Kyle Prellberg was deployed twice to Iraq and Afghanistan between 2009 and 2012. When he got home to the United States, a whole new war began.
Why should you watch the video about a sniper struggling with #PTSD if you aren't one? Why would it matter to you if weren't a sniper? The thing is if you ended up with PTSD from serving, it should matter to you.
Most of the time they are part of a unit but they are trained, aside from the obvious to hit the person they aim at, to be focused for however long it takes to achieve the mission. They do that part alone.
Nowhere is it written they, or you must try to heal all alone. No one heals alone.
You don't and shouldn't have to fight the battle as a survivor to heal alone. Doing it alone does not work. Holding it in, trying to cover the scars you carry and the burden on your back will only cause you to push people away when you need them in your life the most. The people around you are your unit to fight this battle as much as you had others helping you fight the battles in combat. This isn't a battle to save the lives of others or those deployed with you. This is a battle to save your life so that you can help others find hope. In this battle, you fight with the courage to open your mouth and speak the simple words that you need help. You fight it with the weapon of knowledge, knowing that PTSD is not a sign of weakness or any kind of punishment. No one can punish you more than you are doing to yourself. PTSD is not something you were born with. It is something that you survived the cause of, no matter what that cause was. YOU ARE A SURVIVOR of it. Find strength in that.
If you take nothing else away from the video about Kyle Prellberg, let the fact that he suffered until he sought help to heal and know that he is passing that on to others so they, and you can find healing too!
20 years later, the bombs stopped falling, soldiers went back home,but for far too many, it never really ended. It never really does.
You can see more photos here
March 20, 2003: U.S. Marines prepare themselves after receiving orders to cross the Iraqi border at Camp Shoup, in northern Kuwait.
Eric Feferberg/AFP via Getty Images
If you have PTSD, it is not too late to get help to heal. Yes, heal! Your life can be so much better once you make the connection between what happened, why it happened, and what you can do about it as a survivor of all of it!
When I was writing The Ministers Of The Mystery series, I was thinking of all of you. All the people I've met over the years struggling to heal #PTSD and then turning around to help other people heal too. I am in awe of each and every one of you. I wanted to find a way to let you know that.
The Scribe Of Salem is the first book in the series. I've been auditioning narrators for audiobooks. I found several that delivered the emotions of this rollercoaster ride, as well as had a voice that fit. I had a woman do one chapter from each book and liked it. However, I've decided to go back to my original thought of having a male read it. The main character is male, but there are at least 30 characters in the three books and heavy dialogue going on. It seemed more important for the voice to carry the overall flow.
Anyway, when I was uploading this video of Chapter 3, The Trials, I decided it was time to thank all of you and anyone else interested in reading these books.
All of us know the way our story happened. It started out with shock, confusion, and feeling lost in our own bodies. For most of us, someone came along to help us find our way back to seeing ourselves when we look in the mirror again. That is the way the first book starts. It is also for all of us, no matter what caused PTSD in us. Remember, the only way to get hit by PTSD is to survive the trauma that caused it, and the only way out of it is to be shown the way to heal. The fabulous thing about us is, we aren't selfish and love to pay it forward, helping someone else the same way others helped us.
By this chapter, Chris's old friends came back into his life when he needed them the most. He also met Alex and Mary Michaels. They are book publishers he agreed to show around Salem. They are walking around when this story begins to get really strange.
Please leave a review of what you think wherever you read it from. It will help me as I write the 4th book. Right now I am still researching it and a good time to discover what hits people the most.
PTSD demon tells you that there is no hope for you.
Hope responds there is no room for that demon in your life. You have healing to do.
PTSD demon tells you that you were meant to suffer.
Hope responds that you survived because you were not meant to die.
PTSD demon tells you that you should be ashamed of the voices in your head.
Hope responds that the only voice in your head that doesn't belong there is the demon!
Think about the person or event that caused you harm, and it is still trying to destroy you. Think about the fact that you survived it, and that makes you a survivor, no longer a victim of "it" and it doesn't get to determine the rest of your life.
David Mac Donald strolled into the bar. He was tall, and muscular, with fiery red flowing hair with a scraggly beard. He looked more like an ancient Scottish warrior than he did when he was in the Army with cropped hair. David’s family moved from Scotland when he was starting high school and he joined the Army as soon as he graduated. When he walked over to the group, they all got up out of their chairs and hugged, then he saw Chris. “Oh my God! Nanos!” He walked over to him. As soon as he got a closer look at his eyes, he could see an all too familiar pain the fake smile couldn’t cover up. He gave him a bear hug and whispered in his Scottish accent, “Your demon is in control for now. Time to take back your life as we did.”
David recognized the demon in Chris, because for a long time, he one too. It was clear on the darkest night of Chris's life, the conspiracy was working.
One of the conversations Chris had later was with Ed, his bartender and, as far as Chris knew, the only friend he had for the last three years, showed the plans were starting to work.
“I know I don’t want to live like this anymore. You just gave me a gift I don’t think I’ll ever be able to repay.”
“Then pay it forward to someone else you come into contact with and use your gift as a writer to help them heal too. There are millions of people in this country right now suffering instead of healing because they don’t know what to do to defeat the demons they face. You can help them with that after you heal and get stronger.”
“Do you think that’s what He wants me to do? Why me? People are gonna know what a screwup I am. What qualifies me to write about all these, saintly people doing good all over the place?”
“Because the saints in the Bible were all screw-ups too. We all are. Every single one of them messed up. People forget that part instead of seeing that if God could use people like them to make miracles happen, He could do it with anyone. You have the choice to turn to what is dark in you sent by Satan, or hang on to what is light in you from God, just like they did.”
“So you’re saying people turn to darkness by choice?”
“Yes, but mostly because they think that’s the only road they can take. They can’t pray to God for themselves at the same time they turn away from Him. That’s when other people pray for them because they can’t. Isn’t that what He just laid out in front of you?”
Isn't that what was just laid in front of you too?
The Scribe of Salem is about having PTSD because the people in it survived, questioned God, blamed God, and Chris, he thought God was a vindictive son-of-a-bitch playing around with the lives of people for fun. That is until he realized God was playing but was preparing.
From a few people that read The Scribe of Salem, there have been many questions. The 12 women on the beach, are the Master Ministers of the Mystery. Some think that women cannot be ministers, but the Bible clearly states that they were among those serving God with Jesus.
