The Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Relationship

I am not a psychiatrist or a psychologist. I need them now just as I needed them in the beginning to help heal my husband. I had to go it alone for years but finally found great doctors at the Bedford VA in Burlington MA, and we got my husband thru the darkest of times. That's one of the biggest things missing today.

Families are often avoided when a veteran is being treated for PTSD instead of added into the healing. Too many veterans are not receiving any therapy at all to go along with their growing list of medications they take. What we see are more suicides, attempted suicides, families falling apart, drug abuse, homelessness and hopelessness. All of this does not just happen to the veteran at the center of the turmoil in the family but to the entire family often being carried over one generation to the next, just as it had been since man first went to war with man. No one was doing anything as PTSD claimed more and more of the character of the veteran.

Today we have the Internet allowing veterans to connect to veterans all over the nation and families connect to other families for support and advice. As we travel the world wide web of knowledge, keep in mind there will be great advice as well as bad advice. Most sites offer support from groups of individuals in the same position and of the same background. Not one single site, including mine, has all the answers and they never will.

I know what it's like living with PTSD and have gained great insight into their world talking to them and their families, as well as my own husband, but no matter how much I know, I cannot go past suspecting PTSD. It takes a doctor to diagnosis it and provide medication for it. I can add to therapy they receive but I cannot replace it. I can give back hope of healing but I cannot answer prayers or replace God. My job is just to get them back into communicating with God instead of feeling abandoned by Him or trying to hide from Him.

Helping as teams, much can be accomplished but if you come across anyone acting as if they are the alpha and omega with all the answers on PTSD, run as fast as you can. After over 25 years, there are still things I am learning but above all, learning I can't do it all and was never intended to.

Read books and reports on PTSD and about what it being done. Find something that makes all of this click because there is no one size fits all answer or treatment any more than there is one style of therapy that works for all. Keep searching and stop being afraid to hope.

This is a book you may find helpful as you learn more about PTSD.

The Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Relationship: How to Support Your Partner and Keep Your Relationship Healthy
The Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Relationship
(Paperback)
Diane England (Author)


Editorial Reviews
Product Description
War, physical and sexual abuse, and natural disasters. All crises have one thing in common: Victims often suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and their loved ones suffer right along with them. In this book, couples will learn how to have a healthy relationship, in spite of a stressful and debilitating disorder. They’ll learn how to:
Deal with emotions regarding their partner’s PTSD
Talk about the traumatic event(s)
Communicate about the effects of PTSD to their children
Handle sexual relations when a PTSD partner has suffered a traumatic sexual event
Help their partner cope with everyday life issues
When someone has gone through a traumatic event in his or her life, he or she needs a partner more than ever. This is the complete guide to keeping the relationship strong and helping both partners recover in happy, healthy ways.



About the Author
Diane England, PhD has a particular interest in the topic of post-traumatic stress disorder after having worked with military families for five years at a NATO base. Dr. England holds a PhD in clinical social work from the University of Texas at Arlington. In addition, she has a master’s degree in family studies from Oregon State University and a bachelor of science degree in child development from the University of Maine. She is a licensed clinical social worker who has practiced as a psychotherapist. She has also held other positions that provided opportunity to educate individuals on how to strengthen themselves, their marriages, and their families.

Procession Today For Officer Killed In Afghanistan

Procession Today For Officer Killed In Afghanistan
Last Update: 11:15 am
Procession For Local Officer Killed In Afghanistan

Slideshow
Anthony Campbell Jr.
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Services Set For Serviceman, Officer
Local Police Officer Killed In Afghanistan
Flags At Half-Staff For Florence Soldier

The remains of Air Force Tech Sgt. Anthony Campbell will arrive in the Tri-State Monday morning.The 35-year-old airman was also a Cincinnati police officer. He died last week in Afghanistan while he was trying to disarm an improvised explosive device.

The war may never be over for Dedi Noble

Camano Island mother devoted to memory of son killed in Iraq

By Gale Fiege
Herald Writer

The war may never be over for Dedi Noble.

During the first two Christmases after her only child, Army Sgt. Charles E. Matheny IV, was killed in Iraq, Noble sat in the front room of her Camano Island home and sobbed.

“Charlie's body came home. The funeral and burial came. The blackness came,” she said. “I asked God to take me, too, because my main purpose in life was to be Charlie's mother. Then I realized if he was gone, perhaps there was another purpose for me.”

