Open Library has the copy of the illegal For The Love Of Jack

Open Library has the copy of the illegal For The Love Of Jack book that was stolen from me back in 2005~

Top that off with what they have written under the top section that has nothing to do with this book! I own the copyright on this!

This is the book that the publisher stole, would not pay me for and would not remove. They would not take any responsibility for any of this and all these years later, I am still seeing it show up all over the net!

Do not buy this book or read it if it has this blue cover.  This is the legal one I had to republish on Amazon!

UPDATE from PTSD Patrol
PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
May 6, 2021

Cross posted on Wounded Times

No matter how many times people walked away from you, one day someone will help you. One day someone will show you the way and stand by your side until you get to where you need to be. Then you will become that "someone" for someone else. Don't give up. Don't give in. Fight like hell because you are worth it!

If you were not, then I wouldn't have been doing this work for almost 40 years with all the crap I have to go through to do the right thing. No matter what I faced, you were worth it!

Today there almost wasn't a video. I didn't have it in me to do one. I was actually online looking for something for myself. I discovered my work stolen again. It happens to me all the time and I am powerless to stop them from doing it. Sometimes they will put my name on it, other times they won't but for some reason they think they can just take it without my knowledge or permission.

I found the video that put into words exactly what I was feeling and it helped. It is from Five Finger Death Punch, Darkness Settles In. When I heard these lines, I cried. The thing is, it just got uploaded 15 hours ago!

It's like I'm holding all the aces

But I know I'll never win

Waiting for someone to save me

But everyone just runs away

The people I know who would help me, cannot help me on this. The ones who can help, I reach out to but they are not interested in helping me at all. The thing is, I am on the right side of this, doing the work for the right reasons and nothing is going to stop me. Screw the bastards. I know one day will come and they will be seen for who and what they truly are. I may not be alive to see it but I know I have the power over what I do and no one can take that way.

If you have PTSD then you know what it is like to tell death "screw you" and you lived because your life was worth it to you. You had no control over what happened but have the power to change what comes now. I'll be damned if I let the darkness settle in on my life. Don't let it settle in on your life either.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Darkness Settles In

Five Finger Death Punch 

Another sun sets down behind me

Another day comes crashing in

There's a whispering wind that's blowing

There's a storm that's closing in

I can hear the trains, they're rolling

To a place I've never been

And I can feel her breath beside me

With an empty glass of gin

As the darkness settles in

I can hear her voice again

I can hear your voice again

Waiting for someone to save me

But everyone just runs away

Waiting for someone to change me

But no one ever comes

I'm breaking down the walls that cage me

But nothing ever falls in place

Waiting for the end to take me

Blinded by the sun

All the ghosts that live inside me

Always waiting in the wind

I can see through my reflection

What I've become and what I've been

You see, your Heaven doesn't want me

And your Hell won't let me in

It's like I'm holding all the aces

But I know I'll never win

Waiting for someone to save me

But everyone just runs away

Waiting for someone to change me

But no one ever comes

I'm breaking down the walls that cage me

But nothing ever falls in place

Waiting for the end to take me

Blinded by the sun

You can take it away, tear it all down

Spit in my face, pushed to the ground

Look what I've become

I've fallen from grace, bloodied and bound

Taking up space, lost and I'm found

Look what I've become

I can hear the snakes, they're winding

Singing songs of pain and sin

There's an anger overflowing

From this empty glass of gin

As the darkness settles in

And the darkness settles in

Waiting for someone to save me

But everyone just runs away

Waiting for someone to change me

But no one ever comes

I'm breaking down the walls that cage me

But nothing ever falls in place

Waiting for the end to take me

Blinded by the sun

And the darkness settles in

(You can take it away)

And the darkness settles in

(You can take it away)

As the darkness settles in

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Ivan Moody / Zoltan Bathory / Kevin Churko / Jason Hook

Darkness Settles In lyrics © Gumpofwump 

Legacy of healing PTSD from my Dad

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 22, 2021

When I think about my Dad, I often wonder how he'd feel if he knew what he started back in 1982. All these later, the number of lives changed because he served in Korea and he never knew about them. I am a living legacy to him and his life.

About a week ago, I received a strange message on Facebook from a man claiming to have pictures of my Dad in Korea. He wrote things that had to be true, so I called him. His Dad served with mine. The twist to the story is that his Dad probably never knew he had a son born in Korea. Yesterday he sent me pictures I had never seen before and I thought about my Dad a lot more than usual.

