If our marriage lasted all these years with PTSD...so can yours!

Is your marriage strong enough for isolation and PTSD?

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
April 2, 2020


People like me have been telling veterans the worst they can do is to isolate. Right now, the worst thing for their health is to be out. It is saving their lives but eating away at them at the same time.

This is a trying time for any marriage. When you add a veteran with PTSD, it can make it even harder to go from day to day. I am sharing this with you so that you can learn from our long history and be able to take some of the extra stress off your shoulders.

This morning my husband and I were talking about how isolating during COVID-19 pandemic has tested our marriage. It is hard being together all the time. Then again, it has not just been a few weeks for us. We've been together 24/7 since the end of September. Now that is a test of a marriage!

We moved from about 1,600 miles, with no clue where we would live. We had to walk away from the house we made an offer on in New Hampshire, and our house sold in Florida. The day we passed papers was our 35th anniversary. I was unemployed because I had to leave a job I loved and pretty much, we were homeless, with plenty of money in the bank.

My attitude was that it was a second honeymoon and a road trip!

Our long marriage has been tested over and over again. The first test came was when mild PTSD exploded! When it did, I already knew what PTSD was since I had been researching it for years. I had no clue that it could get worse with other traumatic events.

Readers of Wounded Times know our story very well, so I do not want to rehash all of that right now. You can read about it in the book I wrote back in 2002 and then republished in this edition.

For The Love Of Jack His War My Battle

(I am not trying to make money off this, and when you see how little it costs, you'll believe me.)

Here is a video I did with a good friend of mine on this book.

LOVE

No matter what, let them know you love them. It does not mean you have to approve of the way they act. It does not mean you are supposed to always like them. He asks me "Do you love me?" out of the blue and I aways say "Yes, always...and sometimes I even like you." Do not expect perfection out of yourself or your marriage...or them! Nothing is ever perfect.

Love them enough to learn what PTSD is and be empowered to act and react appropriately. I have a lot of videos on PTSD that can help you understand them better. Learn why they think irrationally, have overblown reactions or, end up looking for an argument.

Take some stress off your shoulders knowing what you can do to cut unnecessary tension and stop blaming yourself for the way they act. It really has nothing to do with you but if you do not know what is going on with them, you will end up blaming yourself.

No matter how much I knew about PTSD, I still blamed myself for what I lacked or what I was not good enough for. If you know nothing about PTSD, it is worse for you!

Patience

No one automatically has patience. It requires practice! The more you work at it, the more natural it will be to let things go. Before you react to them trying to piss you off, ask yourself how important it is to get into it with them. Most of the time, you'll decide to just shake your head instead of pounding your fist. If it is important enough then stand your ground but think before you speak. An unspoken word does not have be regretted. Once you say it, you can apologize all you want, but the damage is done.

I used to argue until I decided to just walk away. He knows he is in more trouble if I said nothing. Most of the time, he follows me, acknowledges my anger is beyond words. He says he is sorry and then tells me to come talk to him when I am over it. We have avoided many heated arguments that way and my blood pressure stopped changing the color of my face!

Take Care Of Yourself

There were times early on in our marriage when I forced him to come with me. I learned the hard way, neither of us enjoyed whatever it was I wanted to do. I started to just go off by myself. He was always invited but if he did not want to go, I went and had a good time.

I learned to live for myself! I went to movies with friends because he could not stand movie theaters. I went shopping by myself because he had a hard time with crowds. Most of the time I went to family events alone and when asked where he was, I just said he was having a bad day. No excuses and no other explanations were needed.

To some our marriage is not "normal" but for us, it became our "new normal" just as yours can be. Do not try to be like others and find what works for you.

If our marriage lasted all these years with PTSD...so can yours!

Seniors and disabled veterans, do not assume you will be getting the stimulus check

UPDATE Veterans urgent!

