What Does God Look Like?
PTSD Patrol
By Kathie Costos
September 1, 2021
Today on ptsdpatrol.com I wrote something I would like you to read if you are struggling with the way the war in Afghanistan ended.
Set aside the politics and decisions leaders made. The facts will all come out but you are not responsible for what they decided to do. You are only responsible for what you decided to do, and that was risk your life for the sake of those you served with, for our country, and to help a many Afghan people as possible. The rest is, as they say, "above your pay grade."
I know what it is like to struggle with not being able to save all the ones you wanted to. No, I didn't serve but for almost 4 decades I struggled with not being able to save all veterans that my heart was ripped out and I had to walk away for a while. Then I was reminded that God, with all His power, and Jesus, could not save everyone. The thing is, They did not give up on those they could save.
Please read the following and then go to the link for the rest so that you will see that you served for a reason.
What color is God? What color eyes does God have? What color is God’s hair? What size is God? When you think about the image of God, what does God look like to you?
God has plans for all of us. Some of us do not follow where our soul leads us and they remain unhappy. Others, always seem to know exactly what they are supposed to do with their lives and they are happy. Right now I am thinking about all those who served in Afghanistan for almost 20 years. They are struggling with the outcome and wondering what all their sacrifice was for if the country returned to Taliban control, just as it was 20 years ago.
The thing is, it is not the same as it was because military men and women gave them a chance to change. Some rejected it. Others had longed for it and did everything they could to make the lives of others better. Afghanistan will never be what it was because of what all of you did for their sake.
Each one of you, risked your life for those you served with and volunteered to join the military knowing all the hardships you’d have to endure along with all the risks to your life. That desire came from your soul and God equipped your soul to be able to do it, as well as putting into place all you need to heal from all of it. read more here
'Mental health is health. Period.' Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin decries stigma in message to troops
USA TODAY
Tom Vanden Brook
July 26, 2021
WASHINGTON – Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin expressed deep concern about suicide among troops during a visit to U.S. forces stationed in Alaska where there has been an alarming spike in those deaths.
At least six soldiers have died by probable suicide in Alaska since Dec. 30, and suicide is suspected in several others, USA TODAY has reported. That surge has followed several years of increases in suicide deaths among troops across the armed services.
In 2018, 326 active-duty troops died by suicide, with the toll increasing to 350 in 2019 and 385 in 2020, according to the most recent Pentagon figures. The number of suicide deaths fluctuates over time as investigations establish the cause of death.
read more here
'He deserves to have justice': In memory of their son, parents fight for mental health services in the military
Arizona Republic
Andrew Favakeh
July 15, 2021
Brandon Caserta was one of 325 active-duty service members who died by suicide in 2018, and one of 68 sailors, according to military data. Suicides have risen since then. In 2019, 348 active-duty service members died by suicide. In 2020, that number rose to 377.
Teri and Patrick Caserta bought a new car and drove it from Peoria to Washington, D.C., in the summer of 2019.
They scheduled appointments with members of Congress and went door to door through Capitol office buildings to gain support for the Brandon Act, a bill they created in honor of their son.
Brandon Caserta died by suicide three years ago while stationed in the Navy in Norfolk, Virginia.
He could not get the help he needed. Normally, sailors have to report their mental health issues to their commanding officer, who then initiates the referral. Or, if sailors do bypass normal routine and report straight to a mental health official, that mental health official has an obligation to tell their commanding officers.
If a service member mentions the Brandon Act, that would be the safe phrase that would trigger a confidential referral for mental health treatment. Service members who experience mental health issues would receive care without having to notify their command. read more here
Why is it that too many think PTSD strikes only veterans? That is because veterans get all the attention. Rightfully, that is true but you may not know why they deserve the bulk of the attention. It isn't for the most obvious reasons. It is for the reason few know about. Had it not been for them, hardly no one would understand what trauma does to survivors, including me.
Vietnam veterans, came home the same way all other generations came home with the traumas of war tagging along deep inside of them. Unlike other generations, they decided that even though the American people basically gave up on them, they did not give up on us doing the right thing for them.
They pushed for all the research and funding that began everything available to them, as well as civilians. While we focus on veterans and PTSD, we do them a disservice by ignoring the others with PTSD from all other traumas. If we point out that humans develop PTSD from just facing trauma as a civilian, they are more able to understand why they get hit as hard as they do after facing multiple traumas while deployed.
If we withhold the commonality they share with members of emergency responders, again, we do veterans a great disservice.
In total, 47% of the sample screened positive for PTSD, which is approximately 9 to 10 times greater than the prevalence seen in the general population. Further, 29% of the sample was in the moderate to very severe range of anxiety, which is approximately 2 times greater than the prevalence seen in the general population. Finally, 37% of the sample was in the moderate to very severe range of depression. This is approximately 5 times greater than the prevalence seen in the general population.
