Think of war like an ex-wife

Think of was like an ex-wife
by Chaplain Kathie
Wounded Times Blog
September 30, 2012

28 years ago today, this was us. It was the day I married my best friend. I can honestly say I still feel that way but there was a time when I wondered "Who the hell did I marry?"

I don't like to look back on the dark times in our life together. It gets pretty painful to remember because of all the years. I'm sitting here right now trying to push the words out and I can't because I don't want to dwell on the worst years since the years after I wrote my book have been so much better.

That is what I want to share with you right now if you think it is all hopeless. It is far from hopeless.

If you think love is all we needed to stay married this long, you are living in dreamland. It takes a hell of a lot more than love to make any marriage work. It takes being willing to go to war to make a marriage work when you are married to a combat veteran.

Put it this way. Think of the war like an ex-wife wanting to take him back so much that she keeps showing up doing all she can to come between you and your husband. That's what Vietnam was to me. I knew I couldn't fight for him unless I was willing to fight "her" with everything I had.

First I had to learn as much as I could about the time he spent with "her." What was Vietnam like? What happened when he was there? Who were his buddies? I was only in grade school when he was there but I did everything possible to learn what he wouldn't tell me.

Once I understood as much as possible, I knew where he was when he was having a nightmare. I knew where he was when he had a flashback. He was with "her" and reliving all the misery "she" inflicted on him.

It took a lot of years and a lot of listening but I had the knowledge to help me know what to do to help him. I keep grieving for the new spouses trying to get through this alone without knowing what they are up against. It was almost impossible for me to do it even knowing what I knew. How much hell they are in when they don't need to be fighting this alone?

The problem isn't lack of love. It is lack of knowledge getting in the way of all of these families and the military isn't going to teach anyone what they don't even understand.

After all these years, this is the type of report we're reading instead of reading about what works.

Joint Base Lewis-McChord tries personal approach to curb military suicides
Published: Thursday, September 27, 2012
By The Associated Press

When Vicki Duffy asks soldiers what comes to mind when they hear the words "suicide prevention," she gets an earful about stale command briefings and overplayed commercials on military television stations.

Duffy, who is Joint Base Lewis-McChord's suicide prevention officer, said she doesn't take it personally. She's been in the trenches of the Army's program to curb suicides for four years, and she knows those old briefings aren't enough to do the job. "They're valuable," she said, "but they're done in a way that is very old fashioned in the Army."

Duffy and Lewis-McChord commanders this month updated their outreach down the ranks by ditching the old PowerPoint presentations in favor of one-on-one interactions between care providers and soldiers.

The effort peaked in the last two weeks with a leadership retreat for about 80 noncommissioned officers. At the same time, a suicide "stand down" was held in which officers and enlisted leaders took a walking tour of the base's social support services.

No one can say if those steps will save a life, but the idea is to empower more soldiers with resources they can use in a moment of crisis.

Better yet, the courses are intended to help noncommissioned officers monitor and improve the health of soldiers in their charge.

"This has been one of those nagging problems, and I hope we have found a way to positively affect it," said Col. Jeffrey Galin, the top medical officer for Lewis-McChord's I Corps.

"Suck it up and drive on" not working

The outreach marks a change from early in the Iraq and Afghanistan wars when commanders did not pay as much attention to emotional or psychological issues.

"It used to be 'suck it up and drive on,'" said Sgt. Thomas Hollis, 46, of Lakewood, a four-time combat veteran from Lewis-McChord's 4th Squadron, 6th Air Cavalry Regiment.

"'Suck it up and drive on' isn't working anymore," he said, citing alcohol abuse and suicides as signs of stress in the Army.
read more here

Families have been facing the aftermath of combat all these years without knowing they had to train to fight this enemy as hard as their veteran had to fight to go into combat. Too many had been waiting for the DOD and the VA to tell them what they needed to know and when that didn't happen, they just gave up. They didn't know any better. They thought it was hopeless.

Suicides, attempted suicides, divorces, homelessness, the list of suffering goes on making the headlines as if all of it is some kind of new thing when older wives like me are crying for the suffering all of them are going thru knowing it doesn't have to happen.

Here are some shocking numbers for you to digest.