The Internal Revenue Service has set a deadline of May 5 for veterans to register for dependent payouts, after initially saying they would have only two days. But the guidance, along with warnings that veterans who don't complete the form now will have to wait until next year for their stimulus funds, has left some confused and scrambling.

"We have several veterans with no Internet access," one email received by Military.com said. "Are you able to get at least 25 copies of this IRS form mailed to us?" Military.com

UPDATE They changed their minds!

Mnuchin reverses course, won't force seniors to file tax return for coronavirus stimulus check

WASHINGTON — The Trump administration backtracked Wednesday evening on new rules for getting stimulus checks, saying Social Security recipients won't have to file a tax return to receive a payment.

The move is a response to pressure from elderly Americans and senators to rescind guidance issued Monday that said seniors needed to file a return to get the checks of up to $1,200, even if they weren't ordinarily required to file taxes.

Why some Americans may have to file tax returns before they see a coronavirus stimulus check

CNBC News
Lorie Konish
APR 1 2020

KEY POINTS
A $2 trillion stimulus bill passed by Congress last week included checks of $1,200 to $2,400 to be sent to Americans.
In the legislation, the government said it would deploy those payments using information from tax returns, or 1099 forms for others who don’t typically file those documents, such as some Social Security beneficiaries.
New guidance from the IRS said that those who don’t file returns will have to do so in order to get their payments. Now, some lawmakers and advocacy groups are pushing back.

NoDerog | iStock | Getty Images

There may be a catch for individuals who typically don’t file a tax return but are expecting to receive a stimulus check.

They may have to send a return to the government in order to get paid.

New guidance was released on Monday by the IRS, which said there would be “no action required for most people.”

For some, though, that’s not true.

“People who typically do not file a tax return will need to file a simple tax return to receive an economic impact payment,” the IRS stated. “Low-income taxpayers, senior citizens, Social Security recipients, some veterans and individuals with disabilities who are otherwise not required to file a tax return will not owe tax.”

That new information drew strong pushback from certain members of Congress and advocacy organizations, who argue that those individuals should not have to file just to get their money.
read it here

Disabled Korean War Air Force veteran being kicked out of rehab...during COVID-19

UPDATE

FOX 46 gets results for Air Force veteran almost kicked out of rehab center

CORNELIUS, N.C. - An elderly Korean War veteran set to be kicked out of his rehab center Thursday, despite a statewide stay-at-home order, can now stay put, thanks to FOX 46.

“Thank you FOX 46 for helping,” said the Air Force veteran’s granddaughter, Kelly Wimmer. “It has meant the world to us.” read it here

Elderly veteran to be kicked out of rehab facility, improperly, despite COVID-19

FOX 46 Charlotte
By Matt Grant
April 1, 2020

Hummel, 88, a Korean War veteran, was transferred at the beginning of March from Lake Norman Regional Medical Center to Autumn Care in Cornelius to recover from pneumonia, Wimmer said. The Air Force veteran and lung cancer survivor is an amputee and confined to a wheelchair. Unless something changes, Gorman says her dad will be discharged on Thursday, April 2.

CORNELIUS, N.C. - Despite North Carolina being under a 'Stay-at-Home' order, an elderly veteran in poor health is about to be kicked out of his rehabilitation facility in the middle of a global pandemic because of an insurance payment dispute.

“It’s been hard,” Andrea Gorman, the daughter of Sanford Hummel, said in tears.
read it here

VA Employees not getting hazardous duty pay during pandemic

VA Workers Sue for Hazardous Duty Pay During Pandemic

Military.com
By Richard Sisk
30 Mar 2020

There was no immediate response from the VA to the lawsuit. As of Saturday, the VA had reported a total of more than 770 confirmed cases of coronavirus among veterans nationwide and at least 16 deaths.

