Finding spiritual clarity with PTSD

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
October 24, 2022

Pick any religion, and what you will find is spiritual people among the "religious" ones that were free to choose what group they belong to. The difference is, anyone can be spiritual but not belong to a religious group. I am churchless but not Godless. Whenever I am in a group and asked about my faith, I am unashamed of the answer I give. The problem is, those that who attend church have a problem with that. I am constantly invited to their houses of worship when I choose to worship in my own house.

What the ‘spiritual but not religious’ have in common with radical Protestants of 500 years ago on The Conversation is a good place to start this.

The spiritual but not religious are independent seekers, many of whom pray, meditate, do yoga, and other spiritual practices outside the confines of a particular tradition.

I am a Christian and became a Chaplain in 2008 but as a Chaplain, I had to choose between faith and helping others heal PTSD. I chose to help on their terms, no matter where they were on their spiritual beliefs. When I addressed anything that was based on scripture but they did not believe in God or Jesus, I told the person I was helping that was what I believed but if they did not, they should regard it as a story. If they believed, which over 90% did but did not consider themselves "religious" it was easier to open their eyes to what they did not know was in the scriptures.

Most of them knew John 3:16 but they did not know the rest of the passage. Nicodemus was one of the leaders of the Jews. While he was among those who wanted to put Jesus to death, he was a man with an open mind and a wise spirit. He decided to talk to Jesus and find out what He was all about.

John 3:1-21 3; There was a man of the Pharisees, named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews:

2 The same came to Jesus by night, and said unto him, Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God: for no man can do these miracles that thou doest, except God be with him.

3 Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.

4 Nicodemus saith unto him, How can a man be born when he is old? can he enter the second time into his mother's womb, and be born?

5 Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.

6 That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.

7 Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again.

8 The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is everyone that is born of the Spirit.

9 Nicodemus answered and said unto him, How can these things be?

10 Jesus answered and said unto him, Art thou a master of Israel, and knowest not these things?

11 Verily, verily, I say unto thee, We speak that we do know, and testify that we have seen, and ye receive not our witness.

12 If I have told you earthly things, and ye believe not, how shall ye believe, if I tell you of heavenly things?

13 And no man hath ascended up to heaven, but he that came down from heaven, even the Son of man which is in heaven.

14 And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up:

15 That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.

16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

18 He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

19 And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light because their deeds were evil.

20 For everyone that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved.

21 But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God.

In other words, while others used their "religion" to end the life of Jesus here on earth, He came to believe that Jesus was the Son of God and provided a place for Him, not just in his tomb, but in his heart.

Many parts of the Bible discuss how we are in fact spiritual creations. While not all spiritual people are Christian, they do agree that there is something within them that is empowering. The same applies to you and is vital if you are trying to heal PTSD. It strikes the emotional core of what makes you "you" and then infects it with all that is attempting to destroy you.

That was the reason I rewrote my last books and turned them into The Ministers Of The Mystery because there is what we think we know, and then there is the amazing truth about what else there is to discover. It is a battle of good against evil, fact against fiction within fictional works of The Scribe, The Accused, and The 13th Minister Of The Mystery.

These are spiritual people, healers that were regarded as "witches" much like many of those hunted down during the Witchcraft Trials around the world. They were judged by "religious" people in their time but vindicated by ours. The story is about fighting against what the protagonist believed about himself and friends fought to help him find the purpose of his very strange life. If you know anything about the miracles in the Bible, you may think they stopped happening but when you think about how each of the deliverers of the miracles was given their gifts to achieve the results, it makes it easier to realize they are still going on in today's world.

Some think that PTSD only strikes veterans, but the truth is, it strikes survivors of all types of traumatic events. All of the "friends" survived different things, suffered afterward, and healed enough they wanted to pass on that gift to others. It was a gift they were willing to give freely because others gave it to them first in the same way. 

