PTSD is a family affair

Want to change what you live with?
Combat PTSD Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
February 7, 2018

When they become a "veteran" of service, families need to know, that what they do not know, is harming everyone. Valentines Day is coming next week. Want to start it off with a better relationship?

I know because I said a lot of stupid things over the years. I reacted...overreacted, more times than I want to admit to. I judged my husband and myself. Wondered how on earth we'd ever make it and thought too many times about not wanting to try. What made it worse for me, was, honestly, I knew everything I needed to know about PTSD, but it was still impossible at times.

I can't imagine getting through any of this without knowing what I was facing, or why it was all falling apart. I still can't understand why so many of us end up not even bothering to take all of this seriously enough to not do everything possible to make it about "us" instead of about "them" against us.

So, how serious are you about helping your family live better lives? Are you happy with the way things are? Are your kids suffering?

Lets put it this way. They train to do their jobs but we don't view our part as a "job" we have to train to be able to do. It is hard enough keeping a family together in the civilian world, but damn near impossible when you're trying to do it with someone who was ready to die for the sake of others but ends up feeling like their life isn't worth much anymore.

How are you going to fight that if you don't understand what they are going through? If you don't know where the pain is coming from? You won't have a clue how you can make it worse, anymore than you can plan on how to make it better.

All of us have a job to do in this. It isn't enough to just tell them you love them. You have to prove it but what you are willing to do for them. Are you willing to learn? 

Then contact Point Man International Ministries for a Homefront near you or an OutPost for your veteran. It started way back in 1984 and has been providing peer support for the whole family all along. 

You know, before everyone knew everything they didn't need to know but had no time to learn what could change their lives.

If you live in Florida, contact me woundedtimes@aol.com. I am State Coordinator but also work with families across the country. It is free and confidential. Go to the link above and search for your state. These are all done with small groups or one on one.

What have you got to lose other than a burden you don't need to carry alone?

Think about the words in this song. They can apply to anyone in regular life. Now think of your veteran using the same words.

Rainy Days and Mondays
The Carpenters

Talkin' to myself and feelin' old
Sometimes I'd like to quit
Nothin' ever seems to fit
Hangin' around
Nothin' to do but frown
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down

What I've got they used to call the blues
Nothin' is really wrong
Feelin' like I don't belong
Walkin' around
Some kind of lonely clown
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down

Funny, but it seems I always wind up here with you
Nice to know somebody loves me
Funny, but it seems that it's the only thing to do
Run and find the one who loves me (the one who loves me)

What I feel has come and gone before
No need to talk it out (talk it out)
We know what it's all about
Hangin' around (hangin' around)
Nothin' to do but frown
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down

Funny, but it seems that it's the only thing to do (only thing to do)
Run and find the one who loves me

What I feel has come and gone before
No need to talk it out
We know what it's all about
Hangin' around (hangin' around)
Nothin' to do but frown
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down
Hangin' around (hangin' around)
Nothin' to do but frown
Rainy days and Mondays always get
Me down

Written by Paul H. Williams, Roger S. Nichols • Copyright © Universal Music Publishing Group

Arizona Fire Captain's life ended because of road rage

A Marine veteran tried to confront a tailgating driver and was shot in the head, officials say
Washington Post
By Kristine Phillips
February 5, 2018

An off-duty Arizona fire captain was shot and killed in an alleged road-rage incident Sunday by a man who told investigators he thought his gun was not loaded, authorities said.

A city colleague was lost to us today, we mourn with the Tempe Fire Medical Rescue Department on the death of Fire Captain Kyle Brayer.

Kyle Brayer, a former Marine and 10-year veteran of the Tempe Fire Medical Rescue Department, was riding in a golf cart with friends early Sunday morning in Scottsdale when a man in a red Scion coupe began driving closely, nearly hitting the back of the cart, police said.

After the cart pulled up to a stop sign, Brayer walked over to the coupe and was shot in the head, according to police. The 34-year-old died at a hospital.
read more here

POTUS parade will stomp on honors earned and dignity denied

As I pointed out very early this morning on Google+

OK, so we have troops and their families on food stamps but POTUS wants a parade? "Still, the official said Trump is determined to have a parade. "The president wants to do something that highlights the service and sacrifice of the military and have a unifying moment for the country," the official said."