Visitors stroll through a long, glass-walled corridor that connects a dozen buildings at the new Rocky Mountain Regional VA Medical Center in Aurora, Colo., after a ribbon-cutting ceremony at the hospital on July 21, 2018. The $1.7 billion medical center replaces an aging and crowded facility in Denver. (AP Photo/Dan Elliott)

The union representing more than 260,000 civil service employees at the Department of Veterans Affairs filed a lawsuit Monday, claiming they are owed hazardous duty pay of 25% above their typical salaries for working during the coronavirus epidemic that has infected more than 770 veterans nationwide.

The suit, by the American Federation of Government Employees filed in the U.S. Court of Federal Claims in Washington, D.C., also included plaintiffs from the Bureau of Prisons and the Department of Agriculture and said they also were entitled to hazardous duty pay under sections of the U.S. Code.

In addition, the lawsuit alleged that "there are likely thousands of other federal employees who have been exposed to the coronavirus while performing their official duties and are entitled to hazard pay pursuant to federal law."

"It is our hope that the government does right by these employees and pays them the hazardous duty pay they've earned," AFGE National President Everett Kelley said in a statement announcing the filing of the suit.
read it here

At least 185 VA employees had tested positive for coronavirus

VA projects high levels of employee absenteeism as coronavirus response ramps up

Federal News Network
By Nicole Ogrysko
March 30, 2020

At least 185 VA employees had tested positive for coronavirus as of late last week, Mark Takano (D-Calif.), chairman of the Veterans Affairs Committee, said Friday from the House floor.

As many as 40% of employees at the Department of Veterans Affairs may be absent from work — due to their own illness or fear of getting sick — during a severe coronavirus outbreak, the agency estimated.

The figure was one of several “planning assumptions” in the department’s coronavirus response plan, which VA made public late last week.

“Public health measures of temporarily closing schools, declaring other closures and quarantining household contacts of infected individuals are likely to increase rates of absenteeism due to employees with school-aged children,” the Veterans Health Administration wrote.

VA’s Office of Inspector General, whose staff spent a week making unannounced visits to 58 medical centers, 125 community-based outpatient clinics and 54 community living centers around the country, began noting higher-than-normal levels of absenteeism among the agency’s staff in mid-March.

The department announced Sunday it would officially begin that responsibility, with the opening of 50 beds to non-veteran and non-coronavirus patients in New York City.

Individual states must ask for VA backup assistance through FEMA’s National Response Coordination Center and their own Department of Health and Human Services regional emergency coordinators. Once the request has been issued, VA will decide whether it has the capacity to respond in a local region.

VA already deployed some of its mobile vet centers units in mid-March, the department said Monday. VA employees volunteer to deploy with these mobile units, which serve as an extension to the department’s brick-and-mortar medical facilities and community clinics across the country — especially during major hurricanes, wildfires, mass shootings and other disasters.
read it here

Virus spikes throughout the VA...but the VA is helping civilians? Seriously?

Reminder: The VA was not able to keep up with the needs of our veterans, so they pushed to be able to send them into civilian healthcare. Now, with COVID-19, they are sending doctors and nurses to help civilians at the same time they still do not have what they need to take care of veterans! Pay attention people because none of this makes sense and should outrage everyone!

Novel coronavirus cases among veterans spike as testing expands through VA network

ABC News
By Quinn Owen
March 30, 2020

A federal watchdog report released last week found VA hospital supplies of medicine used to treat critically ill patients "may be insufficient."

The number of veterans testing positive for novel coronavirus has spiked to 1,166, the Department of Veterans Affairs reported Monday, as thousands more seeking treatment get tested at VA hospitals across the country.

On Friday, the agency had reported about half as many positive tests. The data from the agency shows that its cases mirror trends throughout the U.S., with VA hospitals in New York, Michigan and Louisiana reporting high numbers of confirmed patients.

Over the weekend, the VA announced it was opening its doors to non-veteran patients in New York City to help ease the coronavirus response burden. The activation is part of the VA's "Fourth Mission," to serve as the nation's emergency back-up health care system.

read it here