We know there were 12 chosen, and accepted to serve God alongside Jesus.
Peter; James; John; Andrew; Philip; Judas; Matthew; Thomas; James, Bartholomew; Judas Iscariot and Simon
But they were not the only ones sent out.
Luke 10:1 After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go. 2 He told them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few.
And even they were not the only ones.
Acts 1:14 These all continued with one accord in prayer and supplication, with the women, and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brethren.
15 And in those days Peter stood up in the midst of the disciples, and said, (the number of names together were about an hundred and twenty,)
15 In those days Peter stood up among the believers (a group numbering about a hundred and twenty) 16 and said, “Brothers and sisters, the Scripture had to be fulfilled in which the Holy Spirit spoke long ago through David concerning Judas, who served as guide for those who arrested Jesus. 17 He was one of our number and shared in our ministry.”
And we know why they were brought together. There had to be 12 chosen as leaders.
24 And they prayed, and said, Thou, Lord, which knowest the hearts of all men, shew whether of these two thou hast chosen,
25 That he may take part of this ministry and apostleship, from which Judas by transgression fell, that he might go to his own place.
26 And they gave forth their lots; and the lot fell upon Matthias; and he was numbered with the eleven apostles.
We know that the gifts of the spirit were not limited to them.
We also know that "sons and daughters" were to receive gifts.
Act 2:17 And it shall come to pass in the last days, saith God, I will pour out of my Spirit upon all flesh: and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams:
What are the gifts?
1 Corinthians Now concerning spiritual gifts, brethren, I would not have you ignorant.
2 Ye know that ye were Gentiles, carried away unto these dumb idols, even as ye were led.
3 Wherefore I give you to understand, that no man speaking by the Spirit of God calleth Jesus accursed: and that no man can say that Jesus is the Lord, but by the Holy Ghost.
4 Now there are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit.
5 And there are differences of administrations, but the same Lord.
6 And there are diversities of operations, but it is the same God which worketh all in all.
7 But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to every man to profit withal
8 For to one is given by the Spirit the word of wisdom; to another the word of knowledge by the same Spirit;
9 To another faith by the same Spirit; to another the gifts of healing by the same Spirit;
10 To another the working of miracles; to another prophecy; to another discerning of spirits; to another divers kinds of tongues; to another the interpretation of tongues:
And we know what those gifts were supposed to be used for.
1 Corinthians 13
13 Suppose I speak in the languages of human beings or of angels. If I don’t have love, I am only a loud gong or a noisy cymbal. 2 Suppose I have the gift of prophecy. Suppose I can understand all the secret things of God and know everything about him. And suppose I have enough faith to move mountains. If I don’t have love, I am nothing at all. 3 Suppose I give everything I have to poor people. And suppose I give myself over to a difficult life so I can brag. If I don’t have love, I get nothing at all.
4 Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not want what belongs to others. It does not brag. It is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor other people. It does not look out for its own interests. It does not easily become angry. It does not keep track of other people’s wrongs. 6 Love is not happy with evil. But it is full of joy when the truth is spoken. 7 It always protects. It always trusts. It always hopes. It never gives up.
8 Love never fails. But prophecy will pass away. Speaking in languages that had not been known before will end. And knowledge will pass away. 9 What we know now is not complete. What we prophesy now is not perfect. 10 But when what is complete comes, the things that are not complete will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child. I thought like a child. I had the understanding of a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 Now we see only a dim likeness of things. It is as if we were seeing them in a foggy mirror. But someday we will see clearly. We will see face to face. What I know now is not complete. But someday I will know completely, just as God knows me completely.
13 The three most important things to have are faith, hope and love. But the greatest of them is love.
Chris was given an amulet by Mandy. It is a dove with wings of fire. Some accounts of the Holy Spirit are of a dove and others have it as fire. So yes, it very well could be a Christian amulet, much like the Cross I wear.
Chris begins to see Reverend George Burroughs in a painting of the Salem Witch Trials behind the bar. Why Reverend Burroughs? Listen to this podcast after all the chitchat in the beginning and get caught up in the story of this man.
Also of interest is Witch Trot Road in Maine where Burroughs was taken from Maine to Salem Village...almost a decade after he left Salem!
According to New England Folklore, the connection lies in a Puritan minister named George Burroughs. He was recruited to be a minister in Salem, Massachusetts in 1680 but after a falling out with the community, Burroughs moved to Wells, Maine. Years later, the Salem Witch Trials began to send shockwaves throughout New England. Many people, including those in law enforcement at the time, believed the cause of widespread witchcraft in Salem was an afflicted minister. That minister was George Burroughs.
So, there you have scripture supporting this work, and most of it you didn't hear in church. History of people being accused of trying to take down the church when all they wanted to do was serve God as God decided they should. You have spiritual gifts being used to help people. And you see what can happen when human will replaces what God wants.
Maybe you'll see how God tried to prevent all that happened, but people would not listen. Maybe you'll see how God tried to prevent what happened to you too. At least, I hope you see that what you choose to become now, is in your hands. Listen to God's voice and let Him restore hope to your soul. Stop listening to the demon sent to destroy you.
Sure the series is fictional but the truth is, the power to heal is in you. So, are you the scribe you need for yourself? One last thought on this post is, You are loved and you are not alone!
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
By the time of Edelin’s “confession,” the idea of witches riding around on broomsticks was already well established. The earliest known image of witches on brooms dates to 1451, when two illustrations appeared in the French poet Martin Le Franc’s manuscript Le Champion des Dames (The Defender of Ladies). In the two drawings, one woman soars through the air on a broom; the other flies aboard a plain white stick. Both wear head scarves that identify them as Waldensians, members of a Christian sect founded in the 12th century who were branded as heretics by the Catholic Church, partly because they allowed women to become priests.
One notion put to rest about witches. Now, if we could only put to rest the one about no one can be "Christian" and "witch" at the same time. To me, it is easy to figure out since all the passages about "bad" witches in the Bible are about those that use their gifts to harm, are not using their gifts from God but serving Satan instead. Those who use their gifts to heal or help, use their spiritual gifts from God to serve God.
Let's take a look at some thoughts that happened in Salem when other Christians got it wrong.
As the years went by, the colonists felt ashamed and remorseful for what had happened during the Salem Witch Trials. Since the witch trials ended, the colony also began to suffer many misfortunes such as droughts, crop failures, smallpox outbreaks and Native-American attacks and many began to wonder if God was punishing them for their mistake.
