I don't want to just have the memory of you

Don't let them become just a memory

Combat PTSD Wounded Times

Kathie Costos

February 20, 2018

Most of the time there are conversations about regrets, when it is too late to change the ending. More times than not, it is a matter of not knowing what to say, so some say nothing. 

If they have PTSD, they may have the wrong idea, thinking they are weak. Remind them of all that they went through and survived. Let them know that you were changed too, even if it is just in a small way. 

The following is what too many have to say when they are left with just the memory of someone they cared about. It is what they wish they would have said.

If you have someone you are worried about, let them know you are still there for them in any way you can think of, because most of the time, they just don't know how to ask for help.

I don't want to just have the memory of you 

Kathie Costos ©

I don't want to just have the memory of you 

when this is one more battle we can still get through. 

Don't fight this one alone 

and just step away from the stone 

where your name does not need to be. 

I'd die for you, so please at least talk to me. 

I don't know if you realize

I can see the pain in your eyes.

You've been through worse than this, that is for sure

but when you think it piled up to more than you are able to endure

that's the time to lean on me 

until you're able to break free

I don't want to be left with just the memory of you

and blaming myself for not knowing what to do

to help you see how much you mean to me

and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you.

We faced too much side by side

so why do you want to just hide

and end it the way you decide

instead of being able to confide

what you've been holding inside?

I don't want to be left with just the memory of you

and blaming myself for not knowing what to do

to help you see how much you mean to me

and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you.

When you were by my side, we were unstopable

and we managed to do the impossible

so why fight the demons alone now 

when you don't have to?

Talk to me so I won't just have the memory of you!

Madison mother shares story of son’s suicide to raise awareness

There are stories that break your heart at the same time, they help heal it.

I was listening to the interview with the Mom of a young National Guardsman, who committed suicide. She was talking about something as tiny as deciding she didn't have time to listen when her son wanted to talk. Moments later, he killed himself.

I don't know if you are aware of how hard it is to live with something like that, and even harder to open up about it. This Mom is offering raising awareness that other families need to hear.

Madison mother shares story of son’s suicide to raise awareness
WHNT 19 News
BY CHELSEA BRENTZEL
FEBRUARY 18, 2018

MADISON, Ala. - Most mothers hold on to precious memories. Wendy Galloway often looks at the scrapbook she made for her son Aaron when he graduated high school.

Some of her favorite photos are Aaron's senior portraits, his military ball and the day he enlisted in the Army National Guard. It's the not so good memories that Galloway wishes she would have taken more seriously.

"I was stressed. It was a Sunday night and I was trying to get stuff done and get ready for work the next day," explained Galloway.

Aaron came home from drill practice on July 10, 2016 and wanted to talk to his mom.

"I just waited too long and then I heard a really loud boom. And when I opened the door I knew he was gone," said Galloway.

The 19-year-old had taken his own life.
read more here

Busload of Vietnam veterans honored Army National Guard veteran James Wood

About 300 attend funeral for slain Winchester, Tenn., veteran
Times Free Press
Philip J Loenz III
February 19, 2018

WINCHESTER, Tenn. — No one would dispute that paying tribute to a deceased 50-year-old Winchester military veteran is a particularly sad event.

The body of U.S. Army National Guard veteran James Wood lies under the American flag Friday at his funeral service, where more than 300 people showed up after Wood's mother sent out a plea for people to attend because she was unable to do so.

(Photo courtesy Philip Lorenz/Winchester Herald Chronicle)

About 300 people attended the funeral for James Leon Wood on Friday at Winchester's Watson-North Funeral Home.

Most of those attending the service were military veterans from Franklin County and other counties in Middle and Southeast Tennessee, even a busload of Vietnam veterans from Chattanooga. Some of Wood's friends also attended his service.

Many of those who attended Friday's services were answering a call last week from Wood's mother, Bertha Allen, who lives in New Mexico and was unable to attend her son's funeral. Wood was the victim of a homicide committed some time over the last several months, and six people, including his wife and her two adult children, have now been charged in his death.

His body was found in January buried under a concrete slab in the backyard of his own home.

David Michael, who lives in Tullahoma, described Wood as "a good friend and fishing buddy," just before the funeral service got underway.

Michael said he feels sad at the loss of his friend, but "we are celebrating his life, he was a gentle soul."
read more here

How S.C. first responders are trying to save their own

Firefighter suicides outnumber line-of-duty deaths. How S.C. first responders are trying to save their own.
The Post and Courier
Angie Jackson
February 18, 2018

Suicides such as Emily Avin’s were once overlooked by firefighters and paramedics eager to maintain an image of bravery and invincibility. But that’s changing as the profession acknowledges a deadly scourge that claims more lives than the perils firefighters face in the line of duty.

Emily Avin was supposed to come home that day in September.