My Mom and oldest brother went to stay with him when he was in Japan.

We were a normal family. Both of my brothers were born on Army bases. He was a Staff Sergeant. He left the Army before I was born but I was a typical Army brat. I also grew up with uncles who served in WWII. That was all normal to me. I didn't discover it was not usual to have a family full of veterans, or that having living room furniture from Japan was odd, until I was older.

When I met my current husband, I was already divorced and only 23. The night he met my husband, he said, "He seems like a really nice guy but he's got shell shock." My husband is a Vietnam veteran. I had no idea what he was talking about and when I asked him to explain it, he told me to go to the library because war changes people.

I spent all my free time at the library with clinical books and a dictionary, learning as much as I could. The more I learned, the more I fell in love. Not just with the man I would end up marrying, but loved my Dad more and all veterans. Now they call it PTSD.

My Dad started what turned out to be my life's work. Thousands of articles, books, videos, several websites and more, all started because of my Dad's life in the Army. Over the years, I've had many messages thanking me for what I do and to pass appreciation on to my husband for his service. I just wanted you to know, that had it not been for my Dad, I don't think any of this would have started.

This is why today the featured video is, Dan Fogelberg, The Leader Of The Band.

If you've sent me emails thanking me for what I do, and thanking my husband for his service, I wanted you to know that none of this would have happened if my Dad didn't understand what he saw in my husband. It is a good reminder that we never know how much we do change the world when we are willing to do what we can, when we can, when we are willing to try.

read more on PTSD Patrol

Another group stole my work!

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
April 20, 2021

Of all the things I would want people to share, it would not be about "suicide awareness" because I find it repulsive. Raising awareness that veterans are killing themselves, only spreads the heartache, reminding them of all the others who gave up. Not that any of these groups has the slightest clue what the true number is, or any of the data, or any of the facts that does save lives. What makes it worse is, they have no problem stealing something that belongs to someone else!

Today I found one of my images used to promote We Are the 22 on facebook. I did a post back in 2013. It was the oldest one I could find. 

This is the link to the post I did back in 2013! I've been doing this work since 1982! I had to look them up online and discovered how much publicity they are getting. They are making money, which I never cared about in all these years. You would think they could afford to come up with things on their own or at least respect my work enough to ask if they could use it. 

I am so tired of this happening!

UPDATE

I was just on their Facebook page where they have used this many times and found even more!

They used this slogan over and over again!

here is the link to my post from 2016, and yes, I messed up typing the date but have the Google Search result below.

They actually used this one when the post I did was attacking all the groups doing suicide awareness!

Here is the link to the post from 2016

Calling on angels

Wounded Times

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 15, 2021

Today my heart is broken. Two reports about the suicides in the military and veterans community reminded me of the reason I had to give up working with both groups after 38 years. I could not fight alone anymore. Telling the truth and saying what had to be said to save their lives was no longer possible without ripping my heart out on and daily basis.

Despite Congress' efforts and an ever-rising VA budget, there's no evidence the federal government has put a dent in the veteran suicide crisis, with the VA's data showing little change in the suicide numbers each year. (Military.com)

Military suicides are also higher. "The report from the Department of Defense shows our military saw a spike in people taking their own lives. In total, 377 active duty troops took their own life in 2020, across all branches of the military. This is an increase of 8% from the same time in 2019." but when you actually read the report, you notice that the numbers in the following article do not include the 194 "Reserve Components" that are included in the Department of Defense Suicide Report. 511, which has been consistently the average since 2012. If you find that hard to believe, since the media hasn't told you that part, then look at the whole chart on the link and add the two totals together.

"Your mental health impacts more than just you, it impacts everybody around you. And those are things we have to be aware of. You may not want to get help for you but what about for your daughter or for your son. What about for your mother or your brother who has to deal with the things that you were going through," said Williams." (Porsche Williams, the founder of Restore Life Global WUSA9 News)

It became all too clear that the only groups getting support were ranting about "raising awareness" that they were killing themselves. No plans, no facts, just saying it was happening and they ended up getting all the support while leaving people reminded that others gave up too. As if that was going to work when they needed reasons to get up in the morning. They needed hope and they needed the truth, but these groups did not have a clue what they were talking about...but they sure knew how to get attention for themselves.

