When they are deployed, the worst is possible while they are in harms way. The fear of them dying or being seriously wounded is always there until they walk thru the door again. That's when the families are needed the most but usually they have received so little while a spouse is deployed, they are unprepared for what they may face and even less prepared to cope.
How do you watch a stranger walk thru the door when the man you fell in love with, planned a future with, stood by and supported, never came home but the guy in your husband's body did? If you know what can happen, especially with PTSD, then you are more able to cope with the changes and the challenges of helping them heal instead of blaming yourself. If you have no clue, then it's easy to find blame in them as well as yourself. When this happens, you feel worthless. You believe you must have done something wrong. You believe it's all your fault they changed. You believe they "hate" you for a reason and you deserve it. All of this enters into your mind as you watch your life fall apart.
What you are watching is your marriage being infected by the same wound infecting your spouse. If you know what it is then you have tools to support the fact this has nothing to do with you, you didn't cause it but you sure as hell can beat it for their sake. After all, you know them better than anyone else and you'll be the first to see changes in the way they act. If you know what you're looking at, then you can fight it but if you don't the reason for all of it is only shown in your bathroom mirror. It's not your fault. It isn't their fault either. You don't deserve it but they don't deserve it either.
Your marriage does not have to end. Chaos does not have to rule over your house. You can help them if you get the support you need to do it. As hard as it was for my marriage to last 25 years to my Vietnam vet, it is harder on the current military spouse because of the redeployments along with military life itself. You need all the help you can get so that you can turn around and help another wife heal her marriage. Take heart that the military is finally getting this and God willing someday soon you'll get the help you need. It's not all hopeless and you are not helpless.
Wife Says Military Spouses Also Face Suicide Risk
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
Published: January 13, 2010
WASHINGTON (AP) -- The wife of the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff had a message Wednesday for those trying to prevent military suicides: Don't forget the spouses.
Deborah Mullen said Army leaders told her that they lack the ability to track suicide attempts by family members of Army personnel.
''I was stunned when I was told there are too many to track,'' Mullen said, speaking on stage at a military suicide prevention conference next to her husband, Adm. Mike Mullen.
She urged the military to get a better handle on the problem and implement prevention measures with spouses in mind.
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Wife Says Military Spouses Also Face Suicide Risk
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