If you like supernatural, paranormal, and psychological splashed with real history, the spiritual gifts of the soul, empowerment, peer support, good witches, and miracles, I hope these books fill that and entertain you. Above all, I hope they strengthen the power within you!

The Scribe is available on Kindle Vella with the first three episodes. 

The Scribe, The Vision, and The 13th Minister will be released at the end of November on Amazon Kindle and paperback.

The Scribe, Ministers Of The Mystery Book One

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
October 21, 2022

The Scribe

In the last few posts I put up, I wrote about having to go back into therapy to heal from the loss of my best friend Gunny. I wasn't just dealing with grief but having a hard time understanding how the book I was writing was causing me spiritual turmoil. For most of my life, no matter what happened, I tried to look on the positive side but by editing the last book, I was more connected to the darker parts of the story.

When I told my therapist, she suggested I go with what I was drawn to instead of trying to fight it, and then I'd be able to connect better with the positive side. She was right. It worked. I finished editing the 13th Minister Of The Mystery and realized why I had such a hard time with the other books. I was trying to fit in with what most people consider "Christian" books instead of writing what I believed. I mean, considering these books were intended for people that do not go to church or belong to any kind of organized religious body, it felt fake to me.

The truth is that I no longer attended church services because I didn't feel as if I belonged there, I shouldn't try to fit in with what churchgoers thought. After all, the majority of the people I helped over the last 4 decades, didn't go to church even though the majority believed in God and most believed Jesus was His Son, as much as they believed in the Holy Spirit. Different religious groups believe differently about the subject of the Holy Trinity and have their own rules set by humans. They base what they preach on what they want their people to know and believe what they want them to believe. Whenever I addressed the spiritual connection to healing PTSD, it was all based on the Bible intended to empower them and not indoctrinate them into what I believed.

So here are some facts in case you're wondering if you are alone or not. This is from PRRI

The Rise of the “Nones” Slows
Disaffiliating white Christians have fueled the growth of the religiously unaffiliated during this period. Only 16% of Americans reported being religiously unaffiliated in 2007; this proportion rose to 19% by 2012, and then gained roughly a percentage point each year from 2012 to 2017. Reflecting the patterns above, the proportion of religiously unaffiliated Americans hit a high point of 26% in 2018 but has since slightly declined, to 23% in 2020.
The increase in proportion of religiously unaffiliated Americans has occurred across all age groups but has been most pronounced among young Americans. In 1986, only 10% of those ages 18–29 identified as religiously unaffiliated. In 2016, that number had increased to 38%, and declined slightly in 2020, to 36%.

The other thing is, within those attending churches, not all belong to the same church body. Anyone suggesting that this is a Christian nation should have to offer a disclaimer that there are many different beliefs under that title and they do so because they do not all agree on doctrine. I was raised in Eastern Orthodox (Greek) faith. This shows the difference. Live Science

Why does Christianity have so many denominations?
Then, in 1054, the Eastern Orthodox Christians split from the Western Roman Catholics in what's known as the Great Schism. The two groups disagreed on the taking of the sacraments — religious symbols believed to transmit divine grace to the believer. Furthermore, the Eastern Orthodox Christians disagreed with the Roman beliefs that priests should remain celibate and that the Roman pope had authority over the head of the Eastern church, according to Encyclopedia Britannica.
There was even a temporary schism, known as the Western Schism, within the Catholic Church itself in 1378, when two men, and eventually a third, claimed to be the true papal heir. The division lasted almost 40 years, and by the time it was resolved in 1417, the rivaling popes had significantly damaged the reputation (opens in new tab) of the papal office.
Despite this handful of schisms, the Catholic Church successfully suppressed other potential Christian offshoots "partly by sustained persecution [including] actual military expeditions against some labelled heretics, but then also a new system of enquiries into people's beliefs, called inquisitions. With the backing of secular rulers, heretics might be burned at the stake or forced into denying their beliefs," MacCulloch told Live Science via email.