On December 17, 1697, Governor Stoughton issued a proclamation in hopes of making amends with God. The proclamation suggested that there should be:
“observed a Day of Prayer with Fasting throughout the Province…So that all God’s people may put away that which hath stirred God’s Holy jealousy against his land; that he would…help us wherein we have done amiss to do so no more; and especially that whatever mistakes on either hand have fallen into…referring to the late tragedy, raised among us by Satan and his instruments, through the awful judgement of God, he would humble us therefore and pardon all the errors and people that desire to love his name…”
The day of prayer and fasting was held on January 15, 1698, and was known as the Day of Official Humiliation.
In the same article, one of the accusers offered her apology.
In 1706, afflicted girl Ann Putnam, Jr., also issued a public apology for her role in the Salem Witch Trials, particularly in the case against her neighbor Rebecca Nurse. Her apology states:
“I desire to be humbled before God for that sad and humbling providence that befell my father’s family in the year about ’92; that I, then being in my childhood, should, by such a providence of God, be made an instrument for the accusing of several persons of a grievous crime, whereby their lives were taken away from them, whom now I have just grounds and good reason to believe they were innocent persons; and that it was a great delusion of Satan that deceived me in that sad time, whereby I justly fear I have been instrumental, with others, though ignorantly and unwittingly, to bring upon myself and this land the guilt of innocent blood; though what was said or done by me against any person I can truly and uprightly say, before God and man, I did it not out of any anger, malice, or ill-will to any person, for I had no such thing against one of them; but what I did was ignorantly, being deluded by Satan. And particularly, as I was a chief instrument of accusing of Goodwife Nurse and her two sisters, I desire to lie in the dust, and to be humbled for it, in that I was a cause, with others, of so sad a calamity to them and their families; for which cause I desire to lie in the dust, and earnestly beg forgiveness of God, and from all those unto whom I have given just cause of sorrow and offence, whose relations were taken away or accused.”
While 1698 was a day they publicly admitted shame, it took over 300 years to clear the name of the last accused witch.
Elizabeth Johnson Jr. is — officially — not a witch.
Until last week, the Andover, Mass., woman, who confessed to practicing witchcraft during the Salem witch trials, was the only remaining person convicted during the trials whose name had not been cleared.
Though she was sentenced to death in 1693, after she and more than 20 members of her extended family faced similar allegations, she was granted a reprieve and avoided the death sentence.
The exoneration came on Thursday, 329 years after her conviction, tucked inside a $53 billion state budget signed by Gov. Charlie Baker. It was the product of a three-year lobbying effort by a civics teacher and her eighth-grade class, along with a state senator who helped champion the cause.
And yet, here are some examples of what was done that were considered witchcraft but acceptable. Witching Sticks, also known as Dowsing Rods, and Divining Rods were acceptable for thousands of years. Some said the word divine was given to them because the power to find what was being looked for was found by the divine intervention of God.
Which witchcraft is acceptable? Of all the places I thought I'd find something, the FBI was not one of them.
Law Enforcement Bulletin FBI
January 11, 2022
Forensic Spotlight
Dowsing for Human Remains — Considerations for Investigators
Unproven Method
Dowsing, also called “divining” or “witching,” refers to the practice of observing a pointer — often a forked stick, rods, bent wires, or a pendulum — move in response to some type of influence or transmitter. Some consider it a reliable method for locating underground items of interest, including water, oil, and ore. There are even those who believe that dowsing can help locate buried remains (sometimes called “grave witching”).
On the other hand, there are those claiming it is the work of Satan. This is from GotQuestions What does the Bible say about dowsing?
There are only two spiritual forces at work in our world: God and Satan. They are both real, both spirit, and both powerful. But they are not equals. Satan is merely a created being, a fallen angel whom God allows to rule this world within the boundaries God has established (2 Corinthians 4:4; Luke 10:18). Any supernatural power that does not originate with God is evil. There are no neutral spirits, friendly guides, or positive energies. There is no “power of the universe” behind supernatural occurrences. We are either experiencing the mighty power of God or dabbling in Satan’s playground.
2 Corinthians 4:4 reads "The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God," but they use it in this case? Huh? Luke 10:18 was just as confusing. "He replied, 'I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven.'"
How do they explain the miracles that were happening with the gifts of the spirit?
Luke 10:17 "The seventy-two returned with joy and said, “Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name.” Because Jesus sent them to heal the sick and cast out demons with their spiritual gifts.
The Holy Spirit is given to each of us in a special way. That is for the good of all. 8 To some people the Spirit gives a message of wisdom. To others the same Spirit gives a message of knowledge. 9 To others the same Spirit gives faith. To others that one Spirit gives gifts of healing. 10 To others he gives the power to do miracles. To others he gives the ability to prophesy. To others he gives the ability to tell the spirits apart. To others he gives the ability to speak in different kinds of languages they had not known before. And to still others he gives the ability to explain what was said in those languages. 11 All the gifts are produced by one and the same Spirit. He gives gifts to each person, just as he decides.
If you're confused about which witchcraft is acceptable, I hope by now you see that if it is to do bad things, the gift itself came from God, but they chose to use it to serve Satan. If it is to help, heal, and deliver the miracles God is trying to deliver, then they are using their gift from God for God.
I am not a witch, nor do I pray to anything or anyone other than God and Jesus. When I light a candle, it is simply to light a room during a power failure or to add some fresh scent to a room. I don't use Tarot cards but I have prayer cards. I am a firm believer that while some people believe women do not belong preaching the word of God, the Bible clearly states women were among those Jesus sent to heal others and also among the 120 that chose Matthias as the replacement for Judas. (One of my best friends is a female pastor.) Above all, I believe that God sent us all here with gifts within us to do good in this world, but some, choose to do harm instead.
Every day is hard for people with #PTSD. This time of year is usually harder. If you've healed, you remember what it was like to see people "celebrating" when you had a hard time just getting out of bed. It's hard to think of anything beyond living day to day as hope slips away that the next day will be any better. So what happened to you? What helped you heal? Was it a friend helping you find your way? Was it a family member taking the time to listen to you? Was it a stranger there to help you when you finally reached the point when you decided to seek help? Was it something someone wrote, or a video they put up to help you understand you weren't alone?
Being part of a miracle happening is saying "yes" to God. Standing in the way of it is saying "yes" to the darkness the miracle was supposed to defeat. It is that simple.