I do not want to be contacted by one more group wanting money for what they do with results like this. No one should be giving them any attention at all when the results has proven over and over again, hasn't "put a dent in the crisis."

I asked for help from many groups and offered to let them take the credit for what I was willing to show them how to do. They turned me down. Over and over again, I tried to contact members of Congress but they would not listen. I wrote and wrote even more, but thousands of articles later, none of them did much good. Wounded Times has over 4.8 million page views, yet there are few people telling the truth about what has been going on. I have over 700 videos on YouTube and few bother to watch them or share them. 

I am willing to get back into this fight again but only if angels decide to fight with me. I won't fight this alone again. My heart cannot take it. I know what it is like to save lives and trust me, if I can do it, it isn't rocket science. It requires knowledge and doing it for the right reasons. I am calling on angels to help me this time, so all of us can help them heal.

Calling All Angels

Train 

I need a sign to let me know you're here

All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere

I need to know that things are gonna look up

'Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup

When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head

When you feel the world shake from the words that are said

And I'm calling all angels

And I'm calling all you angels

And I won't give up if you don't give up

I won't give up if you don't give up

I won't give up if you don't give up

I won't give up if you don't give up

I need a sign to let me know you're here

'Cause my TV set just keeps it all from being clear

I want a reason for the way things have to be

I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me

And I'm calling all angels

And I'm calling all you angels

When children have to play inside so they don't disappear

While private eyes solve marriage lies 'cause we don't talk for years

And football teams are kissing Queens and losing sight of having dreams

In a world that what we want is only what we want until it's ours

And I'm calling all angels

And I'm calling all you angels

And I'm (I won't give up if you don't give up)

Calling all angels (I won't give up if you don't give up)

And I'm (I won't give up if you don't give up)

Calling all you angels (I won't give up if you don't give up)

Calling all you angels (I won't give up if you don't give up)

Calling all you angels (I won't give up if you don't give up)

Calling all you angels (I won't give up if you don't give up)

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: James Stafford / Scott Underwood / Pat Monahan / Charles Colin

Calling All Angels lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC 

I started doing videos on PTSD in 2006. The first suicide awareness I did was in 2007 because I thought all that people needed to save lives, was to know it was happening. Putting the video and post together, ripped my heart out, but it was important. I wrote a book about suicides tied to military in 2013 proving all the money and "efforts" did not work, and why they did not work. It didn't do any good.

I did the video Alive Day in 2012 when the reports started coming out. This is what they need to know and this is how we do it!

If you are raising awareness about them killing themselves, you are part of the reason they are gone!

"And you know you can survive"

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 14, 2021

"And you know you can survive" are some powerful words to hear when you don't think you can. When everyone you know will not, or cannot, offer you any hope or support, those words empower you to do more than just survive. They let you know you have the power to do that!

Today the featured video is Mariah Carey, Hero. If you ended up with PTSD because of your job, risking your life for others, or sacrificing for the sake of others, you already know what a hero is, but you are the last one to claim that title for yourself. If you have PTSD because of your "job" then it was much more than a just a job. It was your vocation. Average people do not take those jobs. You are above average.

I used this song in a video from a long time ago, PTSD Hero After War for members of the military, with I'll Stand By You from The Pretenders. In this war against PTSD, you can also be a hero to someone else fighting their own war to reclaim their life. Once you heal, you can stand by them and show them the way. You can encourage them when they have no courage left. You can empower them when they cannot find enough power to get up out of bed.

If your job caused it, understand that humans are not built to withstand the constant onslaught of traumatic events. Most of the people you risked your life for, ended up with PTSD from the event you responded to...one event for them but it was one of many for you.

The thing is, as human as you are, if God put it into your soul to do that kind of job, He also equipped you with everything you need to heal from it. It is built into your emotional core and that core is stronger than others, or you wouldn't have been able to do that job for more than a little while. Most of the people I worked with over the years, had done the "job" for many years and faced so many events they were not even sure which one hit them the hardest.

Now think about what kind of hero you can be to others just by telling your story and sharing your own struggles with them. You are not done serving others even if you had to give up the job that caused PTSD. There are over 8 million Americans with PTSD, that is known about. There are many more who have it by have no idea what it is going on with them and they have not sought out help. You can reach them to and encourage them to seek help to take back their lives from PTSD too.

read more on PTSD Patrol

If PTSD had an anthem, it should be HELP!