Over ten years of war with over 2 million deployments.
500,000 veterans with PTSD.
Between 150,000 and 200,000 suicides.
One vehicle accidental death, unknown if it was accident or suicide.
Drug overdose deaths unknown because no one knows for sure if it was accident or suicide.
Homeless veterans figures change because while some are no longer living in their homes, they are being taken in and sleeping on the sofa of a friend but there are tens of thousands with no place to call home.
Suicides of spouse and children unknown. No one knows for sure.

Think these numbers are bad? Think these numbers came from Afghanistan and Iraq veterans? Nope. 

They came from Vietnam veterans.

The number of PTSD Vietnam veterans published in this study came with a warning.

"Treatment from the VA was difficult to obtain. The veteran began to feel depressed, mistrustful, cynical and restless.  He experienced problems with sleep and with his temper. Strangely, he became obsessed with his combat experiences in Vietnam. He would also begin to question why he survived.

For approximately 500,000 veterans (Wilson, 1978) of combat in Southeast Asia, this problematic outlook has become a chronic lifestyle affecting not only the veterans but countless millions of persons who are in contact with these veterans. The symptoms described below are experienced by all Vietnam combat veterans to varying degrees. However, for some with the most extensive combat histories and other variables which have yet to be enumerated, Vietnam-related problems have persisted in disrupting all areas of life experience. According to Wilson (1978), the number of veterans experiencing these symptoms will climb until 1985, based on his belief of Erickson's psychosocial developmental stages and how far along in these stages combat veterans will be in 1985. Furthermore, without any intervention, what was once a reaction to a traumatic episode may for many become an almost unchangeable personality characteristic."

So we were warned what was coming when the troops were sent into Kuwait during the Gulf War, Afghanistan and Iraq to fight in wars no human is ever fully prepared to go into and prepared even less to return back home.

Families were even less prepared because all that was learned in study after study following Vietnam were lessons worse than forgotten. They were ignored!

If you want to read about what our life was like, you can read FOR THE LOVE OF JACK, HIS WAR/MY BATTLE online for a donation of $25 to help me fight for more families just like mine. Make sure you put "book" in the comment section and I'll send you the PDF file.

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Remains of Florida man missing in WWII identified

Remains of Fla. man missing in WWII identified
The Associated Press
Posted : Friday Sep 28, 2012

MARIANNA, Fla. — Authorities have identified the remains of a Florida Panhandle man declared missing in action in World War II.

The Defense Department said Army Air Forces 2nd Lt. Samuel Lunday of Marianna will be buried Friday at Arlington National Cemetery.

Officials said Lunday and four other U.S. servicemen lost radio contact as their aircraft flew from China to India in April 1943.
read more here

Alliance for Retired Americans talks about news seniors need to know

Alliance for Retired Americans
Here is your September 28 edition:

Past Statements by Paul Ryan Shed More Light on his Policies Regarding Seniors A transcript of a speech made in 2005 by Vice Presidential nominee Paul Ryan has received renewed attention this week, after the national Catholic weekly publication America published an article on his remarks. Ryan, who has long described philosopher Ayn Rand as one of his inspirations, made the speech at the Atlas Society’s 2005 “Celebration of Ayn Rand.” Rand’s 1964 collection of essays is called The Virtue of Selfishness: A new Concept of Egoism.

In his 2005 speech, Ryan took an extremist stance on Social Security and Medicare. He called Social Security and Medicare “collectivist” and “socialistic” and described his plans for privatization. Ryan stated that he supported, “switching these programs— and this is where I’m talking about health care, as well — from a third party or socialist based system to an individually owned, individually pre-funded, individually directed system.” To see the full article and transcript, go to http://bit.ly/Ueopk6.

Alliance Executive Director Edward F. Coyle commented, “These statements by Paul Ryan reinforce that he doesn’t intend to take the proper steps to protect or strengthen Medicare and Social Security, but sees them as a form of Socialism. Yet, Mitt Romney wants him to be his Vice President.” For quotes from Mitt Romney endorsing Paul Ryan's plans, go to http://bit.ly/P1ZL2R.

Early and Absentee Voting is Under Way in 30 States
According to NBC’s First Read (http://nbcnews.to/V02r31), “…voters in 30 states -- including the battleground states of Iowa, New Hampshire, North Carolina, Wisconsin, and Virginia -- are now casting ballots, either via absentee or early in-person voting.” Yesterday, early in-person voting began in Iowa and Wyoming, while absentee ballots are already being sent to voters requesting them in Alabama, North Dakota, and Illinois. By the end of next week, voters in five more states, including Ohio and Florida, will be on this list.

