighter Into Retirement Because of PTSD

Longtime Johnson City firefighter retires early, cites workplace conditions
WJHL 11 News
By Nate Morabito
Published: September 19, 2016

JOHNSON CITY, TN (WJHL) – A Johnson City firefighter who is battling mental illness has decided to call it quits and retire early, citing the ongoing working conditions as his reason. 25-year veteran Sergeant. Mike Sagers retired earlier this month after spending an extended period of time on medical leave.

Sgt. Sagers says it was a difficult decision, but one he had to make for his mental health. Sagers suffers from stress, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder, according to medical records.

Back in May, Sgt. Sagers provided us with select medical records that documented his concerns of bullying, belittling and workplace violence by longtime administrator and current Fire Chief Mark Scott. His medical provider documented words like “abusive fire chief,” “harassment” and “concern of retaliation.”

Johnson City Professional Firefighters Association President Charlie Ihle shared his disappointment.

“I don’t like it one bit,” Ihle said. “To lose somebody like Mike Sagers is awful. It’s just awful. Mike Sagers was passionate about the fire department and the city. Nobody knows more about the fire department and the city than Mike Sagers, so for him to be forced out is just awful.”
read more here

Need Help in Orlando After Pulse?

This is from Mayor Buddy Dyer

I am so proud of our community and how we have come together to support each other during this difficult time. We have shown the world the strength of our city and how we are better together and will not be divided. 

As our community continues to recover from the Pulse tragedy, we have opened a Family Assistance Center to serve as a critical connection between victims and the important services they need as part of their recovery. 

Over the past two days since we opened the center at Camping World Stadium, 94 families and 256 individuals have visited to receive help. But we know there are still more victims in need of help and we want them to know we are here for them. 

The Family Assistance Center isn’t just for those who lost loved ones or were injured, it is for anyone affected by the tragedy. If you, your friends or family members have been affected by the shooting, please encourage them to seek help. 

We have made access to these services as easy as possible. Hours of operations and resources available at the Family Assistance Center are listed on our website cityoforlando.net/familyassistancecenter. 

Thank you for continuing to stand together as one Orlando. 
Buddy Dyer 
Mayor

Orlando to open center for families, survivors of Pulse tragedy

Help Heal Orlando

How to Help Survivors the Most in Orlando
Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
June 15, 2016

When the funerals are over and the media has gone, folks will still be in need of help.  This is not going to be over anytime soon for Orlando.

Families will need more help beyond the fabulous response they are getting right now.  Survivors will need all the support they can get for a very long time and a lot of people are willing to do that.

There have been reports that veterans have been offering to help survivors of the Pulse but have been turned away.  While they are certainly qualified to give support, especially when they know what survivor guilt is, they do not have what is required to do the most good.

They need to be trained. While personal experience is training in itself, the proper training will prevent well meaning veterans from making things worse for some.  There is also the issue of insurance.  Yep, even with this work.

I am certified as a Chaplain and trauma, have been doing this for over 30 years topped off with a lifetime of dealing with my own events, but I am not on anyone's list.  While I can offer to help, I would be shocked if they accepted it.

If you want to help the survivors and families a good thing to do is start a support group. You do this as a volunteer, much like AA is run by volunteers as a peer. 

While you do not need special training, there are some things you need to know to do the most good.

First understand the folks you are trying to help.  OK, you know what it like to put your life on the line knowing anything could happen but please understand these folks were not expecting to die while they were dancing.

Parents thought their greatest worry was that they would get into an accident on the way home from Pulse. They never expected to have to bury their kids when they went out to just have some fun.

We also need to face the fact that while there were survivors in the club when they shooting started and are dealing with their own survival issues, there were many more who left the club before any of this started.  Some of them lost friends and are trying to make sense out of why they left early but their friends decided to stay.

The first thing is that many will be dealing with issues about God.  Why did He let this happen?

This had nothing to do with God. It had to do with a small minded angry hateful little man who wanted to blame others for his miserable existence. What came afterwards had plenty to do with God when folks showed up by the thousands. 

They risked their lives to help total strangers at the club.  Doctors, nurses, police officers, firefighters and civilians did whatever they could do to help. Folks stood in long lines to donate blood and then they donated money to help the families and survivors.  One act of hate caused acts of true selfless compassion.

Who lived and who died had nothing to do with God but everything to do with the murderer.  It was all about him.

If you want to start a support group, here are some things to know beyond that.