Christmas is coming and we're supposed to be celebrating the birth of Jesus. Set aside the debate as to when He was actually born and how all the celebrating we do was tied to the winter solstice. I focus on the life He lived, what He achieved, and the simple fact that He was not forced to do it. He had the chance to refuse to do what He was sent to do.
Mary had the chance to refuse to become His mother. Joseph had the chance to refuse to take her as his wife and protect the mother and son. Mary and Joseph could have refused to travel to Egypt to save His life.
When He was grown and went to John the Baptist to be baptized, John had the choice to not believe what his soul was telling him about the man standing in front of him.
When Jesus was fasting for 40 days, He had the choice to allow Satan to corrupt Him.
When He returned to the villages, He asked fishermen to help Him. Each one of them could have refused to do it. The people they asked for help could have refused to help them, as well as refused to listen to what He had to say.
Imagine what would have happened if none of what happened, was able to happen because people said no to becoming part of a miracle.
How many times have you had the chance to be part of a miracle but refused to do it?
How many times have you received a miracle but refused to acknowledge it?
If you live your life only caring about yourself, then you are saying "no" to God. If you live your life doing something for someone else, you are saying "yes" to God. Which way do you think will make you happier?
This Christmas, instead of debating what December 25th means, think about what His life was supposed to mean and do something for someone else. It doesn't have to cost you a dime but may cost you a little time you spend listening to someone, praying for them, or even giving someone clearly having a bad day a smile.
The word Thanksgiving follows the word Happy. For many of us, we have forgotten what that word means from time to time. I know I did. This year started out with losing one of my best friends and struggling to rewrite my books. I ended up knowing I needed to go back into therapy to work through the grief.
I could have just dismissed it, because of all the other losses I've had in my life, but not honoring the loss of someone so dear to me, would have not been honoring what he meant to me. My therapist helped me work thru it and now I can remember him, think about him, remember the things he said, and find comfort in those memories. I'm not done with therapy yet because now we have to work on my inability to try to meet new people. I'm an extrovert, in case you haven't noticed that by now. That means being away from people is torture for me. Since we moved into our new home in New Hampshire 4 months before the pandemic hit, I'm having a hard time with it. Ok, honestly, working on these books has sucked up whatever free time I had.
And all that brings me to this point in my life today. I am giving thanks for what I am grateful for, if not happy about. If you have PTSD, I bet that doesn't sound strange to you at all. I know for me, faith did not allow for the possibility that God could not have prevented it from happening. Once I got passed the fact I did survive, I began to wonder why. I was ok with that but when I wondered why He didn't prevent it, it ate away at my soul. Then I remembered how we all have free will and God doesn't mess with it.
We cannot control what others do to us, any more than we can control who does something for us. The only thing we can control is what we choose to do. I lived my life more about "doing for" than "doing to." Doing something to someone else brings no joy and whatever momentary gratification we may obtain, will leave us feeling empty. Knowing did something for someone because we could, fills us, even if we are the only ones to know we did anything at all.
― Francis Weller, The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief
Next week the books will be out on Amazon and I hope that this labor of love helps you find how much God put into creating you! For today, skip the "Happy" and just give thanks for what you do have to be grateful for!
It is still hard to think about being able to offer hope to anyone trying to heal, but I think that is what is needed right now. The political divide is like a thorn in my soul because of all the people I once called friends. I love a good debate, but I love the truth more. I have always been more like a sheep in Matthew 25, than a goat.
34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.
35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink?
38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you?
39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.
42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink,
43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’
44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’
45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’
46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”
Some of the people I thought were my friends turned out to be more like goats. My real friends are still there for me. I feel blessed to have them in my life. I am trying hard to focus on them and less on the goats. I still miss having Gunny in my life. That is the loss I am trying to heal from. He was the only one that understood what I do, and why I do it, as well as why I've done it for four decades. He was able to put politics aside, and so was I, because we valued everything else about one another.
My therapist suggested I focus on the fact that how people treated me, says more about them than it does me. I hate having something I tell everyone else said to me, but I have to face it, sometimes that is exactly what we need to hear, even though we may not want to hear it. At the end of the day, we realize that we only have power over what we do and not what as done to us.
I am working on that and asking myself a lot of questions. I am looking back and asking what did someone do to me when I needed help before, as much as asking what they did for me before. It's a safe bet I won't be turning to those that hurt me before. Turning to them won't help fill the empty part Gunny left behind. Expecting my husband to do it won't get me anything but aggravated since he tries to listen but ends up trying to fix me instead. He does hug me when I cry about Gunny because he knew how close of a friend he was, plus he liked him too. (Ok, well he thought it was strange for a woman to have a close male friend until it dawned on him that the majority of my friends were male since I used to work with mostly men.)
Anyway, so far I managed to get through editing more of my new book and beginning to feel more connected to the hopeful parts of the story than just the dark parts. I am hoping this one will be more positive than the one I wrote after Gunny died. I went back and read the other one and it was more hopeful but it was also done when Gunny was still here.
So, if you are struggling and feeling as if the goats in your life hold more power over you than the sheep do, maybe it is time to take another look at them and see what they really are inside. Let that be your guide to a happier you. Don't expect them to change. If they treated you like crap before, they will probably do it again. If they cared about you before, they'll probably do it again too!
With so many horrible things going on in the world right now, it is understandable to feel hopeless. After all, we are not in control over much. We cannot stop the bombs and slaughter of Ukrainian citizens. We cannot get them food water and supplies as Russian forces surround them. We cannot stop the Russian soldiers from murdering citizens. Only Putin can do that, but he won't.
Sure we can pray that God opens their hearts and minds so they see the difference between defending their own country during war and what they are doing in Ukraine. That has actually been working. Some have seen what they are becoming and it makes them sick to their stomachs. They are telling citizens in Ukraine they had no idea what they were being sent to do after they surrender. The most remarkable thing is, the videos of this happening also show compassion the Ukrainian people have for those sent to kill them.
(WILX) - The Ukrainian government, as well as many Ukrainian civilians, have made a point of saying on camera that they do not hold the Russian soldiers to blame for the war ordered by Vladimir Putin.
“I didn’t want to fight,” said one Russian soldier, interviewed after being captured in Ukraine. “I will say the Ukarainian army are nice guys. They didn’t hit me. They gave me food.”
Now, Ukraine is backing that sentiment with a direct offer.