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 12, 2021

(This is from my other site for everyone with PTSD. I thought it was important to share it here too!)

Most people start singing a song whenever they hear it. They can't help it. It makes them happy to sing it. It is as infectious as it was when it was released in 1965! The song, naturally is the Beatles HELP! It was so popular, they even had a movie with that title. So why is it so much easier for everyone to sing that song, than it is to do it?

If PTSD had an anthem, it should be HELP! How much clearer does it have to be? Why the hell should anyone have a problem asking for help when they need it but have no problem, if they can carry a tune or not, to sing this song loud and clear? Has that ever dawned on anyone?

"And now my life has changed in oh so many ways"

Isn't that what having PTSD is like? Your life does change in so many ways. The thing is, getting help can change your life for the better. Wouldn't it make more sense to actually ask for help to be happier, than it is to settle for being happy singing this song for a few minutes? 

Common sense needs to come back into the conversation we've been having about PTSD because we're all tied of hearing the doom and gloom. All that has done is tell us that we should never expect to be happy again. Where is the hope in that? Someone said that asking for help is a sign of weakness but all that meant was the hope the had was weak and they wanted everyone else to be miserable too!

Isn't it time to stop singing the same tune and start asking someone for help in real life? Someone who can actually help you? Asking for help is normal. It is human. Won't you please, please, ask for help when you need it?

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

HELP

The Beatles

I need somebody

(Help!) not just anybody

(Help!) you know I need someone

Help!

I never needed anybody's help in any way

But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured (but now these days are gone)

(And now I find) Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down

And I do appreciate you being 'round

Help me get my feet back on the ground

Won't you please, please help me?

And now my life has changed in oh so many ways (and now my life has changed)

My independence seems to vanish in the haze

But every now and then I feel so insecure (I know that I)

I know that I just need you like I've never done before

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down

And I do appreciate you being 'round

Help me get my feet back on the ground

Won't you please, please help me

When I was younger, so much younger than today

I never needed anybody's help in any way

But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured (but now these days are gone)

(And now I find) now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down

And I do appreciate you being 'round

Help me get my feet back on the ground

Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me, ooh

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: John Lennon / Paul McCartney

Help! lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Downtown Music Publishing

and the movie HELP

Does the person in your life know you love them?

PTSD Patrol and Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
March 25, 2021

Does the person in your life know you love them? If you have PTSD and you are not talking to them about what is going on with you, then they will think you just don't love them anymore. Today the featured video is Bonnie Raitt, I Can't Make You Love Me because there have been too many conversations from women giving up on their marriages and relationships with veterans.

This can apply to husbands, because we also have to face the fact that there are female veterans too. It can apply to anyone with PTSD in a relationship because you are leaving them to believe you don't love them anymore. What other choice can they make if you won't tell them why you changed?

They can only base what they feel on how you treat them, how you act toward them and how you talk to them. It sucks!

You may be destroying a relationship that is strong enough to last the rest of your life because you won't talk to them or even try to get them to know what is in your heart.

"You can't make your heart feel something it won't," is what they think. I know because I almost gave up on my marriage. I remember driving and this song came on the radio. I'd cry hard enough I had to pull over until I could see better and wiped the tears from my face. I had no way of knowing if there was any love left or not, even though I knew what PTSD was.

What made it harder for me was dealing with what my ex-husband did when he tried to kill me, proving my life didn't matter to him, even though he said the words out of his mouth. My second husband and I have been married for over 36 years now and because he started to make the effort to trust me enough to talk about Vietnam, I was sure that while his actions had nothing to do with me even though it effected me deeply.

It is time to think about the person you share your life with or you won't be doing it much longer.

Morning will come and I'll do what's right

Just give me till then to give up this fight

And I will give up this fight

'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

You can't make your heart feel something it won't

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it! 

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

I Can’t Make You Love Me

Bonnie Raitt

Turn down the lights

Turn down the bed

Turn down these voices inside my head

Lay down with me

Tell me no lies

Just hold me close, don't patronize

Don't patronize me

'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

You can't make your heart feel something it won't

Here in the dark, in these final hours

I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power

But you won't, no you won't

'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see

The love you don't feel when you're holding me

Morning will come and I'll do what's right

Just give me till then to give up this fight

And I will give up this fight

'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

You can't make your heart feel something it won't

Here in the dark, in these final hours

I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power

But you won't, no you won't

'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Michael Reid / Allen Shamblin

I Can’t Make You Love Me lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, Amplified Administration 

better days with better ways

This is from my other site, PTSD Patrol where I post daily now. If you risked your life for the sake of others, there is a special video below for you.