Many election experts predict that as many as 40% of voters will vote early or absentee for the November 6 election. “The explosion of early voting gives seniors more time to vote in an environment of harsh new voter identification laws in several battleground states,” said Ruben Burks, Secretary-Treasurer of the Alliance. “The Alliance applauds states that have expanded their early voting programs to make the polls more accessible for all Americans.” To see which states have already begun voting, go to http://bit.ly/JqkLdd. For general voting information in your state, go to http://www.vote411.org.

Affordable Care Act Saves Seniors $4.5 Billion on Prescription Drugs
According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), Medicare beneficiaries have saved a total of $4.5 billion on their prescriptions since January 2011 thanks to the 2010 health care reform law. The savings came both from increased coverage and from drug makers’ agreeing to lower their prices under the law. Through August of 2012, beneficiaries had saved an average of $641 this year. The Affordable Care Act (ACA) has also begun to close the Medicare Part D prescription drug “doughnut hole” - the coverage gap that is on schedule to be completely eliminated by 2020.

Romney: Uninsured can get Health Care in the Emergency Room
Asked on the show 60 Minutes recently whether government has a responsibility to provide health care for the 50 million Americans who are currently uninsured, Mitt Romney responded, “Well, we do provide care for people who don’t have insurance, people—we—if someone has a heart attack, they don’t sit in their apartment and die. We pick them up in an ambulance, and take them to the hospital, and give them care. And different states have different ways of providing for that care.” However, according to the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality, part of HHS, the cost of a doctor visit in an emergency room averages $922, whereas an office visit averages $199.

Barbara J. Easterling, President of the Alliance, responded, “Mitt Romney’s answer showed a lack of comprehension of the actual costs incurred by ER visits. He seems to be saying that the emergency room is a viable health care solution for the millions of Americans who will lose coverage or be kicked off their insurance plans if he repeals Obamacare. To suggest that the ER could ever be a good substitution for affordable health care is utterly unrealistic.”

Alliance Leaders: Institute for Puerto Rican/Hispanic Elderly Honors Easterling
The Institute the Puerto Rican/Hispanic Elderly honored Ms. Easterling on Thursday, giving her the Advocacy Award at the Institute’s Annual Gala Banquet. The Institute is a nonprofit and service organization serving New York’s growing Latino and other ethnic/racial minority seniors, and their families. They serve over 100,000 retirees in the New York City metropolitan area. “I want to thank the Institute for presenting me with your 2012 Advocacy Award. This is a great honor,” said Easterling. “Retirees and activists of all ages have much to be proud of, but our work is far from over,” she told the crowd.

Today, Ms. Easterling is speaking at a tele-townhall with the National Committee to Preserve Social Security and Medicare, while Mr. Coyle is addressing the International Union of Police Associations in Bonita Springs, Florida.

NFL Referees’ Strike is Settled
The National Football League (NFL) and the NFL Referees Association (NFLRA) reached an agreement ending a three-month strike on Wednesday night. The NFL had locked out the regular referees in June, after heated arguments during contract renegotiations with the referees’ union. The main point of contention in the contract negotiations was the referees’ pensions, which the NFL wanted to replace with 401(k)s. NFLRA representatives had noted the unsavory irony of a league generating $8.3 billion in annual revenue wanting to cut retirement benefits.

“The elimination of defined benefit pensions has been happening in too many industries for too long,” said Mr. Coyle. “I congratulate the referees on fighting back.” Football fans everywhere had been up in arms about a call made by a replacement referee at the end of Monday night’s Seattle Seahawks-Green Bay Packers game. This year’s football season, which kicked off in early September, has seen three weeks of controversial calls made by replacement referees.

H.R. 1627 Improves VA Loans

H.R. 1627 Improves VA Loans
DIRECTVALOANS.COM

New law makes VA loans available to more surviving spouses, disabled vets and single parents, and VA loan limits return to $729,750 to over $1,000,000 for high-cost areas.