As they did last Dec. 25, Noble and her husband, David, plan to load up their car on Christmas Day with gifts for 60 wounded warriors and drive to the regional Veterans Administration hospital in Seattle.

Noble, a member of the Washington Gold Star Mothers association, will spend the day visiting with veterans in the spinal-cord injury, brain injury, post-traumatic-stress disorder and psychiatric units.
read more here
http://heraldnet.com/article/20091221/NEWS01/712219881

‘Valley of Elah’ father dead at 60

‘Valley of Elah’ father dead at 60

By Joe Gould - Staff writer
Posted : Monday Dec 21, 2009 10:50:18 EST

His quest for the truth in his son’s murder at hands of his platoon mates revealed a deeper truth about the human cost of war and inspired the movie “In the Valley of Elah.”

Lanny Davis, a 60-year-old Vietnam veteran, died Dec. 13 after a two-month battle with lung cancer and a five-year battle over the death of his son, Spc. Richard Davis.

“Those are my two soldiers, they’ll always be,” his widow, Remy Davis, 60, said in a phone interview with Army Times. “They’ll be together.”

Richard Davis, 24, a member of the 1st Battalion, 15th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Infantry Division, disappeared after a night out with friends near Fort Benning, Ga.

His remains were found months later, revealing that he had been stabbed 33 times and his body burned.

Police said Davis’ friends attacked him because he had insulted a stripper and got them bounced from a strip club.
read more here
http://www.armytimes.com/news/2009/12/army_davis_obit_122809p/

Haunted by 40 Months in Iraq

Haunted by 40 Months in Iraq

New America Media, Commentary, Anonymous, Posted: Dec 20, 2009
Editor’s Note: A former Marine re-ups 24 years after his discharge and volunteers for four consecutive combat tours. Now he’s at home fighting the war within. “Anonymous” wrote this for the Veterans Workshop, a New America Media writing project for combat veterans.

Since Iraq, I might go several days without sleep. It’s hard to function like that. When I do sleep, I often wake up after a bad dream and all I want to do is put on my gear, grab my weapon and hurt someone. On nights like that I can never fall back asleep.

I was in Iraq for almost 40 months straight, so long that all of my neighbors at home moved away. I came home with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and a traumatic brain injury (TBI). What follows are some of the thoughts that have been bouncing around in my head since my return. But it’s hard to focus. TBI can do that to a person.

I joined the Marines in 1977 and served in the infantry until I got out in 1981. I went to work for a major transportation company, eventually rising to a management position. But as I saw the war in Iraq dragging on, I decided in 2005 to re-enlist. I was too old at 46 to get back into the Marine Corps, but with a waiver I was able to join the Army National Guard.

I volunteered for the next unit deploying to Iraq, and reached the combat zone in late 2005. I knew that I was filling a slot, and I hoped that because I had deployed that a soldier who did not want to go to Iraq was able to stay home with his family. I felt that I was contributing more in Iraq than I had during the previous 24 years as a civilian. I truly enjoyed being in Iraq and doing an important and dangerous job.

I volunteered to stay in Iraq for four consecutive tours. I stayed because I felt that I was doing something worthwhile, regardless of the politics of the war. I felt that the younger soldiers deserved experienced leaders. I knew that they needed someone who would stand shoulder-to-shoulder with them by choice, not because he was ordered to. I know that I had a positive impact on the soldiers in all of the units that I served with.
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Haunted by 40 Months in Iraq

Metro Orlando unemployment jumps to 11.8%

Five years ago we moved to Florida because I was supposed to be able to just work part time and do my work with veterans online the rest of the time. We bought a house in a nice area and after doing some temp work, I found what I thought was the perfect job for me working for a church.

The first few years here, it was easy finding work but that ended in 2007 when I lost my job due to the economy and the decision of the church to close down the education department opting instead for volunteers to run it. I haven't been able to find a paying job since then. Not even temp work.

I did accounting and held positions in just about every aspect of the business world from offices and retail but two years working for a church and then becoming a chaplain, didn't help my resume out much. It's almost as if I don't fit in anywhere anymore. I can picture the expressions of the HR heads reading my resume, seeing Chaplain and Christian Education then quickly putting it in the reject pile. It doesn't seem to matter that I'm just about desperate enough to take a job sweeping floors right now.