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 16, 2021

Are you fighting people who are trying to help you? Are you fighting God? Are you fighting yourself? You know you are not the way you want to be, not the way you used to be and nothing looks the way it did before. What are you doing about it? Are you trying to find someone to blame for the way your life is? Then maybe you should start with yourself because for whatever reason, you ended up believing you are a lost cause.

Time to start believing you are a worthy of better days.

Most of the time, survivors left the church because they did not find what they needed there. At least that is what some say but the truth is, what you needed was the foundation the faith was built on. That foundation is Jesus. Personally I don't attend church anymore and became a Chaplain so that I could care for the needs of fellow churchless souls, much like Jesus and His disciples did. They went to where the people were and tended to their needs, giving them reason to hope for better days, learning a better way to live and know they were loved.

Look at His life! He was raised poor, spent His ministry homeless and had no possessions. He was treated like a rock star one minute and hated the next by the same people who ended up shouting for Him to be Crucified. He knew what it was like to feel abandoned, betrayed, tested, and He knew what it was like to feel the emotional pain of someone else so deeply, He cried for them. He got angry.

There is no way of knowing why you survived and others did not. The only thing you can be sure of, is you did and it is up to you to define what you will do for the rest of your life. If you are blaming God that is because you think He judged you and wanted you to suffer...but those are your thoughts and not His.

PTSD strikes the emotional part of your brain and that is where your soul lives. If your soul has a strong emotional core, then you feel things more deeply. That means you love more deeply and feel pain stronger than others. What you may not be aware of is how powerful that soul of yours is. Everything you need to heal is already there. The purpose of getting help is to help you find it within yourself. One more thing you may not be aware of is that Jesus, the Son of God, had no problem asking for help when He needed it. He couldn't have done what He was sent here to do, alone.

This is why today the featured video is Goo Goo Dolls, Better Days. You may think it is about Christmas but if you remember what church services were like, it was all about that one day when He came into this world, and the day He left all His love behind for all of our days!

Better Days

Goo Goo Dolls

And you asked me what I want this year

And I try to make this kind and clear

Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

'Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings

And designer love and empty things

Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words and sing out loud

'Cause everyone is forgiven now

'Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

I need some place simple where we could live

And something only you can give

And that's faith and trust and peace while we're alive

And the one poor child who saved this world

And there's ten million more who probably could

If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

So take these words and sing out loud

'Cause everyone is forgiven now

'Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

I wish everyone was loved tonight

And somehow stop this endless fight

Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words and sing out loud

'Cause everyone is forgiven now

'Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

'Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: John Rzeznik

Better Days lyrics © Songtrust Ave, BMG Rights Management

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD 

And if you are among those who suffered because you were willing to risk your life for the sake of others, understand that PTSD Is Not God's Judgment.

Which Way You Goin' Billy?

PTSD Patrol

Kathie Costos

February 22, 2021

I was talking to a wife of a Vietnam veteran after she read my book, For The Love Of Jack and she said she wished she read it when it first came out in 2003. Her husband walked out of her life and she still loved him, but she had no idea what he was going through, or why everything went to hell.

This reminded me of when we had the worst of our years and how many times it seemed next to impossible to stay together. The thing is, even if you know what PTSD is, it is still a battle. But as with all battles, it is better if you fight them together.

That is why today the featured video is Which Way You Goin' Billy.

This story behind Which Way You Goin' Billy

Terry was a big Buddy Holly fan, and started writing the song in his pre-Poppy days with the working title "Which Way You Goin' Buddy?" He had the melody, but couldn't come up with a lyrical theme. A few years later, after he formed The Poppy Family, he hit on the idea. In our interview with Terry Jacks, he explained: "It was in 1969 and I had been reading about all these guys going to Vietnam and leaving their women behind in Seattle, and I knew somebody down there that was doing that. I thought, 'Wow, that must be awful.' These guys go and their wives or girlfriends wouldn't know whether they were coming back. That's quite a deal, going to war over there, and it was such a stupid war. So I said, 'That's what I'm going to write about: this woman that's left behind. Which way you going, Billy? Can I go, too?'"

read more here

heal for those you love

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
February 14, 2021

Cross posted from PTSD Patrol

Happy Valentine's Day! Since it is a day to celebrate love, this is a special one for those who serve and suffer for it. There is no greater love than to be willing to sacrifice for those you love. Suffering is not part of the deal and it doesn't have to be, if you consider the reason you are hurting.

