"Commend ourselves to everyone’s conscience in the sight of God"
In times of trouble such as these, it can be hard to find hope. It is so much easier to find misery. The thing is, hope surrounds us even though we are reluctant to see it.
I love to see reports of regular people rising above their own pain, fears and concerns, to take care of total strangers. They exemplify what true heroes are.
We are called to rise above our circumstances at the moment because we know we may be "...persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed" because we are not alone in any of these times of trouble.
2 Corinthians 4 New International Version (NIV)
Present Weakness and Resurrection Life
Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart.
2 Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to everyone’s conscience in the sight of God.
3 And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing.
4 The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.
5 For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake.
6 For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,”[a] made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.
7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.
8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;
9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.
11 For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body.
12 So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.
13 It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.” Since we have that same spirit of faith, we also believe and therefore speak,
14 because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to himself.
15 All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
Wounded Times Kathie Costos September 11, 2019 After reading about a firefighter being identified all these years later, I was thinking about how God was in so many places on 9 11 before the Twin Towers fell. He was there when the firefighters rushed into the buildings so they could save lives after the Towers were hit. He was there when workers were helping each other find their way out of danger. He was there when total strangers helped the wounded make their way to getting medical care, and be there to just offer a shoulder. He was there before the South Tower fell at 9:59 and still there as people in the North Tower were trying to save lives before it fell at 10:28 am. God was there before the passengers decided to fight the hijackers on Flight 93 causing it to crash at 10:03 am.
Thirty-seven phone calls were made by 13 persons on board the plane between the time of the hijacking at 9:28 am and the time of the crash at 10:03 am.
He was there all along. Whenever we witness someone doing anything for the sake of others, He is there. I was going to write a long piece until I came upon something I had already written.
"As rescue and recovery began, fireman, police, and rescue workers would be forced to endure the nightmare of working and living inside Ground Zero. Minutes turned into hours, hours turned into hopelessness as the reality of what had happened sunk in. While working in Building 6 in the World Trade Center complex, workers discovered a cavernous type hole in the debris."
As I listened to some of the people there, while I thought it was a beautiful story, I kept thinking of what was missing from the program. It is easy to wonder where God was on that horrible day as other people decided such evil acts were justified when they used everything in their power to kill. Where was He? Why didn't He stop it? How could a loving God allow it to happen? We ask those questions all the time. We suffer in our lives, then try to figure out why God thought we deserved it. What did we do to make Him turn away from us? If we search for Him in the dirt and debris we are looking for Him in the wrong place. God was on those planes that hit the Twin Towers and the Pentagon as much as he was on the plane that crashed in Pennsylvania. He was not the pilot but He was the comforter. When one hand reached out to comfort someone else, He was right there. Whenever people push past thoughts for themselves to think of someone else, He is there. Many wonder why He didn't just cause the hijackers to suffer a heart attack an spare so many innocent lives. Others wonder why He just didn't stop them from doing it. The truth is in the Bible that God does not interfere with freewill so He would not have just snatched the hijackers out of their seats. Still how do we know He didn't try to get them to change their hearts?
It is natural for us to ask what caused other humans to do such horrible things but we miss the other question about what causes so many to do compassionate things afterwards. What caused the police and firefighters to rush into the buildings after pure evil struck them? What caused them to climb the stairs over and over again trying to save as many lives as possible after others tried to kill as many as possible?
While the evil that man does is apparent, the good they do is inherent. It was not just public employees risking their lives that day, there were average citizens in the Towers thinking of others instead of their own lives. Some of them could have survived had they used the time they had to think of their own lives, but they had the lives of others in their thoughts and actions. It was God driving them to do for others and they had the freewill choice to allow His voice to guide them or not. But then there were smaller miracles. Survivors reached out to help others. Strangers took the hands of other strangers, put their arms around people they would have normally just walked past under normal circumstances. Then people rushed to the area to give whatever help they could. Days passed while more and more people showed up to help find survivors and recover bodies. God was still there hearing the prayers of the nation and comforting the weary as they refused to leave. Families of the missing were comforted by others while the time of hope faded into thinking of funerals for when the remains were found. Every street across the country became decorated with flags and so did our cars. We were all thinking of others glued to our TV sets and reminded to be kinder to other people. Even members of Congress joined together on the steps side by side. And we know it took a miracle to do that. Whenever we look for God in what has been lost, we miss where He was all along.