It gets even harder to find hope of finding a job when the malls were not even hiring for Christmas, driving past empty stores and closed down restaurants, sucks the air right out of any hope. If it's hard on me, then stop and think how hard it is for the men and women in the National Guards.

Think about this. Their rate of unemployment is over 20%. Who wants to hire them when they think about the fact they can get deployed again? Then there is the attitude that they will be too messed up in the head to do a good job. (Yes, even in this day and age the misinformation about PTSD is alive and kicking) They never seem to think that a National Guardsman or woman can do a great job just because of the type of individual they are.

Considering they put others first, put mission ahead of their personal life and are willing to take a bullet for a buddy, you really can't ask for a better employee, but aside from that, there is also the fact they follow orders well, train well, adapt well and have a habit of not complaining very much at all. Think of a better person to hire?

If I don't fit in then think about how hard of a time they have fitting back in. They still have bills to pay and families to support. What happens is they also come back to jobs long gone and competition for a few jobs from hundreds of people while they also get to worry about having to be redeployed back to Afghanistan or Iraq or waiting for the next natural disaster at the same time they have to worry about finding a job. All in all as bad as we may think we have it here looking for a job in Florida, they have it much worse and we, well we never seem to find the time to think of them at all.

Florida sees worst job losses in U.S.
Metro Orlando unemployment jumps to 11.8%

By Jim Stratton

Orlando Sentinel

December 18, 2009


There's little holiday cheer in the latest unemployment figures, which show Florida lost more jobs in November than any state in the nation.

Employers shed 16,700 positions last month, pushing unemployment to 11.5 percent. Michigan lost the second-highest number of jobs, with 14,000 positions eliminated from October to November.

Florida's unemployment rate is up two-tenths of a point from October's revised rate of 11.3 percent and is at its highest point since May 1975.

Metropolitan Orlando's unemployment rate climbed even higher, to 11.8 percent, up three-tenths of a point from October's revised rate. At the county level, Osceola came in at 13.3 percent, Polk at 12.9 percent, Lake at 12.7 percent, Volusia at 12.3 percent, Brevard at 11.9 percent, Orange at 11.7 percent and Seminole at 10.9 percent.

Flagler County had the state's highest jobless rate: 16.8 percent. Tiny Liberty County in the Panhandle had the lowest: 6.1 percent.
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Florida sees worst job losses in US

Homeless Veteran's Death keeps others warm

Like most, you either sent a Christmas card out or an email so that you could share good wishes for the next year and let them know you were thinking of them. We have an easy time doing that, just as we have an easy time sharing the joys in our lives. The wedding, the graduation, the new home, the birth of a child, all bring in well wishes from others and usually, they kick in a buck or two to help us celebrate.

When it is a tragedy, well, that usually comes with phone calls to let them know someone has passed away or is in the hospital. People usually respond with cards, flowers, donations and prayers. They are sadly participating in something they would rather not have happen, but knowing this is all part of life, they have no problem feeling our pain.

So how is it that when we need help, help from the same people we care enough to send Christmas cards to, no one wants to share the information? It's not that homeless people have no one to care. Most of the time, no one knows they needed help at all until they vanished into the streets. Then it's too late.

Is it pride? Do we think people will stop caring about us if they see us as a failure or unlucky because we fell on hard times? Do we think they won't care enough? Most of the time we find we do matter more than we think we do and the people in our lives rejoice with our triumphs as much as they grieve with us in our pain.

That's what this homeless veteran ended up doing because he mattered to people a lot more than he thought he did. His death changed the way the community deals with homeless people because he managed to touch their hearts. Think about what you can do in your own circle when you share what you care about and you will know what seems to be impossible now, will be possible because you cared enough to try.

Homeless Veteran's Death Remembered
By Dan Corcoran



EUGENE, Ore. -- Community leaders, volunteers and members of the homeless community gathered on Friday to remember a man who died on the streets of Eugene one year ago on Friday. The community believes his death was not in vain.