ALBANY, Ga. (WALB) - First responders are nearly 10 times as likely to contemplate suicide than other adults, according to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.
I was thinking about movies that came out long before the Vietnam War but PTSD is obvious to anyone who can see it within themselves.
In 1946 The Best Years Of Our Lives was about veterans of WWII coming home changed. Roger Ebert wrote "The home front is also not without its casualties" in 2007. It is a really great read especially about the veterans the movie focuses on, including an amputee veteran.
Russell won an honorary Oscar, "for bringing hope and courage to his fellow veterans through his appearance." Although he was actually nominated for best supporting actor, the Academy board voted the special award because they thought he didn't have a chance of winning. They were wrong. He won the Oscar, the only time an actor has been given two Oscars for the same role.
"As long as we have wars and returning veterans, some of them wounded, "The Best Years of Our Lives" will not be dated."
The movie The Robe was one of the first movies I saw that was about PTSD. The Robe came out after WWI, WWII and the Korean War ended the year it was released. No one made the connection to the movie and how it was like what the memories of veterans. It had it all! The power of the past haunting us. A woman thinking that love could heal the afflicted. Some people thinking the one with PTSD had gone insane.
By the time I was old enough to watch it on TV and enjoy it, my Dad, a Korean War veteran, said it was haunting. I didn't understand why until he used the word "shell shock" to explain what veterans went through. I just associated it with my own traumas and struggles between what happened why clinging onto my faith.
Marcellus (Richard Burton) became haunted and Diana (Jean Simmons) loved him. She thought that he was possessed and said "you're ill" when it was clear he was not the same man she fell in love with. At one point, when he returned to her, he attempted suicide.
He had nightmares and flashbacks, mood swings and paranoia. It is all in this movie including the fact that he was healed and became happier!
Marcellus Gallio (died 38 AD) was a Roman military tribune and Christian martyr during the 1st century AD. He was the commander of the detachment which crucified Jesus in Jerusalem in 33 AD, and he won Jesus' crucifixion robe in a dice game. After experiencing the robe's miraculous powers, Gallio became a Christian, and he was martyred by the Roman emperor Caligula in 38 AD because of his conversion.
The first movie ever filmed in CinemaScope, The Robe was nominated for five Academy Awards in 1953, including Best Picture and Best Actor for Richard Burton. Burton stars as Marcellus Galilo, the Roman centurion charged with overseeing the crucifixion. But when he wins Christ's robe in a gambling game at the foot of the cross, his life is forever changed.
Also in this movie is the healing power of spirituality. This movie took hold of me to the point where when I was working for a church, I was told I'd be giving the Children's Sermon at the last minute. As a matte of fact, 10 minutes before the service began.
The new Pastor didn't like me very much, and he problably thought he could trap me, or cause me to walk out. I looked up to Heaven and said, "take this over" because I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it.
My heart was racing and all of a sudden this scene popped into by brain.
That was what I talked about to the children. It turned out, the grownups were listening too. After the service, many told me it was the best sermon I ever gave. The Youth Pastor, who was a friend, told me how wonderful it was and event the new Pastor congratulated me. Both of then wanted to know where it came from.
I told them while I knew what was in the Bible, I couldn't quote chapter or verse and wasn't sure where I read it. That night I had a dream about Victor Mature, also in the movie, and Cecil B. DeMille. The next morning I told both Pastors where it came from and we had a good, long laugh about it. Really funny considedring that had I remembered the real director's name, Henry Koster, it wouldn't have dawned on me that was a movie. My brain always associated movies to DeMille.
Another movie that explains PTSD is It's A Wonderful Life (1947)
An angel is sent from Heaven to help a desperately frustrated businessman by showing him what life would have been like if he had never existed.
How about we start to let veterans know, while they are different from us, we have a lot more in common with them than they are aware of and maybe, they'll understand exactly how human they still are after all.
Here are some more movies you may not think about that are also addressing what comes after trauma.
"Post-traumatic Stress Disorder is a condition that may develop in people who have experienced a traumatic event. While it’s widely associated with veterans returning from war, victims of sexual abuse and assault, domestic violence, or robbery, any serious physical or psychological injury can be affected by this disorder."