It is not a contest.  Do not add in what you went through while they are talking. Just let them know you can understand what it did to them and then listen.

Do not try to fix them. Too often people want to find the right words to get someone past the trauma.  They say stupid things like "God only gives us what we can handle" telling them that God did it to them. Yep, that happens all the time. 

Every time I survived something my family was there to listen until I was done talking. Most of the time it was letting me sort it all out so I could make sense out of it in a safe place.  They gave lousy advice but I knew they loved me and they helped me make my peace with the fact from that moment on, I would not be the same.  Trauma changes people the next moment after we survive it. What we do afterwards is up to us even though the "thing" was in someone else's hands. 

When I needed professional help, I was not afraid to go for it and between the professionals and my family, I know that is the only reason why I did not end up with PTSD. 

Let them know you care.  Look them in the eyes. Hold their hand if they want you to.  Offer to give them a hug. Ask them what they need. Above all, shut off the cell phone and if you still wear a watch, forget it is there.  For those moments you are there for the person you are trying to help and no one else. In other words, so not sit down with them if you only have a few minutes to spare. The worst thing you can do is walk away once you finally get someone to open up and trust you enough to share the hell in their mind.

Stars and Stripes had a great article the other day on how talk therapy works best.  It is better to be able to start talking about it as soon as it happens, but in the real world, we have to settle for as soon as possible.

Ask them if they have anyone to talk to at home. If not, then let them know before you leave them that you are there for them and give them your contact information.  Try to have contacts to share with them and look up resources so they are not feeling lost.

On a final note, there is a 30 day rule.  Usually after trauma, days get a little easier to get up out of bed and begin to heal however, if symptoms they are having do not go away or at least become weaker, they need to see a professional.  Let them know that.

So Many Casualties Beyond Suicide of Australian Police Officer

Husband of policewoman who took her own life slams police, says death was avoidable 
ABC Australia 
By the National Reporting Team's Lorna Knowles 
February 23, 2016

"There are so many casualties in this story. It goes beyond [her] death."

The husband of a policewoman who took her own life has spoken out about the way his wife was treated by the New South Wales police service.

An inquest has heard the sergeant, known as "Officer A", had an affair with a senior ranking officer the year before she died.

New South Wales Deputy Coroner Hugh Dillon has criticised the police service over its handling of her case but has suppressed the names of all those involved, including a senior ranking officer who had a brief affair with the woman in 2012.

Her husband, who can only be known as "F", said the police service mismanaged her depression and post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which were diagnosed as work-related injuries.

"There are so many casualties in this story. It goes beyond [her] death," he told the ABC.
read more here

Demand for mental health support for police officers is on the rise

Replace Wanting to Die with Reason to Live

Dancing with the shadows
Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
January 2, 2016

If you read Wounded Times with any regularity at all, it is no secret I am a PTSD geek. Can't help it because of my own life as well as my husband suffering PTSD because of Vietnam. For me, I faced death for more years and a lot more times, yet didn't end up with PTSD. The reason has been clear for decades. It was never about what was done to me but more about what was done for me afterwards.

Well, it looks like researchers have taken a look back to discover what was known decades ago.

If you want to prevent suicides, you better give someone a reason to live.

I read a lot of reports on PTSD and suicides, not just caused by combat, but by facing death as a regular person with very unregular events.

I've thought about suicide but even worse, I actually prayed to die. Why? Because I lost all hope that the next day would be any better than the one I hoped would be my last.

After our daughter was born, my body didn't tell me I was in deep trouble. I walked around with an infection for 8 months. My doctor said the bacteria count was higher than he'd ever seen in a live patient.

Some may have thought the fever caused the hopelessness but honestly, it had gone on a lot longer than the stay in the hospital. I heard a nurse say "she's fighting for her life" but that wasn't true. Maybe my body was fighting off the infection but I wasn't trying to do anything but let go of the life I was living.

My husband saved my life when he forced me to go to the doctor. I was burning up with a fever of 104. By the time I got to the hospital it was 105. Instead of being grateful he save me, all I could think about was how miserable he made my life by his own suffering.

I had been studying PTSD for six years, getting his friends to go for help but he wouldn't listen. I didn't really try to force it in the beginning because he wasn't doing anything I couldn't deal with. PTSD was something he lived with for over a decade at that point and managed pretty well. 