TV presenter Maria Yefrosinina, who is an ambassador of the United Nations Population Fund in Ukraine, has announced an offer to Russian soldiers from the Ukraine Government, funded by the global IT community.
The thing is, no matter how bad something is, we can do nothing while it gets worse, or, we can choose to do something, no matter how small we may thing it is. Nothing changes for the better if we do nothing.
If you are in pain, you understand what it feels like. Then you can also understand the pain someone else is living with. If you have ever lost hope, then you know what it feels like when others lose hope. No matter what they are going through, the chances are, you went through the same thing.
Sure you could remember what others did to you and decide to do the same, but it is better to remember what it was like when someone did something for you and do the same.
Remember what words would have given you comfort and restored a sense of hope within yourself, and do the same for others.
Remember what it felt like to be given the glimmer of things getting better for you, and do the same for others.
Remember what it felt like when someone showed you kindness after others only showed you their backs, and do the same for others.
Do what you can for others and heal yourself at the same time. You do not have the power to change the entire world, but you are empowered to change the world for someone else.
“Find out how much God has given you and from it take what you need; the remainder is needed by others.” ― Saint Augustine
Don’t Keep Quiet: Young Ukrainians Share Struggles Amid War
WebMD
By Kelly Wairimu Davis, MS
Feb. 25, 2021
“Be on the phone, FaceTiming, talking, writing,” Botwin says.
“I think it’s so important right now to be reaching out and talking to people, especially the younger folks over there [in Ukraine] being able to use things like social media,” she says.
Hypervigilance, sadness, rage, anger.
Many young Ukrainians have taken to Instagram to express their emotions as Russian forces continue their push deeper into the country.
Political unrest between Ukraine and Russia has a long history, but this is the first major conflict in the region since 2014.
Recalling childhood stories from past crises with Russia, one common sentiment among millennials and Gen-Z Ukrainians on social media is, “I’ve always been afraid of war,” as well as, “How could this happen in the 21st century?”
Expressing these thoughts and feelings online is a great way for young people to help manage fear, anxiety, and other troubling emotions they may be having, says Shari Botwin, a licensed clinical social worker and author of Thriving After Trauma: Stories of Living and Healing.
Focusing on creating physical and emotional safety is also critical.
“Be on the phone, FaceTiming, talking, writing,” Botwin says.
“I think it’s so important right now to be reaching out and talking to people, especially the younger folks over there [in Ukraine] being able to use things like social media,” she says.
“This is one of those situations where we don’t have control over what’s happening, but I think being able to speak and say and connect with other people on these feelings can actually make the situation a bit more manageable.”
read more here
This is a really important time for people to become aware of the simple fact, they need to use the power they do have to begin healing now, especially if you are young.
When I survived the worst events in my life, I was just 22. For 40 years, I've been working on PTSD and have heard all kinds of advice over the years. The best advice was to open up and talk about what is going on with you. Share your fears. Cry. Scream. Do what you need to and honor the feelings you have so you can get rid of them and begin to heal. If you hold them in, they are like an infection to your soul. PTSD starts to take over.
The other thing to remember is, you have no idea how many other people you know going through the same thing, but are afraid to speak out. If you have PTSD, YOU ARE A SURVIVOR and there is nothing to be ashamed of as a survivor. It means you were not defeated so don't give up!
Beyond the battlefield: Author shines light on PTSD that occurs outside a war zone
The Rochester Voice
Harrison Thorp
January 30, 2022
ROCHESTER - Kathie Costos of Rochester has devoted much of her life to the study of PTSD, including its far-less diagnosed forms that follow traumatic episodes outside the battlefield.
During a ribbon cutting for her two new books on Thursday Costos explained that her first brush with PTSD occurred at the age of 5 when she was seriously hurt in an accident, but was sent home by medical professionals who told her to just "get some sleep" when she had actually suffered a fractured skull and concussion. read more here
A couple of lessons to take away from this. The first one is, never give up. It took me 40 years to get support like I've been getting here in Rochester New Hampshire. We moved here 4 months before COVID hit.
The other thing is, I hope readers of these books discover that they have nothing to be ashamed of if they, or someone they love, has PTSD, no matter what caused it. The truth is, surviving the cause, makes us survivors!
If someone thinks they should be ashamed but struggle with knowing they need help, see someone else ask for it and then get treated badly, they won't ask for help. If they see someone breaking the silence and receive help to heal and be happier, they are encouraged to dream about being able to do the same thing.
You can find these books and the rest here on Amazon. I am currently editing the third part of this series. Not bad for five months of work!
Married Couple of 44 Years Dies of COVID While Holding Hands: 'True Definition of Soulmates'
William and Carol Stewart of New Hampshire died of COVID-19 within moments of each other
People
By Jason Duaine Hahn
January 05, 2022
A couple from New Hampshire who contracted COVID-19 during the holidays died within moments of each other while holding hands.
According to a GoFundMe set up by their family, William and Carol Stewart died on Dec. 30 after a battle with COVID-19 that "took a turn for the worse" while the couple was hospitalized at Parkland Medical Center.
"Bill and Carol peacefully passed away hand in hand with their loved ones bedside," their nephew, Tim Stewart, wrote on the campaign page. "They fought a long and hard battle with covid, both intubated and on life support."
"I truly believe that the power of prayers and all the kind words that have been shared over the past few weeks is what kept them fighting," he added. "It also kept us hopeful for the best. We sincerely thank you all from the bottom of our hearts. We never really have enough time with our loved ones."
Eight members of the family tested positive for COVID-19, Noke said, and her parents were unvaccinated against the virus. She hopes people who haven't received the shots yet do so. read more here
I wrote about something like this happening in the second part of The Lost Son. The difference was the couple were vaccinated but too many others around them were not. This is from Alive Again by Kathie Costos published on Amazon November 15, 2021
Can I see the future? No. I see what is happening. I see how good people believe liars and rumors more willingly than they see the truth and facts. What I see more is how too many think that God has turned away from them.
I see churches, houses of worship, turn from what scriptures they speak, yet do not practice. I see too many people being turned away from those buildings advertised as God's House, while ignoring the place where God lives within each of us. Too many value the rich and ignore the needy. They condemn the sinner while committing their own sins and justify themselves by saying they not as bad as those they condemn. I see too many fail to search their bibles for what is true as much as they fail to search their own souls to know why they cannot hear God's voice.
