"Cause When Depression Starts to Win," We Fight Back For Them

What Are You Willing To Do For Love?
Combat PTSD Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
August 12, 2017

"People talking without speaking. People hearing without listening." That is our life. That is the life for millions of lovers. The rest of the people read about it in news stories online or Facebook posts and they think they know what it is like for us. But they don't.

Disturbed - The Sound Of Silence [Official Music Video]



They "walk in restless dreams" and we awake in lonely rooms. We look in the mirror, getting ready for our day, and remember when we knew we were loved by them. Then we wonder what happened to make them turn from our hearts.

Kisses become a thing they do out of habit. Tender touches replaced by coldness. Making love ends up being more like an act out of anger. We think it is our fault. We lose weight, change our hair style and buy new clothes, but they never notice. They just keep pushing us away right we we're sure they need us the most. We're lost. Confused by what family members and friends say, telling us to walk away, when all we want to do is stay. 

When those darkest days were what we lived with when no one was talking about any of it, we suffered in silence. I couldn't talk about it with coworkers. They were too busy complaining about their husbands, apparently being destroyed by such trivial things, they'd never understand what true destruction of love was like.

In the darkest days that became all we knew, we fought our battles alone. No internet to find others like us, we found them within the groups our husbands joined. We found some solace in opinion pieces in our local newspapers when other wives tried to explain the war came home to them.

None of us signed up for it. None of us knew what we were getting into when all we wanted to do was build a future on promises as the quicksand of PTSD was dragging us into oblivion.

We knew our Dads had problems but our Moms never talked about it. They knew their Moms had problems, but did not dare do more than what they had to do from one moment to the next. It took our generation to stand up and say no more silent suffering. 

The only way we were able to do that was to stop being ashamed of our husbands and ourselves. The only way to do that was to learn about a part of them we never experienced with them. The only way to do that, was to find the experts researching it long before we ever knew what it was like to live with someone after they survived combat.

We not only respected what they had to teach us, we made sure we learned from it. After all, we knew this was our fight to win for them and our families, we needed every weapon we could get our hands on.

For me it was sitting in a library with a pile of clinical books and a dictionary. After I understood it enough, I opened my mouth because I knew it wasn't just me. Others were suffering and hoping someone would break the silence. None of us knew, others already had done just that. Vietnam veteran wives disturbed by the silence we thought we had to live with, decided to destroy it.

This is from For The Love of Jack, His War My Battle with a poem I wrote after a monument dedication back in 1984.

One of the vets said, “It boggles your mind to think about what happened.” The poem started out with that thought.

IN THE NAME OF GLORY
The things I’ve seen and done would boggle your mind.
I’ve seen the death and destruction created by mankind
in the living hell that I walked away from but could not leave behind.
It all comes back to haunt me now and makes peace impossible to find.
The ghosts of the past that find me in the night
make me wonder if my life will ever be right.
I have tried to forget what I have done,
and now there is no place left to run.
All this in the name of glory!
There is no end to this horror story.
It still does not make sense even now that I am older,
why, when I was so young they made me a soldier
and why I had to be a part of that war
when I didn’t even know what we were there for.
At eighteen I should have been with my friends having fun
not patrolling through a jungle with a machine gun.
I did my part just the same, just for my country
and stood helplessly watching my friends die all around me.
I felt a surge of hate engulf my soul for people that I did not know
and saw children lose their chance to grow.
All this in the name of glory!
There is still no end to this horror story.
There was no glory for guys like me
only bitter memories that will not set me free.
I can never forget the ones who never made it home
some of them dead and others whose fate is still unknown
and the stigma that we lost what was not meant to win
most of us carry that extra burden buried deep within.
All this in the name of glory!
Will there ever be an end to this horror story?

I am not a veteran but I listened when they decided they were safe enough to talk. It was their words, heard by a breaking heart. It was heard by a woman in love, with a man with painful eyes.

The thing is, if you are newly arrived in our world, then you better decide if the veteran you love is worth fighting for or not, because if you walk away, the questions will follow you.

Every time you read about a veteran committing suicide, it will haunt you. Every time you read about the body of a homeless veteran being found, it will gnaw at you. Above all that, every time you read about veterans and their spouse sticking it out and fighting back as survivors, you'll wonder what could have happened if you stayed.

Next month is our 33 anniversary. We went through the worst of it but I was not willing to let PTSD win. I was not going to give him back to Vietnam. It lost and I won, not just for his sake, but for mine and our daughter. My weapons were love and knowledge. His will to fight back was the fact he refused to be a victim of anything. He survived combat in Vietnam, so the will to fight was already there. All he needed was the support that came from me and what I was willing to do for him.

What are you willing to do for love? 