The death of Major Thomas Egan, a retired Oregon National Guard officer, inspired the opening of the Egan Memorial Warming Centers, making sure no one in the area suffers a similar fate as his.
read more here
http://kezi.com/news/local/156210

Foolish pride and wise prayers

Foolish pride and wise prayers
by Chaplain Kathie


I listen to veterans problems and the cries for help from their families as I have been for over 25 years. Hearing what they are going thru makes my own problems seem so tiny. Whenever I listen to them or read their stories in some news site article, they take me back to a dark time when I was lost, alone, had no place to turn to for support and had to learn how to save my husband on my own. I remember it all a little too well and that is what's behind what I do.

When we read about reports centered around PTSD, we find it easy to assume all is being done to take care of our veterans but the truth is only a fraction of what is needed is being done. Less than half of the veterans needing help with PTSD seek help. Consider that when you think of the backlog of claims, the influx of veterans trying to find help in the VA hospitals across the country and going to organizations springing up in all areas. Less than half.

There are still some veterans with no understanding of what PTSD is, others still think of it as a sign of weakness, a thing of shame and even more cannot find the strength within them to seek help at all. Families fall apart, like mine almost did. Veterans end up homeless like mine almost did. Hope slips away and I remember it all a little too well.

This is why I do it. This is why I spend all these hours working for them. This is also why I cannot walk away. It would be as if I walked away from my own husband. I wouldn't do it then and I won't do it now.

Yesterday I sent out an email to some people online begging for help. I am in deep financial trouble. Pride prevented me from asking for help most of the time. Maybe it was the words someone said about me a while ago saying that if I was any good at what I did, then I wouldn't have to ask for help at all. Maybe it's because I've been doing this for so long that by now, I even believe that type of attitude is right. I don't know. I do know the veterans I help cannot afford to donate money to keep me going and I have no connections. My work is used all over the country, provided for free, and the people using my videos, copying my entries on the blog and sharing what I've learned, for whatever reason, find it valuable enough to use but not enough to feel the need to pay for any of it. I usually wonder how they would feel if no one wanted to pay them for their time or their help.

Here's the email I sent out

I have a new video for veterans and the troops with PTSD. I made this video because I am flooded with requests for help by them and their families. None of what we're seeing in PTSD has to happen. We will continue to see the increase in suicides, attempted suicides and devastated families until they get the support they really need to understand what PTSD is and how to cope.

Heaven Knows They Need You

Posted to Great Americans by NamGuardianAngel on December 14, 2009

Click to Play | View Details

I have created over 30 videos and have over 18,000 posts on my blogs dedicated to our veterans. I have done this for free since 1982. Up until two years ago, I had paying jobs to support the work I do on behalf of our veterans. Since then, it has been a financial nightmare adding to my stress. Yesterday, my electricity was shut off and the money to pay to turn it back on had to be taken from a drained bank account. I am in desperate need of financial help. If you can make a donation of even $10.00 dollars plus pass this request on, it will help me in this dire time of need.

There is a PayPal button on my blog you can use to make a donation. If you use this means, your donation will not be deductible but I will be able to receive it fast. There is also an address with the IFOC so that you can make a tax deductible donation via mail. If you value the work I do, then please, help me to be able to keep doing it. I cannot continue without you.

All these years, I prayed to God for help. I found it very hard to ask people for help even though when God answers our prayers, He usually sends other people to answer the prayers. When they don't show up, we blame Him. I couldn't blame Him. I knew it had to be me.

Maybe I'm just not good enough at what I do, I'll think from time to time as I struggle to find reasons to go on when no one is showing up to help me. I came up with all kinds of reasons until Thursday night when our electricity was shut off. Then I couldn't stop crying.

All these years of helping strangers and no one was coming to help me. Friday it dawned on me that no one knew how bad it was for us financially or that I needed help at all. Maybe it was my pride preventing me from asking or maybe I just assumed no one would help me. Yes, I've been beaten down that far over the years that it becomes hard to believe anyone would think I was worth helping.

When we do things for the right reasons but end up greeted by Satan's foot standing in our way, we keep trying to get past it but we are tiny alone. We need help from others to get by. If we are afraid no one will think we are worth helping if they knew the truth, then we not only suffer needlessly, we never really give of ourselves. When we share our own struggles, when we show our own doubts, when we share that we are not prefect in anything or self-sustaining "I don't need anyone" rocks, then we are not helping anyone really.

How can you tell someone you understand their pain if you share none of your own? How can you offer them any hope of getting past it if you never show them where you were before you got to where you are? You can't and this is why many are not trusted enough.