The desire to serve was engrained in your soul. It comes from a place of courage and deep devotion. It is what drove you to endure the hardships that came with the job you were among the few willing to do. So why are you paying a price for it? Because the power that enabled you to do what you did, holds the same power to harm you. It is a strong emotional core that caused the desire and to feel the pain even more, but it also holds the power to help you heal PTSD.

If you were willing to die for those you love...be willing to heal for the same reason and LIVE FOR LOVE!

Read his story and learn more about this image that a lot of people thought was fake.

Never regret what you did out of love, no matter how others treated it or you. That is not your problem. It is theirs! Most of the time, they lack the ability to love as much as you do, care as much as you do, and they also lack the ability to feel all the good emotions as deeply as you do.

Use that same strength inside of you to heal for those you love and then, live a happier life because of what you did for love!

Remember...it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

I Will Live For Love

Donna Summer

There's got to be a way that I can dream

Simply close my eyes and see

The worlds I've never known

What places that my soul has been 

Sometimes I need to run away and hide

And soar above the clouds and ride

I sail along so high

Till nothing's in my sky

Except the stars that fill my eyes 

And I will live for love

Where ever it may lead

It's written from the start

I know it's face by heart

I will live for love 

I'm searching for the one who holds the key

To all this crazy life I lead

Through galaxies in time

A solitary star that joins 

Sometimes I need to close my eyes and breathe

Inhale what life's been given me

A passion to ignite

A flaming heart a' flight

I close my eyes

I breathe

I'm free 

And I will live for love

Where ever it may lead

It's written from the start

I know it's face by heart

I will live for love 

The poet must have known

A lover of his own

"Cause that is when he wrote

Everything I felt for love 

And I will fight for love in life and life in love

And I will hold to things above

I'm strong enough to slay the dragon dead and there 

I will live for love 

I'm taller than the sky

This dream will never die

So only know that I

I will live for love 

The poet must have known

A lover of his own

That is when he wrote everything I felt for love

I will ever fight

I will live for life

I will live for love

Genius Lyrics

Strange Changes: Seniors and PTSD

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
February 8, 2021 

Cross Posted on Wounded Times

I am writing my 4th book and needed address something in the first chapter so that I could move onto the rest of the book, based on PTSD Patrol. The thing I needed to address was the "strange changes" I had gone through, from survivor, to advocate, to expert and all the way back to denial. I wasn't denying the reality of PTSD. I was denying I had it. You can read it on I didn't really escape surviving unscarred.

That is why today the featured video is, David Bowie, Changes. This is going up on PTSD and Wounded Times because most of the time when you have mild PTSD, you can stuff it, push it out of the way, ignore it by keeping busy, but it is still there. When you reach retirement age, it can hit you like a ton of bricks because while you convinced yourself that you were unscarred, it turns out you just let the scar fester.

It is OK to be surprised it happened, especially if no one told you it could. It is not OK to be ashamed of it, because there is nothing wrong with being a survivor. I'm OK with admitting it and you should be too.

So it is our turn to face the strange changes in us. To use all our knowledge to do what we always did without noticing...surviving this change too. We know that life comes with many changes and challenges. You don't get to reach retirement age without them. Let's face it. Just considering all the changes our bodies go through...this is just one more change.

The good news is, we have plenty of time to do something about it. Our kids are grown. We don't have to get up early and go to work and then come home exhausted after trying to keep up with younger workers and traffic jams. This is supposed to be our time to "enjoy the fruits of our labor" and not pay for having survived this long.