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This is the story that caused this post
A firefighter killed on September 11 is identified 18 years later
CNN By Faith Karimi September 11, 2019
(CNN)A firefighter who died on September 11 was laid to rest Tuesday after his remains were identified 18 years later.
Michael Haub comforts his mother, Erika Starke, as they attend a funeral service for his father, firefighter Michael Haub.
Firefighters and loved ones gathered to mourn Michael Haub after his remains were conclusively identified, the Uniformed Firefighters Association said in a statement. It said the service was to provide his family with closure and a peace of mind after the medical examiner last week identified more of his remains that were recovered at Ground Zero.
As of July this year, the remains of only about 60% of the 2,753 people killed at the World Trade Center that day have been positively identified, according to the medical examiner's office. Haub was a 13-year veteran of Ladder Company 4, according to the association. "We remember him and the 342 other firefighters who perished that fateful day, and will be forever grateful for the courage they show," it said in a statement Tuesday.
In addition to the firefighters killed that day, hundreds more have died in the following years. New York officials say an additional 200 firefighters have lost their lives from illnesses linked to their time working at the World Trade Center after the terror attacks on September 11, 2001. read it here
Fundraiser Underway to Help 96-Year-Old WWII Veteran Live Final Days at Home Care Facility
Faithwire February 18, 2019
Friends of Gordon’s set up a GoFundMe campaign called “Herbie WW2 Veterans Dying Wish” to help cover the costs. It had raised more than $11,000 of the $35,712 goal as of the weekend.
A community is trying to give back to a hero who served this country by ensuring he gets to live his final days comfortably in the home care facility where he spent the last years with his late wife.
World War II U.S. Army veteran Herb Gordon, 96, has had multiple brushes with death, the latest being in 2017, when he broke his neck while volunteering at a medical center, he told WPBF-TV.
“They were so certain I was going to die on the operating table, but I had my family here and God listened,” Gordon said of his caretakers at the Atria Senior Living Facility in Lantana, Florida. “And here I am.” read more here
Combat PTSD Wounded Times Kathie Costos January 13, 2019 An open letter to Jesus This is a very hard time for me because it seems no matter what I do, what I know and how much work I do, others get praised, even if they are thieves passing my work off as their own. I have no power to stop them. I have no power to make anyone listen to what I have to say. The only power I have is to do whatever I can to help whoever seeks it. You know what is in my heart and I know that the gifts I have came from you. You guide me to seek knowledge and share what is truth. You give me courage to bypass fear of the powerful for the sake of the flock. You arm me in spite of those who ignore all you equipped me to do. You are my shelter.
Psalm 91
1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. 2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” 3 Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. 4 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. 5 You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, 6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. Psalm 91
You brought me into my veteran Father's home and surrounded me with other veterans. You brought me into my veteran husband's heart and showed me what pure love is, as well as the pain I saw in his eyes. Then You showed me what it was like to go beyond the times of darkness, so we could walk the rest of this journey together, still holding hands and loving the way our lives have grown beyond what others thought was even possible. You know the hours, the heartache and you know what it is like for me when someone reminds me of why I do what I do.
You had put a voice within me that I used to gladly sing, but those years have passed and while there has been a song in my soul, it has not passed my lips because there has been too much pain within me. So now I sing a song for You beyond the tears that came because I know, if I share this with those I am supposed to reach, they may know that others go through the same dark times, even if they believe, as I do, that nothing is beyond Your love.
When I think about regular people, like me, losing hope to the point where they commit suicide, it is heartbreaking. Hope is what keeps all of us from giving up this life we have. Often it is not enough to love others, if we feel as if we do not deserve to be loved. There was a time in my life when I felt that way. While I did not attempt suicide, I prayed that God would to it for me. I lost hope, a sense of self worth, but above those, I lost faith that God even cared about me. When the people committing suicide were those who dedicated their lives to saving others, it is beyond heartbreaking. If you are among those in the military, veterans, police, firefighters and first responders, please read the prayer I wrote for you because after all these years of working with some of you, that is what I see within all of you!
Do You Still Battle Against Demons Unarmed? Combat PTSD Wounded Times Kathie Costos October 24, 2017 You may have been deluded up to this point and think the number of veterans committing suicide are just OEF and OIF veterans. You may have been convinced that only they suffer PTSD because of the stupid commercial talking about veterans being forgotten right after listing what PTSD had been called UP TO THE 70'S but they leave that part out too. God still knows they are there even if you close your eyes. If you want to help veterans stay alive, you better come prepared to fight for them. Considering what true demon defeaters are facing, we need all the help we can get.