Right By Your Side
(Remastered Version)
Eurythmics

Give me two strong arms
To protect myself
Give me so much love
That I forget myself
I need to swing from limb to limb
To relieve this mess I'm in
'Cause when depression starts to win
I need to be right by your side

When Tomorrow Comes
Eurythmics
Do you want to save their lives after they were willing to die for the sake of others? Then learn what they live with!

Honor Flight, Living Proof Vietnam Veterans Are Worthy of Tribute

Vietnam Veterans Moved to Tears on Honor Flight to D.C.

FOX Insider

August 11, 2017

"When I look at those names, they're not names to me," Medal of Honor recipient Gary L. Littrell said in front of the memorial. "Those little 18, 19-year-old faces, they come back to life temporarily in my heart, my soul, my eyes."

Vietnam veterans who got few thanks for their service since the controversial war were finally appreciated on an honor flight to Washington, D.C. to visit the Vietnam Veterans Memorial.

The 107 veterans of the Vietnam War were treated to a plane decked out in patriotic trimmings. In D.C., they headed to spend time looking at the 58,318 names carved into the memorial wall.

"We all know we didn't get a whole lot of pats on the back, didn't get a lot of thank yous," said Army veteran Bruce Farris. "Well, as of today, that changes."

Old Glory Honor Flight flies World War II, Korean War and Vietnam War veterans out to D.C. to visit the memorials of their wars.

---

read more here

If you think you don't matter to the people of this country, I dare you to watch the video without having to wipe your eyes!

Let me know if you were not touched by all the people there to welcome this group of Vietnam veterans home!

White House Finally Gets Veterans Want to Talk to Veterans?

VA staffing new White House VA Hotline Principally with Veterans
08/11/2017 05:59 PM EDT

Today the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs announced that the two-month pilot phase of the new White House VA Hotline that began in June has demonstrated that Veterans calling the hotline respond best when their calls are answered by fellow Veterans and others with first-hand experience on their issues.

As a result, VA announced that it will target highly qualified Veterans to staff the hotline going forward, instead of contracting the service to a third-party vendor, and is hiring additional VA personnel to complete the planned move to a 24-hour operation.

“The message we’ve heard loud and clear is Veterans want to talk to other Veterans to help them solve problems and get VA services,” said VA Secretary David J. Shulkin. “We’re taking steps to answer that call.”

This decision will delay the full-time stand-up of the 24-hour service by two months, to no later than October 15, in order to ensure the hiring and training processes are complete.

Until that time, the hotline’s current pilot program service is available to receive calls from Veterans from 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Eastern Time, Monday through Friday.

He said what? What about the Veterans Choice Act sending them to private doctors instead of fixing the VA?

What is at the heart of Palm Beach VA problems?

Veterans struggle to get heart care at Palm Beach VA, report finds
Sun Sentinel


Skyler Swisher
August 9, 2017

Nearly 1,000 veterans seeking treatment at the West Palm Beach VA Medical Center for their heart conditions faced multiple canceled appointments and delayed care, according to a report released Wednesday by the agency’s Office of Inspector General.

Investigators attributed the delays to “unexpected staff departures and challenges in recruiting cardiologists,” along with inadequate training and supervision of schedulers.

The probe examined 32,000 cardiology appointments from Oct. 1, 2014, to Feb. 26, 2016, finding that about 15 percent were canceled. That’s higher than the Department of Veterans Affairs’ national average of 11 percent.

David Knapp, co-chair of the Palm Beach County Veterans Committee, said he has heard mixed reviews about VA services in South Florida.

Knapp, 64, a Vietnam veteran living in West Palm Beach, said he uses the VA system exclusively to treat his diabetes, post-traumatic stress disorder and other health issues. He said he has been pleased with the care he has received.

“You are going to hear good and bad," he said. “That’s unfortunately the way it goes. That VA takes care of a lot of people, and that VA was not built to handle the number of veterans that come through there.”
read more here

Young Man With Tumor Wants Help to Be "Normal" And Join the Army

He wants to join the Army, but can't afford to pay to have face tumor removed

Associated Press

August 9, 2017

He has turned to the internet for help and set up a GoFundMe page with a goal of $40,000.Removing the tumor would not only give him a normal life, but also allow him to pursue his dream of joining the military, McCulley said.

NAMPA, Idaho — An Idaho man with a large, rare tumor that dominates the right side of his face is asking for help with the medical costs to remove it.

Lucas McCulley of Nampa was born with a rare lymphangioma tumor that was not detected during his mother's pregnancy, KTVB-TV reported.

"I was born at Mercy and they life-flighted me at two days old to Salt Lake City and they had never seen any case like it before I got there," he said.

Before he reached the age of 10, McCulley underwent 24 surgeries and the last one nearly had a fatal outcome.

read more here

Maine Soldier and Family Assistance Center Specialists Face Pay Cut?