My prayer was always to help veterans like my husband and their families. My prayer was answered. I was provided with every word needed, every thought, compassion that does not end and an endless supply of matches from God when I get burnt out. When I prayed for financial help it did come from time to time but it was a constant struggle. I've asked from time to time on the blog, but when I did, nothing came in to help me. So I tried again but this time asking people I've been contacted by asking me for help in the past.

I asked for $10.00 thinking I surely would be worth $10.00 to someone out there. I was shocked when I received more than I asked for from a couple of people. How could they think I was worth so much when others can't think I'm worth anything?

When we get beaten down so low, it's easier for us to think of ourselves as worth-less than we were when we were the ones doing the work, doing the helping, feeling oh so needed instead of needy. When you look it all of this the right way, then you understand that if you don't look down on people you help, then you should not look down on yourself when you need help as well.

Pray when you need help that God will send you the help you need but pray with an open heart and stop being ashamed you need to ask for help. Pride will get you nowhere. God will see the humbleness within you when you admit you are only human and need others to help you so that you can help them in return. I can't help anyone if my electricity gets shut off again and I can't do this work online. I can't help anyone if I have no place to live. I surely can't keep creating the videos if I can't buy music to use. Just as I no longer travel the country because I cannot afford it, I would have to stop answering the phone when they need me. How can I be so willing to help but unwilling to ask for help when I need it? Lesson for the day is: What good will your pride do you when you fall flat on your face and still refuse to ask for help? Set your pride aside and see your prayers answered.

Military study shows increase in suicide attempts, PTSD symptoms

Is it supposed to make me feel good that I was right all this time when the outcome didn't change? What a loser I am when I couldn't get anyone to really listen and do something about this and they had to suffer for what we failed to do.

Military study shows increase in suicide attempts, PTSD symptoms
By Seth Robbins, Stars and Stripes
Mideast edition, Friday, December 18, 2009

A wide-ranging Department of Defense survey revealed the rate of servicemembers attempting suicide has doubled in recent years, coinciding with an increase in those reporting symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder and those abusing prescription drugs.

The study, which surveyed more than 28,500 active-duty personnel on a number of health issues, showed that 2 percent of servicemembers surveyed said they attempted suicide in the past year. In the 2005 study, only 1 percent of respondents said they attempted suicide.

“We’ve seen increases in suicide rates over the last several years,” said Robert Bray, the study’s senior program director. “I think this data is consistent with what we are seeing there.”

The 2008 Survey of Health Related Behaviors, released late Wednesday, was conducted by researchers with the Research Triangle Institute. It was last taken in 2005.

The percentage of servicemembers admitting to PTSD-like symptoms rose from 7 percent in 2005 to 11 percent in 2008. The largest jumps came from soldiers and Marines.
read more here
http://www.stripes.com/article.asp?section=104&article=66744

Dignity and respect A Soldier’s right

Dignity and respect: A Soldier’s right; improving morale, readiness, commitment
By Lt. Col. John Atkins, Deputy IG, III Corps
Facebook Digg Delicious December 17, 2009 News
One thing that will never change in the U.S. Army is the fact that all Soldiers have the right to be treated with dignity and respect. Treating Soldiers with the proper respect they deserve may directly influence how well they perform their duties. AR 600-20, Army Command Policy, directs that all Soldiers will be treated with dignity and respect. Improved unit readiness, better morale, greater commitment to unit and mission, increased trust and unit cohesion, and treating others as they should be treated are essential in our Army.

Unfortunately, the IG office frequently receives complaints from Soldiers who report being mistreated or disrespected by their leadership. In many instances these Soldiers had committed some type of offense and were about to be, or were already, punished for that offense. Regardless of their culpability for their misdeed or of the disciplinary actions planned, these Soldiers are still entitled to be treated with dignity and respect.

Consider a Soldier who tests positive on an urinanalysis, receives a Field Grade Article 15, and is waiting to be separated from service. During this pre-separation period, it is inappropriate, and a violation of AR 600-20, for anyone to intentionally degrade, humiliate or disgrace this Soldier by calling him a “dirtbag,” “drugee,” or any other derogatory word.
read more here
http://www.forthoodsentinel.com/story.php?id=2716