You need to know what we're actually dealing with beginning with the enemy within them. The rates of veterans batteling PTSD are: 15% currently diagnosed from Vietnam with 30% had PTSD in their lifetime. Gulf War veterans, 12%. OEF and OIF veterans between 11% and 20%. According the Department of Veterans Affairs, there were 16,962,000 combat veterans living after older wars as of April 2017 out of 23,244,583. 4,444,533 Veterans receiving service connected disability benefits with the majority of these veterans from prior to Afghanistan and Iraq. Also according to the VA, the majority of the veterans committing suicide are also from those previous wars, 65% are over the age of 50. While so many want to run around the country pulling stunts, we're lifting them up. When they are talking about numbers, we're rescuing souls. When they are dismissing importance of the spiritual connection, we're standing by their side. If you think there are not that many veterans with a religious affiliation, you have been deluded by people who do not know what they are talking about. A fabulous report, yet again, from the VA, is a list of veterans believing in God and breaks it down by faith groups and states. About 19 million claim to be affiliated, while 1,198,391 are listed as "unknown." The three largest veteran populations listed under faith are California with 1,711,106, Texas with 1,592,385 and Florida with 1,472,665. If you still want to dismiss spiritual healing as a way to prevent suicides, then please find something else to do with your time. "The harvest is plenty, but workers are few" and users outnumber the rest of us.
"Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received; freely give."
In the 70's Vietnam veterans began the battle for the healing PTSD and it was known back then that is has to be done with by treating the three parts of the veteran. Mind-body and spirit. Too many want to dismiss the spiritual because they do not understand it, and fear it. Last time the Constitution was read it still had the words that "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances." If you are really trying to help them, then first understand, they are not suffering because of God. They are suffering because of the Demon telling them what they did wrong so they forget WHY THEY WERE WILLING TO DIE IN THE FIRST PLACE and that was to save lives.
Nashville church tries to move forward amid shooting trauma, questions USA Today Holly Meyer September 30, 2017
"I sat out here. It was early Monday morning and I was looking up and I could see Orion's Belt," Carter said. "I mean just how great — don’t understand why — but how great God truly is." Terry Carter
The sound of gunfire haunts Terry Carter.
She and the young students in her Bible class barricaded a classroom door one week ago as a masked man opened fire at Burnette Chapel Church of Christ, killing one woman and injuring the minister and six others, police said.
The shooter did not go into the classroom, but the Sunday morning mayhem clings to Carter's thoughts.
"You can’t get some of the stuff out of your head for a while," Carter said. "I’ll gradually get there. But those sounds. The pop."
Carter and other members of the small Antioch church are trying to process what happened in the violent attack. In the midst of the pain and big unanswered questions, the congregation is moving forward.
The crime scene tape is gone and so is the carpet in the chapel. The 25-year-old suspect, Emanuel Samson, is in jail on a homicide charge. They have buried 38-year-old Melanie Crow, who was gunned down at the end of last week's service. And the victims who remain in the hospital are in stable condition.
After the Wednesday night service ended, Carter stood in the church parking lot chatting. Her great-grandchildren played nearby.
"It’s kind of a relief that we can get together and have a fellowship," Carter said. "That’s what we’re supposed to do, have fellowship and encourage each other. It’s going to take a whole lot of encouragement."
She was not certain the Wednesday service would occur nor that she would want to attend Sunday. But Carter will be there equipped with plans for better classroom safety.
She remembers hearing the first shot. It sounded too close. Carter put her finger to her lips, told the children to be quiet and turned off the classroom lights. Together, they moved furniture in front of a door and she cycled through scenarios in her mind.
Carter has her own questions. She knows nothing is guaranteed in life, but her faith is strong and she believes God is everywhere, Carter said. read more here
Andrew Nelles
Kaitlyn Adams, a member of the Burnette Chapel Church of Christ, hugs another church member at the scene after shots were fired at the church on Sunday, Sept. 24, 2017, in Antioch, Tenn. (Andrew Nelles/The Tennessean via AP)
Benghazi Soldier: 'God And The Service Go Hand-in-Hand'
Town Hall
Cortney O'Brien
Dec 30, 2015
“God and the service kind of go hand-in-hand,” said Paronto. “You’re doing something honorable that’s above yourself.”