I went back and rewrote The Lost Son Series. It didn't make sense to me anymore. I'm relieved that only a few people read them. Most of the ones that did liked the storyline but some said the Bible passages trapped up the story. Some were even offended by them. That was the last thing I wanted to hear. it meant that the very people I was trying to reach, wouldn't want to read them.

Now the first two episodes are up on Kindle Vella. 

The Scribe, book one of Ministers Of The Mystery (You can read the first two for free)

September 13, 2019, the gates of hell groaned open waiting for Chris Papadopoulos to make his final, fatal decision. It started to feel as if his life was a horror novel the ghost of Thomas Aquinas would have started and Edgar Allan Poe was put in charge of the ending. Little did he know how right he was. The book evil forces feared most was in his hands but he forgot he had it.

He went to church while growing up in Salem MA until he was heading left for LA to become a reporter. After surviving many events covering major events, getting wounded, and surviving an attempted murder, he thought God was a vindictive SOB. How many times have you thought the same thing when you tried to do the right thing and saw your life go to hell? I know there were times when I had those same thoughts but they didn't last long.

Surviving what causes PTSD is a lot like that. It hits you when you least expect it and thankfully, the chance to heal comes when you least expect it, and all too often, when you least believe you deserve to be happier. That is exactly what Chris goes through. He didn't realize that what happened to him, also deeply affected his friends. He didn't understand how all of them were struggling to heal too until they began to open up so they could help him heal the way they did.

I believe PTSD strikes the core of who we are. It's an assault on our souls and spreads out to take over our lives until we find the right weapons to defeat it. If you ever hear someone talk about the demon when they have PTSD, that is exactly what we all have to fight and the best way to do that is by understanding what it is, why you have it, what it does to you, and then kicking its ass. Once you understand you do have the power to take its power away, mental health therapy works wonders but when you add in spiritual help, you have a fuller recovery and can come out on the other side of this darkness maybe even better than you were before "it" happened to you.

What Trump's feeble fable cost supporters, and the rest of us

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
October 14, 2022

While the hearing is explained on NPR it left a lot of questions for me.

An audio recording of former President Donald Trump talking to Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger is played during the ninth House Select Committee hearing to Investigate the Jan. 6 attack on the U.S. Capitol. Mandel Ngan/AFP via Getty Images

Trump already decided he was going to declare he won before the election,

Trump had long planned to declare victory, no matter the results. Rep. Zoe Lofgren, D-Calif., said Brad Parscale, Trump's former campaign manager, told the panel he understood that Trump planned as early as July to insist he won the November election, no matter the results.

Doesn't that mean everyone else in his circle knew he was lying and then turned around to dupe their supporters?

In a different clip, Stone said: "F*** the voting, let's get right to the violence. We'll have to start smashing pumpkins if you know what I mean."

Trump and his circle used the people long before the election was even held. Doesn't that mean they didn't care about setting up all those people to commit crimes and dupe them out of their money on top of it?

Despite publicly declaring he won, Trump privately admitted he lost the election. Testimony from former White House officials demonstrate that while the president was publicly forging a campaign to overturn the election, he privately was acknowledging his loss.
In an audio clip, Gen. Mark Milley, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, said that while in the Oval Office, Trump said something to the effect of "We lost, we need to let that issue go to the next guy."

Trump knew everything he was saying was a lie, yet to this day, he still repeats his lies. Doesn't that also mean he is using his supporters and taking advantage of all of them, including the ones that already ended up being convicted?

Secret Service had tips about expected violence on Jan. 6. Rep. Adam Schiff, D-Calif., said on Dec. 26, a Secret Service field office shared a tip that had been received by the FBI. The source said the Proud Boys, a right-wing extremist group, planned to march into D.C. with weapons.

Trump wanted to use the Insurrection Act to call in the National Guards and law enforcement to put down the mob he sent to the Capitol. Doesn't that mean he made them a target of the National Guard and law enforcement officers?

