Thursday, September 24, 2009

Family of soldier murdered in car wants answers

Family of soldier killed wants answers
Posted: Sep 23, 2009 7:40 PM EDT
Updated: Sep 23, 2009 7:49 PM EDT

By Don Logana

SAVANNAH, GA (WTOC) - The family of Damion Reese, a Hunter Army Airfield soldier shot and killed last week, wants answers. Police discovered the murder after Reese's car collided with another car late last Thursday night at the intersection of Montgomery Street and 40th Street.

The family is struggling with what has happened. At a memorial service on Hunter Army Airfield Wednesday, fellow soldiers described Damion Reese as a father figure, an old soul, with a way with words. His family wants to know who took Damion away from them.

"We're saddened," said Shari Reese, Damion Reese's aunt. "We're disappointed. We're angry.We're hurt. This is my sister's son, my mother's grandson slash son, my nephew. He was pretty much the cornerstone of our family."

Reese's aunt and cousin sat before the media on the day they laid the Hunter Army Airfield soldier to rest.

"He joined the military because he wanted to do something differently with his life," said Shari Reese.

Reese's life was cut short by what was first thought to be an accident which quickly developed into a murder scene. Police found Reese's body inside his Toyota Camry.

"The fact he was murdered by someone who probably he would have tried and help, the fact he is an active duty soldier, someone thought so little of his life is very disheartening," Shari told WTOC.
go here for more
http://www.wtoctv.com/Global/story.asp?S=11187299

Four police officers, suspect shot in New Jersey raid

Four police officers, suspect shot in New Jersey raid
Story Highlights
Police officers shot in raid for firearms and narcotics in Lakewood, New Jersey

Suspect also wounded after officers return fire, official says

Lakewood is about 70 miles south of New York
(CNN) -- Four police officers and a suspect were shot in a raid for firearms and narcotics early Thursday in central New Jersey, a local prosecutor's office said.

The officers from the Lakewood Police Department's tactical unit were shot upon entering the property and returned fire, hitting suspect Jamie Gonzalez, said Ocean County Deputy Chief Prosecutor Michael Mohel.

Gonzalez, 39, received multiple gunshot wounds and is in critical but stable condition, Mohel said.
read more here
Four police officers, suspect shot in New Jersey raid

Male breast cancer patients blame water at Marine base

Male breast cancer patients blame water at Marine base
Story Highlights
20 people, all Marines or sons of Marines, have had male breast cancer

Each lived at Camp Lejeune between the 1960s and 1980s

"We all at some point in our lives drank the water at Camp Lejeune," one says

Marine Corps says two studies found no link to "adverse health effects
From Abbie Boudreau and Scott Bronstein
CNN Special Investigations Unit

Editor's note: This is part one of a two-part series.


Jim Fontella was based at Camp Lejeune in 1966 and 1967. He was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1998.

TAMPA, Florida (CNN) -- The sick men are Marines, or sons of Marines. All 20 of them were based at or lived at Camp Lejeune, the U.S. Marine Corps' training base in North Carolina, between the 1960s and the 1980s.

They all have had breast cancer -- a disease that strikes fewer than 2,000 men in the United States a year, compared with about 200,000 women. Each has had part of his chest removed as part of his treatment, along with chemotherapy, radiation or both.

And they blame their time at Camp Lejeune, where government records show drinking water was contaminated with high levels of toxic chemicals for three decades, for their illnesses.

"We come from all walks of life," said Mike Partain, the son and grandson of Marines, who was born on the base 40 years ago. "And some of us have college degrees, some of us have blue-collar jobs. We are all over the country. And what is our commonality? Our commonality is that we all at some point in our lives drank the water at Camp Lejeune. Go figure."
read more here
http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/09/24/marines.breast.cancer/index.html

Retired trooper warned census worker to 'be careful'

Retired trooper warned census worker to 'be careful'

The census worker found hanged with "fed" scrawled on his chest was apparently warned beforehand by a retired state trooper that "he might meet up with some folks who aren't too fond of people from the government showing up on their doorsteps," according to Ted Werbin, news director for WHAS radio in Louisville, Kentucky.