But more so, I see miracles happen all around us that prove God's love is alive and competes us to act out of love as well as spread hope to this troubled world.
1 Corinthians 13
New International Version
13 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.
11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.
12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
My mother married the Korean War. My mother-in-law married WWII. I married the Vietnam War. They fought the battles in combat, but we fought the battles they brought back with them. Chances are, if your reading this site, you did too. Maybe the one coming home was your wife, son, daughter or friend. You know what it's like when things are going fine, as much as you know what things are like when they are not so great.
When I got into all of this, no one was talking about what it was like. My parents kept it all a secret and so did my husband's parents. It was almost as if they felt they should be ashamed of something. I had to learn what it was all by myself and eventually, wrote For The Love Of Jack, His War/My Battle.
Today I received an email about a fabulous documentary, I Married The War, and happy to share this. The thing is, their service is a part of them. Combat is a part of them. When we marry them, that is included in the deal. When I watched some of the videos, I thought, wow, this is for the rest of us who fight their battles back home.
Official Trailer for I Married the War
We are thrilled to release our new Official Trailer for I Married the War. Created by our stellar Director of Photography, Bill Krumm, it offers an introduction to all eleven women, and clear insight into what the film is all about.
We couldn’t be more grateful to these women for their honest and candid interviews about their experience as wives of combat veterans. Even though less than 1% of our country’s population currently serves in the Armed Forces, we still have 5.5 million military caregivers living with veterans from WWII, the Korean War. the Vietnam War, Desert Storm, and OEF/OIF (the Middle East Wars).
It is our goal that I MARRIED THE WAR will help foster the national dialogue about supporting our veterans when they return home forever changed, and their families who are not prepared for that change when the war comes home with their loved ones.
The Lost Sonis live today and I couldn't think of a better day to do this, because it is Veterans Day!
Who knows PTSD better than veterans? Three veterans saved the main character's life. He was just a reporter, doing his job covering the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. His best friend Bill Gibson. joined the Army right out of high school while Chris Papadopoulos went to college to study journalism.
After September 11, 2001, he did everything possible to be assigned to where Bill was deployed. Bill's buddy, David Mac Donald was side by side with Bill during every deployment too. The other veteran who knew what PTSD did, was a Vietnam veteran. The three of them, along with others joined forces to not just save Chris, but went on to change the way people look at PTSD. no matte what the caused it.
Seven years after a bomb blast in Afghanistan nearly ended Chris's life, he was still wishing it had finished the job instead of beginning an endless cycle of suffering. First came the scars on his body Then came the scars in his soul. His marriage to Bill's sister ended when she started to abuse him, and then tried to kill him. His career ended because he was getting more and more miserable because he wasn't able to do his job anymore. He drank more and ended up moving back to Salem Massachusetts from LA, no longer reporting for a major news paper, he was reduced to writing greeting cards.
The only friend he thought he had left was his bartender, Ed Hamilton.
On September 13, 2019, seven years after the blast, he was fighting with himself and wanted to just give up. He went back to the bar to say good-by to Ed and then miracles started walking back into his life. In thirteen days, he went from wanting to end his own life, to giving hope to millions around the world by letting them know miracles not only still happen, but they happen when we least expect them to.
If you are interested in a print copy of this, I'm working on it but it took all day to get this up. It will be coming soon. It will also be followed up by Alive Again, the second part to this. I hope they give you hope and a better understanding of how your lives can change for the better.
Yesterday I had a lengthy conversation with Mark Baylis of Valor Clinic. It didn't end the way I expected it to and I ended up very hopeful.
If you are familiar with the way I feel about all the new groups popping up all over the country, the you know what frame of mind I was in when I called him. Truthfully, after reading his email, I could already feel my blood pressure go up as soon as I saw the words, "suicide awareness."
I asked him a few questions and he answered them. It was not that he knew what he was talking about that impressed me. It was his total sincerity about wanting to make a difference.
Founder and CEO
SGM Mark D. Baylis
VALOR Clinic Foundation
Sergeant Major Baylis was born in Morristown, NJ on 13 April 1961 and served over 26 years on active duty. SGM Baylis entered the service on 22 February 1981 as an 11C (Indirect Fire Infantryman). After Basic Training and AIT, he served with the 82nd Airborne Division at Fort Bragg, NC and the 2d Bn 75th RGR as a mortar Squad Leader prior to coming to Special Forces.
He knew exactly what I was talking about and by the time we got off the phone, I knew he was one of the good guys. He is actually trying to make a difference and, that my friend, is very rare in this day and age when people are only after making a difference in their own lives and what they can gain from others in pain. Mark wants to make a difference in the lives of veterans and help them find the healing they need.
I hope to have many more conversations with Mark in the future and catch up on all the work he is doing.
If you have not been in PTSD Patrol for a while, there is something I wrote the other day that may help you understand something else you need to know about healing.
From Grieving To Healing
PTSD Patrol
Mental Health / By Kathie Costos
September 13, 2021
When you have PTSD, you can feel as if God saved you. That’s a good way to look at it because it gives you a chance to see what was done for you, instead of what was done to you. The other way, is when you think it happened because God caused it. No matter how much faith you have, it is something most survivors of trauma struggle with.
Right now, veterans of Afghanistan are struggling because of the way their war ended. They are turning to the only other veterans who understand. Vietnam veterans have struggled for over 50 years and they know what that level of pain is like, but they also know what it is like to heal. To make peace with the service by looking at “their service” instead of the cause of them having to be there.
They served the nation and the nation sent them. They were risked their lives for one another and were willing to die for those they served with. As for the people of the nations they were sent to protect, they gave them a chance for a better life. That was all that was within their power. How it started, why it lasted as long as it did and how it ended was not in their power to decide. read more here
You had the courage to serve...you have the courage to heal from your service too! You didn't fight alone then so why try to fight alone now?
Why is it that too many think PTSD strikes only veterans? That is because veterans get all the attention. Rightfully, that is true but you may not know why they deserve the bulk of the attention. It isn't for the most obvious reasons. It is for the reason few know about. Had it not been for them, hardly no one would understand what trauma does to survivors, including me.
Vietnam veterans, came home the same way all other generations came home with the traumas of war tagging along deep inside of them. Unlike other generations, they decided that even though the American people basically gave up on them, they did not give up on us doing the right thing for them.