But as the morning went on, it got even worse as it turns out that POTUS does not want to treat all veterans and families as equal. Department of Veterans Affairs Secretary David Shulkin doesn't seem to get it. When older veterans are the majority of veterans committing suicide and families have waited longer, struggled longer and have been forgotten about by all the new groups, who don't care about us, this is yet one more backhanded slap!

This is from Stars and StripesOfficials with President Donald Trump’s administration told Congress last month that the White House couldn’t support an extension because of fiscal restraints, but Shulkin said Tuesday that new eligibility criteria would allow for an expansion without the cost.

So, they raised Tricare fees and lowered the money to go toward housing at the same time they gave troops a raise that still leaves McDonalds employees making more money than they do. 

They managed to funnel millions to private healthcare providers under "Choice" instead of fixing the VA, which is, in fact, the choice of veterans. They tried to cut funds for homeless veterans and cut benefits to senior veterans. But we're supposed to believe that POTUS cares because he wants to give a parade?

For who? I mean, Vietnam veterans have had enough parades and pins to "honor" them but what would really show they do in fact matter, IS TO BE TREATED AS IF THEY DID!

Trump wants a grand military parade. Some veterans say that won’t fix their problems
Washington Post
Eugene Scott
February 7, 2018

But the president's critics have called his support for the military shallow, noting that Trump has never served in uniform (he was approved of multiple deferments for bone spurs during the Vietnam War), and he has attempted to fill his administration with generals for the purpose of optics.

President Trump is receiving quite a bit of pushback for his plan for a grand military parade down Pennsylvania Avenue.

The Washington Post's Greg Jaffe and Philip Rucker reported:

Surrounded by the military’s highest-ranking officials, including Defense Secretary Jim Mattis and Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman Gen. Joseph F. Dunford Jr., Trump’s seemingly abstract desire for a parade was suddenly heard as a presidential directive, the officials said.

“The marching orders were: I want a parade like the one in France,” said a military official who spoke on the condition of anonymity because the planning discussions are supposed to remain confidential. “This is being worked at the highest levels of the military.”

Even the hosts of Trump's beloved “Fox and Friends” expressed reservations about the spectacle that could cost millions.

“I don’t know,” co-host Brian Kilmeade said Wednesday. “It seems like a waste of money.”
read more here

UPDATE
Navy SEAL who says he killed Osama bin Laden calls President Trump's military parade 'third world BS'
CNBC
Dan Mangan Jeff Daniels
Published 2:26 PM ET Thu, 8 Feb 2018

The former Navy SEAL who says he killed terrorist leader Osama bin Laden called President Donald Trump's idea for a military parade in Washington "third world bulls---."
Rob O'Neill's criticisms echoed others who say such a parade is more suited to countries like North Korea, Russia and China, and would be expensive.
The Pentagon said the parade is in the initial planning stage, with no firm details yet.

The former Navy SEAL who claims to have killed terror mastermind Osama bin Laden is calling President Donald Trump's idea for a military parade in Washington "third world bulls---."

Robert O'Neill's scathing dismissal Thursday of Trump's desired parade featuring soldiers, tanks and other military hardware came as a Pentagon spokeswoman said that march is still in the initial planning stage.

"We prepare. We deter. We fight. Stop this conversation," O'Neill tweeted.
read more here

PTSD and grieving can lead to healing

If you grieve, let it heal you
Combat PTSD Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
February 6, 2018

Who said that you are not supposed to cry? After all, their lives mattered so much, you would pay with your own life to save theirs. 

Who said that grieving was not something you should do? After all, if you cared about someone, it is only natural to grieve when they die.

There are so many really stupid things people say because they are uncomfortable not knowing what to say. 

It is almost as if they would feel like a failure if they could not offer words of comfort in uncomfortable moments. They end up feeling good about themselves, because they did something for you. Did not dawn on them they already succeeded on the failing part, when they said something that could end up harming you the rest of your life.

It could be a buddy telling you that you should go out and have a few drinks to feel better. The truth is, you end up feeling numb. The grief is still there the next morning and you wonder who the hell will understand you, or offer you any comfort.

It could be your own family, not knowing what to say, or do, to help you. They may say something dumb as well, or judge you, because they do not know what is going on.

The thing is, no one has to know anything more than you want to tell them. They do need to know you are hurting and need some support. Let them know what you need. Don't make they guess, because no matter how much they care, they usually guess wrong.

You can remind them of someone they lost and how it felt and tell them it feels like that. If they try to turn it into a contest, remind them the conversation is to make you feel better and not challenge you.