A "law enforcement official, who was not authorized to discuss the case and requested anonymity, did not say what type of instrument was used to write the word on the chest of Bill Sparkman, a 51-year-old part-time Census field worker and teacher," the AP reports. "He was found Sept. 12 in a remote patch of the Daniel Boone National Forest in rural southeast Kentucky."
read more here
Retired trooper warned census worker to be careful

Vietnam veterans have earned our assistance and our thanks

Guest view: Vietnam veterans have earned our assistance and our thanks
By Sen. Kathleen Vinehout

Last Saturday I was honored to participate in the annual Vietnam Veteran Appreciation Gathering in Altoona, Wis. Veterans from around northern and western Wisconsin gathered to share camaraderie and memories. The day, sponsored by Thuy Smith and her husband, Steve, was particularly special as we celebrated the creation of a new law to honor and remember Vietnam veterans.

All who attended were invited to speak about their experiences. Listening to each other was an opportunity to share and to heal. As I listened, I learned the Internet and DNA samples have become useful tools in finding fellow veterans, locating Amerasian children and finding those still missing or killed in action.

But mostly I learned making connections and telling stories can heal.

One veteran described how, upon his return home, his family was instructed to always change the subject when he brought up Vietnam. “They treated me like I was on a fishing trip,” he said. Years later, the man finally had the opportunity to share his experiences.

Another vet talked about how he loved to hunt and fish. “When I returned,” he said, “I found I could never kill any thing again.”

Many of the men were Army veterans. But one man who spoke served in the U.S. Air Force. “For years I felt guilty,” he choked on his words. “You guys were down there fighting and dying. I was high above you. So far removed.”

One of his Army brothers stood up and said, “Don’t you feel guilty man! You and your Air Force buddies saved my life so many times. I was never so happy as to hear you in the air!”
read more here
http://www.jacksoncountychronicle.com/articles/2009/09/23/opinion/02vinehout.txt

Afghanistan war hero and Military Cross soldier was tortured by guilt


Brave: Sergeant Michael Lockett receives the Military Cross from the Queen at Buckingham Palace, for services in Afghanistan



Afghanistan war hero and Military Cross soldier was tortured by guilt
By Michael Seamark
Last updated at 8:52 AM on 24th September 2009

His unflinching bravery in saving wounded comrades under fire earned him the Military Cross but, astonishingly, Sergeant Michael Lockett was later racked with guilt.

The 29-year-old hero - who repeatedly risked his life for others - was killed this week by a roadside bomb during a return tour to Afghanistan.

But before his final mission the father of three gave a series of haunting interviews in which he spoke of his despair at having to leave one dead colleague behind.

read more here
Afghanistan war hero and Military Cross soldier was tortured by guilt

Agony and courage of hero in mourning
The Military Cross hero killed by the Taliban after returning to front line

Lasting, unseen trauma, PTSD and TBI

BASE NEWS: Lasting, unseen trauma

Forum widens health focus to hidden war injuries

By Susan Oliver Nelson BASE NEWS

Hundreds of uniformed service members, administration leaders, legislators, health professionals, wounded warriors, family members and concerned citizens gathered in Alexandria last week for the Defense Forum Washington to discuss the unseen injuries of war. The topics included post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), traumatic brain injury (TBI) and progress on various pilot projects designed to improve support for wounded service members.

The one-day forum was hosted by the Military Officers Association of America, the nation's largest association of officers, and the U.S. Naval Institute.



"How do we create a system throughout America that recognizes these needs?" Adm. Mullen asked. "How do we convert the research [on post-traumatic stress and traumatic brain injury] to make it work? We need solutions which are evident and [to] take those and implement them."