1. The Deer Hunter (1978)
2. Coming Home (1978)
3. Born On The Fourth of July (1989)
4. The Perks of Being A Wallflower (2012)
5. First Blood (1982)
6. Jacob’s Ladder (1990)
7. Forrest Gump (1992)
8. Saving Private Ryan (1998)
9. Iron Man 3 (2013)
10. Mystic River (2003)
find out why from InspireMalibu.com
1. Maleficent from “Maleficent”
2. Elsa from “Frozen”
3. Quasimodo from “The Hunchback of Notre Dame”
4. Merida from “Brave”
5. Stitch from “Lilo and Stitch”
6. Pocahontas from “Pocahontas”
7. Sadness from “Inside Out”
8. Cinderella from “Cinderella”
9. Princess Jasmine from “Aladdin”
10. Ariel from “The Little Mermaid”
11. Mowgli from “The Jungle Book”
12. Belle from “Beauty and the Beast”
13. Rapunzel from “Tangled”
14. Jim Hawkins from “Treasure Planet”
15. Eeyore from “Winnie the Pooh”
16. Mulan from “Mulan”
17. Chief Tui from “Moana”
18. Tinker Bell from “Peter Pan”
19. Alice from “Alice in Wonderland”
find out why from TheMighty.com
Seeing it in others, helps them to know, they are not alone and shouldn't think they should try to hide from us, especially when it is within many of us!
This is about Stellate Ganglion Block treatment. It works for some. This is not an endorcement of it. What is really important about this is the fact they acknowledge the need to treat the whole person and to change the conversation! Now that, I fully endorce!
The War Inside: Near death experience pushes veteran to search for help
CBS 21 News
by Michael Gorsegner
July 5th 2021
“It's not about treating the veteran, it’s about treating the person that is really in pain,” said Dr. Sean Mulvaney, Regenerative Medicine Specialist.
York, PA — Over the past several days, a significant step was taken in the post 9-11 conflicts as more American troops exit Afghanistan. However, the brave men and women who put their lives on the line for our country are facing an increase threat at home, suicide.
In the final story of a three-part series, CBS21’s Michael Gorsegner is pulling back the curtains on this growing epidemic and the push to expand a treatment that is saving lives.
“I feel so fortunate,” said Robin Cody.
Nurse, mother, veteran, Robin Cody wears many hats. On the surface, this career woman is the face of success. But underneath was a deep dark struggle.
“The body and the mind don’t forget trauma even if you are trying to will yourself to forget it,” she said. read more here
Firefighter helps veteran suffering from PTSD episode on airplane
FOX News
Michael Hollan
The firefighter is part of a specially trained support team that helps other firefighters deal with tragedy and PTSD. Capt. Davidson used his training to keep the other veteran calm and the plane was able to land without diverting its course.
Captain Bobby Davidson, who was flying home with his family from vacation, rendered assistance to the passenger and was able to prevent an emergency landing. (Burton Fire District)
Firefighters don’t just fight fire.
The captain of a South Carolina fire department helped calm a fellow airplane passenger down who was in distress. According to reports, the other passenger was a veteran who was suffering from a PTSD crisis.
Captain Bobby Davidson, who was flying home on an American Airlines flight from a family vacation on June 15th, rendered assistance to the passenger and was able to prevent an emergency landing, according to a Facebook post from the Burton Fire District. The firefighter was also able to keep other passengers calm during the ordeal.
The Burton Fire Department confirmed to Fox News that the other passenger is a military veteran and was experiencing a PTSD crisis. While the flight crew was concerned that the plane may need to make an emergency landing, Capt. Davidson stepped in to help. read more here
Last year I went to the New Hampshire veterans cemetery for the first time on Memorial Day. As I walked around, I thought about all the veterans in my family who passed away, as well as the two veterans I was walking with. My husband and his best friend are both Vietnam veterans.
When I came upon this memorial, I had to catch a couple of tears falling. The empty place where the service member is saluting, got to me.
It was around that time when I was debating about giving up working with veterans. No matter how hard I tried, or how much I knew, it seemed as if I was fighting everyone I knew in the veteran community. Most of them were latched onto the slogan of "22 a day" and wouldn't let go of the notion that suicide awareness was a good thing to do. How could they believe that letting suicidal veterans hear about others giving up would offer them anything but more despair?
It was too late to change their minds and I had been doing this work for too long to be able to deal with the deadly results of ignorance. My heart was being ripped out every time I read another report of another suicide.
No one wanted to hear what needed to be done, anymore than they wanted to hear about the decades of failures to address the oldest pandemic this nation has ever seen...suicides carried out by those who valued the lives of others so much so, they were willing to die to save them.
I got into all of this in 1982 and focused on Vietnam veterans with PTSD, but the truth is, they had only become the latest generation to join the others going back to when this nation began. What I didn't know back then was there would be more wars.
It felt as if I was fighting this one all alone as soon as people started to read news reports in 2012. Soon after that, the awareness groups started popping up and eroding the ability for veterans to find people like me.
And now, maybe you'll understand why I gave up on what I had dedicated my life to almost 4 decades ago.
While active-duty suicides jumped about 8 percent overall last year ― to 377 total, compared to a 7-percent jump the previous year, or 348 total ― the final months of last year saw a leveling-off of that worrisome summer spike, with 99 total suicides from October to December, compared to 100 during the same period in 2019.