“Faith teaches you how to live with courage, how to live with honor, gives you something to strive for,” said. U.S. Army Ranger Kris “Tanto” Paronto. “To me, that’s the American spirit.”
On September 11, 2012, terrorists attacked the U.S. Embassy in Benghazi, Libya. We lost four brave diplomats. While the incident will forever be remembered as a tragedy, we would be remiss to forget the courage displayed by the six American servicemen who ran toward the fire. It is their story that is told in the new Paramount Pictures film 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi.
What was it that compelled these men to run toward danger? In a new featurette from Paramount Pictures ahead of the film's release, a few of the soldiers who defended the Benghazi compound explained that they received their strength from a higher power. read more here
'God Challenged Me:' A soldier's song
'I believed I was put on this Earth for a purpose; to take soldiers’ last living pictures.'
By Stacy Pearsall, special to HLN
Tue July 02, 2013
Editor’s note: Stacy Pearsall is a former Air Force combat photographer. She is featured in the HLN Independence Day special, “Stories of Courage: Soldiers' Songs.” The special features veterans and their families participating in a program called "SongwritingWith: Soldiers," which aims to turn painful memories into healing energy through music. Tune in for this special presentation at 7 p.m. ET on Thursday, July 4.
“Beauty and the colors, the light and the shadows, I took the pictures of lives in battle,” sang Darden Smith as he gazed at me through tear-soaked eyes, gently strumming his guitar only hours after sitting down to write a song with me. Upon arriving at the Song Writing with Soldiers Retreat, I was quietly skeptical at the idea of opening up to perfect strangers about my combat experiences, especially in light of the fact that I’d barely revealed such intimate details to my own husband and fellow combat photographer, Andy Dunaway.
During the introductory dinner, I stayed relatively to myself, standing near an exit and giving caged one-word answers. The next morning at breakfast, the man behind Song Writing with Soldiers pulled up a chair next to me and just started chatting. I was taken off my guard. He had no guitar, no intimidating questions, and concentrated more on listening than talking. I shared some old military photos of my family, then some of me in combat and eventually pictures I’d taken in war. From there, it was as if the floodgate holding back my emotions had been opened and I couldn’t contain the torrent.
read more here
Wars are evil things. People try to kill other people. The win comes when more of the other side have died than the side you are on and that is the mission of the men and women sent. They see so much death and destruction, civilians killed and friends die that they wonder how the loving God they always thought they knew would allow any of it. Where was He?
He was there when an Ipod in a pocket saved this soldier's life. In miracles when a bomb did not blow up. When a bullet missed. He was there when a soldier was saved by the medic. With so many bombs blowing up, bullets cutting down soldiers and lives not saved by medics it is hard to figure out how some live and some die but in living these are things we never know. How does a child die yet some people live past 100 years on this earth? How does a man make it home from combat only to die in an accident back home or a victim of a crime? To think God had forsaken them is easy but if they look they will see the love they feel for each other. In the midst of evil love lives on, stronger than anger and hatred.
How can love live within their hearts while they are surrounded by death? It is because God is there when they are able to feel compassion, shed a tear, say a prayer and when they are still able to grieve over a fallen friend.
He is there when they risk their lives to save someone else. He was there when simple men fought to save others after they were wounded and we call they heroes presenting them with a Medal of Honor or to the families of the fallen who paid the price so that others may live.
God was there when a hand reached out to help, to comfort and when a knee was bent in prayer.
He was there when a family back home stood near a flag draped coffin and they were surrounded by love.
For Christians around the world today, Christmas Day, it is not a holiday but a holy day when the birth of Christ is celebrated but for the rest of the year we forget about one of the last things Christ did was to forgive the hands that nailed Him to the cross. God was there that day too. So many believe things they have done in their lives, especially during war, are unforgivable. The horrific memories grow stronger over the years and the tender moments when the love they felt was all that mattered are forgotten. They cannot believe God could ever care about them again, yet He does now just as He did then.
Christ made the dead live again, but they killed. He made the lame walk again but they made some lame. He made the blind see again, but they made some blind. He took care of the poor and needy but they took away homes with bombs, made widows and orphans. These thoughts take over the reason they were there in the first place. They went to fight the enemy trying to kill the people they went to save. They went in the place of the President and Congress deciding it had to be done. They went to serve the country they loved and to fight next to their brothers so that more of them would come home when it was over. They forget what was in their hearts but God did not forget that it was not out of hatred, but out of love they were willing to lay down their lives so that others may live.