Spend time learning the rules of this road the same way you leaned how to drive your vehicle back in the early days. Remember what it was like to feel that sense of freedom when you were in the car for the first time by yourself? It was great...mixed with some nervousness. This is like that too but just as you became more confident in control of that vehicle...you'll be more confident in control of the vehicle you life on.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Changes

David Bowie

Oh, yeah

Mmm

Still don't know what I was waitin' for

And my time was runnin' wild

A million dead end streets and

Every time I thought I'd got it made

It seemed the taste was not so sweet

So I turned myself to face me

But I've never caught a glimpse

How the others must see the faker

I'm much too fast to take that test

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Turn and face the strange

Ch-ch-changes

Don't want to be a richer man

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Turn and face the strange

Ch-ch-changes

There's gonna have to be a different man

Time may change me

But I can't trace time

Mmm, yeah

I watch the ripples change their size

But never leave the stream

Of warm impermanence

And so the days float through my eyes

But still the days seem the same

And these children that you spit on

As they try to change their worlds

Are immune to your consultations

They're quite aware of what they're goin' through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Turn and face the strange

Ch-ch-changes

Don't tell them to grow up and out of it

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Turn and face the strange

Ch-ch-changes

Where's your shame?

You've left us up to our necks in it

Time may change me

But you can't trace time

Strange fascinations fascinate me 

Ah, changes are taking

The pace I'm goin' through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Turn and face the strange

Ch-ch-changes

Ooh, look out, you rock 'n' rollers

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Turn and face the strange

Ch-ch-changes

Pretty soon now you're gonna get older

Time may change me

But I can't trace time

I said that time may change me

But I can't trace time

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: David Bowie

Changes lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, BMG Rights Management, DistroKid, Tintoretto Music 

It is time to start believing you should be healing!

Wounded Times

Kathie Costos

December 24, 2020

Suicide Awareness is designed for failure. The more veterans are aware of others taking their own lives, the more they believe it is hopeless to search for better days. Raise awareness that healing is a better way to live and then, more will live!

This proves that "suicide awareness" hasn't done you any good at all, but healing awareness gives you reason to hope to heal PTSD.

2020 National Veteran Suicide Prevention Annual Report
The Department of Veterans Affairs seems to imply this is good.

but the percentage went up,

and the population of veterans went down.

If you need any more evidence that "suicide awareness" has not worked, does not work and will not work, then you have no clue about much. These suicides are just from the ones they know about, but there are far more they will never count.

What is true is that therapy works and those who go to the VA are less likely to kill themselves.

 It is time to start believing you should be healing!

PTSD did not defeat you yet...don't let it now

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
December 8, 2020

There seems to be some confusion on spiritual healing. It is not a matter of going to church or thinking that you are supposed to be "sinless" or perfect.

If you read the Bible at all, you'll know that it is full of a people who screwed up in their lives and yet God used them to make miracles happen.

The fact that you survived something that could have killed you, is a miracle in itself, but too many think it is punishment for something you did wrong...and God sent it to you. How do you pray or talk to God if you think He did it to you? You can't but you can turn to Him once you understand that is not the way it happened.

Every heartache, every doubt you ever had, was something that Jesus knew all too well. He also knew what it was like to be betrayed by those you trusted. To do the right thing and then have people turn away from you, as much as He understood what it was like to feel abandoned by God.

Even as the Son of God, He still asked for help from other people. What makes you so different that you think you shouldn't ask for help too, especially if PTSD hit you because of your job?

It doesn't matter if you screwed up in your life, you can start making a miracle in your own life so you can turn around and begin one in the life of someone else.

Ephesians 6:10-18 New International Version
The Armor of God

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

So if you think you cannot talk to someone here on earth, then talk to Him.  He doesn't want to hear words you read out a book or just repeat something that is not from your heart. He can actually hear what is in your heart, so speak to Him from there and tell Him you are turning to Him for help.

read more here

I Am Broken Too

Copied from my other site, PTSD Patrol because after all these years on Wounded Times, it shows why I gave up working exclusively with veterans and their families.....it never meant anything to people I know.....

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
December 6, 2020

I am so pissed off right now my head is ready to explode! This is not going to be one of those cheery post with a chair dancing song, I picked I Am Broken Too by Killswich Engage for this reason.

I was on Facebook and a veteran friend of mine I've known for decades, posted about "22 veterans committing suicide today" and I flipped out! After 38 years of posting, tracking, treating veterans spiritually, educating and advocating, it meant nothing! Over 500 videos on YouTube, 3 books and way too many posts to count on Wounded Times along with my older sites and I had to read something like this from someone I know? WTF!