The reserve component, on the other hand, held steady in the first nine months of the year, before exploding with deaths by suicide in the fall and winter ― a 128-percent spike, from 25 deaths in late 2019 to 57 in late 2020. Most of that spike was concentrated in the National Guard, which went from 14 suicides to 39 during the same period; 23 of those deaths were in the Army National Guard, specifically.
In a paper released Monday as part of its Costs of War series, Brown's Watson Institute for International and Public Affairs estimates that 30,177 active-duty personnel and veterans of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have taken their own lives over the last nearly 20 years.
That is far greater than the 7,057 service members who died in war operations since 9/11, the institute said in the report, "High Suicide Rates Among United States Service Members and Veterans of the Post-9/11 Wars."
But Congress kept writing more bills and people kept pretending that it was all so important to them that they never once opened their eyes to change the outcome to anything but worse.
If you want to get hope back, and change the conversation from doom and gloom, read PTSD Patrol website and blog. Go to Facebook PTSD Patrol
WASHINGTON – Six soldiers stationed in Alaska have died by apparent suicide in the first five months of the year, an alarming number of deaths after the Army poured more than $200 million into the state to combat the mental health crisis it identified in 2019, according to Army figures released to USA TODAY.
The 2021 suicide toll among the roughly 11,500 soldiers stationed there already has nearly matched last year when seven soldiers died by suicide while stationed with U.S. Army Alaska, whose principal posts are Fort Wainwright in Fairbanks and Joint Base Elmendorf-Richardson in Anchorage.
While suicide rates among troops overall are comparable to the civilian population, the rate within the relatively small population of Alaska-based soldiers appears to be nearly four times the general U.S. rate. read more here
Why? Why after all these years are the numbers still going up? Because what they are doing is not working, yet they keep doing the same things that already failed. The question is...why?
February 7, 2021, Army Times reported this, "After Army Alaska’s alleged suicides, one battalion gets ‘sensing sessions’"
A command team from the Hawaii-based 25th Combat Aviation Brigade visited one of their battalions at Fort Wainwright, Alaska, in January to hold sensing sessions in which troops discussed their opinions on mental health, loss and grief.
The trip came after two soldiers from 1st Battalion, 25th Aviation Regiment, died by suicide in late December and January, and a third soldier attempted suicide in that same time period, according to two people and an email from a unit official obtained by Army Times that describes the three incidents.
Because they have not changed what they are doing anywhere! It shows.
Military Deaths by Suicide Jumped 25% at End of 2020
Military.com
By Stephen Losey
5 Apr 2021
The number of deaths by suicide among military service members increased alarmingly in the fourth quarter of 2020, according to the Defense Department's latest quarterly report.
The military recorded 156 deaths by suicide among all services, including active-duty, National Guard and Reserve troops, from Oct. 1 to Dec. 31 last year. That is a 25% increase from the 125 such deaths that occurred in the last quarter of calendar year 2019. read more here
Exactly when will the Joint Chiefs be forced to change what they are doing so that they can actually change the outcome?
Winston-Salem knife maker creates works of art. Army veteran's hobby led to stint on "Forged in Fire."
Journal Now
Fran Daniel
June 12, 2021
“It’s very therapeutic for him, which is good,” Robin Lopez said. “But his creativity started coming out and it was allowing him to express that…I think it’s positive that we all have that creative outlet.”
After noticing that making knives soothed and brought him peace, Lopez began reaching out to other veterans who are dealing with PTSD and interested in making knives.
In the spring of 2014, U.S. Army veteran Fermin Lopez decided to make his own knife.
At the time, he was dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder.
Lopez, who now lives in Winston-Salem, said he did a tour in the Middle East as a helicopter medic when war broke out in Iraq in the early 2000s.
“I was having a lot of issues with memories from the war and things like that, and I needed an outlet,” Lopez said.
To make his first knife, Lopez used a bag of charcoal he bought from Walmart.
“Then I used my grill and a hair dryer, and I actually was able to forge a knife,” he said. “It was mild steel. It was not like the ones I make now. It was just something to play with.”
He decided to make more knives, saying it helped take his mind off things.
“I felt a lot more relieved,” Lopez said.
His skills as a bladesmith, which is the art of making knives, swords and other blades, have come a long way since then. read more here
"The loneliest kind of lonely" is when there is no one else like you. I know that feeling because when I started working on PTSD, I didn't know anyone like me. It was lonely because we didn't have the internet and the only information I could find was at the library reading clinical books. Nothing strange about that since it was in 1982.
In 1993, I finally got a computer and then I found other people talking about PTSD. I started my first site on AOL, then it was on a website where I went by NamGuardianAngel. Back then, since I was unique, I had a lot of emails and phone calls. There were even more when I wrote my first book in 2002.