Supporting our veterans is about more than talk

The Hill
BY STATE REPS. RYAN FECTEAU AND BRADLEE FARRIN,
OPINION CONTRIBUTORS
08/09/17

Some were forced to give up a job that they describe as a calling because they could no longer afford to pay their bills. Others are hanging on, taking second jobs and facing severe hardship at home.

As a Republican and a Democrat who serve in the state house in the great state of Maine, we spend our days on opposite sides of the aisle.

More often than not, we disagree.

However, we came together today because we believe that some things are more important than party affiliation.

Before we are Democrats, Republicans, or even Mainers — we are Americans. And as Americans, there is no more important issue than supporting our troops.

As Catherine Rampell recently reported in the Washington Post, the workers who are actually supporting our troops are not getting the respect they deserve.

More than 400 men and women across our country make it their mission to support our troops.

Known as Soldier and Family Assistance Center specialists, they are the people who military service members or veterans turn to in crisis — they do whatever it takes to connect them, and their families, with a broad range of legal, medical, financial and psychological services.

In fiscal year 2015 alone, SFACs addressed more than 2.7 million inquiries, referral requests and outreach calls.

We are speaking out for SFACs today because their wages were recently slashed in half by the federal government.
read more here

Why Is The VA Cutting Funding For Homeless Veterans?

Phoenix program for homeless veterans could get funding reprieve from VA
The Republic
Brenna Goth
Aug. 9, 2017

Officials at Phoenix's largest homeless shelter for single adults are encouraged by — but wary of — a national reprieve in funding cuts for programs serving veterans.

A grant program run by the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs recently shifted focus from funding temporary, transitional housing to paying for permanent housing. The changes have elicited concerns throughout the country in recent months from programs that no longer qualify.

Roughly $500,000 is at stake for Central Arizona Shelter Services, or CASS, near downtown Phoenix.

The organization has received the money for at least a decade to provide hundreds of veterans with services to end their homelessness, according to CEO Mark Holleran.

But earlier this year, Holleran said VA officials told him the department would no longer fund the program.

The VA would not confirm the status of CASS' grant to The Arizona Republic.
read more here

A Marine Thought I'd Care Enough to Change

Do We Care Enough to Change?

Combat PTSD Wounded Times

Kathie Costos

August 10, 2017

Ten years ago today, this site started because of a Marine serving in Iraq. I had another site for years, Screaming in an empty room. He was a regular reader but was bothered by my political views and didn't want to have to read them while searching for posts on PTSD. There are over 8,000 posts on it, so he had a lot to read.

Anyway, he sent me an email explaining how much it bothered him. Naturally, I was an idiot in the responding email. I explained that I had the right to post what I wanted, basically telling him if he didn't like it, don't read it. (Ya, I know! I was a real jerk and it isn't easy admitting it, anymore than it was back then.)

What was the Marine's response? One question. "Are you doing this for yourself or us?"

As soon as I read it, I lost my vision because the tears did not stop coming. Imagine, being a Marine, serving in Iraq, asking someone back home for a tiny little thing like keep politics out of something he thought was helpful, and all he got back was my rant and anger. Then imagine what it took for him to simply reply with that fantastic question that changed everything!

I made him a promise that from that day on, I'd have a new site, where the only thing political he'd ever read, was when a politician did something for them or against them. I had fallen into the same trap I had complained about for years. As a matter of fact, I am so ashamed of all of it that I left the old posts up to remind me of how easy it is to turn into a real jerk and forget that when it comes to the men and women risking their lives and our veterans, politics should stay out of it.

If you can't understand that, then think of it this way. Congress has been responsible for how our veterans are treated since 1946. This mess didn't happen overnight. Until we get that through our thick sculls, nothing will ever changed. When it comes to our veterans and currently serving troops, it is up to us to fight for them!

In these ten years, over 28,000 posts and well over 3.3 million page views, it turns out that Marine was right! Politics has no place here and the truth does matter. So do facts.

I track news reports from across the country and in Canada, Australia, England, New Zealand, Scotland and a few others. Most of the great reporting being done is from towns and cities with their local reporters. It gets harder to track them because I work a full time job and do what I can working with veterans with PTSD.

I love this country and that is why I expect so much more out of it. I know we have some of the best minds and have seen acts of human kindness proving that there is nothing we are not capable of, yet far too many seem all too willing to settle for the way things are. Nothing will change as long as we stop believing we not only should do better, but we can do better!

One of the first posts I put up here, was read over 8,000 time and it is about suicides. Hard to believe it was ten years ago, but you can read it for yourself. I was searching for reports on military suicides for a video I was doing. 

Back then, it was one of those topics no one really wanted to talk about. Much like PTSD itself, but the thing is, we were talking about all of it for decades. No one was listening.

I came across a report on suicides and it caused me to take all the reports I found putting together the video, and put them all online.