Adm. Mullen stated that he is committed to preventing a repeat of what occurred after the Vietnam War.

"You know, I am a Vietnam veteran. I swore when this war started, not having any idea where I'd end up, and believe me, not expecting to be in this job, that I would do all I could to avoid generating another generation of homeless veterans as we did ... coming out of Vietnam and we still, decades later ... we've not met that challenge for them.

"Shame on us if we don't figure it out this time around," Adm. Mullen said. "We can't do it alone. These are America's citizens who are going off and doing our country's bidding without question, and we owe them. This is a debt, and it needs to be the first check we write."

read more here

Lasting, unseen trauma

Army dad, son take on Taliban


Pfc. Martin Miller, left, and his dad, Sgt. 1st Class Martin Miller, serve in the same Army squadron in Afghanistan.

Army dad, son take on Taliban; mom worries
Story Highlights
The Millers, father-and-son soldiers, serve in the same squadron in Afghanistan

Fort Bragg-based brigade is among first to train Afghan forces against Taliban

"I've had mortars come within 20 meters ... I should have been dead," dad says

"Navy brat" mom co-leads Army support group to distract her from fears
By Thom Patterson
CNN

FORT BRAGG, North Carolina (CNN) -- Marylisa Miller has spent much of her two decades as an Army wife bracing for the worst. But now the pressure is higher, as both her husband and their 20-year-old son are serving together in Afghanistan.

It's rare, but not unheard of: Sgt. 1st Class Martin Miller and his son Pfc. Martin Miller have deployed as part of the same squadron of about 500 soldiers.

Their brigade -- based at North Carolina's Fort Bragg -- is among the first specifically assigned to train Afghan security and military forces.

"If the phone rings in the middle of the night, I answer it no matter what," said Mary Lisa Miller. "You never know. It could be the last call."
read more hereArmy dad son take on Taliban

PTSD wrenches service member's heart, home

This never gets any easier. I still get weepy when I read accounts from other families, other veterans and more people suffering from PTSD. It still is infuriating when there are some fools claiming PTSD is not real and the veterans with PTSD are just looking for a free ride. They wouldn't last a week in the shoes of just one of our families.

There are different levels of the hell we live with just as there are different levels of PTSD itself. PTSD receives different levels of rating from the VA according to, or supposedly according to, the depth of the pain and how many different aspects it changes. It hit every aspect of my husband's life, thus, our entire family lived with PTSD.

If you want to read about our life go here and look for free book. I wrote it when no one was talking about PTSD and it was published in 2002. NamGuardianAngel.com You can also find the videos I made to help you understand it too.


By Rob Curtis, Military Times

Sgt. Loyd Sawyer, a medically retired Army veteran suffering from PTSD, has experienced vivid flashbacks, nightmares and a strong sense of guilt.


PTSD wrenches service member's heart, home

By Kelly Kennedy, Military Times
Sgt. Loyd Sawyer joined the Army to bring honor to death.

For years, he had worked as a funeral home director. His children learned that death was part of the normal cycle of life — that it's good to mourn for a loved one and there was no reason to fear the bodies their daddy embalmed in a workroom of their home.

But then he spent six months working at the morgue at Dover Air Force Base, Del. And then six more months in mortuary affairs at Joint Base Balad, Iraq.

After that, Loyd no longer saw death as part of a natural cycle.

The faces of dead troops began to haunt his every minute. Awake. Asleep. Some charred or shattered, some with faces he recognized from life, some in parts.

Once, after an aircraft crash, Loyd spent 82 hours lining up bodies side by side, the burnt remains still so hot they melted through the plastic body bags.

He took the images home with him, each of the dead competing for space in his mind. He spent hours crying on his family room floor, weeping as his dog Sophie licked away his tears, the only living comfort he could bear.

He retreated as his sons sought hugs and his wife, Andrea, looked for the snuggles they had once shared daily, hourly. He lashed out with angry words. He had known Andrea since they were 16. Now he couldn't touch her.