The may not be able to understand what caused PTSD in you, but they will understand what it was like when something bad happened to them. Tell them it is like the same thing happening over and over again, and when it isn't happening, you worry about when it does.

The other thing you need to know is that if you think you do not deserve anyone to care, or feel as if you are evil, remember, evil people do not grieve for someone else. 

If you have faith and think that the suffering is some kind of judgment from God, it isn't. He gave you all you need to heal from what you had to do. Much like He gave you everything you needed to be able to endure all the hardships that came with your job.

I hope this video helps.

Homeless Vietnam Veteran Murdered in Vegas

ONLY ON 8: Homeless man shot, killed was a Vietnam veteran
Las Vegas Now
By: Shakala Alvaranga
Posted: Feb 05, 2018

LAS VEGAS - Oneida Lewis-Baker hadn't heard from her father, 64-year-old James Lewis, for years.

Though their communication was basically non existent, Oneida never stopped searching for him.

"I looked for my dad for years and I couldn't find him," Lewis-Baker said.

It turns out, James lived in the same city as her and was the third homeless person killed last week.

Police believe their deaths may be connected.

"To watch someone drive twice by him, get out and shoot him like he didn't have any loved ones, that was heartbreaking," she said.

A small memorial with candles now sits where Lewis was shot. In the surveillance video, a man gets out of an SUV at 4:15 a.m. early Friday morning, fires two shots at Lewis, and runs away.

There was no struggle and Lewis never even appeared to wake up.

"You took someone who served this country. You took a military veteran," Lewis-Baker said.
read more here

Start healing awareness instead of suicide propaganda

Giving Healing Awareness Some Fuel
Combat PTSD Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
February 5, 2018

Which road you take is up to you, so stop and get directions!

I have to admit it. A co-worker keeps giving me advice on how to get people to pay attention to something as heartbreaking, and uncomfortable to talk about, as suicides. This is the result of the last time she told me I needed to pull a stunt.

The numbers you hear do not make them true. Almost like when folks were saying the earth was flat, it wasn't and still isn't. 

The CDC puts the number of Americans committing suicide at 42,826. Almost every state has said veterans commit suicide double the civilian rate, and some states say it is triple. That means it would have to be over 70 a day. 

This is complicated but what makes it all worse is that the ones trying to do the "teaching" are just repeating a headline. You'd think they would have taken these lives a lot more seriously and reporters would have done a better job getting closer to the real number. 

No one will ever know for sure but we, not only have to try to figure it out, stop what failed, beginning with awareness and we have to repeat what worked all these years.

If you doubt what is in this video, consider this. All the folks running around the country screaming about "suicide awareness" have managed to bring the known veteran suicides down to...

WHERE THEY WERE IN 1999 WHEN THERE WERE OVER 5 MILLION MORE VETERANS ALIVE AT THE TIME.

And they would have known this if they bothered to read the report in the first place. 

Hope you enjoy this video but hope you change what is happening a lot more. If they did not know what is stated in this video, then there isn't much they bothered to learn.

For the love of God, if you know someone hurting, tell them they can heal and live a better life instead of giving up!

This came out on February 6, 2018 on Montana Standard about the rising number of veterans committing suicide in Montana.

The Public's Health: Suicide rate for Montana's veterans still among highest

"Death certificates provide “a convenient but imperfect tool to describe suicides,” says the fact sheet. “While the death certificate provides a field asking whether the decedent was ever in the armed forces, it does not distinguish between active duty, the Reserves or National Guard membership … while the death certificate is able to reliably identify military services, research has suggested that there may be vulnerable subgroups such as active duty personnel.”

Womack Army Medical Center retaliated against whistleblowers?

Army criticized for its handling of whistleblower retaliation case at Womack
Military Times
By: Kathleen Curthoys
February 5, 2018

OSC found that a pattern of retaliatory personnel actions against Gilbert aggravated the seriousness of the hospital’s infection control problems and increased the risk to patients. Those actions were likely a deterrent to others who may be whistleblowers, the report said, and the supervisor deserved discipline for actions that violated personnel policy.

A federal agency that protects government whistleblowers criticized the Army on Monday for declining to discipline a staff member at its Fort Bragg, North Carolina, hospital after an investigation found failures in infection control that put service members and families at risk.

Whistleblower Teresa Gilbert was a board-certified infection control technician at Womack Army Medical Center who reported violations of infection control policies in early 2014 that she said presented a health and safety threat to troops and family members at the hospital.