1 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. 17 This is my command: Love each other.
During the foreign soil wars they were sent to save lives in other countries. They were willing to die in order to do it. There was no evil inside of them in what began their journey but when they came home they began to feel as if they were. They return feeling forsaken by God, not understood by family and friends and then forsaken by the rest of the country when they have a need to be taken care of. Being forsaken becomes a part of them and love is pushed away until they find that God was there all the time right by their side when love lived on no matter what they had to do and what they had to go through.
Medic in famous photo dies after PTSD struggle
By Kelly Kennedy - Staff writer
Posted : Tuesday Jul 8, 2008 6:35:20 EDT
During the first week of the war in Iraq, a Military Times photographer captured the arresting image of Army Spc. Joseph Patrick Dwyer as he raced through a battle zone clutching a tiny Iraqi boy named Ali.
The photo was hailed as a portrait of the heart behind the U.S. military machine, and Doc Dwyer’s concerned face graced the pages of newspapers across the country.
But rather than going on to enjoy the public affection for his act of heroism, he was consumed by the demons of combat stress he could not exorcise. For the medic who cared for the wounds of his combat buddies as they pushed toward Baghdad, the battle for his own health proved too much to bear.
On June 28, Dwyer, 31, died of an accidental overdose in his home in Pinehurst, N.C., after years of struggling with post-traumatic stress disorder. During that time, his marriage fell apart as he spiraled into substance abuse and depression. He found himself constantly struggling with the law, even as friends, Veterans Affairs personnel and the Army tried to help him.
“Of course he was looked on as a hero here,” said Capt. Floyd Thomas of the Pinehurst Police Department. Still, “we’ve been dealing with him for over a year.”
The day he died, Dwyer apparently took pills and inhaled the fumes of an aerosol can in an act known as “huffing.” Thomas said Dwyer then called a taxi company for a ride to the hospital. When the driver arrived, “they had a conversation through the door [of Dwyer’s home],” Thomas said, but Dwyer could not let the driver in. The driver asked Dwyer if he should call the police. Dwyer said yes. When the police arrived, they asked him if they should break down the door. He again said yes.
“It was down in one kick,” Thomas said. “They loaded him up onto a gurney, and that’s when he went code.”
Dwyer served in Iraq with 3rd Squadron, 7th Cavalry Regiment as the unit headed into Baghdad at the beginning of the war. As they pushed forward for 21 days in March 2003, only four of those days lacked gunfire, he later told Newsday. The day before Warren Zinn snapped his photo for Military Times, Dwyer’s Humvee had been hit by a rocket.
About 500 Iraqis were killed during those days, and Dwyer watched as Ali’s family near the village of al Faysaliyah was caught in the crossfire. he grabbed the 4-year-old boy from his father and sprinted with him to safety. Zinn grabbed the moment on his camera. The image went nationwide and Dwyer found himself hailed as a hero. Medic in famous photo dies after PTSD struggle
When love lives on, God is there. When they can find the ability to still care, God is there. Until the day comes when there is peace on this earth, there will be men and women stepping up out of love willing to lay down their lives for others. Pray for those we send until that day comes when man shall kill man no more.
'God is' billboard replaces controversial Lincoln Tunnel atheist billboard
By Emanuella Grinberg and Nicole Saidi, CNN
An atheist billboard on the New Jersey side of the Lincoln Tunnel that declared Christmas a "myth" has been replaced by a pro-Christian billboard.
The old billboard, put up in late November by the American Atheists organization, said "You know it's a myth. This season, celebrate reason."
The sign stirred controversy among Christian organizations, prompting the Catholic League to erect its own pro-Christmas billboard on the New York side of the tunnel that read, "You Know It's Real: This Season Celebrate Jesus."
Maj. Gen. William Grimsley, Fort Hood Acting Senior Commander wrote a piece on the rise of domestic violence at Fort Hood. Spike in domestic violence at Fort Hood.
First, if there is domestic violence in your home, get out, call the police and be safe. You can't fix this on your own no matter how much you may know, how much you love them or how much you remember they loved you. If they have changed from gentle and loving, there is something very deep and dark going on inside of them. If there was never any indication of violent outbursts from them, more than likely you're dealing with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
There is another kind of domestic violence that is not intentional. Many veterans have ended up being arrested for domestic violence because they were in the middle of a nightmare and their wife tried to wake them up by shaking them and hollering at them. They had no clue where they were or that the hand on them was not from some enemy in the middle of battle. Wives have ended up with broken noses and black eyes because no one told them to get out of bed before they attempted to wake up a veteran in the middle of a nightmare.