If you need help, veteran, family member or anyone dealing with PTSD, I know what it is like to feel lost and alone. I know what PTSD does as a survivor of over 10 events. What it was like for my veteran husband and what it was like for the veterans whose lives I saved! Above all, I know what it is like to need help and NOT FIND IT! So yes, I've been broken, beaten down and still willing to do the best I can everyday because this is something that is in my DNA after all these years.

If you need help, email me woundedtimes@aol.com or call me 407-754-7526. Read the posts on PTSD Patrol and Wounded Times.

You carry this weight trying to cover your mistakes

To make it seem like nothing could ever break you

But I see right through, 'cause I am broken too

In all the same places as you

And if you needed proof, I'll reopen my wounds

Reopen my wounds, yeah

I see myself in you (in you)

I know you can make it through

If you needed proof, I'll reopen my wounds

In all the right places for you

So now you see the truth that you are broken too

I'll reopen my wounds for you

I keep making the same mistakes, just to feel alive again

It's the only way to break on through

So stop numbing all the pain

'Cause it just won't go away (won't go away)

If you only knew how much I needed you

And if you needed proof, I'll reopen my wounds (my wounds)

In all the right places for you

I can see the truth 'cause I am broken too

I am broken too (broken just like you)

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Adam Dutkiewicz / Jesse Leach / Joel Stroetzel / Justin Foley / Mike D'Antonio

I Am Broken Too lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd. 

PTSD does not mean you are broken....

Wounded Times and PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
November 27, 2020

Today I noticed that Wounded Times is still getting about 1,000 hits a day after months of not posting on it. That tells me the need to find this work, is still there. While I have been focusing on everyone with PTSD since June, I keep getting reminders that our veterans are not getting what they need to heal. One more reminder came Tuesday when I received a phone call from someone working with veterans. 

As we were talking, the sadness took over because he was having a hard time facing the fact that his work was hard to find too. So much nonsense out there getting in the way of what works, and what can change lives, more and more people are giving up. We're not! We are not giving up because as heartbreaking as it is to know how much suffering there is out there, the feeling we get when lives are changed, is so worth whatever price we have to pay with our own emotions.

I know first hand that life can change for the better. My husband knows that. All the veterans I've worked with over all these years, know that. I just wish everyone knew that.

So today, the daily video on PTSD Patrol is featuring Jon Bon Jovi Unbroken. If you are a veteran, you are not broken and you are not the problem. If you are a person trying to heal PTSD, you are not broken either. No one is really broken, a little dented, OK, but not broken.

I was born to be of service

Basic training felt like home

I had honor, I found purpose

Sir, yes, sir, that's what I know

They sent us to a place

I'd never heard of weeks before

When you're 19, it ain't hard to sleep

In the desert on God's floor

Close your eyes, stop counting sheep

You ain't in prison anymore

We were taught to shoot our rifles

Men and women side by side

Thought we'd be met as liberators

In a thousand-year-old fight

I got this painful ringing in my ear

From an IED last night

But no lead-lined Humvee war machine

Could save my sergeant's life

Three more soldiers, six civilians

Need these words to come out right

God of mercy, God of light

Save your children from this life

Hear these words, this humble plea

For I have seen the suffering

And with this prayer I'm hoping

That we can be unbroken

It's eighteen months now I've been back now

With this medal on my chest

But there are things I can't remember

And there are things I won't forget

I lie awake at night

With dreams the devil shouldn't see

I wanna scream but I can't breathe

And, Christ, I'm sweating through these sheets

Where's my brothers? Where's my country?

Where's my how-things-used-to-be?

God of mercy, God of light

Save your children from this life

Hear these words, this humble plea

For I have seen the suffering

And with this prayer I'm hoping

That we can be unbroken

My service dog's done more for me

Than the medication would

There ain't no angel that's coming to save me

But even if they could

Today twenty-two will die from suicide

Just like yesterday, they're gone

I live my life for each tomorrow

So their memories will live on

Once we were boys and we were strangers

Now we're brothers and we're men

Someday you'll ask me "Was it worth it

To be of service in the end?"

Well, the blessing and the curse is

Yeah, I'll do it all again

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Jon Bon Jovi

Unbroken lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group 

PTSD Hero After War

Wounded Times

Kathie Costos

June 17, 2020

Hero After War

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is nothing to be ashamed of. It is because you put your life on the line and felt it more than others that you suffer today. The good news is, you can change again and heal to live a better life. I am uploading some of my older videos and pray they help you too!