In 2006 I started making videos on PTSD on YouTube and in 2007, I started Wounded Times.
All that work was worth it even though it was never to make money. Sure I wanted to at least break even but the thing was, the work itself kept me going. Getting feed back and reading messages let me know, it mattered to the people I was trying to help.
In 2007 I posted a massive post about suicides hoping that someone with the power to do something would. Once all the groups started to pop up all over the internet and social media, the emails and messages started to go down. I was reading more and more about veterans suffering and very little being done to help them. The problem was, they were doing something about it by using them to make money.
I didn't give up and made more videos, posted more and tried to reach out as much as possible. It got lonelier and lonelier. In 2017 I started PTSD Patrol hoping that with PTSD in the title, I could gain control over the conversation again, and give veterans hope and families understanding.
Last year, it was too much for me, reading the reports of suicides going up in the veterans' community and within the military itself. My heart was breaking. I decided to stop focusing on them and started to open the work up to anyone with PTSD. PTSD Patrol passed 100,000 page views recently.
I do not follow anyone or take from anyone because I am too busy making my own "music" to march to! My work, has been stolen and copied for decades, but it doesn't bother me anymore. My mission hasn't changed because of them. The work was to offer hope and if others can reach more than I can...that's OK with me. I know that one day, they will get what they deserve for what they did with my work. I pray that those who go to their sites receive the help they were looking for and find the encouragement they need to #BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD.
Wounded Times reached 5 million page views because people shared the work.
So, if you are doing anything for the right reasons, if you know that you have something to give the world, then give it freely. I am living proof that even if no one tells you that you matter, you do!
This is going up on Wounded Times and PTSD Patrol. Wounded Times is close to hitting 5 million page views. It still gets a lot of traffic no matter if I post on it or not. That tells me that the need is still there. I am retiring from work, but not this work. I am no longer under constraints from non-profits and their rules, so from now on, I will be posting on what I feel needs to be said. Some people will like it, but others won't. While I hope you like it, if you don't, there are plenty of other sites for you. From now on, I'll be posting on both sites, as I feel the need to say something and as always, I hope what I say helps someone.
There are many times we have conversations with someone, and we never forget them. Every once in a while I'll read something or listen to someone, and instantly be reminded of "that" conversation. Today was one of those days.
Years ago I was confronted by an angry veteran. I was at an event, enjoying the music, when he came over to me, glaring at the Chaplain patch on my vest. Pure hatred shot out of his eyes. Once he started to speak it was easy to figure out he had way too much to drink. To this day, I am not sure why I had so much patience with him instead of telling him to go away.
He wanted to know why I was wasting my time on something that didn't exist. Yes, he meant that in his mind, God wasn't real. Like a lot of veterans who had seen way too much horror in the world, he said, "If there was a God, He wouldn't let all that happen. He wouldn't just sit back, let us destroy each other." At one point the thing that haunted him the most popped out. "Little kids starving and getting blown up while that so called God sits back and watches!"
I asked him why he joined the military. He said to serve his country. I asked him if he loved the country or hated it. Naturally he got ticked off then snapped, "I love it." I asked him if he still did and he said he did. I asked him why he still loved it. He responded with, "Because of what this country tries to be. They sent us to defend the people of Kuwait. We did."
I asked him if that was a good reason or a bad one. He said it was a good one.
When people see so much evil, it is hard to understand how a loving God could allow all of it to happen. They forget that He allows freewill from all humans, to make their own choices, to listen to what He says or not, to believe in Him or not and to follow where He leads, or walk away.
We also miss the fact that if they can still care, then God was there all along. It is easy to not be bothered by something if you do not have the heart to feel anything. It is not easy if your soul is being crushed by it. The very fact that veteran still cared about total strangers proved that. God was closer than he thought.
He was inside his soul. Goodness does not come out of evil. Caring about others does not come out of evil.
When we talked a little longer, I tried to get him to understand that. Over and over again he came back with blaming God. I told him that God was there, because people like him risked their lives to save others and would have dropped their weapons if the enemy dropped theirs. I told him that God was there because he was. He cried and walked away. I decided to not try to follow him because I knew he was drinking too much and I never saw him again.
When all you see is evil, that is all you think is there, but when you change what you focus on, you are able to see so much more. I remember the terrible things that happened to me, but I remember those who came to help me more. I remember feeling lost and alone, but I remember what it felt like when I was "found" and knew I wasn't alone in this world. So instead of only seeing what evil thing someone did to me, I focused on what others did for me because God was there.
Today the featured video is Bette Midler, From A Distance. God is watching us, but not from a distance. He lives in all of us and has an active part in all of our lives. When we listen, miracles happen.
If you have PTSD, I am always talking about taking care of your mind, body and spirit...your soul. I hope this fed your soul so that the next time God is trying to get through to you, you will listen.