Her parents had arranged it: Avin would move back into their country home in the small Florence County town of Pamplico, where she grew up playing softball and cheering for her high school football team as the mascot. It would be a break, for a month or so, from her job as a paramedic, a career the young woman loved but now found emotionally draining.

She worked one last 24-hour shift in Aiken. Afterward, instead of driving across the state, Avin called her mother upset.

Sue Ann Avin detected hopelessness in her daughter’s voice.

“Emily, you’re not thinking about doing anything to hurt yourself, are you?”

Later that morning, Emily Avin called 911 from her home in Aiken to report a suicide.

She then picked up a gun, walked outside and pulled the trigger before anyone could reach her. She was 26.
read more here

Volunteers are how miracles do happen!

Volunteers making miracles
Combat PTSD Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
February 18, 2018

Eagles, "The Long Run" asks a question about why someone did something,

Did you do it for love?
Did you do it for money?
Did you do it for spite?
Did you think you had to, honey?

I my line of work...as a volunteer, not the one I get paid to do, I've met all kinds of people. The ones who do something out of spite, do not last long. They feed what is worse within them, then move onto a new target. 

The ones who do it for money, well, they get as much as they can without paying any kind of emotional price, and they also move on to the next thing they can make a living off of. The cause, clearly didn't matter as much as they claimed it did.

I've been doing it most of my life because of the example my Mom set as a volunteer with our church back home. She worked a full time job, but found time to help because of what she got back. As a kid, I asked her why she did it and she told me that the rewards were came to her heart, not her wallet.

I ended up volunteering at the church, the Girl's Club and the YMCA because doing it proved what she said was awesomely true. The rewards of the heart far outweigh whatever financial reward could ever do.

There are some who start out doing something out of love, but sooner or later, pride, ego or selfishness takes over, and they walk toward whatever else will make them happy about themselves. The cause they started out being dedicated to, was forgotten about. Sometimes it was because they just didn't care enough. Other times, on the surface they claimed it was not "about me" but under those words, it turned out, it really was all about them.

Then there are those I've been blessed to know, who started out doing it for love, then because they had to. Walking away was no longer an option because the work was part of them.

I am tiny compared to most of the people around me. You can see it in their eyes, hear it in their voice and know that they have something very rare within them. 

I get too angry at times. That is something I have to work on everyday because frustration manages to take over. I did not want to be doing this after all these years. I used to think that all I had to do was let people know what was going on and then go back to being living a "normal" life again. Now, this is normal for me. After 35 years, I couldn't walk away.

When people think about success, it usually means how much money do they have, how many followers and how much publicity do they get. I remember a remark made about me years ago by someone not interested in what I did. When someone asked him to help me, he said "Stay away from her. If she was any good, she wouldn't still need help." 

Well, needless to say, that twisted thought stuck with me. Had anyone bothered to step up and help, I wouldn't still be needing help, but that never dawned on him.

I know a lot of people with the power to help but they won't. The thing is, right now all across the country, there are many more just like me being judged by what is not given to us instead of what we give.

Here's a thought. The next time you decide that someone doing the work does not deserve your help, remember this.

Commissioning the Twelve Apostles depicted by Domenico Ghirlandaio, 1481.

Matthew 10

7 And as ye go, preach, saying, The kingdom of heaven is at hand.

8 Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out devils: freely ye have received, freely give. 

9 Provide neither gold, nor silver, nor brass in your purses, 

10 Nor scrip for your journey, neither two coats, neither shoes, nor yet staves: for the workman is worthy of his meat. 

11 And into whatsoever city or town ye shall enter, enquire who in it is worthy; and there abide till ye go thence. 

12 And when ye come into an house, salute it. 

13 And if the house be worthy, let your peace come upon it: but if it be not worthy, let your peace return to you. 

14 And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet.

Needless to say, I shook the dust of that man off my feet years ago. He didn't win. I did. The lives changed afterwards, the lives saved, marriages restored and mini-miracles, all happened because that is how Jesus measured success. 

That is how most of us measure it when you do something for the right reasons. Want to know how you can tell why someone does something?

They do it no matter what support they were denied. It just takes them longer to do it and the people they want to help, have a harder time finding them.

Some of us do it in-spite of what others view as failure. I hope that helps you do what you were called to do because you are doing it for the right reasons and that, that is how miracles do happen!

Youth Hockey Teams step up for Special Needs child's Disney trip

Indiana veteran, daughter with special needs headed to Disney World thanks to hockey teams
CBS4Indy
Trevor Shirley
February 17, 2018

INDIANAPOLIS, Ind. – A central Indiana veteran with a special needs child is getting the thrill of a lifetime, and it’s all thanks to some youth hockey teams.

On Saturday, Steve Scroghan learned he’ll finally get to give his daughter the gift she’s been asking for.

“Still trying to process it,” said Scroghan. “It’s an honor.”