There are a lot of things they do that appear to be domestic violence but turn out to be part of PTSD controlled over reactions.
Living with PTSD in the house is like living on a roller coaster. It's a ride that is much easier to just get off of. You want to stand on firm ground and be living a normal life again. You see the carriage going up and up as your heart beats fast because you can't see where it is going. You know that sooner or later you're going to go down very fast as you fear crashing to the earth. Nothing makes sense anymore. Mood swings make the day totally unpredictable.
One minute they are calm and sitting there drinking coffee and the next, their hand shakes. Their soulful eyes become dark and lifeless. Their face suddenly appears to be hard as their facial muscles become tense. A flashback fueled volcano rises to the top and they explode. The trigger was something as simple as seeing the date on the calendar, when "it" happened. An anniversary date snuck up on them once again and there was no way for them to prepare because no one ever warned them.
26 years after I married my best friend and got on this ride, I can't honestly say I have no regrets. I regret the times when all of this just seemed too hard and I wanted leave especially now that the huge roller coaster rides have been downsized to a kiddy ride. Sure we have ups and downs still but our "normal" is something we're used to. It is not until I receive emails from wives new to all of this that my heart breaks remembering all the dark days.
This is what I sent to the wife of a Vietnam Vet. I don't normally get this preachy but they are involved with ministry.
I know you are in a place where it seems everything is impossible and it hurts, but "all things are possible for God" and He's proven that to me many times.
Right now I am facing very hard times, financially and emotionally. I struggle with times when I try so hard to remember all the times God bailed me out of trouble and wondering where He is right now. I've been in these darks days before yet remember when the sunlight warmed my soul and I knew He was there all the time.
There were times when my husband's PTSD brought me shaking down on my knees feeling absolutely hopeless and helpless. I prayed for him to be healed. So that one morning I'd wake up and have him back to the way he was when we met. I wanted God to do it because it just felt so right that He did, but I couldn't see tomorrow. I had no idea that while I was waiting for Him to heal my husband, He was working on both of us.
I do what I do because He helped me grow by His grace and love. I went from the darkness of praying my husband not come back home from another day of drinking to having him take my hand in the grocery store telling me "you're my best friend" because he finally understood all I did was for him. I put him into God's hands and got out of the way at the same time God used me to help him.
We are only human. We have needs and wants just like everyone else. No one would ever deliberately choose a marriage like this because with all the normal problems, this kind of marriage comes with an abundance of struggles. Don't beat yourself up over being a normal woman/wife. Even after all these years, I still pop my cork now and then because I am just human. I hear people complain about the simple, normal issues with their husbands and I wonder what they would do if they had just part of what life is like with a PTSD veteran.
The thing is, there was a day that came, after the diagnosis for PTSD, six years of struggling to keep him alive while his claim was being denied, more diagnosis tied to Agent Orange and believing nothing would ever get better, when suddenly it did.
(He) is at the point he is because you were there to help him. He will get past that point and even better because you are there with the Lord standing right by your side. What you may not notice is you will be there for others because these "dangerous toils and snares" are teaching you so that you will be one of the pastors not turning away this new generation seeking help and you will be there to help their families.
What is happening right now with the National Guards and Reservists is that in June, one committed suicide each day. We lost over 30 to suicide. They are struggling and most churches refuse to help. Most of them have PTSD, TBI and other health issues going on plus a family falling apart because they have nowhere to turn and no one to give them hope. You've been through the fire and your heart will welcome them. When (he) is feeling better, he'll join you in this because he is another one who understands the pain but will again know the rejoicing in the arms of God.
What this wife cannot see is how much has been possible with her husband because she was helping him heal. She learned about PTSD, asked questions about what she didn't understand and opened up about what they were going through. She has abundant faith in Christ and knows that miracles happen everyday, but what she needs to be reminded of is Christ often sets us up for where He wants us to go. It's up to us to stay on the ride or walk away. It is up to us to forgive and understand or hang onto anger seeking revenge for what we feel we were denied.
As a wife, there are certain things we feel we are entitled to. Love and respect are often taken away when PTSD takes over. It's not that they don't want to still show us love or treat us with respect. It's more that they can't. Not when PTSD has taken over and all the good feelings are frozen behind the wall of pain. While no one would blame us for hanging onto the bad feelings, our choice is to hang onto them or grab onto knowledge so that we can understand what changed them and what we can do to help them heal. It's our choice.