Everytime you stand by someone else, do something for someone else out of love...God is there!
Northwell Health Nurse Choir: Gets the GOLDEN BUZZER with their EMOTIONAL Performance!
PTSD Patrol and Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
May 30, 2021
Every Memorial Day, I cry more than most people. Almost everyone thinks about the lives lost during wars, but few think about all those who died because of the wars they fought. It also grieves me that most Americans fighting their own battles with PTSD, have no clue that the help they receive, was created because Vietnam Veterans came home and fought for all of it.
While I got involved almost forty years ago, the Afghanistan and Iraq veterans ended up getting all the attention because their generation was coming home, suffering, and committing suicide. The problem was, the majority of the veteran suicides known, were mostly over the age of fifty. In other words, pre-9 11 veterans, but few seemed to care.
In 2015 I did a video with Mike and the Mechanics song The Living Years. Vietnam Veterans Remembered was to let them know that someone was paying attention to what was still happening to them.
When I lived in Florida, I always recorded the escort of the Wall going into Wickham Park. I used that footage along with images from Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan because of the lyrics of the song. Too many forget that war they fought and too many do not know they are still fighting it.
"So we open up a quarrel Between the present and the past"
No Vietnam veteran wants to take away from the newer generations. They took a vow to fight for all generations. The thing is, they don't want to be pushed aside. It should never be one generation being helped while sacrificing the other generations.
Once in a while I go back through some old emails. This is from 2006 about the book I wrote, For The Love Of Jack. I wrote it about our generation before 2001 and then self published it to help the newer generation that would follow them, and their families. That is something I learned from them...to fight for all generations.
Thank you so much for sharing your pain and story, You have helped me with my family and you dont even know it....As I read your story I was sitting there realising that you were talking about me in so many ways...the way I had become and the way I was headed. And Yes I am a combat Vet, from a long line of vets.......if I could just find out why there is no answers...........But I wanted to say thank you.......
Let the images sink in on this video because the pictures from Afghanistan and Iraq were the only ones people seemed to care about, but the older generations waited longer, suffered longer and still fought for the newer generation so that they would not end up like them.
The thing is, my generation is still fighting so that the newer generation does not have to suffer instead of healing the wounds they carried for far too long. We are retiring and dying off but doing all we can "in the living years."
When Vietnam veterans came home and fought for all the research on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, they were concentrating on what happens to those who fight the wars for this country. They had no clue that their efforts would end up helping everyone with PTSD. If you have PTSD and are getting help to heal, and you see a Vietnam veteran, say "thank you" to them because you have the hope of healing because of them.
Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD
The Living Years
Song by Mike + The Mechanics
Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door
I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
Oh, crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got
You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defence
Say it loud (say it loud), say it clear (oh say it clear)
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late (it's too late) when we die (oh when we die)
To admit we don't see eye to eye
So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts
So don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don't give up, and don't give in
You may just be okay
So say it loud, say it clear (oh say it clear)
You can listen as well as you hear
Because it's too late, it's too late (it's too late) when we die (oh when we die)
To admit we don't see eye to eye
I wasn't there that morning
When my Father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say
I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
Say it loud, say it clear (oh say it clear)
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late (it's too late) when we die (it's too late when we die)
To admit we don't see eye to eye
So say it, say it, say it loud (say it loud)
Say it clear (come on say it clear)
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: B.A. Robertson / Mike Rutherford (gb)
Open Library has the copy of the illegal For The Love Of Jack book that was stolen from me back in 2005~
Top that off with what they have written under the top section that has nothing to do with this book! I own the copyright on this!
This is the book that the publisher stole, would not pay me for and would not remove. They would not take any responsibility for any of this and all these years later, I am still seeing it show up all over the net!
Do not buy this book or read it if it has this blue cover. This is the legal one I had to republish on Amazon!
UPDATE from PTSD Patrol
PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
May 6, 2021
Cross posted on Wounded Times
No matter how many times people walked away from you, one day someone will help you. One day someone will show you the way and stand by your side until you get to where you need to be. Then you will become that "someone" for someone else. Don't give up. Don't give in. Fight like hell because you are worth it!
If you were not, then I wouldn't have been doing this work for almost 40 years with all the crap I have to go through to do the right thing. No matter what I faced, you were worth it!
Today there almost wasn't a video. I didn't have it in me to do one. I was actually online looking for something for myself. I discovered my work stolen again. It happens to me all the time and I am powerless to stop them from doing it. Sometimes they will put my name on it, other times they won't but for some reason they think they can just take it without my knowledge or permission.
I found the video that put into words exactly what I was feeling and it helped. It is from Five Finger Death Punch, Darkness Settles In. When I heard these lines, I cried. The thing is, it just got uploaded 15 hours ago!