On August 6, 2012 President Obama signed The Honoring America’s Veterans and Caring for Camp Lejeune Families Act (H.R. 1627). The new law addresses some of the problems veterans have been facing recently including medical conditions caused by contaminated water used by families stationed at Camp Lejeune, North Carolina. The signed legislation also makes certain veterans benefits, like VA loans, more readily available.
read more here

Mass. National Guard's Adjutant General Resigns

Mass. National Guard's Adjutant General Resigns
Sep 20, 2012
Cape Cod Times
by George Brennan

The former commanding officer at Camp Edwards has resigned as adjutant general of the Massachusetts National Guard, even though federal investigators were unable to substantiate a rape allegation against him.

Joseph Carter, who has been on paid leave since March, is stepping down from the $173,214 per year job running the Guard. He is also the former police chief in Oak Bluffs.

"For some months now, the U.S. Army has conducted a criminal investigation into allegations of misconduct by General Joseph Carter, adjutant general of the Massachusetts National Guard. I have now received their final report. Although the investigators were unable to reach definitive conclusions about the allegations and federal authorities declined to prosecute, the report raises serious concerns about the General's actions and his response to the allegations," Gov. Deval Patrick said in a prepared statement.
read more here

Suicide Prevention Day?

Complaining aout what the DOD has been "doing" to address military suicides, hasn't been enough to get them to change a thing no matter how many succeeded in doing it. Well, now you get a glimpse of one of these Stand Downs from someone who was there and wrote about it.

Suicide Prevention Day?
ASPIRING WRITERS, FEATURED, FEATURED WRITER
SEPTEMBER 29, 2012 BY ROB
27 September 2012

Last night I slept on the couch with my sick 3 year old daughter. As I was getting ready for work, my wife woke up with a fever and our baby might have a sinus infection. When my wife asked if I could stay home to help out, I said I can’t… but I would try to get home early. I couldn’t stay home because today is Stand Down for Suicide Day across the entire United States Army.

Today is a great opportunity for Soldiers to stand as one and come together to battle a growing epidemic. The importance of this day has been brought up over the past few weeks and I even received a mass email from General Odierno on my AKO.

I don’t want to talk about the reasoning of this day and what it means, because I can’t stress the importance enough. Rather, I want to talk about HOW the Army goes about training its Soldiers… and why it doesn’t work.

I won’t identify my Brigade because I don’t think that’s fair. Besides, this situation could’ve happened in any unit. As part of Headquarters and Headquarters Company (HHC), our place of duty this morning was the BDE Chapel. I had hope that we could take this topic seriously, or at the very least escape the office for an hour or two. The acting HHC Company Commander was in charge of leading the training which included the “Shoulder to Shoulder” video and a PowerPoint presentation that would spark conversation. Unfortunately, he was told THAT MORNING he would be responsible for this task (for the record, he did a great job under the circumstances). He asked me to help because he knew I had dealt with situations of suicide before.

When the time came to address the group and share stories, I had a plan of telling the group about SSG Montgomery, or my sister, or even my brushes with suicidal thoughts. I was prepared to pour my heart out in an attempt to possibly make a larger impact then strangers in a video. But not with an audience that wasn’t willing to listen. I think this attitude is one of the biggest problems with suicide in the Army…

read more here

It sucks to be right when they are still dead

I've been called a lot of things in all these years. One of them is "stupid" when I said that we will never know the real numbers connected to military suicides. Time and time again, I point out that when we read numbers, as bad as they may seem, they are only a part of the real numbers of veterans coming home. Back home where it is actually more dangerous for them than it was in combat. Families left in shock, end up blaming themselves.

While this report vindicates what I've been saying all these years, it leaves me with great sadness to have been proven right again. It sucks to be right when they are still dead.

Report: Texas vets dying young at alarming rate
Austin American-Statesman
Saturday, September 29, 2012

The Department of Veterans Affairs, which serves nearly half of recent veterans, does not regularly track individual causes of death, a shortcoming that critics say prevents it from understanding the scope of the problems facing those who fought in Iraq and Afghanistan.

AUSTIN, Texas (AP) — They survived the battlefields of Iraq and Afghanistan. But they did not survive the homecoming.

A six-month investigation by the Austin American-Statesman of Texas' Iraq and Afghanistan veterans who died after leaving the military found that an alarmingly high percentage died from prescription drug overdoses, toxic drug combinations, suicide and single-car crashes — a largely unseen pattern of early death that federal authorities are failing to adequately track.

The newspaper obtained autopsies, toxicology reports, inquests and accident reports from more than 50 agencies throughout Texas to analyze the causes of death for 266 Texas veterans who served in operations Enduring Freedom and Iraqi Freedom and were receiving VA benefits when they died.