They pushed for all the research and funding that began everything available to them, as well as civilians. While we focus on veterans and PTSD, we do them a disservice by ignoring the others with PTSD from all other traumas. If we point out that humans develop PTSD from just facing trauma as a civilian, they are more able to understand why they get hit as hard as they do after facing multiple traumas while deployed.
If we withhold the commonality they share with members of emergency responders, again, we do veterans a great disservice.
In total, 47% of the sample screened positive for PTSD, which is approximately 9 to 10 times greater than the prevalence seen in the general population. Further, 29% of the sample was in the moderate to very severe range of anxiety, which is approximately 2 times greater than the prevalence seen in the general population. Finally, 37% of the sample was in the moderate to very severe range of depression. This is approximately 5 times greater than the prevalence seen in the general population.
ALBANY, Ga. (WALB) - First responders are nearly 10 times as likely to contemplate suicide than other adults, according to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.
I was thinking about movies that came out long before the Vietnam War but PTSD is obvious to anyone who can see it within themselves.
In 1946 The Best Years Of Our Lives was about veterans of WWII coming home changed. Roger Ebert wrote "The home front is also not without its casualties" in 2007. It is a really great read especially about the veterans the movie focuses on, including an amputee veteran.
Russell won an honorary Oscar, "for bringing hope and courage to his fellow veterans through his appearance." Although he was actually nominated for best supporting actor, the Academy board voted the special award because they thought he didn't have a chance of winning. They were wrong. He won the Oscar, the only time an actor has been given two Oscars for the same role.
"As long as we have wars and returning veterans, some of them wounded, "The Best Years of Our Lives" will not be dated."
The movie The Robe was one of the first movies I saw that was about PTSD. The Robe came out after WWI, WWII and the Korean War ended the year it was released. No one made the connection to the movie and how it was like what the memories of veterans. It had it all! The power of the past haunting us. A woman thinking that love could heal the afflicted. Some people thinking the one with PTSD had gone insane.
By the time I was old enough to watch it on TV and enjoy it, my Dad, a Korean War veteran, said it was haunting. I didn't understand why until he used the word "shell shock" to explain what veterans went through. I just associated it with my own traumas and struggles between what happened why clinging onto my faith.
Marcellus (Richard Burton) became haunted and Diana (Jean Simmons) loved him. She thought that he was possessed and said "you're ill" when it was clear he was not the same man she fell in love with. At one point, when he returned to her, he attempted suicide.
He had nightmares and flashbacks, mood swings and paranoia. It is all in this movie including the fact that he was healed and became happier!
Marcellus Gallio (died 38 AD) was a Roman military tribune and Christian martyr during the 1st century AD. He was the commander of the detachment which crucified Jesus in Jerusalem in 33 AD, and he won Jesus' crucifixion robe in a dice game. After experiencing the robe's miraculous powers, Gallio became a Christian, and he was martyred by the Roman emperor Caligula in 38 AD because of his conversion.
The first movie ever filmed in CinemaScope, The Robe was nominated for five Academy Awards in 1953, including Best Picture and Best Actor for Richard Burton. Burton stars as Marcellus Galilo, the Roman centurion charged with overseeing the crucifixion. But when he wins Christ's robe in a gambling game at the foot of the cross, his life is forever changed.
Also in this movie is the healing power of spirituality. This movie took hold of me to the point where when I was working for a church, I was told I'd be giving the Children's Sermon at the last minute. As a matte of fact, 10 minutes before the service began.
The new Pastor didn't like me very much, and he problably thought he could trap me, or cause me to walk out. I looked up to Heaven and said, "take this over" because I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it.
My heart was racing and all of a sudden this scene popped into by brain.
That was what I talked about to the children. It turned out, the grownups were listening too. After the service, many told me it was the best sermon I ever gave. The Youth Pastor, who was a friend, told me how wonderful it was and event the new Pastor congratulated me. Both of then wanted to know where it came from.
I told them while I knew what was in the Bible, I couldn't quote chapter or verse and wasn't sure where I read it. That night I had a dream about Victor Mature, also in the movie, and Cecil B. DeMille. The next morning I told both Pastors where it came from and we had a good, long laugh about it. Really funny considedring that had I remembered the real director's name, Henry Koster, it wouldn't have dawned on me that was a movie. My brain always associated movies to DeMille.
Another movie that explains PTSD is It's A Wonderful Life (1947)
An angel is sent from Heaven to help a desperately frustrated businessman by showing him what life would have been like if he had never existed.
How about we start to let veterans know, while they are different from us, we have a lot more in common with them than they are aware of and maybe, they'll understand exactly how human they still are after all.
Here are some more movies you may not think about that are also addressing what comes after trauma.
"Post-traumatic Stress Disorder is a condition that may develop in people who have experienced a traumatic event. While it’s widely associated with veterans returning from war, victims of sexual abuse and assault, domestic violence, or robbery, any serious physical or psychological injury can be affected by this disorder."
1. The Deer Hunter (1978)
2. Coming Home (1978)
3. Born On The Fourth of July (1989)
4. The Perks of Being A Wallflower (2012)
5. First Blood (1982)
6. Jacob’s Ladder (1990)
7. Forrest Gump (1992)
8. Saving Private Ryan (1998)
9. Iron Man 3 (2013)
10. Mystic River (2003)
find out why from InspireMalibu.com
1. Maleficent from “Maleficent”
2. Elsa from “Frozen”
3. Quasimodo from “The Hunchback of Notre Dame”
4. Merida from “Brave”
5. Stitch from “Lilo and Stitch”
6. Pocahontas from “Pocahontas”
7. Sadness from “Inside Out”
8. Cinderella from “Cinderella”
9. Princess Jasmine from “Aladdin”
10. Ariel from “The Little Mermaid”
11. Mowgli from “The Jungle Book”
12. Belle from “Beauty and the Beast”
13. Rapunzel from “Tangled”
14. Jim Hawkins from “Treasure Planet”
15. Eeyore from “Winnie the Pooh”
16. Mulan from “Mulan”
17. Chief Tui from “Moana”
18. Tinker Bell from “Peter Pan”
19. Alice from “Alice in Wonderland”
find out why from TheMighty.com
Seeing it in others, helps them to know, they are not alone and shouldn't think they should try to hide from us, especially when it is within many of us!
Firefighter helps veteran suffering from PTSD episode on airplane
FOX News
Michael Hollan
The firefighter is part of a specially trained support team that helps other firefighters deal with tragedy and PTSD. Capt. Davidson used his training to keep the other veteran calm and the plane was able to land without diverting its course.