Nightmares, flashbacks, mood-swings with bad days and the rest of what it was doing to him did not get out of control until I miscarried twins. He saw me hemorrhaging and that sent mild PTSD into overdrive. It had been the worst hell imaginable for both of us.

I thought once our daughter was born, he'd go back to the way he was before, but that didn't happen. My family couldn't understand, so they did the fix-it response with "get a divorce" and my friends were too busy with their own problems. I had no one to talk to.

Then in the hospital, no hope left in me, I prayed to die harder than I prayed for anything before. The next day my husband brought our daughter to see me and then I had a reason to live. All I could do was think about her and how she'd never know how much I love her unless I lived to prove it to her.

I had a reason to fight to live again. My mental health was challenged by events but my spiritual challenges were caused by how I viewed surviving them.

As suicide rates rise, researchers separate thoughts from actions
Science News
BY BRUCE BOWER
DECEMBER 29, 2015

Better understanding of risk factors could help those contemplating taking their own lives

Between 1986 and 2000, U.S. suicide rates dropped from 12.5 to 10.4 deaths for every 100,000 people. But since then, the suicide rate has climbed steadily, reaching 12.6 deaths per 100,000 people, or more than 41,000 deaths, in 2013. That continuous rise — and the lack of effective counter-measures — has prompted researchers to revisit the suicide theories found in textbooks.

Klonsky and May conducted an online survey of 910 U.S. adults, ages 18 to 70, that supports the three-step theory. Participants who reported having contemplated or planned a suicide — 27 percent of the sample — described especially high levels of preexisting pain or hopelessness, the researchers report in their June paper. Those who said they had never considered suicide, even if they had experienced pain and hopelessness, reported having close friends and relatives and usually were involved in activities they found meaningful. read the rest of the report here

Most of the time I faced death, some did something to me but other people showed up to help me when they knew I was in need.  That restored my sense of worth in this world.

We should all find it perplexing how a veteran can do everything possible to survive all the hardships of combat but find it harsher to be back home. Most suicide happen after they come home needing help the most but finding it harder to find. Why after all these years of research on PTSD would they lack anything?

We learned about the suffering from all causes of PTSD because Vietnam veterans forced the government to find out what combat did to them and that caused researchers to better understand what trauma did to all humans. What caused some to develop PTSD while others did not? What caused some of them to become so hopeless that surviving the events no longer mattered enough they would want to survive life afterwards?

Simple really. In combat they survived for those they were with and they were among others willing to die for their sake as well. They risked their lives for each other. That was a reason to live. Back home, they were supposed to be past dangers, thought of themselves as being weak needing help because they couldn't handle a simpler life with the average citizens. That notion was fed to them by the military.

In my case, facing death for most of my life, I was seen as an unshakeable rock because no one saw the price I was paying inside. First to help others, no one suspected I needed help and I, well, me being me, found it close to impossible to ask for help or even a shoulder to cry on after the limitations of time close to the events.

I was dragging the shadows of death around with me so long I forgot how to dance to my own beat.

If you want to prevent suicides, then show up before there is a funeral and everyone is supporting each other, crying for the loss. Show up when they are alive and let them know they matter enough that you will listen to them. Help them understand that their last day was actually easier than the event they survived and the next will be better because you cared enough to acknowledge they live.

Dancing With Shadows
Kathie Costos

Sunset

Who would have thought I'd be dancing
with the simple joy of living
and more time to spend sharing and giving
instead of pushing away and grieving?

Everywhere I looked the shadow was on the ground
and I got worn our dragging it around
as if my life was extra time lent.
The damn thing followed everywhere I went
whispering two cents of doubt in my head
making me think I'd be better off dead.

So I struggled each day to just make it through
remembers stuff I did and still had yet to do.
Then one day I looked back and it wasn't there.
The light hit me just right and all I could do was stare
it was right by my side moving with me
and suddenly the shadow of what was kept me company.

Then I picked my foot up and moved it around
humming a tune laughing at the sound
and then all I could do was dance
knowing lent time was really a second chance.

More time to live this life
feeling joy as much as strife
giving what I could for good
and laughing at what I misunderstood
that living this life comes with feeling it all more
and I wouldn't trade feeling for numb that's for sure.

I can feel the sunrise in the morning sky and find hope
that no matter what comes each day I can cope
because I already lived though what was a lot worse
and everyday extra is not a curse
when I can dance with the shadows of death that lost
because this life I live now is worthy of the cost.