The newspaper began with 345 fragmentary, nameless records provided by the Department of Veterans Affairs. Reporters used obituaries, widely scattered public records and interviews with veterans' families and friends to identify the dead, determine causes of death and reveal a phenomenon that has largely been hidden from public view.

The investigation found that:

— More than one in three died from a drug overdose, a fatal combination of drugs, or suicide. Their median age at death was 28.

— Nearly one in five died in a motor vehicle crash.

— Among those with a primary diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder, the numbers are even more disturbing: 80 percent died of overdose, suicide or a single vehicle crash. Only two of the 46 Texas veterans of the Iraq and Afghanistan conflicts with a PTSD diagnosis died of natural causes, according to the analysis.

— The 345 Texas veterans identified by the VA as having died since coming home is equal to nearly two-thirds of the state's casualties in Iraq and Afghanistan. But that only includes veterans who have sought VA benefits, meaning the total number of deaths is likely much larger.

Fort Hood soldier shares struggle with suicidal thoughts

Sensing session: Fort Hood soldier shares struggle with suicidal thoughts
Fort Hood Public Affairs Office
Courtesy Story
By Heather Graham-Ashley
III Corps and Fort Hood Public Affairs

Courtesy Photo
Spc. Robert Kearney, 4th Sustainment Brigade, 13th Sustainment Command (Expeditionary) at Fort Hood, Texas, holds the Buddy Card issued to all Wrangler Brigade troops. The card reminds soldiers to watch out for each other and be a buddy to their comrades. Kearney has already taken advantage of help offered at Fort Hood.
(Photo by Heather Graham-Ashley)

FORT HOOD, Texas -- During a sensing session here with III Corps and Fort Hood Commanding General Lt. Gen. Don Campbell Jr., Spc. Robert Kearney stood up and asked a question.

"I wanted to know why it was just senior enlisted and senior leaders talking [about seeking help]," Kearney said. "Why aren't E-4s and below talking?"

The general was meeting with leaders and soldiers from the 4th Sustainment Brigade Monday, following the brigade's loss of three soldiers in less than a week. Campbell wanted to dialogue with soldiers and get their feedback about how to help. When Kearney posed his question, Campbell asked him if he would talk about his story.

Kearney talked.

"I was depressed," Kearney said.

The wheeled mechanic was struggling with a divorce and estranged from his children when he reported for a doctor's appointment last summer.

"It was just a regular doctor's appointment," Kearney said.

On the questionnaire that all patients complete before each visit, Kearney came to the question that asked if the patient thought about hurting him or herself.

Kearney marked "yes."
read more here

Double amputee Afghanistan veteran gets special homecoming

Wounded warrior gets special homecoming
KOMO News
By Luke Duecy
Published: Sep 28, 2012

SEATTLE -- A local soldier came home Friday for the first time since being severely wounded while fighting in Afghanistan.

But what makes his story really special are the men and women who flew him home for free.

The Sawyer family had been hoping and praying for the day they could see their son, brother and friend come home. On Friday, that day finally came. But it was a long and violent road that brought Jereme Sawyer home.

Wounded in a roadside IED attack in Afghanistan, Sawyer lost both his legs at the knees. While rehab and recovery proved painful at times, it was nothing compared to the pain of being away from his family.

Since his injury, Sawyer has been recovering on post in Texas when all he wanted to do was be home with his family.
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Four fallen Marines mourned at Pendleton ceremony

MILITARY: Four fallen Marines mourned at Pendleton ceremony
September 28, 2012
North County Times
By MARK WALKER
Fallen Marines mourned

Marine Lance Cpl. Juan Servin will don his camouflage uniform, pack his bags, pick up a rifle and sidearm and head to Afghanistan's frozen battlefields early next year.

But on Friday, Servin was in his dress blue uniform, escorting and comforting his mother and other relatives at a ceremony for his older brother, Cpl. Anthony Servin, who died in combat in Afghanistan on June 8.

"Anything he did, I did ---- or wanted to do," Servin said of his late brother, one of four troops from Camp Pendleton's 2nd Battalion, 5th Marine Regiment whose service was saluted in a hilltop memorial Friday morning.

The other Marines killed during the battalion's recent seven-month deployment were Sgt. Wade Wilson, Cpl. Alex Martinez and Lance Cpl. Joshua Witsman.
read more here