Captain Bobby Davidson, who was flying home with his family from vacation, rendered assistance to the passenger and was able to prevent an emergency landing. (Burton Fire District)
Firefighters don’t just fight fire.
The captain of a South Carolina fire department helped calm a fellow airplane passenger down who was in distress. According to reports, the other passenger was a veteran who was suffering from a PTSD crisis.
Captain Bobby Davidson, who was flying home on an American Airlines flight from a family vacation on June 15th, rendered assistance to the passenger and was able to prevent an emergency landing, according to a Facebook post from the Burton Fire District. The firefighter was also able to keep other passengers calm during the ordeal.
The Burton Fire Department confirmed to Fox News that the other passenger is a military veteran and was experiencing a PTSD crisis. While the flight crew was concerned that the plane may need to make an emergency landing, Capt. Davidson stepped in to help. read more here
"The loneliest kind of lonely" is when there is no one else like you. I know that feeling because when I started working on PTSD, I didn't know anyone like me. It was lonely because we didn't have the internet and the only information I could find was at the library reading clinical books. Nothing strange about that since it was in 1982.
In 1993, I finally got a computer and then I found other people talking about PTSD. I started my first site on AOL, then it was on a website where I went by NamGuardianAngel. Back then, since I was unique, I had a lot of emails and phone calls. There were even more when I wrote my first book in 2002.
In 2006 I started making videos on PTSD on YouTube and in 2007, I started Wounded Times.
All that work was worth it even though it was never to make money. Sure I wanted to at least break even but the thing was, the work itself kept me going. Getting feed back and reading messages let me know, it mattered to the people I was trying to help.
In 2007 I posted a massive post about suicides hoping that someone with the power to do something would. Once all the groups started to pop up all over the internet and social media, the emails and messages started to go down. I was reading more and more about veterans suffering and very little being done to help them. The problem was, they were doing something about it by using them to make money.
I didn't give up and made more videos, posted more and tried to reach out as much as possible. It got lonelier and lonelier. In 2017 I started PTSD Patrol hoping that with PTSD in the title, I could gain control over the conversation again, and give veterans hope and families understanding.
Last year, it was too much for me, reading the reports of suicides going up in the veterans' community and within the military itself. My heart was breaking. I decided to stop focusing on them and started to open the work up to anyone with PTSD. PTSD Patrol passed 100,000 page views recently.
I do not follow anyone or take from anyone because I am too busy making my own "music" to march to! My work, has been stolen and copied for decades, but it doesn't bother me anymore. My mission hasn't changed because of them. The work was to offer hope and if others can reach more than I can...that's OK with me. I know that one day, they will get what they deserve for what they did with my work. I pray that those who go to their sites receive the help they were looking for and find the encouragement they need to #BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD.
Wounded Times reached 5 million page views because people shared the work.
So, if you are doing anything for the right reasons, if you know that you have something to give the world, then give it freely. I am living proof that even if no one tells you that you matter, you do!
This is going up on Wounded Times and PTSD Patrol. Wounded Times is close to hitting 5 million page views. It still gets a lot of traffic no matter if I post on it or not. That tells me that the need is still there. I am retiring from work, but not this work. I am no longer under constraints from non-profits and their rules, so from now on, I will be posting on what I feel needs to be said. Some people will like it, but others won't. While I hope you like it, if you don't, there are plenty of other sites for you. From now on, I'll be posting on both sites, as I feel the need to say something and as always, I hope what I say helps someone.
There are many times we have conversations with someone, and we never forget them. Every once in a while I'll read something or listen to someone, and instantly be reminded of "that" conversation. Today was one of those days.
Years ago I was confronted by an angry veteran. I was at an event, enjoying the music, when he came over to me, glaring at the Chaplain patch on my vest. Pure hatred shot out of his eyes. Once he started to speak it was easy to figure out he had way too much to drink. To this day, I am not sure why I had so much patience with him instead of telling him to go away.
He wanted to know why I was wasting my time on something that didn't exist. Yes, he meant that in his mind, God wasn't real. Like a lot of veterans who had seen way too much horror in the world, he said, "If there was a God, He wouldn't let all that happen. He wouldn't just sit back, let us destroy each other." At one point the thing that haunted him the most popped out. "Little kids starving and getting blown up while that so called God sits back and watches!"
I asked him why he joined the military. He said to serve his country. I asked him if he loved the country or hated it. Naturally he got ticked off then snapped, "I love it." I asked him if he still did and he said he did. I asked him why he still loved it. He responded with, "Because of what this country tries to be. They sent us to defend the people of Kuwait. We did."
I asked him if that was a good reason or a bad one. He said it was a good one.
When people see so much evil, it is hard to understand how a loving God could allow all of it to happen. They forget that He allows freewill from all humans, to make their own choices, to listen to what He says or not, to believe in Him or not and to follow where He leads, or walk away.
We also miss the fact that if they can still care, then God was there all along. It is easy to not be bothered by something if you do not have the heart to feel anything. It is not easy if your soul is being crushed by it. The very fact that veteran still cared about total strangers proved that. God was closer than he thought.
He was inside his soul. Goodness does not come out of evil. Caring about others does not come out of evil.
When we talked a little longer, I tried to get him to understand that. Over and over again he came back with blaming God. I told him that God was there, because people like him risked their lives to save others and would have dropped their weapons if the enemy dropped theirs. I told him that God was there because he was. He cried and walked away. I decided to not try to follow him because I knew he was drinking too much and I never saw him again.
When all you see is evil, that is all you think is there, but when you change what you focus on, you are able to see so much more. I remember the terrible things that happened to me, but I remember those who came to help me more. I remember feeling lost and alone, but I remember what it felt like when I was "found" and knew I wasn't alone in this world. So instead of only seeing what evil thing someone did to me, I focused on what others did for me because God was there.
Today the featured video is Bette Midler, From A Distance. God is watching us, but not from a distance. He lives in all of us and has an active part in all of our lives. When we listen, miracles happen.
If you have PTSD, I am always talking about taking care of your mind, body and spirit...your soul. I hope this fed your soul so that the next time God is trying to get through to you, you will listen.
Everytime you stand by someone else, do something for someone else out of love...God is there!
Northwell Health Nurse Choir: Gets the GOLDEN BUZZER with their EMOTIONAL Performance!