Election deniers are running for office all over the country. They are 60% of the people trying to be put in charge of your vote. Did they know what Trump was up to and didn't care about earning your vote because they are prepared to just claim they won and repeat what Trump did to the people of this country? If they didn't know he was lying, how incompetent are they? How many courts had to deny every claim Trump and his circle made with absolutely no evidence provided to support such a feeble fable?

With all the members of the House and Senate wanting to put in charge to change the rules to suit what Trump tried to do, doesn't that mean they are trying to dupe you too? Just claim they won and take the office no matter who has to pay for it?

They have already shown they don't care what people want or need because they think they're set up to take the office no matter what or who has to pay for it. Will the voters finally open their eyes and defend this country to make sure these people do not get the power to remove the only voice we have?

Don Bolduc, less like the Centurion and more like a Pharisee!

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
October 10, 2022

In 2018 I wrote about suffering in silence

When it comes to PTSD, the tough talk about it. It takes a lot of courage to talk about something very few understand but it helps when you are talking to others that do. There comes a time in your life when you say that you donít care what other people say. You know where you were and you know what you lived thru. You finally understand that not many others can claim the same.

Four days later, I was happy to put up a post about a General that showed great courage in talking about his own battle with PTSD.

How many Medal of Honor recipients have to talk about their own battles with PTSD, before they understand there is nothing to be ashamed of? How many Generals have to talk about their battles, after a lifetime of battles in uniform, before you understand what courage looks like?

Ever wonder why they come forward and talk openly about something they never have to say a word about? Do they need publicity? Do they want to play "victim" and get people to feel sorry for them? Hell no! THEY DO IT TO SAVE THE LIVES OF THOSE THEY WOULD HAVE DIED FOR!

The title was Brig. Gen. Donald Bolduc not suffering PTSD in silence

So how did that man with the courage to speak out on what too many were still believing they had something to be ashamed of become less like the Centurion to more like lying like a Pharisee?

Don Bolduc, a retired Army general, celebrates winning the New Hampshire primary in a tight race against state senator, Chuck Morse, on Tuesday evening, September 13, 2022, in Hampton, New Hampshire. He faces incumbent Sen. Maggie Hassan (D) in the general election. JOHN TULLY

From the start, Democrats and his fellow Republicans painted Bolduc as an extremist who took up radical positions in addition to his belief in a stolen election, including advocating for the investigation and possible elimination of the FBI after the raid on Mar-a-Lago and accusing Bill Gates of wanting to use Covid vaccines to implant microchips in Americans.

That was from a new Rolling Stone article written by a reporter that has covered Bolduc for far too long to not be shocked by the change he sees. Kevin Maurer tried to report the truth against what Bolduc appears to be.

In a recent TV commercial and in his official bio, Bolduc’s campaign alludes to, or flat-out claims, him leading “allied soldiers on horseback to kill terrorists.” The story of the Special Forces team that fought with the Northern Alliance on horseback in northern Afghanistan led to a statue in New York and the 2018 movie 12 Strong. But Bolduc didn’t serve with that team. The Washington Post gave a 2020 version of the ad two Pinocchios.

New Hampshire has been my home for the last three years but for most of my life, I lived in New England. This area of the country has never been about putting politics and what was easy above all else. We are made of strong stock and sturdy foundations. Sure, we get political but it was never like I've seen over the last few years. I wish this were a normal political year when I would consider voting for a Republican. As an Independent voter, I vote for one person over the political side they choose. Apparently, Bolduc has chosen power over our country and has caused great sadness in my soul.

I have watched true heroes succumb to the father of lies for pure power and wonder if it was worth surrendering their souls to do it.

"You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies."
John 8:44

How could anyone so faithful to this country betray the foundation it was built on? The rule of law requires evidence, not simple claims of what some believe because they do not like the results. Yet Bolduc supported the wild claims made and set aside loyalty to the country and true moral values? 