It's often easier for me to work with the veteran than it is to work with the spouse. I was an observer in my husband's life. I understood the flashback and the nightmares but I didn't feel them the way he did. I understood what Vietnam did to him but I don't understand what it felt like. Working with the spouse, I know what it feels like and I'm taken back to my own dark days when pain seemed to be the only feeling I was capable of. I remember the days and nights of prayer without finding the words to express anything yet somehow knowing God heard me when a calm rushed through my body and the tears suddenly stopped. I knew I wasn't alone and no matter what I faced I was safe in the arms of His Son.
The choice is our's to stay and we can once we understand this is something we didn't deserve any more than they deserved this to happen to them. They did not bring this on themselves but their level of compassion opened the door to this kind of pain. The very thing that made us fall in love with them was destroying them. It is all still in there and we can help it grow stronger than the pain. What we find at the end up this roller coaster ride is someone more loving and caring than we ever dreamed possible. God works wonders when love is behind what we try to do and we are not alone.
To the one who's dreams are falling all apart And all you're left with is a tired and broken heart I can tell by your eyes you think your on your own But you're not alone
Have you heard of the One who can calm the raging seas Gives sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet? With a love so strong He'll never let you go No, you're not alone
You will be safe in His arms You will be safe in His arms 'Cause the hands that hold the world Are holding your heart
This is the promise He made He will be with You always When everything is falling apart You will be safe in His arms
Did you know that the voice that brings the dead to life Is the very same voice that calls you now to rise? So hear Him now, He's calling you home You will never be alone
You will be safe in His arms You will be safe in His arms 'Cause the hands that hold the world Are holding your heart
This is the promise He made He will be with You always When everything is falling apart You will be safe in His arms
These are the hands that built the mountains The hands that calm the seas These are the arms that hold the heavens They are holding you and me
These are hands that healed the leper Pulled the lame up to their feet These are the arms that were nailed to a cross To break our chains and set us free
You will be safe in His arms You will be safe in His arms The hands that hold the world Are holding your heart
This is the promise He made He will be with You always When everything is falling apart You will be safe in His arms, safe in His arms
He held my heart just as He does now. When the world tells me what I have is not normal, I thank God for it. How could a marriage to a PTSD veteran be considered normal by anyone? A nation with over 300 million people has less than 24 million veterans and even less have seen combat. What do they know about any of this? What do they know about the magnificent soul in any of them "willing to lay down their lives for the sake of their friends" as we know them? What does the world know about battles being fought everyday in our homes when they were not interested in the battles they fought in Korea,Vietnam, Kuwait, Somalia, Bosnia, Beirut, Afghanistan or Iraq? What does the world know about unselfish love that seeks nothing for self but everything for someone else?
We can go to church and hear the sermon about devotion, love, compassion, mercy, forgiveness and the love of Christ and actually know what the pastor is talking about. We've lived it because we allowed Him to guide us, strengthen us and help us heal.
We know what it's like when the uniforms come off and together we can stand strong against all odds. Half of the regular marriages end in divorce so the odds of us staying married with PTSD in the house are not very good, but if we made it this far, we've already beaten the odds. This tiny minority of this nation's people are stronger than they will ever understand because we stand side by side ready to help each other thru any trial.
Reading this blog, you've read how many stories about veterans coming home and ending up setting up support groups for other veterans, starting charities to help others, volunteering at shelters and churches? This few others understand and it's something I wouldn't miss for the world. This ride came with a high price of admission but it is one ride I am glad I got on. I know I'm safe in His arms just as I am safe with my husband's love.
"Through many dangers, toils and snares" is one part of this song that gets me every time. It makes me look back at other times in my life when I just didn't think I'd ever overcome what I was going through. It makes me remember when everything seemed just too hopeless and I, I was not worthy of being helped by anyone, especially God. God however graced my life and saved me despite myself. I have made such a mess out of my life so many times it is beyond reason I am still here. You'd think that after facing death so many times, not from combat but from illness, accidents and violence, I would be thankful for each day upon this earth, but so many times I wished for the end of the struggle, longed for the end of the pain in my soul and tears that fell far too many nights. I was too focused on what I lacked, what I could not do and how other people treated me or judged me unfairly without knowing what was inside of me.