They'd never understand what he had been through. No one would, he thought.

Loyd was living a nightmare. Now his family was living one, too.


DISTRESS SIGNALS

Exposure to combat can spark several mental health diagnoses, and often they appear together. For example, people who have post-traumatic stress disorder often also suffer from depression or substance abuse. Here is a breakdown of common PTSD symptoms and diagnoses, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders:

A person is exposed to a traumatic event in which he experienced, witnessed or was confronted with death, serious injury, or the threat of death or serious injury.

The trauma caused a person to feel intense fear, helplessness or horror.

The trauma is re-experienced through nightmares, flashbacks or replays of the event. The person also avoids things that remind him of the event, which can cause emotional numbing. The person may refuse to talk about the trauma, avoid places and people that remind him of the event, be unable to remember the whole event, stop participating in activities, or feel estranged from friends or family, even feel incapable of love.

A person may also have difficulty sleeping; be irritable, jumpy or nervous, prone to outbursts of anger, or unable to concentrate; or feel constantly alert for danger.

If those symptoms last for less than a month, the diagnosis is acute stress disorder. If they persist for more than a month, the diagnosis is PTSD.

If the symptoms last fewer than three months, the diagnosis is acute PTSD; longer than three months, it is chronic PTSD. If a person does not develop symptoms until at least six months after being exposed to trauma, the diagnosis is delayed-onset PTSD.

PTSD is one of a number of anxiety disorders that cause people to always feel worried and tense, even when they are safe or in a stress-free situation, and the disorder also comes with physical symptoms such as fatigue, headaches, muscle aches and other problems.

As many as one-third of people diagnosed with PTSD try to numb their pain and bad memories by abusing drugs and alcohol, leading to substance-abuse disorder.

-Kelly Kennedy, Military Times




read more here
http://www.usatoday.com/news/military/2009-09-18-ptsd-military_N.htm?csp=34

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Mother recalls night flood changed everything

Mother recalls night flood changed everything
Story Highlights
Flash flood rips family home off foundation and leaves 2-year-old boy dead

Mother clings to tree for six hours, clasping her other son to her chest

A serene creek was transformed into an 18-foot-deep torrent

A community rallies around the family, trying to make sense of it all


By Jessica Ravitz
CNN

CARROLLTON, Georgia (CNN) -- A clanking noise woke Bridgett Crawford after midnight on Monday. She was sleeping on the couch with her 1-year-old son, Cooper, as rain pounded their mobile home off Horsley Mill Road near Snake Creek.



Where was this strange sound coming from? Bridgett got up and stepped into the kitchen -- where water covered her feet. Peering outside, she saw one of the family's cars half-submerged.

As Bridgett rushed around the home, her husband, Craig, came out of the bedroom, where he'd fallen asleep with their other son, 2-year-old Preston Slade. They looked in the boys' room. It was flooded.

Bridgett placed a frantic call to Craig's parents, who live just up the hill. "You have to come get us!" she told them. Within two minutes, the young mother and father had thrown clothes on their boys, and they were ready to escape. Bridgett looked outside again and watched as floodwater whisked the car away.
read more here
Mother recalls night flood changed everything

Victim in fiery crash arrested hours before for DUI

Victim in fiery crash arrested hours before for DUI
By KOMO Staff SEATAC, Wash. -- A brother, his sister and their good friend were killed when a speeding SUV crashed and caught fire early Wednesday.

Ryan Savage, 30, and his sister Erika Savage, 24, grew up together and were both killed when the Lincoln Navigator crashed about 3:15 a.m.