Why Isn't the Press on a Suicide Watch?
You'd never know that at least 3% of all American deaths in Iraq are due to self-inflicted wounds. And that doesn't include the many vets who have killed themselves after returning home.
By Greg Mitchell
NEW YORK (August 13, 2007) -- Would it surprise you to learn that according to official Pentagon figures, at least 118 U.S. military personnel in Iraq have committed suicide since April 2003? That number does not include many unconfirmed reports, or those who served in the war and then killed themselves at home (a sizable, if uncharted, number).
While troops who have died in "hostile action" -- and those gravely injured and rehabbing at Walter Reed and other hospitals -- have gained much wider media attention in recent years, the suicides (about 3% of our overall Iraq death toll) remain in the shadows.

And I added in my two cents after that and before the reports on far too many names.

Thank you Greg Mitchell for doing this!
That 118 number is the number they will admit to. There are a lot more.
Consider a few things. "Under investigation" hides many of these suicides. If the DOD does not finish an "investigation" then that death is not counted as a suicide, even if it is.
The DOD would not be in emergency mode if there were only 118 suicides considering there have been years of occupations in two nations. I am in no way trivializing 118 suicides but what I am suggesting is that the DOD will not jump into action unless there is a crisis. They know they have a crisis.
The VA during testimonies before congress have admitting they have 1,000 committing suicide every year within their system alone. They also stated that there are an additional 5,000 committing suicide yearly.
When I was doing the research for the video, Death Because They Served, I was looking into the reports of the "non-combat deaths" while taking a look at the reports from the other nations involved in both occupations. What I found was startling. There seems to be a consistent pattern of information buried. What appears to be a suicide when the DOD releases a death press release is that it is always "under investigation" but there is never a follow up release that can be easily found. The other tactic they use now is they do not release the name. This makes follow up research impossible.
I really suggest you read the piece from Editor and Publisher. If the following is not enough to compel you to push the media to do their job, then you must be among the people Bush told to go shopping to show their support for the troops.

Looking back over the old posts, it is sicking to see that the numbers of suicides went up, homeless veterans still walk the streets, the stigma of PTSD is almost as strong as it was back then and families, well, still feel as lost as I did over 3 decades ago when I met my husband.

There has been over 200 videos, three books and 4th one as soon as I can finish it and right now, I feel like a failure because of how little most people have learned in all these years.

Don't get me wrong, I wish I could find the email for the Marine responsible for this work, but I've been searching for a long time now.  
All I know is that he was in Iraq on August 10, 2007 when he decided I just may care enough to change.

Real Veterans Take Over Night Shift

Military vets take the spotlight in ‘Night Shift’ season opener
Lansing State Journal
Mike Hughes
Aug. 9, 2017

Montoya was in the Army from 1992-95, then re-enlisted after the Sept. 11 attack, fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan. As doctors and medics saved him, he said, “one of the very few things I do remember is somebody holding my hand, saying, 'Not on my shift. I'm not going to let you die.'”

LOS ANGELES -- Our TV sets and movie screens are filling up with soldiers now.

Along the way, stereotypes persist. Just ask some of the former soldiers involved Thursday's “Night Shift” episode, a key one directed by East Lansing's Tim Busfield, a Navy veteran.

Often, the veterans say, shows depict the extremes:

•The unflinching rock. “Some (shows) have a list that says, 'Remember, soldiers don't get nervous; soldiers don't fidget; soldiers don't' – and I'm like, 'Well, I do,'” said Josh Kelley, once a Ranger sergeant in Afghanistan and now a busy actor.

•Or the opposite. “They always show the former soldier as (emotionally) broken,” said Toby Montoya, who was in Iraq and Afghanistan. “Some are, but most aren't. I'm not.”

He would have every reason to break down. Eight years ago, he said, a 490-pound explosive device hit his vehicle in Afghanistan; he's had 22 surgeries and remains in a wheelchair.

Still, he's a vibrant force as “Night Shift” military adviser. The show is set at a San Antonio hospital, surrounded by military bases. Some doctors and patients are active-duty military; others are veterans.

On Thursday, that peaks when there are injuries during a military funeral. Victims fill the emergency room; it's an hour filled with guest stars who are veterans, directed by Busfield, also a vet ... even if his colleagues didn't realize it.
read more here

California PTSD Veteran Bill Gives Veterans a Chance Instead of Jail

Local officials applaud Gov. Brown's signing of PTSD bill for veterans

Eyewitness News 
by Lexi Wilson 
Wednesday, August 9th 2017

BAKERSFIELD, Calif. (KBAK/KBFX) — Gov. Jerry Brown has signed a bill that gives veterans a chance to receive treatment instead of jail time when charged with a misdemeanor DUI.

It is called the Pre-Trail Diversion Program.

The court will look at the misdemeanors as a mental health issue rather than a criminal case.

read more here