She reported that Womack staff members failed to correct infection control deficiencies that an earlier inspection had found, including dirty and unsterilized medical equipment, according to a redacted 2017 report by the U.S. Office of Special Counsel, the independent federal agency tasked with safeguarding whistleblowers from reprisal.

A supervisor retaliated against Gilbert by restricting her access to infection control practices and patient medical records and excluding her from meetings, the OSC report said. The supervisor also cut her work hours to half days, requiring her to take four hours of leave each day and then charging her with being absent without leave for not submitting leave requests for that time, the OSC report said. In addition, Gilbert was threatened that she would be removed from the hospital unit.
read more here

PTSD Disabled Veteran Died After SWAT Standoff

Friend says Harris Co. deputy's accused shooter troubled by divorce and custody dispute
ABC 13 News
By Jessica Willey
Friday, February 02, 2018

Cobb was on the track team at the University of Houston. He was a triathlete and an Army veteran, having served in Afghanistan. "I know for sure he had PTSD. I know it. I feel like, that was a huge, plays a huge part in what happened," she said.

SPRING, Texas (KTRK) -- The man at the center of a deputy's shooting and SWAT standoff overnight was a disabled Army veteran who suffered from post traumatic stress disorder, according to friends.

Matthew Vincent Cobb, 35, was found dead from gunshot wounds early Thursday morning inside the house on Kiplands Way where he rented a room. That came after a Harris County Sheriff's deputy and a roommate had been shot.

Sources tell Eyewitness News Cobb had threatened his ex-wife with a gun at her house and then left. Deputies found him at his house and were mid-arrest when, investigators say, Cobb pulled a gun from his clothes and fired.

The deputies returned fire and retreated. Video from a neighbor's security camera shows one deputy stumbling out, having been shot in the arm.
read more here

American Legion Post No. 92 needs help to keep helping veterans

Veterans who help veterans need help of their own
Herald Net
Julie Muhlstein
February 4, 2018

Even after a veteran has died, a claim effort can continue and a widow may be helped. “Some guys just want to give up,” Hughes said. “We try to convince them not to.”

Just outside Stanwood’s American Legion Post 92 Thursday, Navy veteran and Post Chaplain Phil Lewis, 85, talks about major work needed on the building, which is only a few years younger than he is. Post Cmdr. Gina Seegert might appear to be suffering from a little sticker shock, considering they need to raise $90,000. (Dan Bates / The Herald)

The distinct Spanish mission-style building has a past. It was built in 1939, by the Works Progress Administration, as East Stanwood City Hall. More than a piece of history — a place with a past — today it serves a vital purpose. As Stanwood American Legion Post No. 92, it helps veterans in need.

With its volunteer Veteran Service Officers, the post guides people who have served in the military through the paperwork tangle to obtain veterans benefits. The Legion hall hosts monthly prime-rib dinners, and offers bingo and other social opportunities. Members send care packages to local men and women now in the armed forces.

A lifeline for veterans, Stanwood’s Post 92 now has a need of its own.

When it was built, an 80-foot beam made by flattening an old-growth tree was used as a main support. Under a saggy part of the hall’s floor, that beam is rotting. In 2014, the group replaced about 30 feet of it.

Phil Lewis, the 85-year-old chaplain of Post 92, is leading a “Replace the Beam” fundraising project. The goal is $90,000. The money would be used to jack up the building, cut out the existing 2-foot-by-2 foot beam, put a form in place, add rebar, and pour cement to create a new 50-foot concrete beam. Project plans include replacing part of the floor.

read more here

Camp Pendleton Marine killed in car crash

Marine from Riverside who served multiple deployments killed in car crash
Orange County Register
By ERIKA I. RITCHIE
February 3, 2018

CAMP PENDLETON A 27-year-old Marine from Riverside was killed early Friday in a single car crash near the north end of Camp Pendleton, military officials said Saturday, Feb. 3.

The Marine has been identified as Sgt.John D. Wise III. He was assigned to 1st Battalion, 5th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, said Capt. Paul Gainey.

Wise was found dead at 12:38 a.m. on southbound Cristianitos Road one mile outside Camp Pendleton’s Cristianitos Gate, according to reports from the California Highway Patrol and Camp Pendleton Fire Department.

It appeared he could have come off the off-ramp at Cristianitos headed toward Camp Pendleton, said CHP Public Safety Dispatcher Morrison.
read more here