It's like I'm holding all the aces
But I know I'll never win
Waiting for someone to save me
But everyone just runs away
The people I know who would help me, cannot help me on this. The ones who can help, I reach out to but they are not interested in helping me at all. The thing is, I am on the right side of this, doing the work for the right reasons and nothing is going to stop me. Screw the bastards. I know one day will come and they will be seen for who and what they truly are. I may not be alive to see it but I know I have the power over what I do and no one can take that way.
If you have PTSD then you know what it is like to tell death "screw you" and you lived because your life was worth it to you. You had no control over what happened but have the power to change what comes now. I'll be damned if I let the darkness settle in on my life. Don't let it settle in on your life either.
Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD
Darkness Settles In
Five Finger Death Punch
Another sun sets down behind me
Another day comes crashing in
There's a whispering wind that's blowing
There's a storm that's closing in
I can hear the trains, they're rolling
To a place I've never been
And I can feel her breath beside me
With an empty glass of gin
As the darkness settles in
I can hear her voice again
I can hear your voice again
Waiting for someone to save me
But everyone just runs away
Waiting for someone to change me
But no one ever comes
I'm breaking down the walls that cage me
But nothing ever falls in place
Waiting for the end to take me
Blinded by the sun
All the ghosts that live inside me
Always waiting in the wind
I can see through my reflection
What I've become and what I've been
You see, your Heaven doesn't want me
And your Hell won't let me in
It's like I'm holding all the aces
But I know I'll never win
Waiting for someone to save me
But everyone just runs away
Waiting for someone to change me
But no one ever comes
I'm breaking down the walls that cage me
But nothing ever falls in place
Waiting for the end to take me
Blinded by the sun
You can take it away, tear it all down
Spit in my face, pushed to the ground
Look what I've become
I've fallen from grace, bloodied and bound
Taking up space, lost and I'm found
Look what I've become
I can hear the snakes, they're winding
Singing songs of pain and sin
There's an anger overflowing
From this empty glass of gin
As the darkness settles in
And the darkness settles in
Waiting for someone to save me
But everyone just runs away
Waiting for someone to change me
But no one ever comes
I'm breaking down the walls that cage me
But nothing ever falls in place
Waiting for the end to take me
Blinded by the sun
And the darkness settles in
(You can take it away)
And the darkness settles in
(You can take it away)
As the darkness settles in
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Ivan Moody / Zoltan Bathory / Kevin Churko / Jason Hook
When I think about my Dad, I often wonder how he'd feel if he knew what he started back in 1982. All these later, the number of lives changed because he served in Korea and he never knew about them. I am a living legacy to him and his life.
About a week ago, I received a strange message on Facebook from a man claiming to have pictures of my Dad in Korea. He wrote things that had to be true, so I called him. His Dad served with mine. The twist to the story is that his Dad probably never knew he had a son born in Korea. Yesterday he sent me pictures I had never seen before and I thought about my Dad a lot more than usual.
My Mom and oldest brother went to stay with him when he was in Japan.
We were a normal family. Both of my brothers were born on Army bases. He was a Staff Sergeant. He left the Army before I was born but I was a typical Army brat. I also grew up with uncles who served in WWII. That was all normal to me. I didn't discover it was not usual to have a family full of veterans, or that having living room furniture from Japan was odd, until I was older.
When I met my current husband, I was already divorced and only 23. The night he met my husband, he said, "He seems like a really nice guy but he's got shell shock." My husband is a Vietnam veteran. I had no idea what he was talking about and when I asked him to explain it, he told me to go to the library because war changes people.
I spent all my free time at the library with clinical books and a dictionary, learning as much as I could. The more I learned, the more I fell in love. Not just with the man I would end up marrying, but loved my Dad more and all veterans. Now they call it PTSD.
My Dad started what turned out to be my life's work. Thousands of articles, books, videos, several websites and more, all started because of my Dad's life in the Army. Over the years, I've had many messages thanking me for what I do and to pass appreciation on to my husband for his service. I just wanted you to know, that had it not been for my Dad, I don't think any of this would have started.
This is why today the featured video is, Dan Fogelberg, The Leader Of The Band.
If you've sent me emails thanking me for what I do, and thanking my husband for his service, I wanted you to know that none of this would have happened if my Dad didn't understand what he saw in my husband. It is a good reminder that we never know how much we do change the world when we are willing to do what we can, when we can, when we are willing to try.
Of all the things I would want people to share, it would not be about "suicide awareness" because I find it repulsive. Raising awareness that veterans are killing themselves, only spreads the heartache, reminding them of all the others who gave up. Not that any of these groups has the slightest clue what the true number is, or any of the data, or any of the facts that does save lives. What makes it worse is, they have no problem stealing something that belongs to someone else!