Just hours before the crash, police in Des Moines had arrested Erika for allegedly driving under the influence and say she was too drunk to even blow into a breathalyzer.
read more here
http://www.komonews.com/news/local/60668582.html

Soldier, 2 others dead in Guard Humvee crash

Soldier, 2 others dead in Guard Humvee crash

The Associated Press
Posted : Wednesday Sep 23, 2009 21:03:40 EDT

TROY, Texas — A Texas National Guard Humvee went airborne on a Texas interstate Wednesday and vaulted into an oncoming lane, triggering a six-vehicle crash that killed a soldier and two other drivers, authorities said.

Texas National Guard spokesman Col. Bill Meehan declined to say where the soldier, who was driving the Humvee, was stationed or where he was going at the time of the crash. The drivers of an 18-wheeler and a car also were killed, authorities said.

Identities were not immediately released pending notification of relatives.
read more here
http://www.armytimes.com/news/2009/09/ap_guard_texas_humvee_092309/

Some vets lose sight, may trigger Calif. probe

Some vets lose sight, may trigger Calif. probe

By Juliana Barbassa - The Associated Press
Posted : Wednesday Sep 23, 2009 20:53:01 EDT

SAN FRANCISCO — A Veterans Administration probe that found eight veterans suffered potentially preventable vision loss while under the care of optometrists at a Northern California VA facility is prompting medical groups to call for a state investigation.

The groups sent a petition Wednesday to the California Department of Consumer Affairs seeking an evaluation of the care received by the veterans at VA Palo Alto. The patients had glaucoma, a class of eye diseases that can lead to blindness.

The California Medical Association, California Academy of Eye Physicians & Surgeons and American Glaucoma Society want the state to suspend a new state law set to take effect in January that would expand optometrists’ ability to care for glaucoma patients.
read more here
http://www.armytimes.com/news/2009/09/ap_california_va_eyesight_probe_092309/

Florida dad admits killings to reporters, blames crime on 'spirit'

Dad admits killings to reporters, blames crime on 'spirit'
Story Highlights
NEW: Warrant indicated victims were stabbed, throats slashed, paper reports

NEW: Mesac Damas admits killings, tells reporter he wants to be executed

NEW: He blames the crime on his mother-in-law's "spirit"

Damas, 32, faces murder charges in the deaths of his wife and five children

(CNN) -- A Florida man admitted to reporters that he killed his wife and five "innocent" children, adding that he wants to be executed "right away" so he can be buried with them on Saturday.

Mesac Damas, 32, said he wanted to take his own life, but did not have the courage to go through with it, "because if you kill yourself, you're not going to heaven."

Damas made the statements to a Naples Daily News reporter as he was being led into a Haitian police vehicle in Port-au-Prince. Damas was returned to the United States late Tuesday following his capture in Haiti.
read more here
http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/09/23/florida.family.dead/index.html

Man accused of beating female reservist jailed

Man accused of beating female reservist jailed

By Johnny Clark - The Associated Press
Posted : Wednesday Sep 23, 2009 13:35:02 EDT

JONESBORO, Ga. — A white man accused of beating a black female Army reservist while yelling racial slurs at her outside a suburban Atlanta restaurant was indicted Wednesday on felony charges.

Troy Dale West Jr., 47, of Poulan faces one count each of aggravated assault, false imprisonment and first-degree cruelty to children under the indictment filed in Clayton County Superior Court. He also faces two counts each of battery and disorderly conduct, which are misdemeanors.

West’s lawyer, Larry King, declined comment.
read more here
http://www.armytimes.com/news/2009/09/ap_female_reservist_assault_092309/

Fort Bragg soldier dies while working out

Bragg soldier dies while working out

The Associated Press
Posted : Wednesday Sep 23, 2009 12:27:49 EDT

FORT BRAGG, N.C. — A soldier who was training for Special Forces at Fort Bragg has died while exercising at a gym in Fayetteville.

Army officials said Wednesday that doctors pronounced 28-year-old Spc. Jay Sevier dead at 4 p.m. on Saturday.

An Army spokesman said the cause of death is still under investigation but that no foul play is suspected.

Sevier was assigned to the 4th Battalion, 1st Special Warfare Training Group, Airborne, at Fort Bragg.