The Constitution and Bill of Rights built the foundation of this country to provide the people the ability to use their voices to determine the direction this country takes. Yet this party and people like Bolduc want to take that voice away from us, and subvert our votes because they don't like how we vote if it wasn't for them? Did we ever hear someone on that side claim their own election was stolen when they were on the same ballot but won their election? No, it is only when they lose, they make wild claims with absolutely no proof it was.

We are all supposed to have equal rights to believe and worship as we choose, yet that party has decided they should create laws that only support a fraction of the country on "moral grounds" and then turn around selecting what is suddenly acceptable to them? Seriously? They don't even have the morals to defend the truth anymore!

He served with honor but turned around and lied about something he did not do?

What else is he willing to lie about? What else is he willing to sacrifice for the power he hungers for in place of doing the right thing with the power he has now? Speaking out on his own battle with PTSD was the right thing to do. Refusing to speak out on the truth when Liz Cheney and so many others dared to do, is the selfish thing and wrong thing to do.

Of all the people I once thanked God for, showing such courage to speak the truth about the suffering of so many others when PTSD is ripping them apart, Bolduc was one of the last people I thought would sacrifice it all for the sake of the power of pride.

I hugged myself today!

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
October 4, 2022

Last month I wrote about how I realized that I couldn't hug myself. I still had compassion for other people but didn't have any for myself. It showed in the book I was editing. The 13th Minister Of The Mystery is part three in The Lost Son Series. After going back into therapy to heal from grief, it started to work enough that I found the courage to submit it to publishers and agents. Huge for me! The last time I tried that was back in 2000 when I wrote For The Love Of Jack. An author, who was brilliant, talented, and a genius when it came to PTSD, even tried to help me find a publisher. No luck. I ended up self-publishing it and have been self-publishing ever since.

If you don't know what authors go through trying to find a publisher or agent, it is an arduous process, to say the least. Each one wants things done differently. Sometimes I think was easier to write three books in a year. This last one is over 115,000 words. Then you wait for rejections. It's like waiting for a broken bone to heal. As bad as that is, more publishers and agents won't even bother to respond. So far, it's been more silence than rejections, but at least the rejections end the torment.

There was one of them that I had great hopes in and, to tell the truth, I was hopeful to check my email every day until the rejection came. At least they wished me luck as I cried. Because of the therapy, I was able to finally, mercifully, hug myself when I read it. It may not seem like such a big deal to reach the point when I had compassion for myself, but it was something I couldn't do all year. I also had a huge glass of wine with dinner.

Maybe that's the best message I can give right now. I am still healing but not having the ability to have compassion for myself was in the way of my healing. When you have PTSD, that can happen to you too. After you survive, you go through a rollercoaster of emotional highs and lows. I remember one second I felt lucky to have survived and in the next moment I felt like a large because it happened to me. The "why me" question worked both ways. Why did I survive and why did it happen to me at all followed did God save me or did He do it to me in the first place? When I stopped asking why it happened, the most important question of all had to be, "what do I do about it now?"

I answered that one by learning all I could until I understood what came with the trauma and what came afterward with surviving it. To know how much power I had to define the rest of my life as a survivor, I think was the most empowering thing of all. Even more, comfort came when I learned that trauma and PTSD do not just happen to people that fight wars, but end up fighting the war within themselves. One part of your head tells you that you deserve to suffer, and that comes when you think God did it to you. The other side is telling you that you survived for a reason and that comes when you think God saved you. For me, in the ten times I survived, it was a battle between the two forces topped off with expecting people to understand that surviving changes all of us, no matter to what degree we go through.

That's what I put into these books. Admittedly, I did change the ending of the 13th Minister Of The Mystery as I began to heal. The main character is male but is a lot like me fighting the same battles I did. Ok, all of the characters are either chunks of me or me I wish I could be. Once I was able to hug myself, Chris started to be able to do the same thing and accept the changes he had been through for a greater purpose than he ever dreamt of.

All of us can too! Oh, btw, that isn't the book cover since I'm still waiting to hear from some more agents and publishers, but I wanted to play around in Photoshop.