Today I found one of my images used to promote We Are the 22 on facebook. I did a post back in 2013. It was the oldest one I could find.
This is the link to the post I did back in 2013! I've been doing this work since 1982! I had to look them up online and discovered how much publicity they are getting. They are making money, which I never cared about in all these years. You would think they could afford to come up with things on their own or at least respect my work enough to ask if they could use it.
I am so tired of this happening!
UPDATE
I was just on their Facebook page where they have used this many times and found even more!
They used this slogan over and over again!
here is the link to my post from 2016, and yes, I messed up typing the date but have the Google Search result below.
They actually used this one when the post I did was attacking all the groups doing suicide awareness!
Today my heart is broken. Two reports about the suicides in the military and veterans community reminded me of the reason I had to give up working with both groups after 38 years. I could not fight alone anymore. Telling the truth and saying what had to be said to save their lives was no longer possible without ripping my heart out on and daily basis.
Despite Congress' efforts and an ever-rising VA budget, there's no evidence the federal government has put a dent in the veteran suicide crisis, with the VA's data showing little change in the suicide numbers each year. (Military.com)
Military suicides are also higher. "The report from the Department of Defense shows our military saw a spike in people taking their own lives. In total, 377 active duty troops took their own life in 2020, across all branches of the military. This is an increase of 8% from the same time in 2019." but when you actually read the report, you notice that the numbers in the following article do not include the 194 "Reserve Components" that are included in the Department of Defense Suicide Report. 511, which has been consistently the average since 2012. If you find that hard to believe, since the media hasn't told you that part, then look at the whole chart on the link and add the two totals together.
"Your mental health impacts more than just you, it impacts everybody around you. And those are things we have to be aware of. You may not want to get help for you but what about for your daughter or for your son. What about for your mother or your brother who has to deal with the things that you were going through," said Williams." (Porsche Williams, the founder of Restore Life Global WUSA9 News)
It became all too clear that the only groups getting support were ranting about "raising awareness" that they were killing themselves. No plans, no facts, just saying it was happening and they ended up getting all the support while leaving people reminded that others gave up too. As if that was going to work when they needed reasons to get up in the morning. They needed hope and they needed the truth, but these groups did not have a clue what they were talking about...but they sure knew how to get attention for themselves.
I do not want to be contacted by one more group wanting money for what they do with results like this. No one should be giving them any attention at all when the results has proven over and over again, hasn't "put a dent in the crisis."
I asked for help from many groups and offered to let them take the credit for what I was willing to show them how to do. They turned me down. Over and over again, I tried to contact members of Congress but they would not listen. I wrote and wrote even more, but thousands of articles later, none of them did much good. Wounded Times has over 4.8 million page views, yet there are few people telling the truth about what has been going on. I have over 700 videos on YouTube and few bother to watch them or share them.
I am willing to get back into this fight again but only if angels decide to fight with me. I won't fight this alone again. My heart cannot take it. I know what it is like to save lives and trust me, if I can do it, it isn't rocket science. It requires knowledge and doing it for the right reasons. I am calling on angels to help me this time, so all of us can help them heal.
Calling All Angels
Train
I need a sign to let me know you're here
All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere
I need to know that things are gonna look up
'Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup
When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head
When you feel the world shake from the words that are said
And I'm calling all angels
And I'm calling all you angels
And I won't give up if you don't give up
I won't give up if you don't give up
I won't give up if you don't give up
I won't give up if you don't give up
I need a sign to let me know you're here
'Cause my TV set just keeps it all from being clear
I want a reason for the way things have to be
I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me
And I'm calling all angels
And I'm calling all you angels
When children have to play inside so they don't disappear
While private eyes solve marriage lies 'cause we don't talk for years
And football teams are kissing Queens and losing sight of having dreams
In a world that what we want is only what we want until it's ours
And I'm calling all angels
And I'm calling all you angels
And I'm (I won't give up if you don't give up)
Calling all angels (I won't give up if you don't give up)
And I'm (I won't give up if you don't give up)
Calling all you angels (I won't give up if you don't give up)
Calling all you angels (I won't give up if you don't give up)
Calling all you angels (I won't give up if you don't give up)
Calling all you angels (I won't give up if you don't give up)
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: James Stafford / Scott Underwood / Pat Monahan / Charles Colin
I started doing videos on PTSD in 2006. The first suicide awareness I did was in 2007 because I thought all that people needed to save lives, was to know it was happening. Putting the video and post together, ripped my heart out, but it was important. I wrote a book about suicides tied to military in 2013 proving all the money and "efforts" did not work, and why they did not work. It didn't do any good.
I did the video Alive Day in 2012 when the reports started coming out. This is what they need to know and this is how we do it!
If you are raising awareness about them killing themselves, you are part of the reason they are gone!