Sevier is a native of Austin, Texas. He joined the Army in 2007.
http://www.armytimes.com/news/2009/09/ap_bragg_soldier_dies_092309/

Lawmakers question $30K bonuses for VA execs

Lawmakers question $30K bonuses for VA execs

By Rick Maze - Staff writer
Posted : Wednesday Sep 23, 2009 13:17:19 EDT

Voters and veterans won’t understand if the Veterans Affairs Department pays big performance and retention bonuses to its workers, members of a House subcommittee said Wednesday.

At a hearing that focused on a VA inspector general investigation into misuse of retention bonuses in the VA’s information and technology division and into plans for 2009 senior executive service bonuses, lawmakers urged VA officials to make sure extra pay is kept to a reasonable amount and is paid based on performance directly tied to helping veterans.

Deputy VA Secretary W. Scott Gould said revised rules for awarding executive bonuses cap payments at $30,000, lower than previous years.
read more here
http://www.armytimes.com/news/2009/09/military_VA_bonuses_092309w/

Veterans Suicide Report Earns Emmy

Keep in mind with all of this, with all that happened, NAMI Veterans Council thought it was a good idea to award Dr. Katz for being behind all of this and forced to act to save lives.

It is not as if they didn't know what was going on.

National Alliance on Mental Illness
Submitted to
Subcommittee on Military Construction,
Veterans’ Affairs and Related Agencies
Committee on Appropriations
United States House of Representatives

March 20, 2007

The General Accountability Office (GAO) issued a startling report last year to the Committee on Veterans’ Affairs documenting VA’s failure to spend several millions of available dollars in pursuit of important initiatives that would move VA in the right direction to reform its mental health programs. The Veterans Council Executive Committee met recently with Dr. Ira Katz to discuss his plans to improve the allocation of funds dedicated to the initiatives under the new strategic plan. We hope Congress will closely monitor VA’s implementation of the new strategic plan to ensure it meets that promise.

National Alliance on Mental Illness



Anyway, a reminder of what was behind all of this can be found here

Friday, July 3, 2009

Dr. Ira Katz award slaps veterans
I still believe in NAMI but I no longer believe in the NAMI Veterans Council. The decision to award Dr. Ira Katz for suicide prevention is akin to awarding a vampire for testing blood. Katz, as reported here countless times, was refusing to admit there was a problem with veterans committing suicide. Everything he did, what they are awarding him for, he was forced to do. The Veterans Council is giving him an award for what it took an act of Congress to do!


Veterans Suicide Report Earns Emmy
CBS' Armen Keteyian's Investigation Exposing a Cover-up by the VA Honored by Award
By CBSNews.com
(CBS) The "CBS Evening News with Katie Couric" won an Emmy Award last night in the category of Outstanding Investigative Journalism in a Regularly Scheduled Newscast for a series of reports by Chief Investigative Correspondent Armen Keteyian that exposed how officials at the Department of Veterans Affairs tried to cover-up the true risk of suicide among veterans.
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/09/22/cbsnews_investigates/main5329689.shtml

Play CBS Video Video Suicide Cover-Up Runs Deep
New information reveals that statistics related to veterans' suicides was explicitly withheld from the public and from CBS News. Chief investigative correspondent Armen Keteyian reports.
Video Veterans Suicides In Question
In a recently filed lawsuit, the Department of Veterans Affairs is accused of deliberately misinforming the American public about the number of veterans committing suicide. Armen Keteyian reports.
Video Veteran Suicides, An Epidemic
CBS News first reported on the staggering number of veteran suicides in a report last year. Now, newly-released data shows that vets who get help from the VA are still at risk. Armen Keteyian reports.
Photo
(CBS)
Stories
Suicide Epidemic Among Veterans
Veteran Suicides: How We Got The Numbers