I fell into every trap, was cut on every snare, fell prey to every person hoping to take advantage of me and I knew what it was like to hate, to want revenge and to rejoice over the grief of someone else that hurt me. It was in one of my darkest moments that I handed my life over to God knowing full well that He knew all of me. The good and the bad could not be hidden from Him any more than I could hide pain behind anger. Little by little, He worked on my, softened my temper, opened my eyes and let me see what I had been missing all along. This lifelong Greek Orthodox woman with faith once as much a part of my life as breathing was, was finally seeing God through the eyes of love the way Christ came to confirm it.
Did He take away all of my burdens? Take away all my tears? Remove all my fears? No. He did however give me what I needed to get through all the bad life has to offer as well as rejoice with all it provides.
Listen to the words of Amazing Grace sung by Judy Collins. Then read on.
The lyrics to Amazing Grace change depending on the singer but the meaning of this song never changes.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, That saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now am found, Was blind, but now I see.
T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear. And Grace, my fears relieved. How precious did that Grace appear The hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares I have already come; 'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far and Grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promised good to me. His word my hope secures. He will my shield and portion be, As long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail, And mortal life shall cease, I shall possess within the veil, A life of joy and peace.
When we've been here ten thousand years Bright shining as the sun. We've no less days to sing God's praise Than when we've first begun.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, That saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now am found, Was blind, but now I see.
Through many dangers, toils and snares I have already come;'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far and Grace will lead me home.
Maybe it's because I've felt so much pain in my own life and have lived with the pain in my husband all these years, I am able to understand the pain felt by the men and women in the military who become our veterans. I am not one of them. I do not know what it is like to be willing to willingly place myself into the position where I know I may have to lay down my life as well as take a life in order to save others. That is a burden few understand but we can understand what it is like to be a human wanting to do what we are called to do and the struggles we face in order to do it.
This is our link to them. This is our chance to understand the price they pay after and it is our calling to help them heal.
The dangers and toils and snares, they have already come. They were saved by the grace of God and we cannot explain why He allows some to live on while He embraces the others home. We can only know the men and women who survive, survived for a reason only Heaven knows. Coming home is the hardest part for them because their danger days are supposed to be over. No longer are they subjected to bullets and bombs or witnessing the worst that man can do to man. No longer are they trying to save the lives of their friends or mourning the loss of others but they are left to question every day of their deployment, every action, every deed and every word they muttered from anger and fear. It is the part of war that came home with them that they need to fear the most.
What part of them escaped the horrors of combat? What part of them is still sweet, loving, kind, humble and sensitive? What part of them is still strong and beyond regret? What other parts of them are frozen behind the wall terror built? What will it take to bring that wall down so they can heal?
It all begins with forgiveness. Forgiving themselves for all they felt they lacked and all they believe they did that was wrong. No matter how many times you try to convince them that they did what they had to do, they will always be blaming themselves for having done it. They will blame everyone else for all that went wrong and they will blame the enemy. All understandable and all human reactions to what they went through but not very helpful at all when they are trying to recover the best parts of their nature. They were not allowed to feel because of where they were and what was happening so it all comes rushing in on them.
They need to know there is nothing they cannot be forgiven for and suggesting to them they did nothing wrong is dismissing that pain. Remind them Christ forgave from the cross and then tell them there is nothing God cannot forgive them for. Forgiveness is between them and God so get out of their way. Help them to forgive others and let go of what they have no control over. Forgive them for what they do while trapped in pain and then hold them accountable as they heal but only after you become aware of where it is all coming from. And then, then forgive yourself for the time in your life when you just didn't know any better but did what you could with what you knew in that moment.
All of the "person" they were before is still in there but just as the rest of us humans arise on the other side of life with yesterday tagging along, they have combat tagging along inside of them. If you look at your own life honestly, then you will see how each day has played a part in the person you are today. Then you will understand how they have become the way they are as well. None of this is hopeless for them any more than life is hopeless for the rest of us. Begin today to believe that God's grace will help the person you love come home all the way to you and they can heal.
PTSD lives off of everything negative and eats away everything positive in their lives. This is why addressing the spiritual part of their lives matters enough to predict the outcome of any kind of therapy. The negative energy needs to be defeated. This is a painful process because as every negative emotion is reduced, the painful ones gain power and releasing them feels as if they are getting worse until they understand that pain is rushing out instead of being trapped inside. That release is freeing their soul so they can build in more good emotions to rejoice with and sing a song of Amazing Grace that saved a wretch like them just as it saved one like me.