The retired Army veteran and his family received the honor Saturday after some local hockey teams teamed up to raise money for the charity Wish For Our Heroes.

“It was really cool. You get to be a part of something that makes somebody so happy,” said Erich Orrick, the president of Wish For Our Heroes.

Scroghan said his daughter, who has special needs, has been wanting to visit Disney World for a long time, but tight finances made it tough.
read more here

Shepherd of the Gulf, HUD and the VA help veteran say "I'm home."

Army vet moves into apartment after 5 years of living homeless
WLOX ABC News
By Desirae Duncan
Saturday, February 17th 2018

BILOXI, MS (WLOX)
Sometimes getting used to a new place takes some time.

"What's it like? Come back in six months, and you'll see a bigger grin on my face," said Clint Saucier.

It takes even more time when it’s the first time you've had somewhere to call home in more than five years.

"Now I can start buying food, and keep it, and not worry about raccoons eating it," Saucier laughed. "That's a story within itself."

Saucier is an army vet, and since 2012, the woods were his home. But, that changed on Monday.

"It's been a struggle, but we're here now."

Through HUD and the VA, he was able to land a place to live in Biloxi. Now he has running water, neighbors, and a bed to call his own.

"You might call me lazy. That part is true, but I'm reacclimating to my bed. But it’s going to be mine, it’s going to be mine," he said.

On Saturday, he got more furniture to claim.

Founder of Shepherd of the Gulf Linda Favre made the special delivery. She dedicated her life to helping the homeless. It's a mission she makes sure to see all the way through.
read more here

Do you have a PTSD buddy you want to help?

Facebook does a great thing when they put together memories on certain dates. Today, this reminder came up from 2 years ago. 

Peer support works better than anything else, but first they need to know that you will be there for them. Grab one of these pictures and use it to try to save someone you think may need to talk. Let them know you understand and you are there for them. 

After all, isn't that the way it was when you were in combat together?


Grab them and save them
Combat PTSD Wounded Times
Repost from February 18, 2016

How many times have you wondered why someone didn't ask for help or let you know they needed you?  How many times have you wished that you let them know you were there for them no matter what they needed?

Sometimes people just can't find the words. Other times they can think of what to say but their buddy just didn't ask.

Remind them that in combat, not asking for help or all the support they could get, ended up getting buddies killed.  Asking for help now is no different and they mean no less to you now than back then.

Send these or upload onto Facebook if you think one of your buddies needs help and you don't know how to offer it. Make sure you put your contact information in it and when they can get a hold of you.

If you have a non-profit and think of using these to raise funds or awareness for yourself, don't try it. These are for veterans to use for their buddies, not for you to use to make money off them.

New addition

Local Vietnam veteran honored with final ride to Florence National Cemetery
WMBF NBC News
Holly DeLoache
Friday, February 16th 2018

CONWAY, SC (WMBF) - The life of a local Vietnam veteran was honored Friday - on his final ride to Florence National Cemetery.

Sheldon Shepherd served in the U.S. Navy during the Vietnam War. He’s described as an outdoorsman and animal lover.

He passed away in his Conway home last month and was escorted by friends, family, and the Combat Veteran's Motorcycle Association on Friday

Shepherd received a purple heart and two bronze stars for valor.

"He never talked about it much, never bragged about it,” said Richard Caruso, who said he considered Shepherd to be like a brother.

"A tough guy. He wouldn't take any mess but he had a heart of gold. He'd give you the shirt off his back,” he continued.
read more here

Dying Vietnam Veteran and Wife Face Eviction

Sunbury man faces eviction, terminal illness
The Daily Item
By Rick Dandes and Justin Strawser
6 hrs ago

SUNBURY — Terminally ill and facing eviction, a Vietnam veteran and his wife are fighting the Veteran’s Administration for full disability benefits that would help them stay in their Sunbury home.

Robert Inglis The Daily Item

Dennis and Donda O'Brien of Sudbury talk about the prospect of losing their housing because of financial difficulties.

Dennis and Donda O’Brien this week sat quietly in their Edison Street home, a rental, wondering how long they’ll be able to stay.

“We need more money for rent, and utilities,” said Donda, his wife of three years. “Fighting the government costs a lot of money. We’ve been going in circles, repeating the application processes, writing letters to the V.A., to our congressmen, to presidents Obama and Trump.”

There are 21.8 million veterans of the U.S. armed forces as of 2014. The number of veterans with a service-connected disability rating in 2014 was 3.8 million, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.

Trauma trickles down

The frustration shows on Dennis’s face. At 61, he said he has cancer of the throat, is terminally ill in the last stages of emphysema, and has a heart condition, broken neck and broken back. He has vertigo, headaches, and has trouble focusing his attention — all resulting, he believes from the head trauma originally suffered more than 40 years ago. An injury, O’Brien is convinced, the Veterans Administration has never fully addressed.
read more here