Excerpts of the veteran suicide coverage:
Suicide Epidemic Among Veterans
Veteran Suicides: How We Got The Numbers
Congress Vows Action On Vets' Suicides
VA Admits Vet Suicides Are High
VA Says E-mail Was "Poorly Worded"
VA Official Grilled About E-Mails Soldier Suicide Attempts Skyrocket

Orlando-based evangelist says Bill Maher movie ruined his life

Orlando-based evangelist says Bill Maher movie ruined his life
Amy L. Edwards

Sentinel Staff Writer

September 23, 2009
For the past decade, Jeremiah Cummings says, he has made a modest living as an Orlando-based evangelist who traveled the globe to encourage people to deepen their faith.

Then, he said, he was tricked into appearing in front of a movie camera with political comedian Bill Maher and was falsely portrayed in Maher's comedy documentary Religulous as a flashy, gold-loving evangelist.

Since the movie came out about a year ago, Cummings said, his life — and work — has been a struggle.

He has sued. He has been sued. His speaking engagements are down. He can't pay the rent on his family's five-bedroom home in the Rio Pinar community, court records show.

"All of these things that have happened have hurt the ministry," Cummings said. "I'm struggling to try to keep my family together."

Cummings, 58, said he wasn't told the truth about Religulous when he agreed to be interviewed in 2006. Cummings, a former Muslim who converted to Christianity, said he was told he was going to be featured in a documentary called A Spiritual Journey.
read more here
Orlando based evangelist

Failing to win

Counting the days without smoking and wondering what took me so long to do it. I quit on September 12th. It has been one long battle but as people tell me they are proud of me for doing it, I look back wondering what took me so long instead. I smoked for 32 years. When my husband quit smoking, I didn't. I found reasons to just keep lighting up.
I used to pray that I would quit but my heart really wasn't in it. I didn't want to quit. People would tell me that Christ came into their lives and they stopped drinking, smoking, swearing, lying, whatever they viewed as a sin in others. I had Him in my life all my life, but did all the above, except lying was something I was never really good at so I found it easier to give up than to struggle with being very bad at it. It's also one of the reasons why I am not very diplomatic.
The thing that finally got me to quit was my husband. When I lost my job last year, I couldn't get unemployment. The church didn't pay into the system. I was terrified of being broke but my husband encouraged me to become a chaplain when the possibility came. He stood by me all these years while I worked for a paycheck and did this the rest of the time for free, but he knew this time I would be going in a whole new direction.
He didn't complain when I had to travel or when I had to come up with money to pay for the expenses that go along with this work. He kept encouraging me to keep going. Whenever people let me down and I got depressed, he did all he could to build me back up again. We have been living off his disability and pension, while I kept waiting, hoping, praying for help to come. Honestly, I felt that after all these years, all this work, dedication and long hours, I deserved to be paid. I was ahead of so many other people out there, wondering what I was doing wrong when they were getting paid, but I was just being passed by. No matter what I did, I just didn't really matter. People came in and out of my life so fast, memory of them became a blur when I'd get an email after a long time, then have to look up a saved record of them to figure out who they were.
This month, as a matter of fact the 30th, we will be celebrating out 25th anniversary. I kept looking at the date and crying because all the hopes I had for this anniversary were not possible. No money to go away and having a hard time paying the bills we have, left no money to go away. I kept looking at my husband, knowing how far he's come, how much he's given up for me, how hard he fought to heal and how much I love him. If anyone deserved a good anniversary it was him. He's given up so much that the least I could do was quit smoking so that he could buy a better motorcycle. Yes, I was smoking a bike payment. Pretty terrible when you think about it.
I kept praying for what I thought I deserved, but not for what he deserved. I kept feeling bad about what I gave up but not for what he gave up. He married a woman with a good job and good income. He ended up with someone who can't make a living at something I've been doing for over half my life. I keep telling him that he married a failure but he says I'm not. I just fail to win. The thing is, I won 25 years ago when I married my best friend.